When Child Support Services FAILS



Readers, I am outraged, and I want to hear from YOU single parents of minors who are also outraged at the lack of enforcement by County Child Support Services!

Here's my story. I was married, had a baby, and left that marriage when our daughter was only a year old. The marriage involved domestic violence, so with answered prayers, God provided my way out. I got a job six months before we left and I was able to rent an apartment and pay child care on a $12.00 p/hour salary. My ex and I agreed to a meager $200 p/mo. in child support, via stipulation.

I waited two years before filing a child support case with the Department of Child Support Services in my county. When it was all said and done, my ex said he could only "afford" to pay $350 p/mo. This would include current support, half her child care and $45 p/mo. towards arrears. I agreed. Due to missed payments and a pile-up of arrears, he was put on probation in June 2004 through June 2005. Since then, he's now up $17,000 + in arrears.

What does DCSS do? I requested a contempt hearing in 2008, and after two "continuations", a hearing was supposedly held in November. No Order After Hearing ~ no action was taken!!

Due to the recession, I became unemployed between December 2008 and May 2010, living on the maximum weekly benefit amount of only $475.00 p/week. I couldn't afford health insurance, so my parents jumped in to keep me covered. My daughter was covered by Healthy Families ~ that's how little income I was making. I cashed in my retirement account to pay off debts so we could make it without losing our home. I have been responsible to never be late on bills, including my mortgage.

I saw a pattern develop in child support payments: he would pay one month; skip two; pay one; skip two. What did DCSS say? "He has to be delinquent for three payments in a row before we enforce"???? OK ~ he's allowed to make four of twelve payments a year. Nice. DCSS will simply put his missed payments on his "tab". What about us?! Let's test DCSS and the court system a little more....In August of 2009 child support payments stopped completely! It's been over a year now! He's got it all figured out. He's only dealing with a barking 'dog' that has no teeth!! That's what DCSS and the Courts amount to. And if he's figured this out, how many more Obligors laugh at the threat of child support collections?

Are you outraged? I keep hearing from other mothers that had child support cases open in other counties where their ex'es got put in jail for missing a payment, or for unpaid arrears. Why don't they at least have him on probation?! Ha, ha ~ I asked this question of DCSS and it turns out he was ON probation when he was doing the one-on, two-off payments! What a joke!

He has no JOB to garnish. He has no BANK ACCOUNT to lien. Why? He's allowed to be in his own "cash-based" business. THAT'S WHY THERE'S DCSS and COURT ORDERED AMOUNTS, right? They could force him to seek work. Instead, he claims he's filing for disability....poor guy. So on we go with the "wait to enforce" syndrome. Where's the accountability? Where's the enforcement? So what ~ they suspended his driver's license. He still drove. They put a stop on his passport. He still went overseas several times! Come on ~ what's wrong with this picture?

I FINALLY had HOPE when DCSS officially charged him with contempt after a year's missed payments. He was officially arraigned, pleaded 'not guilty' (haha) and was assigned a public defender. His hearing was held............only to be continued AGAIN for three more months! What?! Turns out they are giving him time to get his 'disability', for which he's now filed. If he does manage to manipulate the disability system, the courts can no longer force him to seek work. He knows what he's doing. Wicked is as wicked does. He's never filed disability before now ~ can't they 'see' the writing on the wall?

I finally consulted an attorney. Guess what ~ I can have an attorney file a notice of delinquency. This will put a 6% p/mo. interest charge on his arrears owed and will increase that amount by up to 78% within a year. It's not like he'll ever pay it. If such a motion can't accomplish anything, other than a greater tab; if the County isn't responsible to do what they say they're going to do; if it's the State's responsibility or the Fed's responsibility, we need to find out. We need to get to the bottom of this issue for children all over America.

I even emailed my Congressman and Governor, and the News. Obviously, they have far more important things to concern themselves with. I'm just ONE MOM out here in this Country, in this County. How many countess others are being "victimized" by exes and the judicial system that is supposed to be intolerant of 'silver-tongued devils'?!!!

Please leave your story ~ your comments ~ this is an attempt to get some attention to this matter via the WEB. Let's MAKE SOME NOISE, Mothers (and Fathers, too) out there!!! Our children are to be taken care of! I HAVE NO EXCUSE not to take care of her!! Why is he given an excuse(s)? He doesn't have custody of her, so I take ALL the responsibility, including every penney of the financial end, too? DO SOMETHING, GOVERNMENT; DO SOMETHING!!!

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Comments 107 comments

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no body 7 years ago from Rochester, New York

My story was just the opposite of yours. It still shows that the system is broken. I separated from my kids mom in '92, I was making $600 every 2 weeks. I started out giving $300 in child support for my 2 children every two weeks. It was hard but it was happening. My ex went to court and my support went from $300 to $450 every two weeks. Plus childcare which was the finest facility that could be found in the area. I paid my rent of $300 mo. I had no money to eat and for insurance or gas. I lost my car because I couldn't get it fixed. I worked at a facility where I was able to raid the food left over or the food that was within 1 or 2 days before expiration date. I ate that food and served it to the kids when they came to visit. I appealed to the child support survices and they said that it indeed was an excessive case but the only thing that they could offer in the way of advice was to tell me to quit my job. Then I could go on welfare with a hardship case and not have to pay any. I rejected that and struggled with making it any way I could. When I took her to court for divorce she wanted to up the money further for support and the judge told her no. She wanted supervised visits because I may say something to them about God. The judge said no. He said I "had been overpaying for all these years and she wasn't going to get any extras." She had a master's degree and a good salary. Do you see my problem? I tell the CSS that I have zero money after cs and they tell me to quit my job and go on welfare. How many others are told that and skip out on their kids in responsibity? It ended up that the court lowered my child support to 300 mo and I at last had some money. I had lost my appartment and was living with a couple at the church by then and I found an apartment for $400 mo everything inc. Anyway, loved the hub and love you, sis.

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Shepherd's Lamb 7 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Well, my ex is always in crisis. So was I, when I left him. I had to get a job, get an apartment, filed bankruptcy so I wasn't accountable for debt he incurred during our marriage. I had a baby. I had to pay child care, utilities, food, gas. It was sink or swim for me. I haven't failed. My child has been my motivator! I was blessed with hard work to finally buy my condo. I have done everything I could. Surely, losing a job is not within one's control, in my situation. I still have my bills and CAN barely make it, with only his $200 p/mo arrears payment ~ IF he would pay that! The point is, the Court better NOT tell him he has a "hardship" because SO DO I. Am I supposed to walk away from my house ~ here, the bankruptcy is finally off my record after 10 years of responsible payments on all my bills, with or without his support, and totally ruin my credit again, simply because he won't pay?

Explain to me how he married two foreign women since our divorce that he had to feed and support (they couldn't work, as they were not citizens). One of them did indeed obtain her green card, go to school, get a driver's license and a car? What, he didn't "help" her along financially? Come on. His current wife doesn't have a green card either.

This is just sickening. The Child Support Office is listening to the bleeding Obligor and giving him excuses? I thought this was about the children. I feed her, clothe her, pay for her medical (he never pays his half anyhow), her school pictures, gifts for her birthday and Christmas. She has no Christmas this year from Santa...of course, there's the almighty credit card. I can't stand to have to get into debt I can't pay back, just to not have to explain to her why Santa didn't come this year...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Our economy is rough; no doubt. I could understand if his payments were $500 a month (he paid that as a car payment for years), but it's such a small amount. I'm just outraged that a court order, given to DCSS is not enforced! If I go before a judge again, and he tells DCSS to enforce it, will they? Probably NOT.

We need to get government involved. NOW.

upset mother 6 years ago

My situation is the same. I left my sons dad about 6 years ago. He was ordered to pay 441 a month in child support. He called me one day and asked me to lower it 200 dollars so I did. (we were on speaking terms then) In August of 04 I got full custody of my kids with visitation with him for only 6 hours a week. Well needless to say he hasn't seen them for 6 years. Well to make a long story short at one point I needed government help to help me raise my kids and so i did that for about a year. In this time he had called that case worker and had the child support order lowered to 50.00 a month for 2 kids from 241 a month. Needless to say I have been going back and forth with the state case worker to up my child support to were it should be.. This has taken 2 years with nothing done..They have sent garnishment letters to his work (so this caseworker says) but the employer isn't doing it(yeah right).. but needless to say even at 50.00 a month he wont even pay that.. But like all the other moms on here have said we have to pay for EVERYTHING for our children while nothing happens to them.. Yea they threaten to take away the license bit but that is when he will pay the 50.00 so he doesn't.. I have seen many cases here where they will freeze the bank account of the person that owes child support but not in my case... he does get away without paying it.. there does need to be something done.. I am sure we all live in different states too..

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Shepherd's Lamb 6 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

It is absolutely disgusting. The only solace is knowing our children are with the parent that LOVES THEM. I trust God to provide for us, and He does. It just really annoys me (understatement) that our tax dollars are paying for child support services to simply run a tab and NOT do what they're supposed to do!!!! My heart is with you, upset mother.

Mom of 5 6 years ago

I know this all too well.. Mine is in hiding (although I know where he is but can't prove it) We have been separated 8 years and he is now OVER $50,000 in arrears and no one can do anything to help..

The system is pathetic and they do NOT want to help..

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Shepherd's Lamb 6 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Hi Mom of 5. I'm saddened and angered with you. My ex has been before a judge so many times for contempt and gotten continuances over and over again. This last one he was officially charged, araigned, assigned a public defender...the hearing was held last week and I got the Order After Hearing in the mail a couple of days ago....continued for three months. He's a master liar and keeps playing the card of alleged upcoming motions, that may or may not take place, so they just keep giving him 'time' and not taking the action they are obligated to take by law. Obligors get off the hook, whether it's the one who is to pay child support or the court system that is to enforce collections. Neither are meeting their obligations!!!

erbear 6 years ago

Same Situation, I am in the same boat. I believed that the court orders would be followed. I follow them. The system is not about the children at all. If the courts would act immediately on deliquent payments, the past due amounts would not be so high.

I think the should mandate weekend clean up with the other non-jail time offenders. If a non-payer of support lost their weekends, they would pay ontime and in full and the children would not suffer financially anymore. If I win the lottory I will make this legislatiion get past. Imagine if all child support was actually being paid....the benfits for the children would be amazing!

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Shepherd's Lamb 6 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Sounds like an idea there, erbear, but parents who don't pay child support are obviously not interested in the child's well being, visitation being one of them. The only reason visitation is exercised is to prevent a greater support obligation. My child's father hasn't seen his child in over a year and hasn't paid a dime. Frankly, not having him in our lives is worth more than a dime of child support; however, he's obligated and as a parent, I have to stand up for our child's best interest.

Court orders are made, so the court system can collect their money. Court orders aren't enforced and dragged on for years with further 'contempt' hearings so the court system can collect their money. They obviously don't care about the children, either. Children are a commodity and nothing more to dead-beat parents and the court system.

Fire 6 years ago

I`m a father of two boys one of which isn`t biologially mine, he is my ex-wifes and someone elses. I have full custody of both of them and my ex is ordered to pay 375.00 a month, she was ordered 3.5 years ago but has never payed any thing. The cse wont`t do anything about it cause every time they locate her she moves and we have to find her again. The real bad part is that cse told me that I need to locate her for them which is their damn job. But I did 4 times and they still did nothing. Now there is no visitation ordered for her but cse and dfs told me that if I wanted them to really do something then I needed to let her have visitation. Even though the last time she had the boys she almost killed them by locking them in their room and then catching the house on fire by shooting up. And not to mention the fact that for the past 6 years she has not had a stable reidence and has ran with the carnival for the last 2 years. I`m now remarried and have 2 step children and trying to get child support from their father is almost impossible, he pays 20.00 to 50.00 every 3 months and cse says that if he makes a payment within a 3 month period they can`t do anything and that the payment don`t have to be the full payment. So we took away his visitation and then cse and dfs said that we need to let him see them or we would be in contempt of court. It looks like we are damned if we do and damned if we don`t. But I have a friend that was across seas fighting in the army for 2.5 years came home to find that his then wife had divorced him and that there was a warrant for his arrest for non payment of child support. he got a dishonorable discharge and 5 years probation for it. The shitty part of that story is that he never received any notice of anything pertaining to any of the custody or child support. Tbhe system is out for one thing......... MONEY and if it is going to cost them then they will beat around the bush about it. But if they will make money off of it they will jump on it.............

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Shepherd's Lamb 6 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Wow. I feel your heart, and may I first say this: regarding the mother of the first children, it is comparable to my dead-beat, in that his 'religion' is domestic violence and abuse. Can we focus on this one truth ~ there is no amount of money that can compare to the safety the children have being completely away from them!!

Secondly, I heard if a person is in prison, for instance, the minimum child support that must be paid is $25 p/mo. Sounds like the second case you mentioned has to do with minimum collection. The three-month rule is an internal rule, not a law. I found this out through my child support agency. He had it figured out ~~ pay one month, skip two, pay one, skip two ~~ well, this makes it okay to pay four of twelve payments a year and be perfectly fine!! Now, he's not paid for 15 months straight, was held in contempt, only to be given enough time to get disability, so they won't have to make him seek work that can be garnished. Because he hasn't paid into disability for years (he's in his own underground cash business), he probably won't receive any disability income that could be garnished. He's evil to the core.

And lastly, child support and visitation are two totally separate court issues. Visitation must be allowed, even if child support isn't being paid. In my case, I could file for 100% custody since he hasn't seen the child since he stopped paying child support ~ but, in doing that support may need to be refigured. With his dishonesty about income, and my honesty about reporting income, I could just see him trying to gain child support from me, resuming visitation if he had to. It would be worse for our child to go back to visitation with him. She won't go and I wouldn't force her, court or not.

The comfort is in knowing that everything these irresponsible, abusive parents (non-payment of support is child abuse, if you ask me) do is recorded in the books of God. They will stand before Him when they take their final breath in this life (or Jesus returns). He is not a corrupt judge, but a righteous Judge. It may look like they're getting away with this, but in the end they are not. God will provide for us, Fire. We have His children and He will protect them.

