30 Ways to Know That You Have Been 'Suckered' Into Staying in a Shabby Motel When . . .

Looks "are" so deceiving

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Would you stay in any of these "rat hole" motels?

These people are hard-party people. They will be your neighbors each time you stay in any shabby motel on the road.
These people are hard-party people. They will be your neighbors each time you stay in any shabby motel on the road.

Let's face it.

There are some motels on the vast interstate system that only out for your dough. I hate to hurt your feelings, but just quoting the facts and saving your money.

These motels have many colorful names such as: "Rat holes," "Clap traps," "Bottomless pits," "Filth palaces," and many more nasty names, but yet, truthful names once you pay your over-priced rate and fight your way through the cockroaches who stand-up on their back legs and try to run you out of the room.

I do not have room in this text box to include everything you are NOT GOING TO LIKE when you are "sucked into" staying in one of these "Disease lodges."

Please, this vacation season, I am begging you to be smart. Check the room out BEFORE you pay. You might thank me later.

Kenneth

I ask you to pay attention

to me for a few minutes. I have something serious to talk about with you.

You do realize that this is April, and soon it will be June and July, the prime vacation months for you and the numerous families who have "worked like dogs," the previous 51 weeks just to have that one week of vacation to spend with each other.

And you sure don't want to screw this week up in any way. This means if you are planning to drive on your time off, you will want to be sharp-minded and not get lured into stopping at one of these shabby motels (see any photo on this story) and give the desk clerk your hard-earned money to just be broken-hearted as you and the family toss and turn all night long just because your beds do not have mattresses.

Note: has it ever occurred to you that the majority of shabby motels are located way out of the way off of the interstate? This is not an accident, but a clever marketing strategy by the owners of these "Tick tent" motels. These owners know that you are going to be road-weary and exhausted, and cannot drive another mile and will be glad to see the "vacancy" sign and pull in for the night. When you do, you can almost hear the faint sound of a cash register ringing-up another slick sale.

I am calling this piece, "30 Ways to Know That You Have Been "Suckered" Into Staying in a Shabby Motel When . . .

  1. There are splotches of human blood on the carpet in the lobby.
  2. Flies are so thick you can barely see to sign the registration card.
  3. An animal skeleton is laying near the front entrance.
  4. People who have been drinking heavily are "sleeping it off" in the lobby and on the lobby floor.
  5. The desk clerk hasn't shaved in weeks. And glares at you. Can you can "psychotic"?
  6. You hear strange sounds emitting from the hallways at night.
  7. Sounds of footsteps keep you awake most of the night and when you open the door and check to see what is going on, there is no one there.
  8. Drug dealers have set-up booths behind the motel for their clients.
  9. A police car is up on blocks and afire in the parking lot.
  10. An employee ogles your wife and daughter and when you start to object, he pulls a switch blade knife on you.
  11. The restaurant only serves toast and luke-warm coffee.
  12. Cobwebs cover the tables in the restaurant and the elderly waitress claims that this is the newest fad in motel restaurants.
  13. A Black Widow spider bites your son while waiting for your toast and coffee.
  14. There are several police chalk drawings of bodies of people who have been killed or jumped from the roof of this shabby motel.
  15. There are no keys to your room, because the only door is a screen door.
  16. The bathroom toilet is broken. You have to relieve yourself in a 55-gallon oil drum, but it is decorated in a nice pastel paint.
  17. There are no towels--at all in your room. You are expected to drip-dry.
  18. The sink is held together by Super Glue and you find more human blood spots inside the sink when you start to shave.
  19. You notice a hidden-camera on the heating vent that doesn't work.
  20. You find a few pair of old shoes and some filthy men's and women's underwear underneath the bed and in the closet.
  21. Your daughter screams in fear as hundreds of used condoms fall out from underneath her pillow.
  22. You call the desk clerk to lodge a complaint, but the phone in your room doesn't work because this shabby motel has not paid its phone bill in months.
  23. There are several knives sticking into a photo of a man that is hanging on the bathroom wall.
  24. You hear a deep male voice saying, "Get out or die," coming from outside your door.
  25. At ten o' clock, two robbers walk into your room, look around and break down in tears of pity.
  26. The only way to keep "undesirables" out of your room is sitting one of your chairs in the doorway.
  27. Your chairs are a pair of used lawn chairs obviously purchased at a yard sale.
  28. At sunrise, the desk clerk who is still unshaven and frowning stands at your door to make sure you aren't going to steal anything from the room.
  29. The Bible on your nightstand only has Genesis through 1 Samuel.
  30. You convert to Christianity when you and your family survive the night.

