Reasons Why Can't We All Be Friends Together.
We just can't be happy together.
People notoriously disagree, argue and fight. It is an inevitable part of the human condition.
Families don't always get along and it seems some members have feuds that stretch back for years. What triggers these misgivings are many and often the blame is passed so readily, it's dfficult to see them ever reaching an amicable resolution.
If you are currently in a relationship, chances are your more then aware it's not all hearts and flowers. Although you may well be very much in love and you care for one another deeply, there will be times when you both have a difference of opinion and have to work hard to resolve it.
Parent's also get their fair share of stressful disputes happening with their children and not just when they are young.
Sibling rivalry is an ongoing issue as brothers and sisters come to logger heads, compete for attention and squabble over belongings.
Bullying in the work place and school seems to be rife, even forum discussions experience the odd bout of mud slinging.
History shows us that war is a prominent and regular occurrence, battles erupt over the obtainment of land and power, either by means of civil war or combat between countries.
Religion too has seen more then a little of conflict of interest in the past and even today it is at the root of furious debate.
All this and more begs the question, why can't we be friends?
Why do we fight, can't we just be happy?
There are many reasons why people can't seem to just get along with one another. Each of us has a belief, no matter how small, that we are right, thinking that your way is the best way, the only way and the correct way, can cause a few problems, to say the least. After all we can't all be right.
People think differently, sometimes drastically so and polar opposite opinions cause conflict. The problem however is not that people are different but the struggle to understand these differences.
We all have own unique ideas about the way things 'should' be, largely determined by the way we were influenced growing up, and by our peers around us now. Our parents, schools, religious beliefs and media exposure all contribute to how we think about issues, how we feel about other people and how we view the world.
Problems arise when people either can't or won't accept that life is not a one size fits all scenario, and try to either change by force or condemnation a lifestyle choice of another. In some cases even insulting an entire culture, or unfairly stereotyping an entire race of people, due to narrow mindedness or ignorance.
It pays to question and watch the company we keep, because they are more often then not reflecting our views and are also influencing us.
The world is divided into many sections of society 'the haves and the have nots' 'the beauties and the geeks' 'the powerful and the powerless' 'the intellectuals and the air heads' we live in a society where consumerism rules supreme. Youth, beauty and wealth are to be coveted, celebrity revered, because everything else is deemed mediocre and it seems nobody wants to be that. All these things and more lead to jealousy and a lot of it.
Envy is the breeding ground for resentment and this can then lead to depression. Personally I think there's nothing worse then reading about a high profile footballer or celebrity complaining endlessly about being 'papped', when it is one of the main reasons, if not the single reason that they are in the position they are, and yet the average mere mortal works their fingers to the bone, struggling for a pittance. So when this really started to rile me, I made a vested effort to deliberately avoid the magazines and television programs that support their whining and hey presto, I felt better.
It helps to be grateful for what you have, I'm lucky I have a lot to be grateful for. I am not immune from the green eyed monster however and many an argument has been sparked by a bout of envy, but quite honestly I don't think it does any good. I don't think we should become complacent about the great inequalities of life, I just think there are more effective and less emotionally damaging ways to go about it.
Consequences are a stark reminder of our actions. As we grow older we become ever more aware of the consequences of our actions, work hard you will be rewarded, be nice and people will like you however don't do anything bad because in turn bad things will happen to you. So when we see, hear, read or experience situations where people don't seem to get what they deserve it seems terribly unfair.
The 2009 recession was a prime example of this, when we realised that those who caused the financial problems were still getting massive payouts why the rest of us suffer the consequences, this doesn't sit well for most of us as it goes against what we were bought up to believe.
Compensation is another example of trying to readdress the fairness balance, it is not fair for people to suffer as the result of some else's mistake, but again this does not please all parties involved.
The unknown leaves us feeling vulnerable, if we have had prier experience with a problem or issue before we feel much better prepared and able to deal with it again. We are fundamentally creatures of habit we like the familiar processes and predictable outcomes of the every day, we feel far more comfortable with prior knowledge and recognition of people or a situation.
The future, the dark, a stranger, an unexpected major change and loss are all things that are common, universal and shared fears. The unknown and different can cause people to act discriminately and think logically, some people are much more adaptable and welcoming of change then others, these people tend to be the happier ones. Not the miserable scare mongerers and scepics.
The fall out of the unintentional can be huge, for instance recently two of my friends had a falling out over just this kind of situation, friend A told friend B that her brother in law had died, friend B was distraught. However it turned out that friend A had been misinformed and friend B's brother in law was still very much alive. This caused all kinds of problems between them, because friend B didn't get her facts right.
The old he said, she said saga continues ever on and politics often throws up a few truly shocking mistakes ever now and again.
The odd slip of the tongue can also make for awkward or heated discussion, I was taught that if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all and this works a charm for preventing any animosity. However It is O.k to criticize, as long as it's constructive and helpful, if not it's worth keeping schtum.
There are times when we doubt ourselves and our abilities, times in life when you seem to be experiencing more failure then success. Other people around you seem to be doing well full of good news and cheer, yet your just not feeling yourself.
When bad tempers are abound, angry words often follow and what is said in the heat of the moment can often still be left in the mind long after current mood has lightened.
Competition can be and for the most part is good, it encourages growth and aspiration. However when it is leveled with unfair advantage, it can leave a bitter taste in the mouth and increasing insecurity.
Will we ever get along?
We can be tolerant but there will always be conflict, issues as great as these are unlikely to ever be solved, especially not across the board. There are unfortunately not going to be solutions that please everyone and until major changes in mindset and reform are made, we will continue to see the same problems repeating themselves.
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