Gay is NOT a "Lifestyle Choice"

What does "lifestyle choice" mean?

I have many gay friends - I attended university with some, worked in theater with others, and met still others down the many and varied avenues of my walk through life. They also have many "lifestyles." Some of the gay folk I call 'friend' are teachers; some are truck drivers, ministers, actors, writers, armed forces personnel, politicians, secretaries, mill-workers, retail sales-staff. Some are married, single, or in committed long-term relationships. Some are engaged, and some are fancy-free. Some live in large cities such as Vancouver, Montreal, New York, and Los Angeles, and some live in rural communities or on acreages... a wide variety of lifestyles.

Being gay is not a lifestyle anymore than being Eurasian or being blonde is a lifestyle. It is simply one form of sexual orientation.

In this era of political correctness, and conscientious politesse, it has become polite, correct, and, some believe, tolerant to describe being gay as a "lifestyle choice." Though some perceive this as a step, and for some, a giant step towards tolerance and acceptance, I believe the phrase is subtly dismissive, and is, in fact, simply another way practice avoidance and exclusion.

"Words, words, words..."

Image from diaryofafirstchild.com
Image from diaryofafirstchild.com
Image from drkathleenyoung.wordpress.com
Image from drkathleenyoung.wordpress.com

Semantics are important

Shakespeare once wrote, "What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet..." What however, would the emotional impact be of likening your love to "a red, red rose," as Robert Burns did, if we used the name "rose" to refer to stink-weed?

Some may feel that this whole discussion is just another example of making a big to-do over a simple, innocuous phrase.

It is difficult, sometimes to have patience with those who demand we use certain terms of reference to show we respect them, or to refrain from using other terms of reference because those words clearly show our lack of respect.

It can feel clumsy and unnatural to use another term when the old words come to mind so quickly - words like ni**er, fa**ot, g**k, f*t a**, and the wealth of other pejoratives with which we are so familiar.

It's also not about being politically correct - adopting words that appear neutral or even respectful to avoid giving offense. It's really all about using semantics to politely dismiss or demean while giving the appearance of tolerance and acceptance.

How does it work?

Implicit in referring to a person's being gay with the phrase "lifestyle choice" is an equation, "being gay = lifestyle choice," that accomplishes several things simultaneously. It allows us to dismiss their choice because it is not something we would ever consider choosing, and it allows us to take the high moral ground, because their "choice" puts them outside the bounds of what many are taught is normal and acceptable.

Can you spot the gay baby?

Which twin has the genetic marker? Polymer clay baby miniatures from chinadaily.com.cn
Which twin has the genetic marker? Polymer clay baby miniatures from chinadaily.com.cn

Born or Made?

Can a person actually choose to be gay? A person can certainly choose to live and have intimate relations with another person of the same sex, but that does not make a person gay any more than having intimate relations with a person of the opposite gender makes that person straight.

Let's dispel a few of the more prevalent myths about homosexuality. A person no more chooses to be gay, than they choose to be born in Lebanon, or Korea, or Canada; to be born of Caucasian, Mediterranean, or African heritage; or to be born with straight or curly hair.

Raising the flag

Raising the Gay Pride flag - from uproxx.com
Raising the Gay Pride flag - from uproxx.com

Can a person be "turned gay?"

The "nature versus nurture" debate has long raged over whether a person is born gay or turned gay through life experience. A case can certainly be made for children or adults whose natural sexual instincts and inclinations have been interfered with by a sexual predator. There is certainly much evidence showing sexual confusion on the part of the predator's victims, however there is no evidence to support the conclusion that even continued interference can change the individual's natural sexual orientation.

There is no evidence proving that a child raised by a gay couple will experience gender confusion. There is no evidence proving that a child raised by a gay couple will change their sexual orientation. Further, there is absolutely no evidence showing that gayness is in any way contageous or contactable by children or adults through any kind of physical contact such as shaking hands, hugging, or even kissing.

There is, however, a growing body of hard evidence to support the conclusion that homosexuality is, in fact, genetic. Markers have been found in the DNA of homosexual men that do not occur in heterosexual men, pointing to a distinct, quantifiable, genetic difference. Comparable markers have not yet been found in female DNA, but researchers continue to explore this avenue for similar indicators.

Of what are we so afraid?

