Meth Smoking - Top 20 Dangers of Methamphetamine

So I decided to crank out the crystal clear dope on why everyone should start tweaking methamphetamine before they find themselves on thin ice. Here's the straight 101 on meth smoking...

Crystal Meth Info - Why You SHOULD Become an Addict

  • 1. You love the taste of laundry detergent and lighter fluid in the morning.
  • 2. Screw Mr. Clean - now you will be able to completely sanitize and sterilize your entire neighborhood block every single day, no questions asked, all by yourself. This has been an official public service announcement.
  • 3. You want it to be the end of R.E.M. as we know it.
  • 4. You hope that someday one of your injections will finally infect you with the gift of HIV which you will be able to pass on to others.

  • 5. You want to prove to your family you can win against a heart attack, keep a straight face during a massive stroke, and will not giggle like a sissy during the tingling sensation of blood vessels bursting beneath your skin.
  • 6. You know that monsters hide under your bed, in your closet, and ninjas will attack you when you leave your house. Now, at least, you will finally be able to see them!
  • 7. Because... well, you forgot why.
  • 9. You want to constantly be host to viruses, bacteria, and other microscopic monstrosities. They don't call you a walking ecosystem for nothing.
  • 10. You hate being infiltrated by oxygen all the time. Gosh...

Using methamphetamines can cause advanced aging and possibly irreversible damage to your physical appearance.

  • 11. You enjoy vegetables so much, you want to be one! What could be healthier than that?
  • 12. You cannot flop around on the floor on your own. If God wanted you to involuntarily act like a fish... oh yeah, he didn't invent meth.
  • 13. You would like to contribute to the Maalox foundation.
  • 14. The gym falls short of truly making you Niagara Falls incarnate.

“The clown was an evil one. They’re either good or bad, and this one was definitely the latter.”
Chris Thrall, Eating Smoke: One Man's Descent Into Crystal Meth Psychosis in Hong Kong's Triad Heartland

  • 15. You want to feel worthless, all alone, and a failure. You will already be taking meth, why not anti-depressants too?
  • 16. Your dentures will be easier to clean than your teeth.
  • 17. Becus y uh wan to uh brain bye.
  • 18. Nature gave you two kidneys, might as well get rid of one. Or hey, why not both? Who's counting anyway?
  • 19. You want to see dead people, or purple people, or flying rabid bunnies. Maybe you just want Santa Clause to exist again.
  • 20. Besides... who can turn down a drug you can smoke, snort, and shoot up... all at once!

Rock on Tina!

You fill our glasses with toxins and ooze, speed our libidos toward STDS, and cloud our futures with a chalky haze envied only by the most self loathsome of souls. I spit in my hat for you.

And Now... This...

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Comments 13 comments

Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 8 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

Neat !


josephdiego profile image

josephdiego 8 years ago from Eastern Long Island , New York

Deadly stuff. Never touched it. But you never know. All I can do is stay away, one day at a time....

http://hubpages.com/misc/I-Recovered-Me-Through-Re...


Team Wiseman profile image

Team Wiseman 7 years ago

Great Hub, thegecko. You tell the truth in a humorous manner. You should also check out our articles on Meth too. Team Wiseman


Comrade 7 years ago

=D

Well said, old bean!

Designers of anti-drug ads should take some cues from you.

I'm sure a bright, cheery and amusing poster will be better remembered than some of the gray and dreary stuff I've seen in buses.


jonnakaishi2nd profile image

jonnakaishi2nd 6 years ago from California,Yuba City

OMG!! Very Funny!


Damon Kemp 5 years ago

This is not funny you should not be making fun of doing meth, my father died from it and now i have to watch my brother slowly deteriate from the addictions of meth. this post is very shitty


thegecko profile image

thegecko 5 years ago from San Diego, CA Author

Hi Damon,

I am really sorry to hear about your dad. My father also died from a drug overdose. I did not write this with the intent of making light the dangers of using meth. I tried to write it in a creative way to demonstrate all the terrible things meth will do to a person.

I apologize if it came off the wrong way. I am hoping that people can use this piece to help show others what an awful drug this can be, but I do understand that sarcasm can be misconstrued. I meant no offense to people or family members affected by meth addiction =\


vivamaxine profile image

vivamaxine 5 years ago from Mansfield U.K.

As a long term user of most drugs, crystal meth is something I have only heard of, is it big in the U.K.?

I don't want to experience any more drugs and your hub is great for re-enforcing my feelings about addiction. Is it possible to explain how Crystal meth is different from say amphetamines or cocaine?


IntimatEvolution profile image

IntimatEvolution 4 years ago from Columbia, MO USA

I deal with patients who have method mouth.... Its sad.


IntimatEvolution profile image

IntimatEvolution 4 years ago from Columbia, MO USA

Sorry my spellchecker... I deal with meth mouth... is what it's suppose to say. Lol


daydreamer 4 years ago

I thought this was a great post, and even though I was laughing it seem to help me right now in my recovery.. I've had a really hard to and today is day #1 for me... Going in on monday to outpatient rehab but need posts like this to help me until then...


thegecko profile image

thegecko 4 years ago from San Diego, CA Author

Hi daydreamer! I'm glad you found it encouraging. I think people have actually been voting it down because they do not understand the irony and might even believe its meant to make fun of meth users. I used this piece several times when I ran teen alcohol and drug recovery courses a few years back. Good to hear its still relevant and useful. All the best!


daylight 4 years ago

I have over come my addiction 6 yrs. Ago! To see this as funny as every it is so very true.I am dealing with health problems that are life time just because my use. So I'm hoping people get there laugh but take it very serious! One day at a time! :)

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