Cookie Cutters and Bullies

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Bullying should be a thing of the past

There are so many people out there that just feel so alone...because society forces them to feel alone. Do you remember in school that one kid that nobody seemed to like? That kid who marched to the beat of their own drum because they didn't feel the need to fit in with the crowd?

Did anyone ever consider why these kids were mistreated so badly? Maybe because they were never sure how to approach other people, or because they were afraid that if they began to talk to anyone that those people would find out about their home life so they just kept to themselves. What happened to those kids? They became the kid that everyone bombarded with dodge balls during PE class or recess. The kid that everyone talked and lied about to make themselves look cooler.

Maybe the child's family was too poor to be able to get the same things that everyone else had. In a world where everyone competes with what they have rather than what they are, a child is targeted for the simplest things. Their hair, their clothes, the way they look, their teeth, or the way they talk. Some people dismiss it saying "kids will be kids". But honestly they are allowing unacceptable behavior to continue as long as it isn't their child who is being victimized.

Most kids that are abused are either reserved and scared already, and when other children are allowed to mentally abuse them they just beat it into the child's head that they will never be acceptable. They will never be good enough for anyone.

Bullies are like vultures who feed off the oddities and flaws of someone who seems weaker than they. The sad thing is that Bullying is a learned trait. It might as well be hereditary. Parents raise their kids with the same bias out look that they have and so their children start to pick out kids that seems to be like the people that their parents hate. The parents unknowingly teach their children to be judgmental and harmful to the mental health of other children. When their child does something that hurts another child they laugh it off. They will say things like that is what happens when you allow your child to be different, you make them a target.

People turn a blind eye to the mistreatment of others and think to themselves at least it isn't me. How great it must be to only look out for oneself and never think about what will happen to the victim.

It is not okay to allow this to kind of behavior to continue. We should embrace the differences in others. It is these differences that allow the world to grow. If no one ever thought in a different way there wouldn't have been a wheel or a fire. We would still live in a caves and not houses. There wouldn't have been the harvesting of electricity or the light bulb that makes it so that you can see at night in your house. So what is so bad out someone who doesn't conform to the superficial standards of the cookie cutter mold? Nothing they are beautiful and they might just come with the next big thing to transform the standard of life on a global basis.

Teach children tolerance and not the bias and limited ideals of the past. These children will one day run the world and wouldn't it be nice if that world was more advanced?

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American Romance profile image

American Romance 5 years ago from America

I disagree, do NOT teach children tolerance! Teach them right, wrong, and compassion for others! I grew up much like you described, poor, abused etc. I didn't end up that way and when I had a child I did everything possible to give her an edge! Five years of Karate lessons, clothes and shoes to make her feel good about herself, I allowed her to get a belly button ring at the age of 12 (allthough I hated it) ..........she got bullied once, came home and told me, I told her if it happened again to clean up, it did and she did, end of story, this same child is now 24 and finishing her masters degree at a University. She is employed at a high salary and they pay for her college. I say don't allow your children to be weak! teach them to keep their heads up, do things like Karate to build their self confidence! Too many in this world want to hurt, destroy and ridicule! take them out as they stand up and try! Be on your toes!.........only requirement? Never bully, and ALWAYS show compassion for those that are weak!


mortimerjackson profile image

mortimerjackson 5 years ago from California

...has karate really helped anyone in situations aside from action movies?

To teach tolerance to your children is to teach them understanding. And an understanding of people and reality is what will ultimately help them out in the future...not karate.


American Romance profile image

American Romance 5 years ago from America

mortimer, Bullies will never learn tollerance! The only way to stop them is by intimidation and dominance! Remember the kid who recently dropped the bully on his head? Watch the video, he used tolerance for a long painful duration.............he finaly realized it wasn't working! It makes me smile everytime I see that little thug dropped on a raised brick flowerbed and gets his shin broke! That little smartass bastard will leave nerdy fat kids alone for the rest of his miserable little life!


RTalloni profile image

RTalloni 5 years ago from the short journey

Interesting read, and I think I know where you are coming from. However, think this through like bullies (criminals, to use another word) do.

Tolerance? Well, let's say we have a bully to deal with. Poor thing. Bless his heart. What makes him act that way? He must've had a bad childhood, or a bad experience with a teacher, or it must have been his religion, right? Why, he needs compassion. He needs to be tolerated. He just needs for us to play nice with him, and he will see that playing nice is a good thing.

Tolerance, we are informed by bullies (including liars, thieves, predators and every other kind of terrorist), is for everyone.

Tolerance (as it is so often used in the context of today's society) is not the need.

But I don't blame you for seeking an answer to a sad problem, and I like that you are thinking about the concept of cookie cutter children.


mortimerjackson profile image

mortimerjackson 5 years ago from California

Fair point. But I think you misunderstand what I mean. By all means, get revenge on your wrongdoers. I'm all for it. But to be tolerant means to be able to have some semblance of humility, so that you can reflect and be certain that what you're doing is really the right thing.

The last thing we want is people making brash decisions based purely on emotion.

Having said that, I don't think I've ever seen anyone use karate to defend themselves in real life.


HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

I have to agree with the authoer and mortimerjackson. I believe teaching by example through words, actions, and behaviors. If you use aggression and hate and breeds the same. Although the child might gain confidence in Karate, as meditation does, that is centering your soul, and not choosing to use violence to resolve disputes. I had a man shoot a gun in the air next to me, was a military expert, karate expert, controlling, and manipulating. Now in this situation you can't get anymore bullying than this, but it was how I handled it verbally, through actions, words, and behavior that got me out of the situation safely. There was no one to rescue me, but myself. Now if I had used Karate I would have gotten hurt. lol I had confidence from Meditation, and Christian values. Skills for my Social Work studies. Resolving conflict can be modeled without violence.