It is becoming more widely accepted in the medical community that rather than several finite divisions of sexual orientation - straight, gay, bi, trans-gendered, etc. - there is a continuum of sexual orientation that includes all forms of sexuality.

This can raise a frightening specter for some, because such a continuum contains everything from heterosexuality to sexual predators. On the surface, it would seem that if we accept one form of sexuality as OK and normal that we were previously taught was aberrant, then we must accept all forms of sexual expression as OK and normal. After all, homosexuality was only removed from the American Medical Psychology texts as abnormal behavior in the 20th century.

Not true!

Forms of sexual expression that harm another person are not acceptable, however much the person whose nature that is would claim otherwise.

Some helpful definitions:

  • Heterosexual: a male or female who is sexually attracted to age-appropriate persons of the opposite gender
  • Homosexual: a male or female who is sexually attracted to age-appropriate persons of the same gender
  • Pedophile: a male or, rarely, a female who is sexually attracted to children
  • Sexual predator: (rapist, etc.) a male or female who attacks persons of either gender, in a variety of age groups, for a variety of reasons, causing injury and, sometimes, death

As much as some would like to cling to the notion that homosexual=pedophile=sexual predator, nothing could be farther from the truth. Crime statistics will quickly prove that rapists and pedophiles occur far more frequently among the heterosexual population. A more accurate equation would replace the word "homosexual" with heterosexual."

Though we recognize the truth when it is forced upon us, we allow hatred and fear to cloud our better judgement; we allow words - semantics - to be used as weapons, however subtly, against those who we perceive as different.

By allowing subtle discrimination, in the form of politically correct, polite phrases, we encourage the fearful and the ill-informed to hide behind those words.

Climb every mountain...

Sunrise in Jasper National Park, photo by RedElf
Sunrise in Jasper National Park, photo by RedElf

What choice is there?

What gay people can and do choose to do, is to live openly in their sexual orientation. The lifestyle they choose as an openly gay person is, in the best of all possible worlds, no different from the lifestyle choices a straight person might make - to be a teacher, a minister, a police officer, a farmer - to live single, or to marry.

What the rest of the world can do is to begin working towards the practice of real tolerance and acceptance, not mere lip-service to those ideals. It won't come easily and it won't come quickly, and there will be many more stumbles along the way, but if we all persevere, and refuse to give up, settle for, cease fighting, or bow to pressures that tell us to give it a rest, eventually, to everyone's surprise, we may see happier days.

Landmark decision - Same-sex marriage legal in New York

In June 2011, in a land-mark decision, Governor Andrew M. Cuomo, of the State of New York, signed into law the right of gays to legally marry. Coming at the end of Gay Pride month, and on the day of New York City's annual Gay Rights Parade, the history-making vote enshrines in law the rights of same-sex couples will be able to legally marry in New York State. Though there is still much work to be done to ensure the end of discrimination and push for a stronger stance against hate-crime, toady, there is great cause for celebration!

© 2011 Text by Elle Fredine, All rights reserved

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Comments are moderated - anonymous comments will be deleted 60 comments

rajaramravi profile image

rajaramravi 5 years ago

I just click vote up and useful for this hub


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks so much - nice to meet you, rajamravi.


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

Hey RedElf, very nicely written. By all accounts, a person's sexual orientation shouldn't be a bother to others. It doesn't and shouldn't matter if it's genetic or not. The biggest problem is too many people fail to understand their role in this world and also fail to grasp what rights are to begin with. It's their own fault that they don't understand and I give credit where credit is due, these people are completely ignorant to anything and anyone outside themselves. Not to mention, there have been plenty of advocate groups lobbying a distorted view of "Right to Life". That isn't helping either. There happens to be too much misinformation spreading around society, so any real facts are easily dismissed. Great writing! :)


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks so much, Cags! I agree, there is so much misinformation being thrown about, and anything I can do to counter it is important. You're right - a person's orientation should make no difference at all.


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

I've always hated politically correct language. I particularily HATE the term Physically Challenged. It means absolutely nothing practical.

