Perfect Ways on How to "Act Right" Around Important People

My blessed mother, rest her soul, had an unusual way of saying things. For example. If she were talking about someone who needed their jaws slapped, she would say, “That sorry man needs his jaws ‘popped.’” It didn’t take me long to understand her colorful way of speaking.

One of my favorite things she would tell yours truly when I was a teenager about to slide behind the wheel of our family car on any given weekend night to “hit town” to search for pretty girls, “Kenny, you just remember to ‘act right’ when you are in public.” And that one stuck. I sought ways to do and “act” right from my teen years through my early adult years.

I believed in this saying so much that I even started answering people who’d ask me, “How ya’ doing today, Kenneth?” “Oh, I am just ‘acting right.” It never failed to convince. The older I grew, the more I explored mama’s term of ‘acting’ right and how it might be applied in other areas of life.

I will not run the risk of boring you with every area “acting right” would work with ease, so I am going to “go solo” with you and talk about one area . . .

Perfect Ways on How to “Act Right” Around Important People

People Who Are Considered Important Persons:
(men and women)

Powerful C.E.O.'s of industry
Powerful senators and congressman
Powerful foreign leaders
High-ranking military leaders
Highly-influential socialites
Well-known and loved movie stars
Successful authors, singers, musicians, songwriters
Admired entertainment figures
The super-wealthy--domestic or foreign

Source: Me. Kenneth Avery

Here's How NOT to Act When You Are Around an Important Female Person

• Do not gawk, ogle, or stare at her for she will act out of embarrassment and discomfort and ask that you be escorted away from her.
• Do not playfully-pinch her on the facial, thigh or buttocks area and wink. This too will not only get you escorted far away from her, but thrown to the ground plus sent to jail.
• It is wise for you to not gesture for a high-five from her. Her security personnel will think you are going to strike her and you may get shot.
• Keeping your mouth shut is always a good idea. Do not let things like "If you guess my pants size, I will let you buy me a drink," come out of your mouth. That is unless you love going to jail.
• Asking her completely-stupid things such as: "You want to go tortise-back riding with me next week?" Will get you laughed-at by this important female person, and thrown into jail where you are getting to be a popular guy among the convicts.

Fact: doing cheap magic tricks will not impress an important female person in the least. So if you have been mulling-over just the right magic trick to do for any important female person . . DON'T.

Here's How TO Act When You Are Around an Important Female Person

• Keep the mouth shut air-tight. Do not offer any opinions, ideas, or suggestions on how she might bring more industry to her country.
• A small, polite smile is always acceptable. So quickly give her a small, polite smile, then fade away, far away from her into the crowd.
• Acting as if you, due to clumsiness, fell into her just to touch her, is so asinine I hate to tell you. Just stand in a stationary-position and do not walk in any direction toward this important female person.
• Looking away from her and into the crowd is a great idea. She will not be uncomfortable and whisper to her bodyguards, "Can you get that jerk (you) out of my sight?"
• If you own a pet chihuahua named "Dick," do not bring him along if you are to meet an important female person for "Dick" may get jealous of her giving you attention and lunge toward her and bite her shins.
• Bowing from the waist, kneeling before her, and other acts of respect when you do them too much will offend her, so if you must, just gently shake her hand and step aside so she can meet the "real" dignitaries scheduled to talk with her.

Here's How NOT to Act When You Are Around an Important Male Person

• Smile as if you are impersonating an oppossum eating fresh carrots from a garden is not how to act around a male important person, but it will make the V.I.P. laugh at you.
• Start telling him really off-color jokes just because he is a male will get you arrested for offending a public official.
• Nudging him to look (with you) at the pretty woman walking by will get the attention of his bodyguards and soon, you will be questioned by Homeland Security and thrown back into "that" same jail with your same convict friends.
• If you are so foolish as to challenge him to a wrestling match to prove your manhood, you need to be locked-up.
• Asking him in a loud voice to let you borrow $200.00 for lunch and gasoline for your car is just one way to get fired from your job and labelled an idiot.
• Making a remark about his suit like this: "What thrift store did you buy that suit?" will probably get the V.I.P. to deck you with a swift right cross, so just say something nice about his clothes.

Here's How TO Act When You Are Around an Important Male Person

• Shake hands with the important male person, say very little, and walk out of his sight.
• Offer the V.I.P. a refreshing bottle of water is a great way to show him respect.
• If you feel a need, bow to this important male person and say, "I am honored to meet you." Then let him meet others there to see him.
• Please, do NOT start laughing hysterically at some vulgar joke you just heard from your coworker, "Hal," for this stupidity will make the V.I.P. think you are laughing at him and cause an international incident.
• Compliment the important man's shoes, hat or shirt. It doesn't matter. The V.I.P. will feel special that you noticed his hand-sown silk shirt with matching chameleons on the front and back.
• Offer to buy him lunch after his press conference. Just this gesture alone will please the V.I.P. into considering you as his friend from that moment on.

Note: my blessed mother had another saying that she loved to use: "You can catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar." I never argued with this saying either. Neither did I see my mother catch any flies while I was living at home. She just mercifully ended their lives with a fly swatter.