Should I say "Happy motoring?" or "Praise God you made it?"



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Comments 8 comments

Sparklea profile image

Sparklea 2 years ago from Upstate New York

Kenneth you are one creative writer! I LOVE your 30 reasons, especially your chairs being used lawn chairs obviously purchased at a yard sale! What a riot! Great introduction: "I ask you to pay attention to me for a few minutes..." I hope you have not had the misfortune to stay at any of those hotels you pictured!

This is a great hub because I feel quite certain that many, many of your hub friends had probably had at least one bad experience at a motel. My husband and I have had a couple doozy events...so now we would rather pay the extra money than stay at a "Bates Motel."

Thank you for sharing this delightful read at a time when people are talking about vacations. God bless, Sparklea PS: voted up, funny and interesting!


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 2 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

Such hotels are the true definition of shabby. Hell would be more of an apt description of such hotels. Word to the wise, beware, beware! Great hub, voted WAY UP! Code word: HORROR MOTEL.


mgt28 profile image

mgt28 2 years ago

Ken, your number 14 point is scary, even by your standards this is way too much. You made laugh so hard my sides are aching.


Bishop55 profile image

Bishop55 2 years ago from USA

Kenneth...you are hilarious!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sparklea,

Thank you, sweet friend, for your compliment. I hope I am worthy of your sweet words.

This hub was based on a true story. One year in September, my wife, little girl, my wife's brother and his buddy decided to go to Opryland and enjoy the sunny day.

That didn't last long for it started turning cold quickly in the Opryland park, so we rode as many rides as we could and then decided to start home and stay in a motel because we were tired.

The motel was called The Metropolitan on Columbia Drive and it was awful. The desk clerk was an angry old man who was quick to tell my brother-in-law and myself that the restaurant was closed and hadn't been open since 1966. And this was 1982. But the restaurant light was still flashing. Obviously a con to get us to stop.

Our room was like a room in Hades. The mattresses were marked on the bottom: Property of Tennessee State Prison, underwear both of men and women were hanging in the trees outside in the trees, on the ground were numerous whiskey and wine bottles, and the bathroom was not fit for pigs. The medicine chest was almost rusted out of the wall. I put it his way and pardon my language. This place was so bad not even the worst prostitutes would work there. It was that bad. Next morning at first light, we hit hit home and never looked back.

It gives me the shakes even today.

Come back often to visit.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, gmwilliams,

Thanks for your input. Well, your description is closer than mine to these shabby motels. And there are some in the hilltop villages of North Carolina, or were there in 1984. One was called the Arrowhead Lodge--cheap rates, and I can see why upon opening the door. Imitation pine paneling. Plastic. Can you believe it. Portable black and white TV with rabbit ears. And blood splotches in the shower. It made my daughter sick to her stomach. Was I ever glad to live to see the next day. I was so angry that I did not feel like telling the manager who looked like the killer on No Country For Old Men.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, mgt28,

No. 14? Wow, thank you. I do get carried away sometimes. But I promise you that these are not far from the truth.

Please, all of you, be careful this year when you travel on vacation and if you do accidentally stop at one of these "rat holes" jot down the information and hub it for me.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Bishop55,

You, my dear friend, are way too kind. I do thank you for your selfless comment. I will cherish this and all of your comments for years to come.

And you too, Bishop, be careful when you travel and do not be sucked into staying in these "Death Traps."

Love, Kenneth

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