If you must use any term at all, pick something neutral. For example, medical terminolofy for any medical condition is considered neutral. eg. dwarfism. Little people prefer their own term, but dwarf is a medical term so they don't mind it. This allows you the opportunity to avoid both potential pitfalls-derogatory terminology and the appearance of artificialness


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Greetings, Flora. I couldn't agree more - it may require some thought, instead of blindly following along, using meaningless jargon.


parrster profile image

parrster 5 years ago from Oz

Sorry, but I strongly disagree. Homosexuality is definitely not an inherited genetic trait (like hair or eye colour), not a pre-determined facet of ones biological makeup [or sexual identity]. That argument was thoroughly refuted scientifically [see sources below].

It is a choice. It may be a choice the individual feels compelled toward, or internally persuaded in the direction of. But there are many behaviour decisions that fall into that category that do not warrant approval.

There is much research indicating that homosexuality is the unhealthy response to profound weakness in male confidence. Well-designed research studies have demonstrated a much higher prevalence of psychiatric illness in those who identify themselves as homosexual. One important and carefully conducted study found suicide attempts among homosexuals were six times greater than the average (and this in countries very tolerant of homosexuality).

I would never suggest that homosexuals cannot be loving or nice people. However, we are addressing a sexual behaviour, not the worth of an individual or their ability to be nice people. It is a fact that some of the nicest people can become entangled in unhealthy behaviour, and it is not a personal attack to judge their behaviour as such. By judging the behaviour, I aim no barbs at the practitioner of it; however I will not call the cancer good just because the patient is.

Some sources:

http://www.narth.com/docs/istheregene.html (refutes the idea of a “gay-gene”)

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/archive/ldn/2008/

http://www.drtraycehansen.com/Pages/writings_proho

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_sexual_behavio

http://www.youth-suicide.com/gay-bisexual/gbsuicid

http://www.narth.com/docs/whitehead.html


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

....and the other side weighs in...

parrster, you don't need to be sorry to express your personal opinion. Your sources are interesting, though hardly research (Wikipedia and news stories?), but they are your choices.

One of the main reasons for the high suicide rate among homosexual teenagers and gay men is well documented, and largely caused by the negative response of family, friends, and society, though I suppose "negative response" is a bit of an understatement.

I am sure many gays would not appreciate being equated to "cancer" though.

I have left your links (I usually don't allow links in the comments section) because I wanted others to see your "sources".


parrster profile image

parrster 5 years ago from Oz

Whoops. I see what you mean about the links. In my haste I cut and paste some unrelated, and some non-working links it seems. I should have double-checked, my sincere apologies. But putting my Faux pas aside, there are sound scientific research groups and individuals out there who provide the evidence for those things I mentioned, one only has to look for them.

I question the validity of your statement that homosexual suicide is largely due to persecution.

I do not consider myself as being on "the other side", I try instead to see things from both sides and apply logic as best I can, as well as the implications.

My reference to cancer should be taken in context, and not as a personal attack.


kimberlyslyrics 5 years ago

up/awesome and shared

throughout the universe!

thank you

kimberly


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks for clarifying your links, parrster. The causes of homosexual suicide are well documented, and stem from many of the same causes as heterosexual suicide, but also including a strong component of rejection by family, society, and, sadly, self - suicide being the ultimate rejection of self.

Your statement about cancer is an example of the kind of semantics about which I am writing. In context, your remark equates what you call a behavior to cancer. Whatever your intention in using cancer as a comparison to the behavior, to those who believe it is not a "behavior" but is in fact of their nature, your remark equates their nature, their deepest selves to cancer.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hey, Kimberly - nice to hear from you. Thanks for the rate-up and plug!

parrster, I need to rephrase my last reply as the comment capsule didn't keep my final edit :D

I should have said that "your remark elicits a comparison of what you call a behavior to cancer." Your remark does not actually make the equation between the what you call a behavior and cancer, it merely leads the reader to follow the inference.


braudboy profile image

braudboy 5 years ago from Long Beach, MS

Being gay is certainly a choice that must be embraced and acted upon. This "gay" movement in America goes wrong when it attempts to re-write common sense and logic and decency in forcing society to accept their behavior as normal. The "homosexuals" in America can certainly continue their foolish ways, just dont tell me that I cannot determine what is right and wrong through instincts, human anatomy, and common decency, not to mention acquired knowledge and wisdom. Their activities do not hold water when put to the test.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 5 years ago from Upstate New York

I'm glad you wrote this hub, Elf. You have the moxie to convey the right message gracefully and completely. Thank you.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

braudboy, thanks for stopping by to comment. No one is telling you what is right and wrong. You are entitled to decide what is right and wrong for you, just as anyone else is.

