When Is A Cupcake Not A Cupcake?

Better Wipe That Smile Off Your Cupcake

From The Desk Of The Absurd

First of all, Merry Christmas to one and all on this most holy of days and peace on earth and good will toward men. The question at hand is when is a cupcake not a cupcake and suddenly it is a weapon of terrorism? Two separate things about the TSA caught my attention yesterday about this agency and the continued deterioration of our civil liberties. The first was the possibility of Congress providing additional funding so the TSA can increase their VIPR teams by 12 to the existing number of 25. These VIPR teams have nothing to do with airport security by the way. Their function is to man checkpoints on highways, in bus and train terminals, sporting events and some have even been observed at high school prom nights.

So the agency wants an additional $24 million in addition to the $110 million allocated for this sort of nonsense that was funded in 2011. Heap that on top of the $5 billion that the rent-a-cops get to spend harassing the traveling public and airports and you should get a good snapshot of the TSA. So lets just add more? Are we gravitating toward a police state. Before they even allocate one skinny penny more toward the 25 teams in existence, much less add 12 additional do nothings to the equation, it seems to me that the TSA should provide some form of proof that these roving bands of viper teams have foiled any terrorist activities what-so-ever or have added to the public safety factor which they claim as their legacy.

The next thing I came across was the terrorist cupcakes and that's so far off the cliff that it gave me pause to think about just what the hell is going on in this nation. Orwellian is Orwellian and Big Brother is a reality. Is that what the people of this nation really want as a societal structure?

It seems that a woman who was traveling from Boston's Logan airport was given a send off by a friend with two cupcakes as a going away present. Somehow she was able to get past the Rent-A-Cop security checkpoint at Logan with these dangerous instruments of terrorism and she consumed one of the delicacies on her way to Las Vegas and decided to save the remaining terrorist treat for her return journey to Boston. Please understand that I can't make up stuff like this and what happened next is the absolute truth.

Rebecca Hains, the perpetrator of this dire "security threat" was pulled to the side by TSA personnel in Las Vegas and her cupcake was confiscated because the little morsel's "gel-like" substance was deemed to be a "security threat." My theory is that the rent-a-cop in question had the munchies. Maybe if she hadn't eaten one of the threats on the way out there she'd be looking at the outside world through bars as I write this. Here's a video for your viewing pleasure that a Boston TV station aired about the incident.

Killer Cupcakes? You Make The Call...

As usual, when the TSA steps on the old wanger they have a spokesperson appear to perform the customary tap dance about how, or maybe why, things have happened that should never have happened in the first place. In this case it came in the form of TSA spokesman James Fotenos who had this to say, "In general, cakes and pies are allowed in carry-on luggage." He added that the agency was looking into why this particular cupcake was confiscated. I'd suggest that they check the body fat content of the idiot who confiscated said terrorist threat in the first place.

The maker of said threat, Wicked Good Cupcakes, was contacted by Ms. Hains about the incident and they graciously are sending her a new batch at no cost to her. Rumor has it that their business has been booming since the incident hit the local airwaves. Maybe there was a tag with the word "wicked" on the perpetrator (the cupcake not Rebecca) that set off the alarm bells in the former McDonald's employee's brain who now wears a rent-a-cop badge. Who really knows?

But rest easy my fellow countrymen. The airports are now a much safer place. As a spokesperson for Wicked Cupcakes observed, "At least we're a tasty, terrorist threat." I suppose so. All they need to do is ask the dummy who confiscated that tasty morsel. I reckon somewhere along the line that the evidence got consumed somewhere along the chain of custody.

I'm just sayin...

As Always,

The Frog Prince

Warning: No sooner had I published this and it was settling than this hit my mailbox. Chocolate cake now? Those must be some hungry critters manning those security check points. Read the link below to see what the latest allegation is.

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Comments 33 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

The TSA must use all the confiscated "threats" at their own holiday parties. Cupcakes, wine, shampoo, lighters, machetes, hand grenades, Cuban cigars and on and on we go. Merry Christmas Frog and stay away from the airport!

Stu 5 years ago

I think we're approaching the point of insanity. Killer cupcakes? Maybe the "Wicked" in the brand name was the issue. I shudder to think what would happen if I tried to carry a Power Bar on board.