Joey's REAL mom 6 years ago

Well, here is my story. I am 20 years old and have no children on my own. I met my soon to be husband (in july) in april of 2009! He was putting his son who was 1 yr old at the time into daycare which is where i worked. he told me his story;

he is 25 yrs old and had no children that he knew of. he was told that his sons mother was cheeting on him and he left, that was in january of 2007. that was the last he heard of her till february of 2009. which is when he was being sued in court for child support. he demanded a dna test aspa. came back that Joey was his. his first payment was in march of 2007 and was nailed with arrears because Joeys mother filed WAY BACK in november of 2008 and bucks county domestics in pennsylvania took their good ol' time. so he made his first payment of $378 (which was only half, every 2 weeks it gotten taken right from his check.) and that brought him right into april made one more payment and than he got a phone call at work and was asked what time he was going to be home and that he was getting FULL CUSTODY of his son because his sons mom was living out of her car and had no stable housing, job or food. he pancicked because he never even saw JOEY yet because the mother didn't want him too and he was wating for his case to be in front of a judge for visitation. well he had nothing, he got a crib, borrowed stuff from people, posted on craigslist, etc. well Joey started in daycare and i fell in love with him and his daddy. well in july on 2009 i moved in. i have been taking care of joey myself since than. he is not my child i love him no less than if he was my own. well today, almost 2 years later. we are still paying arrears, and its not even arrears for owed child support, it is owed arreears for Joeys mothers welfare. well we are $1,673.89 behind on arrears and they are trying to hold him in contempt and hold his 2010 income tax. does anyone ever really think about the children themselves?

well we don't qualify for food stamps, or cash assistance, or any of the above. well in august of 2010 we found out i was pregnant. we weren't expecting it but we were very happy and joyful and blessed. at the end of august we found out there was no heart beat and i was going through a miscarriage. joeys mother had the audasity to call children and youth on me saying that i forcefuklly hit my stomach causing me to miscarry, sooo not true. it was a very devastating time but i held my head high for my little one. he just celebrated his 3rd birthday in october and i would never be able to live one day without him.

his mother gets visitation rights, when she shows up, and if she shows up she is late. usually 40 minutes late. she gets him every wednesday 4-6 and every other weekend. she shows when she wants and she has a fit about every fun thing we do as a family. Joey never wants to go with her and tells her he hates her alll the time and its not us talking about her, we keep that to our selves. but to this day, we are still stuck paying for a child we have custody for that we are paying for extra.

no one, espically the courts care about the childs well being, they care about getting their money and that's all. maybe one day they will relize when it happens to one of their own...

just maybe and that's all i can pray for...

but on the other hand, i am Joey's Mom, i feed him, i bathe him, i read and play and do everything a REAL mother needs to do with their child. and Joey knows this,

i love my child dearly, i put him before myself, he is my number 1 and only priority....

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Shepherd's Lamb 6 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Wow, I'm astonished that Joey's Dad is paying for Joey's mother's welfare when Joey's not even with her? Or is he having to just get the arrears paid ASAP because she's on welfare? This is part of the law I'm not familiar with. I feel sorry for Joey's Mom, as it had to have broken her heart to not be able to care for her son, even to this day...unless this is merely a result of irresponsible actions (i.e. drugs, etc.). Nonetheless, it sounds like Joey has loving parents in you and his Dad. I truly hope his bio-mother is showing him as much love as possible, so Joey has three times the love! That's what's most important for him. It's good you don't talk negatively about his Mom, for he will love you all the more for that. I'm just so thankful Joey has a good home ~ that his Dad was willing and able to take him ~ and that he has a two-parent home. That is just so important.

I've been raising my daughter alone, but after such horrendous experiences, I am not just going to 'fill the slot' with anyone. I love her so much, and am hoping I am setting a good example of responsible love for her. I don't want her to feel she needs a man to make it in this life ~ so she will take her time to find that solid foundation needed to raise a family, should she decide to. She'll know what it's like to be from a broken home and desire not to put her own children through such a thing. My poor choices and change to responsible ones, I pray will be worth it in the long run.

Thank you for sharing Joey's story. I pray lots of love for that child and for each of you. For Joey's sake, I pray God provides all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus, as He does for us. God bless you!

Brian 6 years ago

What about all of you using child support on yourselves if you are reviving money for your child then try spending it on your child. The system is flawed for people like myself who lost there jobs due to whatever reason (8year military decided to go to collage full time) it can take up to 9 months to process a modification that's rediculus. So the state wanted it and the state gets it I can pay my child support and Childs medical insurance but come birthday Christmas and whatever els there is there will be no gifts and she lives in pensilvania I have to pay transportation both ways guess I won't see him till he's old enough to pay his own way cuz I can't afford it and I'll be so far in arrears before I get my modification assuming they grant it. Yes I did call the child support office they told me to just go with the flow and if I get behind then I get behind just pay something was there advice. I have been nothing but pro active in doing what I can to stay current but I'm slowly falling behind now so seems like it's flawed on both ends

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Shepherd's Lamb 6 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Hi Brian, yes ~ just do what you can. I think there are those who use child support for personal gain and not for the child's needs, but that's rare. As a single Mom, I put a roof over our heads, buy food to feed her, clothes to clothe her, gas to get her where she needs to go, medical premiums and co-pays, bus fees for school, fees for art class and field trips, presents for various special occasions ~ there's just no end. If it were just me, I'd be paying for one, but I'm paying for two with no help from Dad. He's paying for two, also ~ wife number six ~ a wife with no citizenship to work. I guess sex is more important? Sorry, that was low...as you can see, I have a little disrespect for his priorities. I'm too busy working full time and caring for my daughter to 'date'. She's my top priority. When she's grown, maybe then I'll think about me.

Same boat 5 years ago

It's sad that the same theme keeps appearing over and over. Those due the support never receive it and those paying are resentful. My ex-husband and I divorced in 06 after being together 11 years. Originally we alternated weeks as he did not want to pay child support and I felt at the time that the children needed their father more than money and hoped this would give them the opportunity to see their father after the divorce more than they had when we were married. Well,a year into it our daughter started returning with bruises from him spanking her with a belt at the age of 3 for getting out of bed. Then at 5 he had taken her out on a job site (he has his own business),where she was hit by a car because he'd not been paying attention to her. I had begged him several times not to take the children with him due to safety concerns. In October of 2008 I file to modify the custody arrangement. It wasn't even settled until July 2010. By then he had let our son smoke (at the age of 8) and both children have been allowed to try various forms of alchohol. This was not enough for full custody, but he now only sees them every other weekend and on Wednesdays..when he exercises the visitation. His taxes showed he should pay $697/mth..I agreed to only $400/mth for the first 6 months and then $500/mth after that. He's not paid one single month since ordered and is now almost 8 mths behind. Since then he has also had another accident while working where he lost all of the fingers on his right hand because he decided to try and reattach a hose while the mower blades were still running. He has filed for disability which will start in June. The children will also receive benefits and he has asked me to have those credited towards his child support which I have no problem doing except for the fact that he is not allowed to work on disability and I know he will anyway and jeapordize his receipt of these funds. His arrears, however, he would like waived. I even overheard he and his current girlfriend of 1-2 months complaining about the arrears and her advising him to have them set up into a trust for the children if he were to pay them out of a settlement due him for another accident he'd had almost 4 years ago where he fell out of a tree at work at his last job actuallly working for a company and not himself. The only thing that irritates me about this is I'm the one who has paid for the roof over their heads, their food, heat, water, entertainment, school lunches, gas to take them to and from school, school supplies and books, etc.. Basically everything that they require just to have the basic standard of living 23+ days/mth. My car is 8 years old, our rent for a 3 bedroom house is only $525/mth (I have a son 10 and daughter 7 so they require separate rooms)and our utilities are $213/mth. We do not live fancy by any means. In fact, in July I lost my job of 5 years as a manger making $14.23/hr due to corporate downsizing and have been surviving only off of unemployment which is the equivalent of $8/hr. Our county has a 12% unemployment rate (at last check) and sadly I hear overpaid/over qualified for every interview I've had regardless of my expressed desire to have the job. I've even taken multiple tests for state positions scoring over 90% (one even a 97%) and have yet to hear anything.He affords trips to Texas,has 2 vehicles,eats out regularly at restaraunts (not just fast food chains),the children have even commented in his presence that "daddy has $1000 in his wallett," to which he agreed and this was just 2 months ago. My taxes went towards paying off a car loan just to make it through last year,he just completed his from 2008 and has yet to mail them off because he knows they are being seized for his child support arrears. I do not withhold visitation or threaten him with the lack there of. In fact, I do not speak to him about it or the children at all,however,he has had our daughter call me during his weekend and tell me how daddy can't afford child support and now they can't afford this little house they were going to get because of it and the attorney fees I caused due to the modification. It is very frustrating as the custodial parent and the courts are of no help as are none of the state funded agencies,but I knew that when multiple attempts to receive help from DFS failed prior to and during the modification. Even in July of 2010 he struck our son in the face,told him he was lucky he didn't knock the f* out of him then tried dragging the children out to his truck to leave. I had to call the cops for him to go without the kids. DFS showed up 2 days later and determined that he'd done nothing wrong because at that point our son had no physical marks on him and listed one of their father's strengths as "he cooks for the children." ARE YOU SERIOUS!? He also still has yet to go to court for his 2nd DWI he's received since our divorce which happened almost 2 years ago and while only a year into probation for his first! Needless to say I feel our courts,government,society and economy are in serious need of an overhaul!

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Shepherd's Lamb 5 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

It is despicable, isn't it? Get this! My ex just hired an attorney to request termination of his parental rights. The irony? His attorney used to be the head honcho at the Department of Child Support Services back when my case was opened! Hello?????

He states in his declaration that he willfully decided to cease support, contact and visitiation in order to claim abandonment of our child. This is ALL DUE to not wanting the child support obligation. There has never been a case that anyone knows of, where a parent asks to have their parental rights terminated, especially due to child support.

With God's leading, my attorney and I are using his own admission to actually request his rights be terminated! He is still on the hook for past-due support, but the relief of not having this loser of a person attached to our child or me is worth far more than any amount of money. I will then appoint a legal guardian, which will be my decision alone, in case anything should happen to me. I feel our child is in danger, should he ever try to force visitiation. Domestic violence was a prominent part of our marriage, and in my other hub "When Your Child Reports a Molestation" she accused him of such. While he is referring to all these 'false' reports in his motion for termination, I will use it against him. I have a document from the State that reviewed all the facts and indeed put CPS in their place, stating our child had a preponderance of evidence she had been the victim of such a crime. This is an opportunity, as I see it, to be set free. These evil parents will do whatever they can to keep their money and give all the responsibility to the other parent. They have a higher Judge in their life ~ and with all the accidents your ex is having, I think it's only the tip of the iceberg.

Press on in doing what's right and know that God is the Husband to the widow and the Father to the fatherless. Your children don't have a 'father', they have a sperm-doner. After what my ex has just admitted, I am ashamed to call him my daughter's father. Makes me sick.

Will let you know how it all turns out in June. I am requesting attorneys fees up front, for he's getting out of six years of child support and I'm not getting taken for another $3 grand on top of it. You're not alone!

Lady_Tenaz 5 years ago

Sorry to hear your troubles. It seems that unless a mother is willing to "sell her soul" to the devil- oops I mean the District Attorney DCSS office they won't do anything to help her collect. Its because they can tax the father a crap load more if she is on welfare than if she isn't.

I have been dealing with DCSS in San Diego for 8 years due to my husbands ex. She is a low life welfare mother who refuses to get a job. She lives in mexico and uses her parents address to collect. Not only does the Child Support office know she is committing fraud, they refuse to do anything about it because out of the money they take from my husband they get their cut. Its like the Mafia, for reals. So anyways- we went to court last year when his oldest son turned 18 and they were still collecting. Despite the fact we showed proof that he wasn't going to graduate they kept charging us 6 months more and when they did shut it off they didn't refund us back for the 6 months. Not only that but they raised the bill from $400 for two kids, to $1000 a month for one 17 yr old boy. They refused to give him a hardship deductions despite the fact my two sons I have with him were born before ANY of the child support orders were adjudicated which is illegal. They have to by law deduct for him being legally obligated to support other kids. My children have had to suffer for the last 8 years because of his lame ex who doesn't even try to support her kids. All the while she gets her big check every month and my kids aren't being even counted in the equation of how much money my husband makes and how he needs to support our family too. My husbands 17 yr old lives with her parents and she doesn't even help him with the money she is getting for "child support". Its a joke how badly she and the Child Support screwed us over. His younger son will be 18 next Summer of 2012 and when he does I will finally be free from this monstrosity known as DCSS. Best wishes for you.

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Shepherd's Lamb 5 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

WOW ~ can SOMEBODY tell me what's WRONG with integrity and justice? Is there RIGHT AND WRONG anymore? I found out TODAY that not only is the previous DCSS Director, now an attorney, representing my dead-beat ex to terminate his parental rights, BUT when I agreed to support terminating his rights, but insisted he pay MY attorneys fees to do it (getting him out of six more years of support obligations) he's claiming he's "financially destitute" and SHE IS REPRESENTING HIM PRO BONO!! Get THAT?!! He's over $18K in arrears, and has cost all parties involved over $10K in legal fees thus far and now I have to pay $1,500 (my attorney reduced his cost ~ I'm thankful) to give him what he wants? Now, I wonder HOW in the world he's paying his way through life NOT being on AID and supporting his 20-some-year-old traffic bride from the Philippines who can't work? GET REAL!!!