Paradise7, you are most welcome. Thanks so much for your kind and supportive comment.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

Great story and I totally agree. They are born being attracted to who they like just as the rest of us. They aren't sick and do not need to be cured. Some of my closest friends are homosexuals and I wouldn't change a thing about any of them.

Intolerance is the only illness I see in the world and until that is cured we do indeed have an epidemic.


CMHypno profile image

CMHypno 5 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

Interesting hub RedElf. Nearly all of my gay friends have said that they have known that they were gay since they were children, and that it was an innate part of who they are. It is not a 'lifestyle choice' like choosing to be a vegetarian or converting to a new religion and none of us can suddenly decide to change our sexuality and be authentic about it.


Albert Street profile image

Albert Street 5 years ago from Northern USA

I enjoyed your hub. For many years I could never understand why people would choose their same gender as a partner. Until a few years ago I had to work together with a women who was gay. I asked her if she always had the same sex preference. She told me that when she first started dating, she dated men. She never felt a real sexual attraction, she just dated for the friendship more or less. She one day she encountered a close friendship with a women and they found that they were attracted. Once she had a relationship with a women she realized that this was definitely her sexual preference. So, what I gathered from this information is that it's not really your choice, it's just the matter of your feelings and who you are REALLY Attracted to; Not who society tells you to be attracted to.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

Hear hear Pamela N..I totally agree, I to have gay friends and I love them no different than my hetro friends. Actually some I love even more. he he..


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Pamela N Red, thanks so much for your supportive comments - definitely the "not sick and don't need to be cured" part :D:D:D

CMH, well said! A young friend of mine seemed to be quite confused, and dumped his girlfriend to "choose to be gay," but he discovered that it was not authentic for him, and ended up marrying his ever-patient girlfriend after all.

Albert Street, I am told that is often the way it is for women, especially women who have never been around the gay community, or other gay women - they know they really don't "fit" with their male partners, but until they are attracted to a gay woman, they don't know what's the "right fit." Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hey, Ken! nice of you to stop by and comment. A little extra love is a wonderful thing :D:D:D


braudboy profile image

braudboy 5 years ago from Long Beach, MS

You do these people no favors to encourage their foolishness. There are actually many stories of people who have conquered the "addiction" and have gone on to a heterosexual relationship, marriage, and KIDS!!!! It is certainly a bondage that is not easy to break. But, clearly, it is abnormal and must not be endorsed by society. It does not mean that we hate them or that we mistreat them. Society should be supportive in any effort to help them overcome.


mulberry1 profile image

mulberry1 5 years ago

Agreed! I'm heterosexual but didn't choose that. I have no idea why I am. Thank God no one judges me, shuns me, or discriminates against me because of how I am. Thank goodness I'm allowed to love, marry, and so forth rather than struggle with it all of my life.


CASE1WORKER profile image

CASE1WORKER 5 years ago from UNITED KINGDOM

Love the hub - why would someone choose a life where they were out of step with the majority if they had a choice? of course they wouldn't, its not a choice issue, its just what they are. Thankfully in the UK we have had same sex marriage for some years which means that couples can form really meaningful publicly regarded relationships. Maybe it would be better for a child to be adopted by two loving same sex parents than to be raised by a junkie or left in care as the parents are in prison?


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

braudboy, lots of "these people" have children of their own conceiving, both male and female - regardless of their nature. Being gay does not exclude that bodily function for homosexuals, any more than being straight would. I am glad, however, that you don't see a need to hate homosexuals.

Hey, mulberry1! Perhaps, someday, it will be less of a struggle for homosexuals as well.

CASE1WORKER, thanks so much. The UK is way ahead of North America in that respect. I saw the movie "The Naked Civil Servant" many years ago. Quentin Crisp had much of value and wit to say on these issues :D


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

Some people are bi-sexual. Just because they go from a gay relationship to a straight one doesn't mean they are "cured" they simply found love in the opposite sex.