Regarding the VIPR stops, these are illegal. Under the law, a policeman can only detain a person under one of three conditions:

(1) Reasonable Suspicion - On site questioning to determine whether to request an arrest warrant when suspicious behavior indicates the person may have committed a crime.

(2) Reasonable Cause - Executing an arrest after receiving a warrant from a judge.

(3) Exigency - A policeman arrests a person observed in the act of committing a crime.

Random "stop and question" tactics are not legal; the policeman must at minimum have reasonable suspicion that the person stopped has committed a crime.

Another issue is jurisdiction. TSA agents are federal employees. They have no legal power in regard to matters that are not interstate (with some rare exceptions, such as assassination attempts on the President). Even the TSA's duties at airports can be questioned in respect to intra-state flights.

Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 5 years ago from Rural Arizona

FP - This TSA employee was most likely vying for the Employee of the Year award that is still to be handed out. This award is based on which employee gets the biggest headline and news coverage for the most stupid decision possible. He will no doubt be the winner of this years award.

It would be interesting to know what the financial impact on the airline industry has been due to these TSA idiots. I know I will not fly at all anymore if there is any other way to get there. What we see now is just the beginning. This agency will spread to bus's and train's under the umbrella of National Security, and one day highway check points will appear. This will become a National Police Force with much greater power and less restrictions than State or Local Police are forced to operate under.

I haven't seen any figures on what the growth rate of this TSA agency is, and not sure they are even available for us to see. I would bet this agency is growing in numbers at a rapid rate.

OK, enough dumb theories from me today. Merry Christmas to all my Hub buddies.

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

BPOP - You may be onto something. I've often wondered what they do with all the stuff they confiscate. I'd bet dollars to donuts that it finds its way home with the rent-a-cops.

Stu - It seems like the 4th Amendment has been totally disregarded in our country. Then the left screams about racial profiling while remaining mute on this nonsense that the TSA pulls in the name of security?

Mike - They just passed a provision in the latest defense authorization that gives the feds the right to arrest an American citizen without cause and hold them in detention indefinitely. The VIPR teams are already sprinkled across this nation doing exactly what you said regarding train and bus stations. And the TSA wants to expand what isn't really lawful according to the 4th Amendment in the first place. There is much more below the surface than what I wrote here.

Merry Christmas America. Big Brother is growing larger and is watching.

The Frog

stclairjack profile image

stclairjack 5 years ago from middle of freekin nowhere,... the sticks

the catchy little phrase comes to mind,... "just because you put a cute little shirt over your muffin top does not make you a cup cake"

given the season i wish it had been a fruit cake,.... deffending national security might have been more realistic if it had been a fruit cake.

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

jack - Being a fruit cake must be one of the criteria to work for the TSA. Ya think?

anjegirl profile image

anjegirl 5 years ago from Myrtle Beach,SC

I can't believe no one noticed how funny you made this--I like it when we make it funny--but I have a couple of questions and a comment--Did the VIPR get their own CZAR or will they be governed by one of the 98CZAR's that Obama already has---or do they use the one that governs the TSA--which CZAR will they use---do they know they need a CZAR---or that they are entitled to have a CZAR---

And STU-- I love ya, man but tell those things to a black man in the Hood or a latino man in the Barrio or to an Arab man at the airport, like anywhere in the world---I have been stopped and questioned by cops lots of times when I had other ppls. little "former" gangbanger kids with me---it happens a lot in spite of the fact that I look Swedish and the fact that there are laws against profiling-- One afternoon in Vegas where I had a dozen former Mexican Mafia kids living with me, I locked the keys in my car and knowing Willow was the car thief in the group and that we were in a hurry, I didn't take the time to call AAA, but I told Willow to break into my Suburban for me without messing it up-- and I told the two or three merchants stores that I was parked in front of that it was my car and showed them my license so they would not call the police and yet, 15 merchants called the police and we had guns drawn on us and I was nearly shot reaching for my drivers license and it is common in America for cops and anyone else in law enforcement to stop and question anyone they want to on our streets and in our airports and if this happens to you I would not recommend you start with "those" four things--just sayin---it could be misconstrued as back talk and I am sure there is a CZAR for that---right? Love to all--Analise

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

anje - Your on a roll today babe! The VIPR is under the control of Janet Napilatano. Scary thought just by itself.