Charlene Noll 5 years ago

My Daughter is a victim if domestic violence, As of May 2010 was the final draw. Her boyfriend who lived with HER in a home that WE own, and We paid ALL the bills, Had beat her up, tore up the home, slapped their now 2 year old son, then forcibly took him from her, got in the car and left. she took off after him, she called me and her father, we took off and found them at his mothers house where there were 5 people surrounding my daughter after the mother had pulled her by the hair. the boyfriend took off with the baby again and we all followed, meanwhile calling 911 telling them about the assault and kidnapping. the ste. gen. cops finally came about a mile from their house down the road. the cops jump out and tells ME to get out of the car and handcuffed ME. telling me and my Daughter to shut the fxxx up. they said they were informed that the boyfriends mother was a correctional officer here in saint francios county, missouri. they let the boyfriend leave with the baby and made us stay there. for about 15 minuets until he could get to park hills mo to the police. We took off to go to the home where my daughter lived, and the boyfriend,his aunt and the police came, the cop told me that I wasn't going to dictate was goes on there.they came in the house and the boyfriend took his stuff which wasn't much just his clothes, because everything belonged to us. the cops said the boyfriend did not have to leave, and that if they got another call from there that they didn't care who it was that everyone was going to jail. the cops left, leaving the boyfriend there. so we all left with the baby. the boyfriend in turn stold our riding lawnmower. me and my daughter went the next day to get an ex-parte order, we got it. but when we went to court in Farmington mo. judge Kelly, did not grant it, saying there was not enough evidence. my daughter was sitting up there on the stand with bruises all over her. But he granted ex-partes on my daughter and husband from his mother and step father on hearsay. Since then the boyfriend has called her names and saying he was going to kill her, stalking her and the cops say they can't do anything because it is child custody???? We have all his medical records where it shows the boyfriend AND both sides of his family are bi-polar, they have mental illness, scitzophrenic, and mrsa, which my grandson had to be cut on at 10 months and 20 months old. Now on April 17th. 2011 the baby was bitten by their dog and the boyfriend said he fell. The Lawyers are doing nothing, DFS are doing nothing, they said if the boyfriend said it was an accident then that's that? But DFS said if it was something about fraud then they would do something! please someone help us.

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Shepherd's Lamb 5 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Hi Charlene, Wow. I think there's an unwritten 'law' of Satan that governs this wicked world ~ it is the opposite of sanity, the opposite of right; the bad guy is the good guy and the good guy is the bad guy. Children are not to be protected, 'good-ol-boys' get away with corruption; have a 'badge' or 'medal' and get their way, no matter how wicked it is. What power! AND...look at our current government regime! Gas is up nearly 50% from just weeks ago! I could fill up for $35.00 and just spent over $50!

Your testimony is horrible, yet I too have been a victim of domestic violence with this child, so you are preaching to the choir, sister! I have a hub called "When Your Child Reports A Molestation", too! Even with a preponderance of evidence, his visitation was INCREASED! Can we just throw up now? 10 years later, he elected to leave our lives, and no amount of child support can equal that kind of relief! Nor, will it excuse him! Abusers/Bullies think they can wear us down to just 'give in' and 'give them their way', but NO. This latest thing we'll be going through will release him from our lives (safety), yet hold him accountable for his arrears (accountability). It's win-win. If the judge doesn't grant the termination, I am ready to fight for 100% legal and physical custody ~ he's admitted to abandoning her and not supporting her. She's too old to 'force' her to go anymore, and I'm thankful I don't have to.

I just want the horrible past behind me and I am dead-set on never repeating it! I surely hope, for your grandson's sake, Dad will grow up and be responsible and loving, peaceful with Mom, so that child can know the love of both parents. Only God can heal this situation. My heart is with you ~ believe me. I so feel for you, your daughter and your grandson.

Anastasia 5 years ago

My story is very similar to the other custodial parents in California. The system has failed my child miserably. My ex husband, DEAD BEAT DAD, works under the table cutting hair in Southern California. He is so pathetic that he recieves cash aid and food stamps in addition to his cash wages. He has done his research and submitted disability paper work from a doctor indicating that he is unable to work for three months. The San Diego County Child Support Services Judge lowered his payment from $600 to $0 a month! He had previously been in arrears and owed $4500 and the judge back dated the $0 payment for 4 months, so he now only owes $2100! My only source of income is unemployment insurance, but GOD is good all the time and I have managed to maintain my lifestyle :)There are many stand up fathers in the nation, like my sons dad. Never had to have his wages garnished and we enjoy 50/50 custody :) The bible says a man that does not work shall not eat! I pity these low lifes that financially abandon their own children. It is a sign of self hate. I praise the LORD that this poor excuse for a man is no longer a part of our lives. There are no victories when a childs welfare is forsaken. Wake up California Judges!

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Shepherd's Lamb 5 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Jesus LOVES the little children and ALL of these corrupt deadbeat parents and judges who support them will have their DAY in COURT and it's not going to be a pretty sight. Your heart is lifted up in the LORD, as mine. He is faithful and we depend on Him. Be encouraged, though, that God does not turn a blind eye. Woe to them, Anastasia!!

AnnoyedMother 5 years ago

Here’s my story.

My son’s “father” is on state disability (SSI) for being “deaf” in one ear. He is 24. Otherwise, healthy. He is not deaf. He is lazy. This much he has admitted. We went to court for child support and custody. I won full legal and physical custody. He was given supervised visitation. Mind you, he never asked for hearing accommodations. He came to court with a cane! He is 24 and there is no reason he would need a cane other than he is trying so hard to make it appear as though he is this poor, fragile, little man. The court ordered child support and ordered him to get a job. I opened my case with DCSS. Soon enough they sent me a letter stating that they cannot garnish SSI wages and are changing his order to $0.00!!! and closing the case. I went back to court. The judge RAISED the child support order. I told the judge SSI doesn’t mean he can’t get a job. SSI is SUPPLEMENTAL income…he can have a job AND get SSI but the SSI amount will change depending on how much he makes from his job. My sons “father” said “If I get a job, they will lower my SSI.” The judge said “So your not getting a job because they will lower the amount they give you?” He said yes. Obviously getting a job means he has to work. And thus would have to pay child support. And thus get a little less help from the government. So the judge ordered him to get a job AGAIN and to pay MORE in child support. DCSS was at the hearing! They sent me another letter. Same as before. “We cannot garnish SSI wages and are closing the case. I asked them to keep it open which somehow they did.

It has now been a year. My sons “father” has not paid child support or seen my son..in a year! Again, I am getting a letter from DCSS. “We cant garnish SSI wages. Closing the case. $0.00”

They told me that when my son’s “father” gets a job I can reopen the case. How the hell am I supposed to know when that happens? I don’t even know where he is!

Isn’t I their job to ensure that his debts appear in his credit history? How, if they close the case, will anyone know what he owes me and for how long? I cannot spend every ounce of energy I have tracking him down…I HAVE A CHILD TO RAISE!

What is DCSS’s function?!

I understand completely that SSI wages cannot be garnished…but where is this ENFORCEMENT that they talk about? He was ordered to get a job!! I called social security and they said they “can’t get involved”

I work two jobs and my sons REAL FATHER (The man who has now been helping me raise my son, this REAL MAN) works three jobs so that we can support this child and give him a good life. I cant get government assistance. And I pay taxes to pay this lazy ass to be lazy and not pay me child support!

I am so annoyed with this system.

Dallasmom30 5 years ago

Yes its sad that many parents are going through this and that the government is allowing fathers and some mothers to get away with this. I am going through the same thing. My sons father pays some months and then skips a few I am so sick of it! He's getting off easily and leaving me to care for my son by myself. I'm ready to just release him from his duties hes already attemted to terminate hid rights but I denied it so he has nuthn to do with my son but still has to pay child support. I wish there was something more I could do

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Shepherd's Lamb 5 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

AnnoyedMother, WOW. What a nightmare! I would THINK that you could take DCSS before a judge, as you HAVE a seek-work order that no one is enforcing! In the meantime, it's a good thing there's a real 'DAD' out there who's willing to step up for you and your child. I feel every bit of disgust at this situation as you do. I pray you have wisdom in how you proceed. Your child is the priority and I'm so glad he's with YOU and not his dead-beat, cane-bearing, half-deaf 24-yr-old sperm donor.

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Shepherd's Lamb 5 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Dallasmom30, see, there are so many of us out here in this corrupt situation!!! Understand that termination of parental rights erases all future support from the time of the order, but does not erase arrears. Usually, judges will award termination of parental rights if there is another 'father' figure to step into the role of supporting the child (paternally/financially). An exception would be if the child is proven to be in danger while in his care. Either way, lack of visitation with the child (a year or more), no child support paid for the same amount of time and, if the child is old enough (12 or so), the child's desire to have the father's rights terminated, are all qualifying factors. Just think of your child and let your heart guide you. LOVE wins.

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tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

18 years after my youngest brother-in-law turned 18 my father-in-law was served with papers for not paying child support. This random out of the blue. It's the system that's screwed. Dad had a good outcome because he had all the receipts and paperwork. Now, we are thinking all the times mom didn't get child support the court didn't give it to her. It wasn't that dad didn't pay it. He kept all the check stubs.

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Hi tirelesstraveler! Thank you for reading and commenting on THREE of my hubs! Wow ~ what a friend! So, are you saying 'Mom' said she hadn't received ANY child support, or was she seeking payments she never received? Dad was wise to keep those receipts! Corruption in the DCSS - no surprise!

AND ~ guess what? Latest news...After yawning myself to death over Order After Hearings stating 'continuance for three more months' over and over and over....again...I FINALLY got an OAH that charged Dad with contempt on five (of I lost count) counts, sentencing him to...gee 600 hours in jail ~ of course, it was SUSPENDED for one year ~ as LONG as he pays LESS than the court-ordered monthly amount on his arrears, but he MUST pay monthly ~ AND he has to report his income/expense to DCSS every month.

IF he doesn't show up for court in four more months, they will issue a bench warrant. In the meantime, I got a call from DCSS to contact the Social Security Office. I guess (I'll find out in a couple of weeks) there must be some money coming direct deposit into my account. They couldn't tell me this was a 'garnishment', or whether he died (shouldn't be this, for his rights were already terminated), but DCSS needs to know whatever the amount is (if any) that we'll receive so they can adjust their collections accordingly.

I'll keep ya posted, readers! Good to hear from you tirelesstraveler!! :-)

Mark 4 years ago

I am a man who was sexually assaulted years ago by a person I barely knew, a couple of years went by and I called police to file a case, they told me there was nothing they can do. It is possible a baby was born as a result of the non-consenual sex. I then called DCSS an explained this and asked if I could open a case to determine if a case has been open against me. I gave the name of the female who assaulted me, then my information which they already from my first wife. I never heard back from them. I am hoping that a child was NOT born as a result of this. For the last several years I have suffered from severe clinical depression, many times I have wanted to end my life as a result of someone taking advantage of me.

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Hi Mark, I must first say I appreciate your openness about what happened to you, and I stand by you in the repercussions of such trauma.

First of all, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF and DON'T let the lack of JUSTICE cause you to stagnate in your healing process. God is JUSTICE and His Justice will be served, court or no court here on earth.

Were you a minor when this assault happened? If so, they should not have told you there's nothing they could do. Typically, it's best that victims come forward right away when an assault has occurred because there might be some evidence or witnesses to establish a case.

If you KNOW the person who did this, and you want to know if a baby was born out of this assault, find the person - hire an investigator to find her and check to see if she has a child. If she does, then consult an attorney and let him/her take the next steps.

If all this is not possible for lack of funding, KNOW that you have the choice to move on with YOUR life. There are far more GOOD things that have happened to you than this one instrusive and violating incident. Don't give Satan the JOY of destroying YOU and YOUR precious LIFE that God gave you. It was Satan who was after you and wants to destroy you, not God. God WILL give you the POWER to OVERCOME and LIVE, in spite of this. HE LOVES YOU.

Look at how many children died in the Bible because of evil Harod who wanted no threat of another 'king' to take his place?! Satan didn't want JESUS BORN and THEN ended up KILLING Him anyhow ~ but, did that stop GOD? NO. The GRAVE couldn't HOLD Him! He's yet alive and doing greater things through all of us who believe. He overcame and we do, too!! You are not alone in your abuse and suffering ~ soooo many of us have suffered at the hands of sexual predators and other vicious predators.

I'm an over-comer and I want to encourage you!!! GOD LOVES YOU. If He didn't love you so much, Satan would not have tried to destroy you and so far, Satan's FAILED. GOD's LOVE NEVER FAILS.

California DCSS is terrible 4 years ago

I don't think that this box is big enough for me to tell my story. Basically, been divorced for 12 years, California DCSS is worthless, ex husband works on the books for $11.11 per hour(sure as a superintendent managing the ENTIRE Northern California Division of a Company) he gets paid the balance in cash as well as kick backs and reimbursements on his checks which is reported as untaxable income. Has a brand new car with a car payment of $500.00 per month(he stated that one his income and expende form) No one EVER questions him, I have provided DCSS with documented proof, license plate #s, his contractors license with the state of California. I have no faith in the system. he has never provided any type of child care, health insurance, and now I have filed a motion with the court, for modification,a nd for reimbursement of my sons braces expenses. I have no doubt, it will not turn out well. I know why people hate the system. I understand that there are sooo many cases and they cant micromanage us all, but they also need to remember that not all cases are cut and dry. Ones like mine are crazy and need a lot investigation. I have also hired a company($125.00 per subpoena) to subpoena all of his employment records, ALL including paystubs, time cards, insurance info, truck use, cell phone use, and to subpoena his auto loan application with all supporting documents. He is $44,000 in arrears, does not supply medical coverage as court ordered, does not pay for half of any sport fees, etc. I am bitter yes, I support my children in every way, they are my children, he is equally responsible. But yet, he gets them on his weekends and in half of the Summer. All along pretending he pays his support, I am lying,,,yada yada yada. Im tired of it. And I don't talk to my kids about it which stresses me even more because I can't say " oh your dad is a deadbeat loser". Good thing I have a decent paying job with benefits and everything revolves around my kids, I would do anything for them.

One more thing.... 4 years ago I found out he was in a car acident and was suing the person. So I searched county records for the case #, called DCSS and gave them the info, they became a party to the case and as soon as it was settled, I received a check for $6,000.

My point??? DCSS are worthless. They provided 5 different answers for the same question, depending on who you speak with. A lot of their employees have no clue about anything. I have spoken to a few there that have been there for quite a while and they are very helpful. But when it comes down to it. they suck.

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

I hear you, California DCSS is terrible!!

I have some NEWS...my ex tried every which way to get out of paying child support and his last move was to terminate his own parental rights -

Let me back up a bit...when the courts were going to issue a 'seek work' order, he filed for social security/disability, which was denied. The child support order to seek work was delayed - continued, continued, continued....

Well, I finally received an Order After Hearing regarding his contempt charges (five of how many counts?), which included an order to pay $140 p/mo (the OAH on arrears had been $200 p/mo), and for him to report his income/expense to DCSS monthly. If he broke this 'probation', he would spend time in jail (600 hours).