American Romance profile image

American Romance 5 years ago from America

guys, Karate wasn't the answer! Karate was a mind builder, I wanted her to "believe" she had an edge on those around her! This child dropped out of golf in the 10th grade to take 3 years of cosmo at the local college, and consequently got her license, I asked her why she wasted time with that when she had bigger plans in life, her answer was Dad I want something to fall back on! Say what you want, I'm right, We had two other couples tell us our child would be pregnant and drop out of school, because we allowed more than most parents. Both of them had children get pregnant and drop out years later, again while mine was in college! Folks, send a nerdy little timid kid to school and expect him to come home scared, and sick after a while, Bullies are out there, be prepared mentaly and physicaly when possible! Don't coddle those kids and then get on TV and cry and wonder why they killed themselves! Another one is having fat kids, If your the parent of a fat child then human services should remove that kid from your home! Only a few remote instances do I believe a handful of children are just prone to weight problems, Most of the time that too is the parents fault!


AntonOfTheNorth profile image

AntonOfTheNorth 5 years ago from The Land Up Over

tolerance: "interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint."

All of us tolerate a great deal. Every day. Eventually we come up to something that we will not tolerate. We are compelled to act.

Tolerance is not the answer for bullying. I can't think of a good reason to tolerate that behaviour. Try to understand its cause, yes. Allow it to occur unchallenged, no.

Unwarranted aggression is simply one person or faction deciding their desires are more important than another person's well-being. This is, to my mind, the heart of all evil.

I do feel however that advocating violence to deter violence strikes me as wrong.

In an interview, the Dali Lama was talking about his stance on non-violence. I parphrase, but his approach was that pacifism does not mean "if someone offers to hit me, or a dog attempts to bite me, I don't just cringe and say "no, no! I'm a pacifist!". I defend myself. Pacifism is the philosphy of non-violence as policy. The threat of violence is not a tool in the philosphy of a pacifist."

Or in Ghandi's words: "there is no 'cause' for which I am prepared to kill"

Self defense is not a 'cause'. In this (surprisingly) I agree with American Romance. Being able to defend yourself is not a bad thing. And karate is a much better notion than, say, buying a weapon. Karate trains the mind at least as much as the body, and it comes with a serious amount of discipline. A gun is lethal without any thought at all.

Vengeance, however, perpetuates the cycle. It is not a solution. It is an escalation.

Imagine where the Middle East would be if Ishmael and Isaac had simply been tolerant. I submit a lot better off than it is today.

But now I'm stepping on biblical prophesy, so I'll leave it there.

cheers


HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

hmm.. I am a human service worker, fortunately because a child is fat is not a reason to remove them from there home. Most of the time these parents should have a parent mentor to teach them life skills, coping skills, an nutritional value, and preparing a healthy diet for themselves. In michigan we have a program that teaches parents these sorts of things. Removing them for obesity is not the answer. It would do more psychological harm to remove children from their parents, when they can be taught how make wiser choices! :)


Erin Boggs1 profile image

Erin Boggs1 5 years ago from Western Maryland Author

Okay so I think that everyone thought I was trying to say that we should teach our children to accept and tolerate being bullied but that was not the message that I was trying to convey. My opinion is the parents who are raising these bullies need to wake up and smell the coffee. The Bullies need to be taught to tolerate that kid that stands out. The bullies should not be allowed to get away with that Behavior.

The children that are dealing with these abuses from their classmates do need help building up their confidence so that they will be able to stand up for themselves. Usually, letting the person that is bullying you that you can see right through them and pointing out one or two of the bullies flaws in a social setting is enough to make them sit there looking like idiots.

In HattieMattieMae's situation, life or death, her survival skills kicked in allowing her mind to be able to negotiate with her tormenter and she came out of it safe and sound, which is a great blessing and it shows that you are an amazing person to stay rational and get out of that situation.

AmericanRomance I think that Karate is great in the way that it teaches self discipline, I took Karate lessons when I was young but it didn't stop me from being bullied, and that it teaches you that just because you can drop someone doesn't mean that you should. Fortunately when your daughter was at the age where bullying started, drop kicking the jerk harassing her generated respect. However, might I suggest that it wasn't the Karate lessons but the love that you had for your daughter that caused her to have confidence in herself to know that she didn't deserve that kind of treatment from any bully? Think about it, I was bullied, and if you read my blog flipping negatives into a positive...then you know that my life was the recipe for being bullied. No one ever gave me the love that you gave your daughter, and you can give all the credit you want to Karate lessons but you need to give yourself credit for loving your child so much that you wanted her to have all the tools (clothes, etc.) and the skills (karate and confidence) that you knew that she would need to make it in the world. I think that you have been a great father, because your daughter obviously has a good head on her shoulders.

AntonofteNorth, I am not ever in favor for allowing your child to be bullied, however I don't believe in giving your child a gun and saying handle it. I think that the child being bullied probably has a bad home life and doesn't have the one thing that every child needs, love. The Bully probably has a bad home life too but that Bully's parents probably have a negative, bias, and uneducated attitude that the child is picking up and displaying his parents opinions through his ignorant actions.

Mortimerjackson, I think that you are right, we should not teach our children to let these wrongdoers walk all over them. However, we should teach our children to think first, so that they are in fact bringing the situation to an end that will not cause legal complications.

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