All About 'Suck-Up's' and 'Sucking-Up'

THIS IS THE GOAL OF 'SUCK-UPS':

MAKING GOOD OL' "HARVEY" THE BOSS, SUPERVISOR, OR OFFICE MANAGER WEAR A BEAMING SMILE OF HAPPINESS.
MAKING GOOD OL' "HARVEY" THE BOSS, SUPERVISOR, OR OFFICE MANAGER WEAR A BEAMING SMILE OF HAPPINESS.

MORE INFORMATION ABOUT 'SUCK-UPS'

PRETTY WOMEN LIKE THIS WOMAN DO NOT NEED THAT MUCH 'SUCKING UP' TO MEN BOSSES. THEY JUST SHOW UP, LOOK HOT AND BAM. A HEFTY RAISE.
PRETTY WOMEN LIKE THIS WOMAN DO NOT NEED THAT MUCH 'SUCKING UP' TO MEN BOSSES. THEY JUST SHOW UP, LOOK HOT AND BAM. A HEFTY RAISE.
THIS IS AN AWFUL PHOTO, BUT IT IS SYMBOLIC OF HOW HUMAN WORKERS 'LICK BUTTS' OF BOSSES TO GET AHEAD.
THIS IS AN AWFUL PHOTO, BUT IT IS SYMBOLIC OF HOW HUMAN WORKERS 'LICK BUTTS' OF BOSSES TO GET AHEAD.
'SUCK UP'S' ATTEND ALL OF THE SPORTS-MINDED BOSS' TRACK AND FIELD EVENTS AND CHEER WILDLY EVEN IF SHE COMES IN LAST.
'SUCK UP'S' ATTEND ALL OF THE SPORTS-MINDED BOSS' TRACK AND FIELD EVENTS AND CHEER WILDLY EVEN IF SHE COMES IN LAST.
EVEN GIRL EMPLOYEES CAN GET FAST PROMOTIONS BY KISSING THE GIRL MANAGER'S RUMP. THIS GIRL IS SHOWING HOW IT'S DONE.
EVEN GIRL EMPLOYEES CAN GET FAST PROMOTIONS BY KISSING THE GIRL MANAGER'S RUMP. THIS GIRL IS SHOWING HOW IT'S DONE.
THESE ARE 'LACKIES,' UNEDUCATED, DO MEAGER JOBS FOR IMPORTANT PEOPLE. 'SUCK UP'S' ARE A CUT ABOVE 'LACKIES.' KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
THESE ARE 'LACKIES,' UNEDUCATED, DO MEAGER JOBS FOR IMPORTANT PEOPLE. 'SUCK UP'S' ARE A CUT ABOVE 'LACKIES.' KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
THIS IS NOT A PHOTO OF 'SUCK-UPS,' BUT A GROUP OF ANGRY IRANIANS STOMPING AN IMAGE OF BARACK OBAMA. THIS IS NOT HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT AT THE BARGAINING TABLES.
THIS IS NOT A PHOTO OF 'SUCK-UPS,' BUT A GROUP OF ANGRY IRANIANS STOMPING AN IMAGE OF BARACK OBAMA. THIS IS NOT HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT AT THE BARGAINING TABLES.
NOTICE THE PHOTOGRAPHER IN BACKGROUND (WHO WORKS FOR MINIMUM WAGE) SHOWING THE MOVIE STAR THE RESPECT SHE IS PAYING FOR BY AGREEING WITH ALL SHE SAYS.
NOTICE THE PHOTOGRAPHER IN BACKGROUND (WHO WORKS FOR MINIMUM WAGE) SHOWING THE MOVIE STAR THE RESPECT SHE IS PAYING FOR BY AGREEING WITH ALL SHE SAYS.
YEAH, THAT'S IT, 'TOBY'! LAUGH AND LAUGH BIG AT ALL OF YOUR BOSS' JOKES. SOON YOU WILL BE HIS RIGHT-HAND MAN.
YEAH, THAT'S IT, 'TOBY'! LAUGH AND LAUGH BIG AT ALL OF YOUR BOSS' JOKES. SOON YOU WILL BE HIS RIGHT-HAND MAN.
A SMILING BOSS IS A HAPPY BOSS. AND A SMILING BOSS IS MADE POSSIBLE BY PROFESSIONAL 'SUCK-UPS' WHO SHOULD BE PROUD OF THE WORK THEY ARE DOING FOR OUR NATION'S COMMERCE.
A SMILING BOSS IS A HAPPY BOSS. AND A SMILING BOSS IS MADE POSSIBLE BY PROFESSIONAL 'SUCK-UPS' WHO SHOULD BE PROUD OF THE WORK THEY ARE DOING FOR OUR NATION'S COMMERCE.