THEN, I guess his social security/disability got approved...retroactive to June 2010 when he applied...though he had listed our daughter on the application, he purposefully did not provide our contact information.

Now, up to the termination of parental rights...I decided to go with it ~ to file my own motion using his petition as his admission to the criteria. Three attorneys, an investigator and the judge agreed to terminate his rights, which meant he was still on the books for arrears, but not for future support.

After all was said and done in Aug of 2011, we suddenly received a check for $6,901.00 on Valentine's Day 2012 and the next day, when I met with the Social Security office (as requested by DCSS), I found out we had another $7,126.00 coming (retroactive to June 2010) and that our daughter would receive $368 p/mo until she's 18 (or 19, if still in high school). Even after his arrears are paid, she will still receive this money.

I don't know how or why, but restitution was finally made. I would say to every custodial parent, keep the child support case OPEN and some day, when social security benefits kick in for the dead-beat parent, restitution will come. My ex is now a 'stranger' to us, no rights, and we are receiving the money so desperately needed after all these years.

Let's just hope Social Security doesn't go broke...then, we'll have a dead-beat nation.

Keep on pressing on in proving your ex's lies and deception. My ex was found out and the hammer fell. God's eyes do not turn from this, and rest assured, He is working this out behind the scenes...one way or another. Don't lose hope.

Brenda 4 years ago

Wow! This has not been my case at all. I can not even move city's without CS knowing where I am. In the 11 years of being divorced I have paid out thousands and thousands in CS. Which I should support my child. Although let me say I do have my children 50% of the time but because their father collects SSI and I having an education I have been reamed!! I get phone calls from CS should I fall just a few hundred dollars behind. I have had my nursing license suspended until my arrears where caught up. I've had CS place a levy on my back account costing me hundreds of dollars in bounced checks. Not only do I pay my support but I have to buy my children's clothes pay for sports etc bc their father DOES NOT use the child support money on the children!! I've been to court over 12 times in 11 years of course because he always wants more child support and what does CS do gives it to him!!! As if paying $1200 dollars isn't enough on top of all the other stuff I do they continue to raise my support any chance they get. I'm all for supporting children I just do not agree with support going to a parent who does not spend it on the child!

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

So, Brenda, some states/Counties are the over-kill collectors and others are dead-beat? DUMB. Or, is it a sexist thing? Go after the women, but let the men go? What IS the deal?

Brenda 4 years ago


That's a very good question bc I do know men who have 70 thousand dollars in arrears! Yet they've never been harassed by CS ever like I have. I will in 1 month receive 2 notices and several calls should I get behind. Here is the funny thing though. CS garnishes it straight from my check so should it be late it's bc they are behind processing not because I have failed to pay! Yet the have the time to call me and send notices several times a month???

Buglover 67 4 years ago

I cant say that im in your position,but yes there things that need to be addressed for these NCP that don't follow court order,hide income.Also the policy and procedues with DCSS.I have had my case since 03/10.My sons father lives in a wealthy area,has a great job.He abdoned us cause he didn't want kids(and had a gf).I got the advise of my family to file paper for sole and physical custody.Once the NCP started getting sumons for this he started to be all nice and sweet.And I fell for it.I was unfortunitly at the time only making 12 an hour so I was needing his help.He gave me what he said he could give(200-300).I was fine with that, until I saw him eating at expensive sushi restaurants,buying his gf a $600 i phoneand taking his gf to France on vacation(thank you Facebook).I was living in a really bad neighborhood,doing what I could to pay daycare and diapers.SO I started a case w/DCSS. When I did that I saw what kind of person he really was.He got an attorney and filed an OSC to take our son.His son that he has never held,called to or even asked about.I did things at first by myself,but his attorney was a snake and draggd me through mud. Then i happen to notice the NCP was not claiming his buisness and other wage earning income,not claiming bonuses ,commissions and royalties.I lost my job ause of all the time I had to miss cause of court and mediations.But then I finally found an attorney that took me in on a pro bono. He saved mine and my sons life.He got me temporary orders for c/s.NCP attorney stated they had ins cards for child.LIE!!!Then next court date,we did a disso master from his I/E dec and mine.He stated he saw his son 2 % of the time.I was then awarded 50% of daycare.I provide him proof and I get nothing. I then found out he was going to China for 9 days.I was on the phone like hotcakes to DCSS making sure he was on the HHS list for denial of passport.I find out he not only got a new passport but VISAS ALSO!!!I called Border Patrol, The HHS department, and Passport department in DC. I wrote a letter to DC and asked for an investigation on how he got this passport.DCSS is having him wage garnished.He hasn't still provided ins for my son like court ordered and Im on the phone w/dcss 3 TIMES A WEEK.asking bout my case.I think Im where im at is cause I got a good attorney, did alot of research on NCP, went over his filed documents with a fine tooth comb for discrepencies,read over and over the child support laws and have been able to produce my evidence instead of it being hearsay. If I were you, I would call,email,fax your case worker with DCSS.If they don't respond, go down to your local office and request to speak w/a supervisor.I understand your NCP doesn't claim income, but if there was anything I could do to make sure hes repremanded, Id do it.Karma will get him and when it does hes gonna find himself sittin in to po po with some guys that don't like deadbeat dads. Keep your head up and and least after everything said and done, you say I tried my best.

Faith 4 years ago

I too like everyone else has "baby daddy/momma drama". It's really annoying. What I want to know is why do I, myself have to hassel them, dcse, to get anything done?! I'm scared to take him to court because every time we go he takes me to court to see our daughter. He is bi-polar and dangerous. My husband wants to adopt my daughter and let that loser keep his dag gone money he won't pay. But I feel like he's getting off scott free and that's not fair. I've had to file bankruptcy and everything. I work for the government and my pay has been frozen for the last two almost three years, it's going to stay frozen for another 2 or 3 years at that. Her biological told me at one point, before I got married, well if your working two jobs then why am I paying child support? I said when have you actually paid????? He'll make a payment the day before court then they let him go on his merry way! Why doesn't the government pay my support and go after him for the repayment!!!! The loser even got himself in major trouble for domestic violence one of them a felony charge for abduction...they put him on probation he lasted almost four months on it then they picked him up again for probation violation, he went to jail from oct 2011 to march 2012 now they revoked his probation but yet he's not in jail or paying support!!! Virginia is so screwed up!

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Buglover 67, YOU GO GIRL!!!! What a FIGHTER!!!! I have FAITH in God's Word found in Galatians 6:9 "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." PRESS ON!!!!

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Brenda, I AGREE!!!!!

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Faith, since your husband wants to adopt your child, I would recommend filing for termination of parental rights. There are conditions it appears your ex has met: no communication or visitation with the child for a year, lack of child support payments. This may be attractive to your ex because he gets out of future child support payments, but...he will not be off the hook for arrears WITH interest. PEACE is what you need. PEACE is what your child needs.

Look at my comment from a couple of weeks ago...when I LET GO and did the TERMINATION, GOD blessed us with not only the arrears, but support for the rest of her teen-age years!!!

Faith 4 years ago

I'm worried he'll fight us if we try to do that. Once he finds out he will still owe the back suppport he'll go off. I've had multiple protective orders. It just makes me nervous. My husband and I are expecting a baby boy (Zebediah) in June and we just don't have the money for legal fees. It really sucks because Fiona said when we got married why didn't my name change? It breaks my heart! I guess we'll have to save money. It'll be a while since the support isn't coming in....

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

It's worth getting an attorney for this very important petition, Faith. If your ex meets the criteria and your husband wants to adopt your child, you have a very strong case. One of the strongest points of my case was that he kept causing me to incur attorneys fees by dragging me into court, attempting to get out of child support, while he wan't paying child support, thus making it more difficult to support my child. Your ex owes arrears either way, so for him to consider he won't owe future support, you might be surprised. Let your attorney handle the communication. Frankly, if your ex reacts in a very hostile way, your case is only strengthened. Be encouraged, and congratulations on Zebediah!!!

holly 4 years ago

I am dealing with this! My P.O.S ex only has to pay 218 a month but is 9000 behind he has learned if you pay 100 per month that csea will not enforce more pay! We were in and out of court for 3 years and continuation after continuation was issued! Then they dismissed the case in the event he made full payments! Csea is a JOKE

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Yes - we have to HOPE that SOMEONE with POWER will find this hub and all of our testimonies here and DO something about this BROKEN SYSTEM, holly. Whatever you do, don't give up HOPE and HANG IN THERE.

Severly Annoyed 4 years ago

I am in the same boat. My ex works the system and has figured out that he will not get into any trouble for non payment. He has made 2 partial payments in a year and a month. So I called up the support enforcement agency. She told me they would put out something about contempt of court. That is a laugh. Now I see that they took his taxes, but applied all 1661.00 of it towards arrears! I got not one penny! Plus he still owes 200.00 in arrears. So, I will not be seeing any money go to my kids and their expences for what looks to be another year, or ten! I am so annoyed at the fact that I go to school full time (to better myself and my kids' futuure), I work close to full time, and I take care of my house and my kids, and he has nothing to take responsibility for. He refuses to see the kids, talk to them, and refuses to keep a job and pay his support. The system is so flawed it is not funny, but hey, the government and its employees are getting their money out of it!

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Severely Annoyed, did you not receive the $1661. in arrears? Or are you in a state that pays his support and then they garnish him to pay them back? I've not heard of that. I would say also, that if he refuses to see the kids and talk to them, and he doesn't pay support, go for a termination of parental rights...or, get 100% custody and let his support be increased (if the courts will even DO that...that's a laugh) and arrears pile up. Some day, he'll get social security and you'll get your back-owed support, all in a lump sum. Don't give up!!

rebel girl 4 years ago

I get no child support from my daughter dad. Hes only ordered to pay $269 /month. over the years its been upped to $420 to cover arrears but I never see anything.

I forgave the first $12,000 he owed with courts. but he is still currently $15,000 behind and she is not quite 13 yet.

They have prosecuted him 3 times and basically a slap on the wrist is all he gets. They just violated his probation again for it but he got 2 other charges so he will go to jail for them and the child support will run concurrent with them. Once again a slap on the wrist.

He has his wife file injured spouse since he mainly works for cash so I never see any taxes from him.

Just so tired of it all. I don't make a lot of money myself, but too much to get any help from the state.

They need to do something. The state can pay me and then they would be more willing to go after him.

tms424 4 years ago

I am so disgusted with CSE. My ex and I divorced almost 3 years ago, I was given sole legal and physical custody of our 3 children (all under the age of 9), and he was given visitation every other weekend, from Saturday morning at 9am til Sunday evening at 5pm. Out of 28 visits he saw them 12 times, and then just stopped seeing them. He hasn't seen them or spoken to them in 14 months, he hasn't paid his court ordered child support in 13 months and is $12,847.00 in the arrears. I contact CSE at least every two weeks to find out what is going on with my case, and I keep being told "We could do this, we could do that", but as far as I can see NOTHING has been done! He moved from the state where he was living to Florida, and I discovered his address and called CSE to give it to them, and they listed that as MY address! I can not talk to a supervisor or anything! I am a substitute teacher, my van is on it's last legs and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to contact and just want something to be done. It seems that deadbeat parents get so many chances, and the custodial parents are just expected to smile and take it. When will a contempt charge be issued, when will something happen to the deadbeat dad??

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

rebel girl, I'm surprised the Courts would allow you to 'forgive' any child support. This is the child's needs, not an issue between the parents? Wow. Again, in this situation, that allowance hurts the child and enables the dead-beat.

You're right, if the state paid the child support up front, they definitely WOULD go after the dead-beat. They're too busy borrowing and spending money, and see the ongoing court cases and laughable 'enforcement' as justification for receiving their government paychecks, paid by the taxpayers - not paid by the dead-beats who obviously commit tax fraud. My ex wouldn't file taxes, and then just put down a minimal amount without proof, when he was forced to. Can I puke now?

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

tms - try to find out who the ombudsperson is for your County that holds the child support case. Every County should have one. Google it or something! I had a couple of occasions to email my County's ombudsperson (aka Supervisor).

Your ex qualifies for a motion to terminate his parental rights, and his arrears do not go away and keep accruing interest. If you can afford an attorney, you could do what not many people know about - called a 'Notice of Dilinquency' - this order will nearly double his support owed, if he doesn't pay it within a year. I think it takes the child support case out of the hands of child support and into the hands of the attorny/collections, so seek advice on this before you decide. Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP.

You're not alone in this Country's sickening, laughable enforcement of child support LAW.

Rosemary Cox 4 years ago

You must have known he may have violent tendencies. Why didn't you marry him, wait 2 or 3 years, then have your child. I have witnessed situations where mothers were living with boyfriends, cheating on welfare, and making their ex's pay child support and paying back welfare. I am a wife and mother, and I can't believe these money hungry women. They are on welfare, had children out of wedlock, and receiving "mommy support" from ex's. They use the child support on cigarettes, alcohol and gas for her boyfriend and her to run around in. They buy the kids clothes from thrift stores, feed the children and boyfriend with food stamps. Even is they don't have a child, they still will need a roof over their head and pay utilities. They are screwing their ex boyfriends because the laws favor them, not the guys. Quit ruing your child's father's life and grow up. Don't get pregnant in the first place until you know it is going to work.

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

I can say, Rosemary Cox, that there must be some root to your strong words; however, they do not apply to me. You assume that a woman in a violent relationship can 'plan' a pregnancy - who would elect to have a child with such a person? What does a woman do if she does get pregnant, abort the child? NO! She gives the child LIFE and gets out of the situation for the good of herself and the child. THAT's my story.

There are mothers, just as there are those in foster care, that use monies (state or child support) for selfish purposes and neglect the children. I've never been on welfare. I had food-stamps once, when I did not have a child. I was a foster child, and I can tell you I ate cornmeal mush every single morning for breakfast and was given cold, canned refried beans as a meal. The reason I was a foster child? I had welfare parents who were alcoholics and abusers. Psychology proves many who come from abusive homes marry abusers. They are codependents and have no self-esteem.

A woman who keeps her baby, gets out of the mess and supports her child ALONE for so many years is NOT to be put into that category of people you describe. Be careful how you judge, for God may make you walk in their shoes. THIS is something I have learned in life.