The Frog

anjegirl profile image

anjegirl 5 years ago from Myrtle Beach,SC

Really, I thought she left with Lady Clinton and her lover and our first ever lesbian FBI CZAR (janet reno)--I thought all those girls were like a pkg. deal and that they all left together---maybe it's because I can't look at janet napalitano---so I thought she left with her friends---i can't look at Bill Clinton either and I never thought he was cute like too many of the women that voted for or slept with him---I can't look at Obama either without seeing a cigarette hanging out of his mouth--there have been many politicians over the years I cannot look at---some of them I worked with--awkward--should we tell the VIPR that they could get a CZAR and that everyone else has one?

I get these girls all mixed up--not any of the amazing conservative women in DC--but that little group that Hillary brought to DC to play with while Bill was playing in the Garden with Barbra Streisand--or maybe Barbra Streisand was with Hillary and her lover and janet and the other janet--this is about to confuse me

Mary in Minnesota 5 years ago

Merry Christmas Jim and to everyon else. I am totally sick righ now. Have the shakes real bad, can't get warm enogh, and have been upchucking alot, plus I picked up a cold from someone... nice Christmas eh? So as of now, I don't care about cooking up the ham and making the pies.

My Christmas meal may end up being yogurt, bananas, and apples. Off to bed again, later gator.

Your article was great Jim, but I can't comment any further than that because there is a bad fog over my brain.

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Mary - There is a flu bug going around and it seems it might have snuggled up close to you. Rest, sleep and relax as much as you can. I feel your misery from here.

Merry Christmas my dear and get well soon.

The Frog

vrajavala profile image

vrajavala 5 years ago from Port St. Lucie

The TSA is simply trying to put the airlines out of business. Who wants to fly anymore?

I'm glad I got my traveling in when I was younger.

I would never travel now.

moonstruck4ever profile image

moonstruck4ever 5 years ago from somewhere in upstate New York

I will avoid flying at all costs. It's been this way for me for many years now. These TSA people are dolts and idjits.

Big Brother indeed.

This is absolutely frightening to me.

I have asked many people, and a lot of them indicated to me that they don't mind the "intrusions" because it means they are "safe". Hard to believe huh? ugh!

trimar7 profile image

trimar7 5 years ago from New York

Frog Prince - it must be the year for cupcake gifts. My student gave me a cupcake ornament and a cupcake cutting board for Christmas. Mine was not even confiscated.

I am not sure what the answer is to our flying safety issues. I would rather they were over cautious than not cautious enough but this seems to be a bit overboard.

profile image

Ghost32 5 years ago

Frog, I was married to a terrorist cupcake once--and believe me, I could have used the TSA to defuse the situation.

Still haven't understood why we're still putting up with this.

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

trimar - My answer to the issue is not to fly at all. The TSA has not yet foiled one terrorist plot or even come close. Airport security can be more cost efficiently be turned over to the private sector and produce the same, if not better, results.

Fred - We seem to be "putting up with" too many things that Big Brother has determined that it is in our best interests to put up with.

The Frog

profile image

Lynn S. Murphy 5 years ago

Sadly, everyone "adjusts" to these infractions on our civil rights, especially if you want to get to your destination. The gov't defense is that nothing has happened since 9.11 - we kept you safe, on the other hand, who keeps us safe from the gov't and their knee jerk reactions to everything. The terrorists have to be laughing themselves silly, because its my scary blond self that gets "carded" and not them.

Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 5 years ago from Rural Arizona

I'm sure terrorists all over the world are having a great laugh over what we must endure to fly from Point A to Point B within the borders of our own country. Is there any official reports of the TSA actually discovering something that stopped a terrorist attack? If it happened it is most likely Classified Information, but I really doubt it ever happened.

Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Common sense is becoming ever more endangered. I am speechless.

Springboard profile image

Springboard 5 years ago from Wisconsin

As much as I am FOR many things that we are doing to keep our country safe, this is one area where I think we probably do take things a little too far. That said, I can't help but think that sometimes we also take for granted the simple things that can cause more trouble than we think they can. Guns, for example, may not have made it through a checkpoint BEFORE 911. But boxcutters certainly could and DID. And I wonder how ridiculous we may have thought that someone might possibly take down a plane with a mere boxcutter before someone actually DID, and sent our nation into a very dangerous time?