A LOT OF CONFUSION

has attached itself to the people in our illustrious country over the years and it has been eating at me so much that I have to just speak out against the ill-willed acts and words done and spoken about a special group of workers called 'suck-up's.

I mean, and I'm being honest, we find reasons to protest against or for anyone or any group that suits our fancy in the United States, so why not stand up for 'suck-up's? 'Suck-up's are people with hearts, souls and feelings too. I think that it's high time for us as sensitive Americans to speak out against the verbal abuse that is being aimed at 'suck-up's. And the insensitive, cold-shouldering that most factory or office workers do to a 'suck-up' who is only trying to better him or herself. That's all. 'Suck-up's' are not trying to rule your world. And they are not out to take your wife away from you. Nor your home. They are trying to get over the super-high walls of misunderstanding that people such as "I" have built to protect myself and my country from the likes of a good-hearted 'suck-up.'

Actually, if you want to split hairs, 'suck-ups' border on the definition of being a minority in our country. Ahhh, yes. I am old enough to remember in my own working years when a 'suck-up' was feared, revered, and even respected for what he or she was doing to make themselves a better place in the workplace. But as in most minorities, 'suck-up's' had their fair share of suffering to get equal rights like those enjoyed by workers who are complacent. Never wanting a better position. Just 'following the herd' as another blind sheep clocking in and out five, and sometimes six days a week.

Not a professionally-trained 'suck-up.' They are not going to put up with just 'settling' for second-best. They are not going to be pushed-around by hard-nosed bosses who get a thrill from driving their employees like Eric "Gil Favor" Fleming and his drovers did on CBS' vintage western, "Rawhide." No sir. These 'suck-up's' know how to handle themselves under pressure and under fire from management. Question: Have you ever, in your working years, witnessed a 'suck-up' going without? Or not being promoted? If you answered 'no,' then I admire your honesty. Now in your case, "Mr. Honest American Worker," you played by the rules. Did the right thing. Never came in late even if you were sick. You took care of business. And left everyone around you alone. What did it get you? Were you ever promoted? Given huge raises? If no, then you, kind sir, are not a 'suck-up.'

It's an unspoken fact in the business sector that 'suck-up's' always get huge raises to go along with their fast-promotions. That's only fair. Why promote a man, even if he is a known 'suck-up' and not give him a raise? That is not "dealing with a square deck." And the 'suck-up's feelings might get hurt by the management's lack of attention to this check that stayed the same when he moved from the production department up to the cushy office of assistant manager. Do I prove my point?

Before I go any further, please allow me to 'school you' on 'suck-up's' and all that I know about them so you can be aware the next day you go to work of what a 'suck-up' looks like, acts like, and conducts his or herself in the workplace that you call 'home' five, maybe six tough days a week.

Just What Does a 'Suck-Up' Look Like?

'Suck-up's' if employed in a factory, does not wear anything that will single him or her out of the crowd. Plain work clothes is the wardrobe of an average 'suck-up.' So now you know what type of wardrobe they wear.

'Suck-up's' are always looking from side-to-side with their sharp, beady, serpent-like eyes. Their vision is sharp as a new straight-razor, buddy. They do not miss a trick. If they see something that they can do on their job to make THEM look good to the boss and without you seeing them, they WILL do it.