Kristina 4 years ago

the mother of my 4 step-children left them on xmas eve almost 5 years ago said she couldn't do I anymore. She has continued to party and do whatever she pleases. She drives a new dodge charger and uses anyone that'll let her. Shehas always gotten away with paying child support. It's so bad here in sequoyah county Oklahomathat the child support office ppl in the office says they feel sorry for her that she has to pay 500 a month child support and give her breaks. Let me remind u she has 4 kids she have them up when they were 4 3 2 and 4 months old. She never pays and when she does go to crt they let her off the hook. IF she does get a job which is seldom, once the first check gets garnished she quits. She has made 2 large sums of payments That was only when someone else paid it for her to get her warrant off of her. But s.e.lk still owes a substantial amount of back child support. Now she is filing for fs ull custody just so child support would go away. She doesn't wafted them she just wants to keep from the threats of going to jail. SHe's tried once before and only got more visitation. 1 over night and 2 days for 3 hours each. Which she hardly ever exercises. I hate the fact she might get even joint custody. She uses drugs but beat the system am using a shampoo that made her test come up negative then bragged about it. She neglects them medically and emotionally but none of this has stopped her from doing what she want and still doesn't pay child support and is getting more and more rights. Idk what to Do anymore. I don't want to worry about them all the time

act she I That's just a sum of what's going on with

Amber 4 years ago

A woman is the only one with " the right to choose". I'm a woman, a single mother with 2 jobs. I decided to have a baby. My ex couldn't make that decision so why should he have to pay if he did t want a child? Only I could have aborted or turned to adoption. He wouldn't have had a choice in the matter because he's a man and it's not his choice. So why should he be held liable for child support?! Grow up ladies, stop depending on a man to pay your bills so you can sit at home, shop, whatever, ... YOU made the choice to be grown up enough to raise a child. Now grow up and follow through with it like a real woman!

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Amber, you're a shame to the female population. Your 'ex' couldn't make the decision to have a child? Shame on you! YOU can't have a child by yourself. It takes TWO, baby; it takes TWO. And so, TWO should support the child THEY made.

Now, if you're so wicked to have deceived your 'ex' into conceiving a child, then YES, YOU alone should be responsible for YOUR decision. Do YOU even acknowledge to your child who the father is? There ARE women out there who just use men to have a child for selfish reasons, and THAT is absolutely wrong.

I can't even tell you how furious I am, and no doubt, everyone else is, with your shameful attitude.

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Kristina? Is that a female handle, but you are a father? Okay - just so I get this...

It would be horrendous if the courts allow her to get 'full custody' of the kids, if all you say is true. If she abandoned her four young children to your care, she obviously feels you are a safe and sound father to leave them with. Filing for full custody, when being in contempt of child support orders is not a new thing, and actually works against her.

Don't let her intimidate you. You obviously love the children. Don't let her threat of custody make you back off from enforcing her obligation to pay support either. This support is for the children, and they can't fight for themselves. You have to stand for them.

My heart hurts for your situation, which obviously, so many others are going through, also. This is one of the very saddest things going on in this Country.

amber 4 years ago

My exhusband lives at home with his parents at 33will not work his mom is legally blind and lost a leg to having diabetes and a five bi pass because she is morbidly obbessed and his father is a pill popping drunk. My ex can go to the bars and the casion but wont get a job and help and the child support says they can't do any thing to help me dame it I need some help I'm working my butt of to keep lights on and giving plasma so we can have VO5 and 1,00 tolit paper why is everything given to him he's still on the tit wth

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Hi amber, This world is a sad place for children to be born, if you ask me. People shouldn't have sex that can't afford to have children! There's welfare programs out there, and once you get on welfare, the state seems to go after dead-beats stronger than if the custodial parent is not on welfare. I suppose we're better off than the starvation that's going on in third-world countries where children are lucky to live to the age of 2.

AMB 4 years ago

I am in a situation with an ex who does not pay support. Check out www.supportkids.com

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

I'm sorry yet to meet another who is going through such an ordeal. I appreciate the link, AMB - perhaps there's some help out there!!

john scherrer sucks 4 years ago

my son is now 17- he dad paid some child support off and on- and that didn't start till my son was almost 8 cause we were never married and i was afraid to take him to court cause of his threats. I recently found out in 2005 there was a judgement against him for over 8 grand that I never knew about till recently. For 6 months now I have been looking into this but no one can or is allowed to tell me where the money went- The case is from NY but i moved to florida now for almost 6 years. NY tells me they are not allowed to give me any info on my case- that someone from florida CSE has to call- I finally get someone from FL to call NY and he never bothered to ask about the missing money? Fdrom on line records I can see it was paid but not to who- My son's dad owned a moving co- but not under his name- called me about the same time this judgement was satisfied ( though at the time i didn't even know about it) and said he moved someone from the courts for free in turn for a favore with out case. It was true cause I talked to this person when they called from the courts. I tried to tell other officials about this but they act like Im crazy- the no CSE would do such a thing- Besides the missing 8 grand he is now another 17 grand behind ( it really should be 24 grand.. ) I have called everyone i could in NT and Florida but no one can give me answers- My son's deadbeat dad also now opened another store.. and is an EMS for wWst Islip on Long Island.. I sent in proof of all that- Still they have done nothing- They know where he is- He just knows to many people in the right places.. I am seeing a lawyer this week- but only the first meeting is free- being that I don't even have enough money to pay my rent this month there is no way I'll be able to hire them. I have been praying she would take my case though. The state should pay child support then go after the deadbeats- I know some place do that. and arrest these SOBs!!! The places that actually jail these deadbeats get money from almost all of them the same day! The last time my son saw his dad was sep. 2010- He had to trick him into it- found him on facebook and asked to see him by posting that on his wall so he couldn't say no with family being able to see it- but he got us back- he kept him two weeks longer then he was suppose to- bleached his hair and sent him home with porn... there is so much more I could tell you.. these are just some of the highlights- I will mention he has a truck and a corvette- My car lost it's axil while I was driving- then i got that fix and the other one went.. He also goes to concerts that last days- hippy stuff- and travels all the time- and takes care of and sees his second kid ( he's no longer married though and she was the woman he cheated on me with lol) he now dates women almost in their 60's with lots of money.. He is in his late 30's now. Lock them all up!!!

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Keep working throught Child Support Services and let them know where he lives. If anything, there should be liens/garnishments placed in his County, tax liens, etc. I am assuming you have a child support case opened and a court order showing an amount ordered to be paid monthly?

If so, then just keep them posted via email, so you have records of communications. Your son is nearly 18, but the arrears of child support will NEVER go away and should be accruing 10% interest. It may be the dead-beat won't pay or be held accountabile until he collects social security in 20 - 25 years. Imagine what he will owe by then. Count it as retirement income for you because that day WILL come.

I hope the best for you at your meeting with the attorneys.

Travis 4 years ago

And this is exactly the problem with america.

john scherrer sucks 4 years ago

@ shepherd's Lamb

The lawyer wants 1,500 up front- I don't have it. I just had to ask a church to help pay rent. And give my notice at work cause I am unable to stand for long periods of time. Going to be facing eviction by next month.. already exhausted all the help from family. My health is getting worse fast and that deadbeat jerk post pic's of concerts he goes to and prime meat he grills up- I still can't get anyone to tell me where any of the missing money is- how is that legal? I was to be paid to me and I never got it.. how does no one care? and in sep it wil be a year since he's paid anything and the courts know where he lives and works- they have done nothing- I was told I could get copies of everything to do with my case but NY ( i live in fl now) wont even tell me where I can request them! But since it is a new york case child support goes till my son is 21- but I cant go to the courts here and file anything- I'd have to go to NY and since i cant afford rent or medical help I have no way to go to NY. I was thinking of writing news papers.. I tried local officials- and always get the response that it's not their area .. And as far as what he owes- they have that messed up too- he owes more they what they have down- there is the missing 8 grand and now 17 grand besides that- I don't have the e mail to anyone- half the time i cant even get a live person on the phone- and when I do they are really nasty. there has been a court order for years now- I don't know why they are not doing anything. The only thing I have of any value is my grandmother diamond plat ring- but store are only offering 100- for a ring worth 2500- not that I want to part with it but i really want to get the lawyer. this is crazy- if the deadbeat came in my home and took they money he'd be locked up- so I don't know why they don't get him.. it's neglect. My son is duel inrolled meaning he does college and high school at the same time- He already has more of an education then his deadbeat dad- The books alone cost hundreds- I don't even know how I'm going to get his next round of books- My sisters, parents have spared everything they have to help and I worked myself into disability taking care of a child myself- Im now trying to get disability but that takes years.. meanwhile I can't even dress myself anymore-

Kelli 4 years ago

I have something similar. I cannot work because I cannot afford daycare. When I try to get the state to help me with daycare I was told it was figured into my child support payments for him to pay half. My ex is currently over $7000 behind in support...we haven't even been divorced a year. He remarried 2 days after we divorced. He can afford to have season tickets to the local NFL team, go on vacations all the time (currently getting ready to fly to Pheonix for 2 weeks with his new wife), goes out to dinner and does things all the time, but can't pay child support. I have filed with the state to "garnish" his wages. 5 months ago when I filed, and then didn't hear anything for a long time and called, he had quit his job so they couldn't garnish, didn't bother to tell me he had a new job, even though our divorce decree said he had to. Once I got it figured out and set it up for the state to "garnish" back support again and hadn't heard anything I called. "Oh, his employer has so long to start paying...call back in a month." I called back, "oh, I see they haven't paid yet, I will have someone look into this. Call back in a week and I should have some answers for you." I called back yesterday (a week) "I don't see here why I haven't heard from the team we sent to investigate yet. I will look into that. Call back in a week." Mean while I have to rely on my parents, aunts, sisters and friends to help provide things the kids need. I am so fed up it isn't even funny.

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Shepherd's Lamb 4 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Hi Kelli, It sounds like you're on the ball. Where is the accountability for DCSS?! Keep on them! Let them get so tired of your weekly calls they DO something. Document, document, document - because, if they DON'T do their job, I would provide that documentation to a congressman or senator - even provide it to a news reporter (since you are NOT the only one in your County going through the same things) - BIG STORY.

I wonder if we can even take DCSS before a judge with an Order to Show Cause? I would seek a consultation with an attorney or research the internet to see if this has ever been done before. Really, there's nothing to lose by holding them accountable before a judge. The worst thing that can happen is the judge doesn't do anything, which of course, is yet another story before the public, when it comes to re-appointment.

Josh 4 years ago

Well my storie is diff. My ex wife expects me and my new family to do whatever she says. I pay $350 a month when I have him 50% of the time and pay for school clothes and all that also. So We pay for him 100% of the time at our house and then 50% of the time he is at her house. That's 150% and she pays 50% ? How is that fair. We pay for his sports and equipment plus anything he need. He has everything a 12 year old wants and needs at our house. He tells me there is never any food in the house at his moms house and that there is Dirty laundry all the time. He has to wash a bowl so he can eat breakfast at her house. The paper work that she did was and is wrong and the child support of Bend Oregon. The case workers always have some type of excuse but if I fall behind in the support I could face jail time? I have tried to talk to the case workers and she (Brandy) at bend Oregon CSP never here's. my side or even wants too help us. Excepted bye hurting me and my new family. In the last year his mom has had 5 different boyfriend that's she had them meet our son? She party's all the time and leave him at home so she can do so? It's is not fair for our son but the state of Oregon is allowing it. Good thing I am not a dead beat dad. But I see now why there are so many of them. Only hurting the kids! Hope they se that soon!

abused 4 years ago

they found that my ex has 5 cars and a house- also uses old rich woman to hide his stuff and open businesses. he's 20 grand behind- been more then a year since he's paid anything - other then that he paid on and off hence the 20 grand behind. I have 2 states working on things and nothing is happening. My health is gone- we have till the end of the month till we are homeless- and I cant get medical or help cause my husband of 2 years makes 7.92 and hour! and only gets 30 hrs. a week.. so we are trying to live off of 250- a week... I worked till aug- My illness got so bad I couldn't keep working- The other night I was having such bad chest pains- should have called 911 but I found some old muscle relaxers 9 few years old) and took some to put me asleep cause if I was about to die I didn't want to be awake for it- I don't have any fight left in me- for years my BIG night out is being able to get a movie from red box- i don't even have gas in my car to go to the church for free food- thank god a neighbor helped so at least my son can eat- me and my husband have been having raman soup for the last week. but that dead beat dad just went on vacation in Atlantic City.. I have already yardsaled everything I own to keep my son fed and have things he needs- he is duel enrolled so he does high school and collage-just one of his books cost 70.00- used! the others thankfully we could rent for 25.00 each. If you ever were to see my son you can tell he is well taken care of but if you were to meet me and my husband we have holes in our socks and clothes- My husband is over 6 feet tall and is down to 150 lbs. he lost over 60 lbs in a few months due to we make sure my son has and we go without. he walks 30 min to the nearest bus stop so we can save on gas for the car ect- Im in the middle of filling for social security disability- problem is I couldn't get medicaid ( hubby is from another country) and we never could afford insurance- so I don't have enough doctor reports to get approved- They are sending me to one of their doctors but it is a formality to be denied cause you have to have a recent doctor visit- Im just beside myself- the department of revenue child support division for the last 8 months cant even get the other state the father lives in to do what should be done. He's admitted to having friends in the court- brags about it- Even NY is asking me for papers I have never had and they say they cant give me cause I live in another state- the papers are about missing child support he said he paid that I never got- and that is on top of the 20 grand. The whole thing is really sick-

