Why Left-Handed People Do Not Deserve Equal Rights

Left-handedness is a choice.

This is an established fact. Handedness is not visible in human beings until as late as age six. While this might seem to suggest that handedness is genetic, it does not. It means that responsible parents can train their children from an early age to be right-handed. Left-handedness is abnormal, as it occurs in only one in ten people. In ancient times, left-handedness was seen as a sign of the devil. Although we have clearly evolved from those times, it does not mean that left-handed people should be afforded the same rights as right-handed people.

We are talking about a condition that can be altered and changed. I have personally trained myself to write with my left hand to see if such a thing is possible. Indeed, it is. Therefore, a left-handed person can train himself to do things right-handed, but has made the choice to remain left-handed. Since this is a choice, special rights should not be given to left-handed people.

Of course, reality does not stop left-handed people from demanding special rights. For instance, they demand desks that accommodate their particular choice. Left-handed people claim to do better with special scissors. There are many objects that left-handed people ask be changed so that they can better use them. This puts an unfair burden on manufacturers, businesses, and government, who are being asked to adapt themselves to the choice made by a minority of people.

The burden is most evident on businesses that employ left-handed people. Those businesses must spend money to accommodate the left-handed and this is a drag on our economy. Left-handed people are more likely to get hurt on the job, thereby increasing insurance premiums on businesses, for instance. Being around left-handed people can be uncomfortable for right-handed people and that can lower overall business productivity.

There are many problems for government with left-handed people. The fact that left-handed people demand to be treated the same in our armed forces is an obvious problem as weapons must be redesigned in some cases to accommodate them. When the left-handed and the right-handed are mixed in combat situations, the right-handed can be made uncomfortable by the thought that they might accidentally grab a left-handed person's weapon. Overall combat readiness is reduced and this can have dire consequences in battle. Effectively, if we let left-handed people dictate the methods used in our armed forces, the terrorists win. The terrorists will exploit this weakness and people will die.

Left-handed people create many problematic social situations as well. Marriage, for instance, is an institution meant for right-handed people. When left-handed people marry, it increases the odds of producing left-handed children, which puts further burdens on society. Left-handed people who are allowed to adopt children are more likely than right-handed people to try to train their adopted children to be left-handed as well. And even if they don't train them, the children will be more prone to the left-handed lifestyle because of the predominance of left-handed objects in their environment.

If we want to maintain the sanctity of civil society, the sanctity of marriage, and the sanctity of scissors and other everyday objects, then we cannot allow the left-handed to have special rights. Right-thinking is correct thinking and left-thinking is something else. People make choices every day, but we don't allow those deviant choices to force laws on the rest of us.

Let us remember what Jesus said about left-handed people in the Gospel of Matthew:

"When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: and before him shall be gathered all nations: And he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, 'Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.' ... Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, 'Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.'" (Matthew 25: 31-34, 41).

Obviously, if Jesus felt this way about left-handed people, then the continued demands of the left-handed cannot be taken seriously. Also, consider that the following people were/are left-handed: John Dillinger, Billy the Kid, the Boston Strangler, Jack the Ripper, and Justin Bieber.

That being said, left-handed people can be helped. With the right training, the right schooling, and some prayer, they can become right-handed people, like the rest of us. And the world will be a better place for it.

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Comments 16 comments

Heatherbaker profile image

Heatherbaker 2 years ago from Florida

I get what you're actually equating society to, and I applaud it. Great hub!


crankalicious profile image

crankalicious 3 years ago from Colorado Author

Ace,

Thank you for supporting the continued discrimination against left-handed people.


Ace609 profile image

Ace609 3 years ago from Hamilton, NJ

Like Mark Levine said, "The Southpaw is the nigger of human society across all cultures of the world."

They're also the cause of natural disasters across the globe and the reason why unicorns are extinct.


jenn800 4 years ago

Are you joking? I sure hope so this is such bull. I am left handed and so are my brother and son and cousins. It is not a chose we made, it is not changeable. I had a teacher try to TRAIN me to be left handed, total backfire for her. This is just ridiculous for you to say the bible says we are less than human or demons well just bull is all i can say. I am the same as everyone else.


johndnathan profile image

johndnathan 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas. USA

I agree with your statement, Crankalicious! Left-handed people are an abomination and deserve nothing less than a stinking pit of fire! We must restore the purity of our schools, our scissors, and our pussycats (everyone knows that left-handed people pets pussycats the wrong way)!... No, left hand! NO! Must use proper right hand! I CURSE THEE, LEFT HAND! I CURSE THEE!!!


bookofshadows 4 years ago

Ahhh yeah! this doesn't really work this way, I mean as a left hander I think this is not justice, "we can be trained to learn how to do things like right handers' well what other choice do we have? I mean its not like your guys are already doing something about it then why can't we have the small rights?? Perhaps you should start by looking in the kitchen, everything in it is designed for right handers! No wonder we die out early its because we have to pay more attention to how we use something that is designed for right handers.


SotD and Zera profile image

SotD and Zera 4 years ago

Satire is a beautiful, beautiful thing. It may not make bigots change their mind, but it makes us who have to deal with them smile. Thanks for this.

-Zera


Mitch Alan profile image

Mitch Alan 4 years ago from South Jersey

Funny and creative...well written...I disagree with the underlying premise, but enjoyed the satirical edge. Big fan of satire and this was a well crafted piece of Hubness.


UnnamedHarald profile image

UnnamedHarald 4 years ago from Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Great article! I wonder how many people think you're 1) Serious 2) Offended 3)Heartily agree. Voted up. Thanks for a great read. Now, what about the truly sinister ambidextrous hiding among us?


crankalicious profile image

crankalicious 4 years ago from Colorado Author

Thanks to everyone for reading and enjoying and, hopefully, understanding the point beyond it's application for left-handed people everywhere. After all, if we're going to justify discrimination based on the Bible, a lot of us are screwed.


brianlokker profile image

brianlokker 4 years ago from Washington DC metro area

As a left-hander, I would accuse you of sinister intentions, but since "sinister" comes from the Latin word for left, that wouldn't be accurate. On the other hand (literally), "dexter" means right, and the only Dexter I know is a serial killer. Good satire, voted up and funny. I'd give the hub two thumbs up, but I can't do anything useful with my right hand.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I am not left-handed, but there is nothing wrong with it. Some of my best friends are left-handed! Of course, I would never date one, but nonetheless, left-handed folks deserve to be treated like everyone else!

Funny hub and voted up! :-)


Abecedarian profile image

Abecedarian 4 years ago from These United States, Texas

Great Hub, very funny. With one correction--it's a known fact that a left-handed individual uses the right side of their brain, whereas a right handed person uses the left side of the brain, just something to think about. Oh, and left handed scissors are a joke.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

LOL @Justin Bieber... great Hub, thanks!


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Fabulously clever and well-written Hub. I had a sardonic grin on my face the whole time I was reading....except for the parts that made me laugh out loud, and they were, by the way, legion.

My husband was stubbornly and resolutely left-handed. Our marriage ended in divorce. Your inspiring and bible based article came too late to help us. Thankfully, my three sons are right-handed and they married right-handed women, so I must have done something right after all.

I think I will go read it again. :)


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

You are joking. How clever! You are a great pundist and sartorist!

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