'Suck-up's' are not that loud when talking to common workers like you during lunch break. They talk and laugh it up just like an average man or woman, but be cautious. As cautious as you would around a Copper head snake. Do not talk freely around a 'suck-up,' for their minds are like sensitive taping systems that capture your words and they are relayed to the boss. Just practice thinking before speaking.

"But Kenneth," you protest. "I cannot turn a cold shoulder to my best pal, "Dick Shewster," and coworker at the plant. He is my closest friend." Well that is what you may think now. And you may be right about "Dick" being what he says he is. All I am asking is that you be SURE that the "Dick's" who work with you are not 'sucking-up' to you then 'sucking-up' to your boss using YOUR ideas. Now do I make sense?

Just How Do You Spot a 'Suck-Up'?

'Suck-up's,' and I am talking about the amateur, bush league, suck-up, will do things without thinking that will 'tip his hand' as a 'suck-up' in the office or factory.

What things you ask? Read this list and see if I do not know my 'suck-up's' or what?

SUCK-UP'S laugh at EVERY stupid joke the boss tells and they laugh loudly EVERY time the joke is told no matter if it's six times a day. The amateur 'suck-up' will all but roll in the floor which affects the psychological make-up of the boss' mind and suddenly, this "Dick Shewster," is your boss. And you never saw it coming.

SUCK-UP'S (female 'suck-up's) seemingly wear the most suggestive and near-provocative clothing in the office and act like the short skirt, sheer nylons, and high heels are just 'something she grabbed in her closet." No way. This girl is a dangerous woman. She can use her sharp and alluring female gifts to get ANY male boss' attention and then lay on her charm and get you transferred while her live-in lover, a bum if you want the truth, takes your job and gets himself a raise. And this female 'suck-up' will do the same with a female boss. She will agree with her on everything. And side with her even if it means hurting YOUR feelings. Face it. This female 'suck-up' is more dangerous than a terrorist.

SUCK-UP'S (talking about male 'suck-up's') will also wear suggestive clothing if he has a female boss. The female boss in most cases, secretly loves the idea of a good-looking guy in tight jeans and shirt doing all of her bidding. She loves it, but never shows it in front of you or other employees. And what powerful female boss wouldn't love the attention from a younger, sexy, well-built "stud" who wears expensive cologne such as POLO, and not what you get at Dollar General either. This male 'suck-up' is as powerful as his female 'suck-up' counterpart.

SUCK-UP'S (both male and female) are always (haven't you noticed?) having to have a "private" talk with the boss for some cock-a-Mamie reason such as, "My word-processor is making a terrible sound and the boss needs to be made aware of it," or some other hair-brained reason. While the male or female 'suck-up' is inside the boss' office, they "spill the beans" on things they have heard you and your coworkers say about the company at lunch or break time. Or when you complained openly about being cut thirty-bucks for the Save The Wild Pigeon Fund that you didn't agree to in the first place. The 'suck-up' in your office "volunteered" that piece of information to your Human Resources/Payroll Department to stay in-good with the higher-up's in the company.

What Do Most 'Suck-up's' Say When They Talk?

"Yes, sir," or "Yes, ma'am," to the boss no matter how senseless or ignorant the request.

"Tom will be glad to help with that project," talking about YOU as the man to work overtime for weeks on a project that the 'suck-up' thought up at home, or while having one of his many meals with the boss for which the 'suck-up' paid for with his own money.

"Say, Dick, you sure look down," a clever ploy to get you to open up about how you dread coming to work and how you have been passed-over for years for that inner-office promotion.

"Talk to me, buddy," another clever verbal tool used by most 'suck-up's' to get you to share intimate family problems with them so the 'suck-up' can run to the boss and tell them how unstable you are and that you need transferring to the India plant to keep plant morale up.