GOtotheNEWS 4 years ago

I am a single mom from NJ(Bergen Co). I too can't believe what goes on with the CS system in this country. I also have been going through nonsense and getting nowhere with the system as it is. We need to go to the NEWS-Nightline/20/20 big story outlets where the words get out about how taxpayers are paying for this tragedy of non-custodial parents not paying for their children and how america's taxpayers are picking up the bill for all the delinquencies and it falls on medicaid/welfare etc.Why is this happening. NO ONE is listening! Why has this been going on for years and years? The non-support should be a crime as in criminal not civil. If us custodial parents were to leave our children with no food or clothing or neglect the children we would go striaght to jail but it's ok for the the non payers to do just that and get away with it. It takes too long. All we here from child support is that there are so many other people in your circumstances and owe and we wish that we could do something but we can't. What does that mean "we can't"? My ex also plays the system like so many others. The system lets them. Never changes unless people complain and start writing and letting the media know what's going on. There are so many people now out of work or on unemployment etc. This is also effecting our children of America. Without work children do not get help. My problem is that I am on SSDI and get only one check a month which is not much at all. I can't afford to pay rent, car, bills, gas, etc. You all know the deal. What does CS think? They think the Assistance Office also known as welfare will foot the bill for my child and all the rest of them out there with only one income or non at all? Then what? I'm paying my share into my childs welfare and not only that but I am single no one else to help out at all and no where to turn because the government figures since I'm getting my check that will cover everything. Right, wrong? My ex only is compliance with CS when the government unemployment takes over and takes it out of his check otherwise he doesn't care and he's working now and noone is doing anything even after I went to court on this matter. After 2 and 1/2 months of complaining to the case worker who by the way never calls me back after I leave messages, tells me that they found his work wages on record and get no response from either my ex or his company he works for. Hey how come they find his wage record but can't do anything about taking out his obligation? What's the problem? They say that he is a 1099 or self employed worker. Oh really, then how does he collect unemployment for the last 2 years? He must be paying some taxes to someone or his company is. How come CS can't take it away from him before he pays into the government/IRS. Something is really wrong with this picture. He pays government but a child doesn't see a penny that is court ordered by a Superior Court Judge. He got arrested only because I called after I thought this was already being done by CS but they told me I had to call and complain and talk to the sherriff's dept. Again, isn't that there job to be ontop of the situation 2 1/2 months prior to the problem getting bigger and the arrears growing and my child not getting a penny from the dad that they know where he is working and living. They pick him up, he goes to jail and then they tell me last minute before court the same day that he is going before the judge(they never called to tell me they actually picked him up) and I live far away. I rush to get there because I need desparately the money or I'm going to loose everything and he comes into court and says to me "Thanks"...can you all imagine? Him saying "Thanks" to me in court on his way to see the judge they told me he is allowed to say whatever he wants to me (he's incarcerated in jumpsuit now) like I did something wrong that I'm taking care of his child full time(I have full custody due to divorce extreme cruelty) and he wants nothing to do with his son whatsover no Christmas no birthday no calls, nothing!! and goes before the judge and she asks him why he hasn't paid and he gives a sob story that he just put in for disability (yup) and that he is now only working 2 days a week!! but remember he still is in arrears and never answered any correspondence from the court. Gee, I wonder what is wrong with him? Before that he was on unemployment for 2 full years without looking for a job. He went back to the same job that CS said they couldn't garnish his wages (put me in debt that I have no credit now) because he's a 1099 and that his work is out of state NYC and that they cannot physically arrest someone with a warrant going over state lines. He lives in Jersey and works in NYC. There is so much more to this and years of nonsence but I"m sure you all get the gist of what is going on. We are talking about a child here or children all over america who are not being represented as they should be because of why? Anyway, the judge set Work Release bail at less than half the money he owes in arrears. I leave court thinking again (as this happened times before) thinking he will have to get another job making up for full-time and what he owes only to find out the next week that he got out the next day after court payed the amount the judge set and guess what still nothing. Were back to square one. These court people know this is what happens all the time. How does he miraculously come up with the bail money to get out the next days but he has no money to pay me for his son's needs and the welfare of his child? not one penny folks!! one penny....one penny....he is set free to do it over and over again. I'm still waiting for another payment and he is on probation which means CS is suppose to be following up on this. I put calls into them and never receive a call back. When I do get a call back I will be treated with huffs and puffs and harshness from them as if I am bothering them and there is nothing they can do. What is wrong with this picture? As I'm reading here, I am not the only one frustrated with the process of going and getting nowhere. What is the answer? Remember, the country is going more into debt because of these deadbeat parents and because no one seems to care!! Is anyone listening to these poor children sitting home crying that there parent doesn't care. Someone told me "It starts at the top and then trickles on downward".....Another thing-sorry for jumping around but he thought it was very funny that the Sherriffs office looked for him at his home and everyone said he wasn't there according to the sherriffs office to me--the next door neighbors said they haven't seen him in a year and his own mom who he lives with said she hadn't talked to him in a year also, but he was living there and everyone was in fact lying to the officers and all got away with it all because they said that he wasn't a criminal. Can you all imagine how much money the government would save if they would just get these people when it starts and put them in jail and don't let them out until they have a job and show the judge this. I thought this was work release but it isn't. Um. How come I am still not getting CS? There's so much more to say! Anyone else have similar stories?

Tammy 4 years ago

I have been dealing with same crap from the courts for over 18yrs.I have 2 daughters with this dead-beat loser and the courts finally put him in jail for 4 months for non-payment of support.His arrears are over 30,000 and he as well trys to use the excuses that hes bipolar and trys to get disabilty but that fell through and now hes really playing the victim card in jail.The courts have let me and my daughters down for many years as far as Im concerned if the laws are made why are not being followed..they are only suggestions and these non-custiodail mom or dads get away with it..its wrong and something needs to be done..

GoToTheNews 4 years ago

Hi Tami, I know exactly-isn't it ashame for the children especially? Guess what he has another warrant on him and he was just in jail a month ago. Go figure? Why waste tax payers money and let him sit in jail until he gets a job to pay for the arrears in total and then show the judge that and us custodial parents that here is his job and where he works for at least 40 hours a week on the books before they let him out and CS should follow-up on this information. Things would be different if I were running the show and these deadbeat parents wouldn't be getting away with trying to go for disability unemployment and whatever else to get away with not paying for their children they brought into this world. How can the government not care about this tragedy. If us custodial parents neglected our kids without, we would be on the news and locked up right away. In fact, I just heard a story of this woman who did this and she is in jail now, but it's ok for these non custodials to get away with not paying a penny for their childrens welfare. Can you imagine how much better off this country would be and how much debt would be paid to these children and how much happier they would be if their other parent paid. I'm disabled legally from back 10 years ago and now he tells the judge he filed a couple of months ago? Say what? for what? So that he can get away with not paying the easy way out. We all know he will be out there working under the table and getting away again with this. The courts will lower his amount to something unheard of and not enough to pay for food, shelter, clothes etc then the tax payers will pay for the childrens medicaid and food stamps and whatever else. Not fair. I hear stories about children on streets etc, but never hear anything about why such as the deadbeat parents. What I do hear is that the "poor dad who can't get a job who can't make his payments or anything for that matter and poor guy is in jail" That's the story I hear. AGain, what about the poor mom's that take care of their children day after day, feeding them, caring for them when their sick, taking them to school, giving them pep talks because of the depression and anxiety the children have from their dad's not seeing them or being part of their lifes. What is this not a crime? Something does need to be done but the only answer we get when calling to the CSO is we are doing what we can and nothing more can be done tell your representatives or President or whoever, Ive tried that too and nothing. Called my representative and got rerouted all over the place to someone who after I went through the whole situation hung up and got disconnected. Another situation I would like to mention is that I'm really sick and tired of hearing about the new wife's and new families complaining about their husbands being arrested or not being able to afford anything because of these guys past wifes or gf's complaining about not getting support. Maybe they should do some research and homework on their spouses non support and character before they marry them or get involved enough to have another child or children with them. Remember, the first priority is with their first children especially the moms that have no one else to help them out besides the government (and even then it isn't enough) or never remarried. What about taking care of them first. These guys shouldn't be having more children if they can't even take care of their first children. Bottom line. Responsibility. There should be more to this sad situation. We don't need more government taking care we need the responsibility of the deadbeat parents. The answer unfortunately is to lock them up until they get a job. My ex miraculously comes up with his money after he gets locked up believe it or not but he doesn't have it otherwise. Here's another thing many people don't know, when a parent gets locked up and goes to jail and then see's the judge, the judge will let him/her go if they come up with the amount of money set by the judge. For example: if the non-custodial owes $10,000 in arrears, if he comes up with $1,000 he gets out right away and he may not even have a job waiting and then the cycle starts all over again. This happens with mine. Then the amount he still owes goes into arrears to only pay $20.00 a week. So if your bills are far behind forget it they will be on your credit rating as delinquent. I don't know why it's called work release if they don't have a job to make up for the money and it isn't garnishable. Why? I am aware that there are not many jobs to go around that's another reason we need a change(another story). But we are talking about guys that go on unemployment don't look for jobs, guys that try and find anyway they can to not pay for their children's welfare. My ex was on unemployment for almost 2 years and CS did nothing to ask him about when this ends what happens? or are you going to find a job? no, we wait until the arrest warrant comes and the cycle starts again. Anyway, you all know where I'm coming from again! When is anything going to change? When are these children going to get help? Starts from the top and trickles down.....

Frustrated but want to make a difference 4 years ago

So, I have read all of your stories. What are we going to do about it? Every law is made because of people taking that extra step. Remember Erin Brockovich? Who wants to stop bitching and really make a difference? Enough of protecting the deadbeats, molesters, and abusers. Are you guys prepared to stand together or will you put your tail between your legs and run when the going gets tough? Because it will.......

Dee 4 years ago

I read all these stories also and while some are definetely exaggerated, most are based in truth. However, DCSS is bound by laws and regulations that they must follow in regards to enforcement. Whether you like that answer or not, that is the way it is. Just because you want something to go a certain way doesn't mean that it will. If you don't like the way DCSS handles your case, go to Support Kids and pay them to enforce the child support. They are not bound by the same regulations as the state when it comes to enforcement and harrassment of the non-custodial parent. You must also know your rights, whether you are an obligor or an obligee. If DCSS, can't file a motion for contempt, you can file your own motion. DCSS is there to assist you in collecting child support payments, but they are not miracle workers. If someone doesn't want to pay, they won't. As far a putting a deadbeat parent in jail, that is not really up to DCSS. Contrary to popular belief, the Sheriff's Dept decides whether or not a person can be sentenced to jail time & how much. If the local jail won't allow arrest for contempt of child support, neither a judge nor DCSS can order it. Instead of whining on line, get off your collective asses and change the system.

lost hope 4 years ago

there is no hope- just been to court and the dead beat lied and lied- to top it off all the papers I sent it the court did not have- nor did they have the papaers the child support office sent it- we now have another court date and now the dead beat knows all my cards and will just move all his money. what do I tell my son? He is not little and knows what is going on- He told me the other day he has a black heart like his father. Im out of excuses. for him.

i cant afford a lawyer but he gets one for free since he faces jail- so that means he has already hid his money well enough to get a free lawyer. though he was not honest with that lawyer and the lawyer seems surprised at alot of what I had to say.

The worst part of it all was about how he went on about his daughter that he had after our son- the court cant make these dead beats love their children.

It's all so disgusting.

Shepherd's Lamb profile image

Shepherd's Lamb 3 years ago from Roseville, CA Author

Don't lose hope. Just tell the truth and watch God work on your behalf.

Kesha 3 years ago

i just get so frustrated just thinking about how easy it is to run away from responsibility. Well my case is with Virginia, i been working this going on 3 years and yet have i received anything. He is living his married life with other kids. I have gave them information after informaiton and still nothing is being done to him. He has never seen her in person, only talked to her like 3 times...now he was in the military when i first opended my case and so was i soooo why is it so hard to track him down...and when they do i have to wait monthes and years for any progress...he's married and has a child support order already on him so i dnt understand why they cnt do anything to him...after 3 years its pointless to even try anymore when nothing is getting done and he has nice cars and a home and now his wife is military...im just so fucking mad that he can get away with this smh this system is all fucked up and cold...makes me want to go to school for this so i can make shit happen

CSE Failure 3 years ago

Unite at Child Support Enforcement Failure to Collect page on Facebook. I just created this page as a place for all of us to share our stories and perhaps gain some attention one day or figure out a plan of action.

Heather 3 years ago

I just applied to have DCSS take over my case payments - my ex left me after 14 yrs of marriage to be with my childhood best friend. In April he owed me $3300 in arrears the judge ordered him to pay Half of it forth with. So I called DCSS and they told me it would take 6months to 1 year before they file to levy his accounts and taxes. But that I could do it myself. Which I am planning to do. My question is does anyone know what forms I need ? I need a statement of Judgement to take tot he banks.

Heather 3 years ago

This is for the poster Kesha - I served for 10 years in the Navy and my ex was also Navy, so i can give you some advice her to help you that will be better then going thru DCSS - Because your childs father is a member or the military on active duty all you need to do is file for garnishment through your court systems I am in california otherwise id beable to tell you what the form is ( GOOGLE child support garnishment Virgina) or go to a self help at your court house. Then go to DFAS.MIL that's the Department of Defenses Finance and that's who pays him. they have a whole page that will tell you how to file your child support garnishment. They will pay you via a direct deposit to your bank accounts. As long as he is Active duty go thru DFAS. He also is required to provide your child a Military Dependent ID card, because Dependents have rights to base services. You also need that Card to get access to the FREE medical that your child gets as a dependent of the a military member. If he hasn't done this go file a order to show cause in your court requesting the ID card and Medical be his responsibility. That order given to his command will force him to follow the order.

If he is Navy you need to have the number for his Ombudsman so when he doesn't pay you can make a complaint to his command. If he is a Marine then your in better luck because they do not tolerate non-payment of child support and calling his First Sergent or Gunny will solve your problem fast. Good Luck and I hope this helps you.

jessica 3 years ago

I have a simaliar problem. My baby daddy and i lived together for 3 years. He wanted a child with me and after 2 year and a half year of trying i became pregnant. I found out the day i went to labor that he was cheated.

I kicked him out.I went to child support, because he told me i wasn't going to get nothing from him. Judge order him to pay $0 dollar because the could not find prove he had a job. It been to two year he has no back support nothing because the baster is current o a judge order of $0 dollars. But i know that if i was on welfare they would be after his for themselves.