It's silly, the cupcake story. Still, we need to be careful here before we also jump at what looks to be ridiculous. Necessity is the mother of all invention, and these guys who wish to bring us down are simply looking for things that are not so obvious to get that accomplished. Who in the hell knows what that may be? But I'm sure it won't look like a bomb, and may very well be something as seemingly benign as a cupcake.

FitnezzJim profile image

FitnezzJim 5 years ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

The fruitcake comment is hilarious. Imagine a spokesman for TSA saying 'We don't confiscate fruitcakes, we hire them.'

drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Beware those folks who work for the TSA,

They are subject to the munchies.

Do not travel with your cupcakes

Or anything else tasty and crunchy.

anjegirl profile image

anjegirl 5 years ago from Myrtle Beach,SC

The first thing I saw when I watched the video, was the fact that metal spoons are not allowed in airports, nor are metal knives---even in their kitchens---and I also thought that if you threw that jar and hit someone in the head that it could kill them in an instant LMAO

anjegirl profile image

anjegirl 5 years ago from Myrtle Beach,SC

Ghost that is the funniest comment ever and I TOTALLY agree with Frog that this should be run by private enterprise--who is the candidate for the highest office in the land who will dismantle most of the government run messes and privatize them---I am so down to vote for that candidate but no one has emerged in my lifetime who fits that bill except for Jesse Ventura and because of the government atrocities he has exposed he can't live here anymore---if you are too Patriotic you will be banished from America forever--Privatize America---good campaign slogan---right??

thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 5 years ago from West Virginia

Frog, great article. I hadn't heard anything about this. It blows my mind. I have flew a few times, but my last trip was literally my "last". This doesn't surprise me at all. Hard to believe I would rather drive to AZ from the east coast then fly. Point noted.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

You don't have to worry about these teams showing up at polling places,Jim...the Black Panthers have that beat covered and we apparently don't give a damn as to who shows up to vote either. It is the one place in America that you can rest easy about having to identify yourself. WB

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Wayne - Part of that I addressed in my last Hub. LOL


Happy New Year to you and the Missus.

The Frog

Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 5 years ago from Rural Arizona

Now here's a new conspiracy theory for you. As mentioned in comments above, many of us would now much prefer driving over flying because of the TSA. What if, and just a what if,the oil companies were behind writing stupid policies for the TSA to discourage us from flying. As more and more of us decide to drive to our destination, the demand for gasoline goes up and the gas prices go up with it?

Think about it, this could be the new conspiracy theory for 2012.

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

OP - Eventually I reckon "the shoe leather express" might be our preferred means of transportation :)

The Frog

poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

OK, this makes no sense at all. How can he announce he is going to cut the military budget by millions when we so obviously need to be strong right now but yet he feels the need to up the cupcake police? Do we see the contradiction here? Police state is a good term to describe what we stand on the edge of, for sure.

I can’t resist hopping on Old Poolman’s conspiracy theory roll here. What if they don’t want any food not in baggage because they need people to eat the food served in flight? Perhaps said food in flight contains a drug that works on the frontal lobe making one more susceptible to subliminal programming that all passengers will then be exposed to via the in flight movie, magazines, and announcements. I’m not saying in any way this is a serious theory, I just couldn’t resist after reading the Poolman’s comment. And now that I think about it, it could happen!

You know I vote and this was is up all the way!

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

poetvix - "Cupcake Police?" That has me chuckling. What Obama wants to do with the military is not good. A cutback in national defense to allow him to spend more money on his "social justice" agenda is way too transparent.

The Frog

poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

Yes sir, transparent is the word. In my opinion, everything he has done has weakend America. Print money like it's flyers for a rave equals lowering the dollars standing and worth. Forcing healthcare we don't want, at 70% of those polled mind you, will bankrupt us. His "panel" that will decide who is valuable to get what care will further decrease the numbers of elderly and no matter who agrees, we need them. They are the largest pool of common sense remaining to us. What about this craziness of the new legislation allowing for beastiality in the milirary? WTH? What kind of freaks does he want to entice to join? The budget cuts to the military equal us crippled in the face of a major sqab coming with Iran and we all see it. I could go on and on! Sheer insanity! America needs to wake up no matter how liberal. It's gone way past hope and change into police state, impending doom, and hello can you smell the stentch of the decay!

Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

Im portant information presented with a cup cake theroy. This make reading very palletable!

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