"Nice dress, Ms. Shewmaker," sorta like the "King of Suck-up's,' Ken "Eddie Haskell" Osmond used on the "Leave It to Beaver," program, this compliment is not really inappropriate since the compliment was made by a female 'suck-up.' A male 'suck-up' would say, "I was glad to lose to such a sharp golfer as you, boss," on Monday after the male 'suck-up' intentionally let the boss beat him in the game golf that the 'suck-up' planned for the boss and him on Friday. At no cost to the boss.

"I was the one with that brainstorm," when they were not. This is used to get the boss to favor them when promotions are up in the company. Didn't you know that most 'suck-up's' are born liars?

Other Things a 'Suck-up' Will Do to Gain Favor With The Boss

  • Always be the first to say hello and smile at the boss every morning.
  • Always be the one taking up a collection for the boss' niece who had her tonsils out.
  • Always being the first to applaud the boss' kids for being on the Runner-Up Softball Team.
  • Always open the door for the female boss.
  • Always give the male boss the best seat in the company cafeteria.
  • Always shows up at the boss' house when you and your family are invited to eat with the boss and his family.
  • Always looking over your shoulder to see your errors to put in a report to the boss.
  • Always patting you on the back, for show only, to keep you fooled that he or she is not a 'suck-up.'

Easy Ways to Protect Yourself From Any 'Suck-up'

  • Never talk openly about personal problems at work. Only tell those you trust.
  • Change the subject when a 'suck-up' gets within earshot of your conversation and always say, "I love Mr. Baxter. He is the best boss in the world!" Or, "I love NOT making good money. Good money is a tool of Satan."
  • If the 'suck-up' prods you for information, smile and say, "why do you need to know?"
  • Always smile (even though you do not mean it) at the 'suck-up' for over time, this gesture will drive him or her nuts.
  • Never leave a paper trail on your desk or computer at work. Delete all emails from friends or coworkers regularly. Who is to say that "Mr. or Ms. Suck-up," isn't staying over at work to just hack your computer for valuable information to use against you and to help them?
  • If the 'suck-up' pesters you to talk about the company, simply bow your head and say, "my religious beliefs do not permit me to talk ill of my company." And keep your mouth shut.

I truly believe that with this hub, I have helped to open a few eyes on the inner-most workings of the 'suck-up' and how they can harm you to your face in your workplace.


"I am truly grateful to have such a dedicated, warm, caring group of friends who deserve more than the BEST in their workdays. To me, you are all saints and special people who cannot be duplicated no matter how hard someone might try."


Oh and one last thing. I forgot to mention, with all the hard work I put into this piece, that another way you can tell a 'suck-up' from a regular person is that the 'suck-up' is always handing out sugary compliments when a simple 'thank you,' would have sufficed.


"Thank you." (Kenneth)




THESE ARE 'SUCK-UPS' IN TRAINING

BY USING ICE CREAM PUSH-UPS, WHICH BY ANY STANDARD ARE MORE TASTY THAN THE BACKSIDE OF THEIR FUTURE BOSSES.
BY USING ICE CREAM PUSH-UPS, WHICH BY ANY STANDARD ARE MORE TASTY THAN THE BACKSIDE OF THEIR FUTURE BOSSES.

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Comments 2 comments

TENKAY profile image

TENKAY 4 years ago from Philippines

hahaha, this is funny but it got some truth in it. I was almost destroyed by a "suck-up" few weeks back. Up to now my ego is still smarting by the result of her back-stabbing job. She is not even aware how near to destruction I was or maybe she is, and laughing her head off. See, how paranoid she made me up to now!

Anyway, operations are back to normal in the office but I became more wary with the "close" people around me, and careful with the words and "confidences".

Thanks for sharing your views about suck-ups, funnily told but worth thinking about.

voted up, funny, interesting, and useful.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

HEY, TENKAY . . .thanks for the votes and words of support. You gots to be aware of those around you. "MY" take on the saying of where to keep your friends and enemies are as follows: "Keep your enemies at arm's length and your "Friends" closer . . .its your friends who do you the most hurt. You expect it from your enemies, but not your "Friends." Remember this and you will go far.

Kenneth

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