Kelly 3 years ago

Oh my gosh...My story is so simialar to yours, I can't believe it. My ex, currently owes 22,000 in back child support, he has been unemployed for two years, he works for the union and so he will work a month than ask to get laid off, he will always collect unemployment which they will garnish, but its nothing! until it runs out because its union and they don't ask for reason's why you are an unemployed you just automatically get unemployment. On top of this he won a civil law suite for $250,000.00 of which he gave to different people to hold onto and doesn't have a bank account, always uses cash. I paid a lawyers 8 thousand dollars in our custody fight which I won. he paid nothing because he had nothing to loose. He also owes 55K he was court orderred to put into a trust for the kids. He has endless supplyy of cash so he has no reason to work which was othe only was I was getting anything (by way of garnishment) so we went to court again..Judge held him in contempt placed judgements agaist his property. But what good will that do? He isn't going to sell it. Judge also ordered him to pay my legal fees doesn't matter because he still won't pay them! But yet, if it is his scheduled one weekend a month with the kids and I say no, I could go to jail! I feel like he always wins and all I want is for him to pay his child support. My son plays club sports which are thousands of dollars a year, he still gets to go to the games and watch! He won't pay because he knows my kids won't suffer because I won't let them. So I am the one that suffers! The system is rediculous.

Jeannetta Hall 3 years ago

Child Support laws for people who receive SSI , Welfare and work under the table to avoid paying child support. I filed for child support and won a judgement by default , but now I'm having a hard time collecting. I proved that he bartends and has been for 5 yrs. now , but our son is 2yrs.old what should I do ?

John629 3 years ago

While dcss is not helping you, they are wasting time and taxpayer dollars to collect support from me to pay back the state after the ex was on welfare 11years ago. Sending levies to my bank, twice this year, that the bank charges me $125 for each time, and they get nothing cause I keep my balance below $3500. Meanwhile my kids are 20 now and I pay for their living and college expenses. The ex remarried many years ago too. And I have a court approved payment on the back arrears due the county. Still they use the levy like extortion to get me to send them a few more dollars instead of paying the bank fees. All So you can suffer.

eurobelle 3 years ago

Shepherd's Lamb, how can I contact you? Our stories are too similar.

However I think it is important to know which states do the enforcing. When I read all these stories, it is sometimes NOT clear at all who does the screwing up in which state.

My questions to some of you is: Have you created a paper trail? Now with email and online communications, it is pertinent that you do so.

Regarding CA DCSS: I was just informed that my local child support agency (LCSA) only has 1 (uno) attorney that is working on cases that need "manual" attention. Translation: cases where all the automatic enforcement tools do not work. But, get this: the attorney only works on cases where there is absolutely NO money coming in. In my case, the sporadic payments disqualify my case from getting that special attorney to work on it.

I have a self employed semi-dead beat. Semi cuz he pays as he pleases but never sees our child. I told the Commissioner that she was witnessing what would happen to a woman who refused to have an abortion. And that she was aiding the dead beat. I only got a smurk out of her.

I found out that the State Licensing Matching System that is supposed to automatically flag the professional and occupational licences of any non-compliant NCP (non custodial parent) did not connect to my dead beat's licensing agency (CPUC) because DCSS searches on birthdays and Social Security Numbers and the CPUC only keeps tax ID numbers in their system. So the 2 computer systems can't communicate. It took me about 6 years to finally create the awareness at DCSS and my LCSA so that my worker get permission to MANUALLY type a notice to the CPUC when NCP is AGAIN not in compliance to have his limo license suspended. I have contacted the top of DCSS in Rancho Cordova on several occasions to close this loophole. They hide continually behind standard phrases like: All Enforcement tools are in place in your case" Nevermind these tools don't work cuz NCP does not own any real estate, hides his money in his business account, deals with a lot of cash and prints out fake Turbo Tax IRS returns.

So my advise is:

* Find out who is in charge of what

* What is their email address. (most emails addresses follow a certain format, so if you know one, you know all of them. Just plug in the personal initials or name markers and the end of the email address after the @ sign is all the same.)

* Email the judge or commissioner if you have to

* Look up all the personal info you can find on the attorney that do the enforcing and find them at their professional events if you have to.

* Keep a paper trail and slap them around the ears with it to point out how the enforcement is failing.

* Take some Paralegal classes at your community college if you have to

* Learn how to do the legal discovery!!!: Lo and Behold I found out DCSS does not do this...... Is too labor intensive they say.

* Try not to deal with folks at the bottom of the totem pole. They are most often NOT empowered to do anything special.


Jennifer 3 years ago

I am so tired of hearing how parents are not paying their support. My case happens to be different then anyones. What happens to DCSS when they actually collect the money and then lie and say they didn't. Then they tell you that you have to wait a minimum of 10 business days if you don't have a local office handling the case and 30 if you do, which turns out to actually be 20-45 days in reality. Then when I call a different county where they are handling a different case for my sons brother and they inform they received the money 8 days prior. They purposely keep the parents separated and fighting so that nobody knows the other one has paid already. Meanwhile they sit back and collect interest on all the money they are legally required to process and pay within 2 days maximum. As long as both sides don't communicate then they don't know what's going on. It just happens they messed with the wrong person who will make sure the media knows what's going on if they don't get my payment of $22,000 processed immediately. This is all to keep their jobs secured.

Mary 3 years ago

this is unfair and where can you go for help?

cindy t 3 years ago

My ex husband owes almost $110,000 in the state of Virginia. He gets a court hearing every few months and they just let it go without doing anything REAL about it. I called this last December to ask what happened at the hearing and they scolded me by saying, "give us time to process the paperwork and send you the update." It had been over a month. It sucks for me, since i raised both girls by myself. How can i hold them accountable for doing their job?

brandi 2 years ago

First, I am a mother who pays child support in NY. I am going to take a stance that will be controversial. My ex took my children and did it so smartly and sneakily that I never saw losing custody coming. He then took me for child support and we agreed on a private arrangement. I was on unemployment and when that ran out he ran to the enforcement office. He never had to justify why he felt I owed an absurd amount of money. But they held me to that amount as if I am a criminal. Recently, though I have been paying, they froze my account without notifying me for the amount he said I was behind for. That was nearly 3 weeks ago. The money owed in arrears is sitting in my account and they have not taken it out nor released my account. But they are still holding me accountable for payments they know I cannot make since they froze my money. Now they are suspending my licence for not paying arrears. which is in my frozen account. Please tell me how it is fair to my children. I have no recourse but I have a six year old who is crying since I cannot pay to go to his birthday party. I also cannot even send them a Valentine's Day card because I have about one dollar in change. I cannot eat, pay rent, pick them up for visitations nor can I pay for meds I need or else I could die. But the crux is that all this money that they are holding wont go to my ex and my kids. NY will take roughly 50-60% of every dollar they receive from me. Which means my ex will be lucky if he get 600$ from them. Not all parents who get into issues with child support are doing so willingly. If your ex is having problems with child support but have paid you in the past, you may want to find out what the enforcement office is doing. I do understand that not all parents pay support either. But remember you are not dealing with the insane system that non custodial parents are. To the rest of the world we probably seem like dead beats. but dig into what happens when parents lose a job and fall behind, or how the system is allowed to violate 4th amendment constitutional rights. It is the most unjust system that needs reform and needs it immediately. You all should be pissed that an agency is allowed to take so much money for themselves and not pay you or your children the entire amount.

Liz 2 years ago

Here is what I deal with. The ex is making his payments because they come out of his check before he gets his check. The problem is that I will sometimes get it and sometimes not. I have called child support and asked where it is and I get the same answer all the time. we send it when we get it. well they are getting it. The ex showed me on his computer where the state has gotten the money, but yet I don't get it. I am not sure what is going on and can't seem to get some straight answers. Tired of doing everything that I am supposed to do and yet we get screwed.. There is not justices anymore. If you are poor and can't afford someone to fight for you then you get nothing but being left wondering why.

KiKi 2 years ago

I am very thankful that I came across this site. After 3 years I have become very discouraged and felt that I was the only person dealing with such an extremely irresponsible sperm donor. as been held in contempt two previous times on October 10, 2007, and January 2, 2013. We have been going back and forth to court since 2010. He inherited 1.2 million dollars after the unfortunate passing of his mother. Since then he has chosen to neglect his child support obligation. I have had to hire attorneys, spend thousands of dollars and miss several days of work only to get nowhere. During November of 2012, he finally was forced to produce income verification which documented that he had approximately 800 k in a trust fund. At that time, he agreed to pay a lump sum settlement in the amount of 20k to be paid in 5k increments (which was to be paid by May 2013). In addition, he was ordered to pay $750 a month in child support and maintain health insurance.

To date, he has made one lump sum payment in the amount of $5k and two child support payments. He currently owes $15,000 (settlement) plus $8,300 (SEA) for a total of 23,300 in back child support owed. He dropped our daughter's health insurance without any notice. I was made aware that she was without health insurance after taking her to the hospital. During the last hearings he has made claims that he is broke but agreed to pay his back child support upon selling his home. He sold his home in November 2013 for over $250 k but did not hold to his agreement. He owns and operates a bar in . I have witnessed him buying several cars, expensive jewelry, lavish wedding and vacations. Yet he isn't making an effort to pay not even $50 a month on a consistent basis.

I am a small business owner. Our child attends private school and is involved in several activities. She goes on vacations and lives a good life. He hasn't seen her in over one year by his own choice. So many times I have considered giving up and letting the cards fall where they may... I am tired of going to court. The principal of this matter is what I can't seem to get over. My daughter was her grandmothers first grandchild and they had a very close bond. He persuaded her to take my daughter out of her will and promised that he would be responsible in caring for her and his other children. He is the definition of a deadbeat parent but I know that this would not have been allowed if I were a welfare recipient. I am a tax payer and upstanding citizen... I accept responsibility that this is the person I chose to have a child by. But where does the system step in and hold him accountable? He has managed to drag things along for over 3 years and I don't understand how this has happened.

I am now addressing this issue on my own. I am emailed the prosecutor and am considering emailing the state rep and commisioner. I wondered if the magistrate would be able to read a letter. I have sent a letter to the judge who oversees the magistrate in the past, with no response. I don't want to jump ahead of myself in case the magistrate is just as fed up and willing to throw him in jail. But he has gotten away for so long that I am not hopeful. Meanwhile, he does not appear concerned and basically says that the support isn't going anywhere. He expects our daughter to be happy that he is having a child with his wife. It is all so ridiculous. BUT GOD... I don't know if it is of GOD'S will for me to continue to try to fight a battle that I should put in his hands. I just want him to be held accountable and honestly I believe that jail time would be suitable and may do some good.

DISGUSTEDONE 2 years ago

Riverside county child support services has stolenebezzled lied tampered with and lost 800,000 files on.a data transfer from.IBM to Colorado.My file with data was among those fikes.My.support account has been being tampered with and money has gone missing by the thousands.I have reported this to the FBI FRAUD DIV state and county the DA office news channels attorneys anyone that i could find to hear me.The system has failed in protecting my.children and they lie cheat steal embezzle and tell me the custodial parent that if i don't agree to close the case!? i have turned in Sacramento Temecula dpss Lake Elsinore Gain employess that all have had hands on this account that the NCP has now been let to grossly accrue 42,000 dollars for 15 years never paying all and never complying with court orders and when money is found someone steals it away tampers with the amountsdispersed and collected amd owed and nobody seems to care that i print proof before and after totals very important to keep track of because those totals never match what's paid and dispersed .Recently i just caught thousands of dollars on differences and they sent me paperwork to file to have the case audited which could mean a reduction in support so i have no choice but to let this continue .I will not stop i will take this to every mews station and air this dirty laundry .It is gross negligence on the states part to ever let anyone accrue 42,000 dollars of unpaid child support and not collect it for the.children .I

see how many of us have this issue with the departments and we have to take this to everyone to hear us !! Audit every account that's been one of those " lost files " almost a million people have fallen victim to of child support fraud embezzlement within.the system this is a very serious situation and this needs to be addressed immediately!!!

hahajordan 2 years ago

South Carolina has integrated child support services, where the agencies combined their resources and created a hub for routing needs to resources. I'm appalled at the lack of efficiency in these programs. These are county or state employees with state health plans, government holidays, state retirements working at their state backed programs and not a clue on how to answer a phone inquiry or return an email. I'm ready to send a letter to the governor myself. The state of South Carolina would prefer to keep the responsible parties, the non custodial parents, responsible instead of granting denial of parental rights. The program works to fill the pockets of people that look good on paper for having a program like this in their county or the non custodial parent who gets to keep the money in their pockets after dodging poor attempts to collect from an ill equipped enforcement agency. A program does exist to help mothers like me but I don't see the benefits. 36K in unpaid support. I'll continue to do raise my kids without the help of your programs.

Desiree 2 years ago

My story is very similar. This is a system FAIL. But it doesn't just go for cs, my ex has received 2 dwi's within 3 years and I can't even get his visitation reduced let alone have the courts been successful with getting him to follow any order and yet, the man walks around free as a bird, frequents bars and pricey restraunts, while I am trying to figure out how to pay for my son's school supplies... We need to join forces ladies- let's make some noise that will be heard.

debbie 2 years ago

i have a story mine is going on for the past 10 years I feel like I hit brick walls and nothing happens this system has failed me and my children for the past 10 years I was married to my x for 12 years we have 3 children together my daughter is 21 other daughter is 17 my son is now 13 he left us 10 years ago we were living in a nice house drove nice cars I had everything until I found out he was cheating I threw him out he moved in with the girlfriend who was 10 years younger and just wanted his money and didn't want nothing to do with my children so there fore he left my kids didn't see them had no contact with them he was court ordered to pay all the bills for our home mortage utilities car payment insurance etc and also pay me 400 a week for child support so I can live in our home with our children since my x was the sole provider and I was a stay at home mom well 9 months later after he was court ordered numerous of times to pay all the bills in the home I lost my home car paid over 10,000 to lawyers my x lives in new York owns multiple construction companies is doing very well for himself he was always behind in his child support payments I would beg child enforcement agency to please obtain some of these arrears at that point it was 57,000 in arrears what did they do nothing kept telling me they can do this they can do that and nothing ever happened recently I just found out that my x was arrested and convicted of extortion and racketerring charges he is now on federal probation and still never ever complys with court orders he has arrears that I lost track of because it makes me sick of how his lifestyle is and he don't pay child support I have been raising my 3 children for the past 10 years alone with no help from him or new jersey child support it is a disgrace how the workers at child support enforcement gets paid to do absolutely nothing all I end up with over these past 10 years is files of court orders that he never complied to ,arrears,and lawyer fees that I cant afford which he was court ordered to pay my lawyer 15,000 and never did its a shame how dead beat dads get away with everything !!! im so frustrated with the system in new jersey

Loria Gill 2 years ago

Add me on fb my name is Loria and I'm going through a civil law suit against these bastards, have my own fb page and it doesn't end here, it'll go on until your child turns age of majority, then they'll call you and forcibly CLOSE YOUR CASE TO GET THE BIGGER NUMBERS OF THEIR BOOKS!!! childsupportservicesdoyoujob

Momma bear 2 years ago

Reading these stories from the past four years is crazy!!! The "system" is beyond broken. My story goes for ten years as well and involves crazy somes of money, multiple attorneys, and four small children. Knowing the mindset of these people, and how powerless they are should give us all some much needed peace. I well know that there is many sleepless nights still involved when you are trying to take care of your kids. I know my case will drag out for many years to come, but I just made the promise to myself to not let this "be" our lives, because you know that is exactly what these deadbeat dads would relish in! Fight with all your might but don't let it steal any precious time you have with your kids! Find an attorney that is experienced in dealing with not just support cases, but cases involving the type of person your ex is. Get to know your local judicial system and how they operate in most instances. Also when we are close to reelection time, and you are not getting the help you need, address the media. Use specific names of elected officials and plead with them as to the urgency of your case.

Mamma Bear TOO 2 years ago

I have the blessing of a good Family Law Attorney, a Judgment awarding support and filed early with the Dept. of Child Support Services in CA. I was able to hire an expensive Forensic Accountant who testified at trial and filed reports that my husband has assets over $8 million dollars and cash flow to support the Court's order of child support. But my husband continues to pay less than half of what the Court Ordered. Of course he is unemployed. He has bank accounts - I provided the names and numbers to the Dept. of CSS -- they do nothing. Its been 9 months since the Order and still he pays what he wants to pay. So even if you have the money to hire the right people the process fails. It is another level of spousal and child abuse -- controlling us financially - making sure we have worry and stress. He cannot get close enough to me to hit or push -- but he can sure cause me a lot of sleepless nights, worry and pain trying to figure out which bill to pay this month.

Anonymous Mother9 2 years ago

I have a few words to say and would love to help, but im going to be driving right now, I just wanted to say, you're not alone hun. Be back later for some advise and maybe help some of you out.

Thanks ladies and gents...

Anonymous Mother-

Anonymous MomWI 2 years ago

I have been reading all these posts and my story is the same! This system is ridiculous. There's a lot more back story than I can share here. I agree that the child has to come first, but who's going to pay for that? I have two kids eight years apart, with different fathers and both fathers are worthless. By the way this is going on in two separate counties. Neither one of them have to pay their court ordered support. My first child's father didn't pay a dime until she was four, then when he does pay its not the amount ordered. She's going to be eleven and he is still behind $10,000.00. My second child's father and I are still going through the process but after two months they haven't set an amount because I was employed and now laid off. They keep asking when I'm going back to work so they can calculate properly. Really? I was supporting both my kids without help now I'm laid off and they're worried that he might have to pay a little bit more until I'm working again. Not to mention he lives with his parents and doesn't pay rent, electric, food, cell phone etc. while I'm trying to pay my mortgage and buy groceries from my unemployment checks. They have to make things fair. Alright then why doesn't he have to get his own place and pay bills like I do? They say a child needs two parents to be happy and stable. My first child has no contact with the father and she's a straight "A" student who plays violin, on the right path. My second child has to see his father every weekend. He has was potty trained but lapsed into daytime accidents and bedwetting. He comes home and has tantrums hitting people and throwing things. At least 3 nights a week he won't eat. Is this really good for him? To be pulled apart all the time, back and forth between two different households and lifestyles. Children need stability, routine, outlets for their feelings. We wonder why kids take guns to school. I understand that the other parent has rights too and that the children should be involved with them but at what cost to our children's psychological well being? Both parent made the child they are responsible for the child...IF YOU DON'T WANT TO PAY THEN GO AWAY!!

Just another father 2 years ago

My ex divorce me because she felt out of love. I get that, but I also think "Divorce" is the easy way out for the mother but not for the father. See she has been filled up with the ideas, even about we will make him pay for your lawyers fees.

So here it is, divorce him and take everything away from him, hit him where it hurts, take the kids away from him, accuse him of vilolence(even if you din't kill a fly) lie about everything that could help your case...bla bla bla, keep in mind that I work and she never did, just live out of me, but it is ok, it is the way it use to be (it worked), now it is broken and extremely bias for the mother. They have some how bend all the rules they figure out how to play the victim at court and judges are talked into this pain and agony (which is BS) ones they acomplish that using the system on their favor, they abandon the kids.

Only at the time you realized, your house is gone, your car is gone and you are literaly on the street, but know you have to take care of the kid ssounds familiar to anyone.

So here we have a bunch of mom's complaining about how broken CSS is but thry only see their side wich is natural, but how many mom's owe Child Support have you meet lately...I know provably non, I wonder, if it is more mom's divorcing dad's, than dad's divorcing mom's I bet is a fact, seeif a dad divorce a mom, child support is set base apon standars, he doesn't ask Court to force mom to pay for the Court fee's, and more lickely will see the kids 50% for two reason , he want to be involved with his kids and doesn't want to pay CS. then move on with life.

A mom divorce a dada, and she will try to get as much money as she can, use the kids and fals acusations against the dad, the get more money, and at thr end the system help this situation...

It should be, mandatory 50% visitation, the kids have the right to see both parent's, if the mom never worked it is not dad fault if she become broke, have her get a job like everybody else not let her become a litch, if she doesn't make the same amount of money it is not the dad fault, see she has been told we will male him pay Alimony and child support so you don't have to work, what kind of advice is this....simple lawyers abusing thr system to make more money, not to find balance for the divorcees.

So to all divorce mom's out there, stop being lazy and get a job, go to school when the kids are with your ex (50%) and work hard and smart like your ex does.

To all divorce dad's keep at it, soon she will marry sombody els and eventually all this will end, that is if you don't have 2 hert attacks for the stree and die before...

CSS should help ex/parents find a balance and agreement not just enforce charging either side...be fair and balance.

Julia w. 2 years ago

I live in Oklahoma and I wish I could hire an attorney but cant find one brave enough to stand up for whats right. I went from being pta mom of the year for 5 years in a row to a felon. After an accident that left me in a wheelchair for 11 months,almost killed me with a pulmonary embolism and left me disabled my life was destroyed along with my faith in society as well. As if it wasnt hard enough coping with a shattered leg and damaged spine I was faced with the reality that due to no insurance I wasnt worth saving. It took 3 trips to the hospital for the blood clot in my lung. As I was finally learning to walk again I lost my father and soon after found out that my husband was using heavy drugs. He walked out rather than go to rehab,thos were his only options. I was an over doting wife who kept an emaculate home,great chef,loving mommy and wife and we even had a great sex life. I practically lived at the school my children attended. I subbed for many of the teachers whod call me personally,I did the art program,donations chairperson(25000 checks id get donated),plays,6th grade graduation I loved it all. I was a good woman. Drugs stole him and my life away. 10 years with no child support stole my self respect,our home everything. I would hand deliver his w2s to their office and they did nothing. I had no car and I walked to every nearby place begging for work. I was told I was a liability. I was waiting to hear back from social security and after filing a complaint against the DAs office I was penalized and only given half the amount from dhs. $200 per month for me to take care of 3 kids. I collected cans I sold everything I owned and when I was faced with losing our home I even sold things Im to ashamed to say,not my body tho. I was not good at being a criminal tho and for the first time ever in my life went to jail. I never even had been pulled over before. We were homeless for 6 months. I had my kids stay with my mom and I was in my car. Punishment for beig a failure and needing more pain so Id stay angry and motivated. I woke up on thanksgiving day and it was so cold in my car I couldnt feel my legs anymore. I fought harder,I finally got SSI and we got a new house and we did it by ourselves. We struggled but we did it. A month aftr my youngest turned 18 they sent paperwork to the address on the W2s I again sent them the beginning of the year and finally after 10 years and all of my kids being over 18 the DA went to court for the very first and the only time to get the states 200 a month back. They even lied about my income and my sons age to get a higher payment per month. They are the criminals and I take comfort in knowing theres a special place in hell for them.

chris d 23 months ago

I have read every post on hear and all I can say to the custodial parents is keep your head up. My story is polar opposite of most of these. I filed for divorce in 2010 in Illinois and my now ex-wife wanted to move back to NY to be closer to her family with my children. As we were on good terms at time and I wanted the children to have the most family support possible I agreed to letting them move. My exwife had not worked in over eight years and this was one of the major causes of the divorce and ultimately bankruptcy and losing everything. From the time they moved to NY I paid $400 a month and never missed a payment even though I left my job and moved to NY making allot less just to be near my children. When I arrived in NY the games started.... she began blocking my and my family's phone numbers and not allowing to see my children. I even took her court with a police report in which she stated she did it to make my life miserable but the judge just told her to stop and that was it. This continued the two years I was in NY. To back track a bit I'm a US ARMY VET who was separated from the military due to health problems which have been with me since 2002. Now in our divorce decree we agreed that if I was to become unemployed child support would stop. This was due to my health conditions so fast forward. I've been in NY 2 years and not seeing my kids but still paying. I go into the hospital in 2014 and an diagnosed with a severe lung disease and this prevents me from working. So per our order child support stops and she immediately contacts me so I explain whats happening but tell her once my disability pay starts I will continue to pay. Soon after I'm served court papers and support hearings start in Lyons Ny and at this point I'm living with my mother in St.Louis with no income. The support magistrate Deborah Gerber Farber orders support of $635 plus 60%child care and medical expenses. The support magistrate says I'm not disabled because I receive VA DISABILTY not SSI or SSD and throws out out divorce decree, which is againt NY LAW. I am paying $1115 without the medical and my only source of income is VA DISABILITY amount of $1400. My exwife and her friend made a contract for daycare at a astronomical amount and since I can't prove is fraud I'm stuck. I am also ordered to pay from transportation for visitation which means no money / no kids. It also helps her that her parents are loaded and bought the best lawyer they could, while I'm stuck a public defender. What a system..........one that allows a support magistrate to blatantly disregard New York state law.

DawtieDawn 16 months ago

I can't believe I found this page. It's Time we all take stand. My ex owes $23,000 in arrears. My son is now in college. It took 14 years for me to even get him in court. Then in court, I find out he's making $3,500 a month! Single, no other children. He has started to play the system. They will not revoke probation until he he has not made a payment in 3 consecutive months. And he's playing the game. I'm on disability myself. He works under the table and gets away with everything. The last time I called CCS, I filed a complaint because she was so rude. I got a call back the next day, saying the lady followed protocol abd CCS did not represent me or the other parent so I was free to hire an attorney if that would make me happier. I just want justice. He's under an obligation, in arrears, and on probation. He should have no 3 month right. He's never even seen his son since he was 2. Which is a blessing in disguise. It is time for us all to stand up and fight!

Mary Ann T from Orange County CA 13 months ago

Well I have the same story as the writer from the article. I filed for divorce in 2012 after 18 years of marriage and 3 young children. He repeatedly told me via texts and other modes of communication that he would do everything in his power to render me and the children homeless and penniless. Two therapists told me I was married to a sociopath, a narcissist, and a pathological liar. I tried to mediate for 6 months for the sake of the children and to save money only to have my ex and his parents try to hide the family business from the court system (he has a cash based business). So I hired an attorney, We sold our home through the divorce, and the court battle begun, me with a high powered attorney and my ex representing himself. Flash forward to today, 3 years later and I am divorced as of Dec 2013. In July of 2014 The judge ruled in my favor on all 15 counts/rulings. I was awarded fair and just child support and alimony . He lost his pants in fines imposed by the judge for perjury. He even committed a felony by collecting unemployment while owning and operating his own corporation (which he is currently doing again). He never followed any court ordered rulings handed down by the judge. After 3 years in the court system and $200,000 later in attorney fees I do not and have not received support payments. He owes me over $200,000 in arrears ($140,000 of that is support). I no longer have the funds to fight with an attorney. I have been through DCSS who promised me that they would help and after 7 months they walked into court and said "we cannot help this woman because he is not cooperating with us". The children and I have moved 4 times in the last 2 years. I work full time, but after being a stay at home mom for 12 years, my income is not enough to support all of us. This is the typical story. You hear it all the time. The story of a self employed man ( ALP, All Leak Plumbing & Restoration) who makes over $200,000/year in a cash based business, thus hiding all his income with the help of his family and new wife, not just from me and the courts, but from the IRS and Franchise state tax board. He lives a lavish lifestyle. Trips twice a month, $3500/mo rental, Harley Davidson purchases, motor bike purchases, wedding rings for his new wife, etc, etc.....SO TELL ME WHAT GOOD IS THE COURT SYSTEM? WHERE IS THE JUSTICE? WHY DID I FIGHT FOR MY CHILDREN? IT'S GREAT THE JUDGE SAW HIS CRIMINAL WAYS AND HANDED DOWN THE PROPER ORDER, BUT WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO ME IF THE COURTS ARE NOT GOING TO ENFORCE IT!!!!!! THE SYSTEM DOES NOT HELP THE VICTIMS, THE WOMEN, THE CHILDREN. IT ONLY PROTECTS THE SUM-BAGS LIKE MY EX WHO PLAY THE SYSTEM.THIS COUNTRY AND IT'S COURT SYSTEM IS A CLUSTER-FUCK! Tim Thornton, may you and your parents, Karen and Steve, one day get what you deserve, and when that day comes, I will sit back and enjoy the show.

Randi 12 months ago

I am in the same boat! Although mine is only a year behind and is not ordered much so only about 3k behind...but I refuse to allow it to get as high as I see it has for other people! I live in California. My question is has anyone filed a formal complaint? Also has anyone requested a state hearing?? I am filing my formal compliant this week and Im sure I will have to request a state hearing after. ....any insight on these processes?

lost in arrears 9 months ago

I am a single mom of 1 now my child is 19 and my ex is 150,000 dollars in arrears and have run around the system for years and I am so tired of this bs. All I know is I am sick of the child support system doesn't work and that life goes on beyond child support and that I will never see what he owes me

Jessica 5 months ago


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