The same goes for some seemingly straight people who later choose a same sex partner. Their orientation hasn't change, they were always attracted to both sexes and still are.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Too true, Pamela N red. Some homosexuals have already married and/or had children before they recognize their true nature - this happens to many women, but sometimes to men as well. Some homosexuals enter into opposite-sex marriages and have children because they cannot bring themselves to "disappoint" their families and friends, or because they feel there are no other options available to them... :D


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

At long last somebody who think and speaks the same language. Quite a few months ago a very good write wrote a hub absolutely putting gays down and stating it was a choice only. I commented like yours and I received an email absolutely furious and nasty. I was shocked that an otherwise highly intellegent person/writer could think like that. My father used to warn us in the '50s not to ridicule them because of their high suicide rate. I would have never done it anyway. Apparently because them being gay they are very highly strang. Great hub. Congratulation.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Greetings, friend Hh - I may have seen the same hub :D:D but I did see one on that same topic that inspired me to write this article. Your father was a very tolerant and caring man for his time, that's for sure, and it seems to have rubbed off.


American View profile image

American View 5 years ago from Plano, Texas

RED

Very good hub. Falling in love and who we are attracted to cannot be explained. So many have tried, it just cannot be done. It is afeeling that just happens, for some it happens in the first galnce of an eye. There is no science involved, it is not an inherited trait, its not a choice. It just is, period.

For those who say they knew very ealy in life, sorry but that is not true. One does not know what will happen till BAM, there the person I am atracted to. No names, not gay or not gay, or anything else for that matter. Just an attraction, a bond as it were. In some cases it happens to be with someone of the same sex.

Now I am not religious, I do not believe in God so those arguments hold no water with me. I see things in a different way. We are all just human beings. We should all be treated as equal, treated fair, treated with respect, no matter what. Lets lose the tags like gay, we are all just people trying to live the best, happiest life we can. Who cares who we fall in love with, as long as we do


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Glad you enjoyed the article. I do not equate love with orientation, nor do I believe that love can cause anyone to be physically attracted against their nature. That being said, I like the way you see things. I do agree that love is a choice. Regardless of how it happens, or with whom, we choose to love, or to not love someone, and their gender should neither enhance nor lessen our value or humanity.


Yeshuan profile image

Yeshuan 5 years ago from North Carolina

You really conveyed the fact that, homosexuality is a lifestyle choice, is not a "simple, innocuous phrase. Humans have such a long way to go in learning how to love each other no matter who or where they are in life.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

You certainly said a mouthful there, Yeshuan - we do have a very long way to go. Thanks so much for commenting.


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 5 years ago from Sunny Florida

RedElf, I feel you do not chose to be or not to be gay. A persons sexual orientation is their business. Love is love. Wonderful hub.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Gals, I couldn't agree more! Thanks so much for commenting - so glad you enjoyed the hub!


danfresnourban profile image

danfresnourban 5 years ago from Fresno, CA

RedElf,

Thanks for posting this fine Hub. However I come to a different conclusion than some of the comments here. Homosexuality is not a choice any more than heterosexuality is choice. If one of the Hubbers that commented to contrary can tell me when they decided to be 'straight', I can show you a repressed gay person. The fact of the matter is that people do not choose their sexuality, it is the result of a combination of physiological and cultural influences that affects each person's sexuality.

Thanks again for posting this hub that has sparked discussion of this important issue.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

That's an interesting perspective - "When did you decide you were straight?" I love it! Thanks so much for stopping by to add to the discussion.


braudboy profile image

braudboy 5 years ago from Long Beach, MS

danfres- You are right that yu do not choose your sexual gender, male or female. However, your behavior as a male and female is very much a choice. Their very well might be desires or lusts involved, but choice is always in the mix.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

braudboy, you cannnot choose your gender. The term "gender" means your sex - male or female - while the phrase "sexual gender" refers to your sexual orientation. I do agree though, that wherever desire or lust is concerned, or even love, choice is always a factor.


visionandfocus profile image

visionandfocus 5 years ago from North York, Canada

I enjoyed very much reading this thoughtful and well-written hub, and even your even your even-tempered responses to some provocative comments. I totally concur with your point that it is not a choice. Pretty obvious, it would seem. Why would anyone choose such a hard path in life if they had a different option? Who would choose to be ostracized by their own family? Considering how tormented these souls often are before they 'come out', I would think that any person of average intelligence would be able to figure out that they don't actually choose to be different. Voted up and awesome!


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks so much, visionandfocus. I would have thought it was fairly obvious, but not after hearing that phrase "lifestyle choice" so often - as if one were choosing a new health club, or to feng shui the living room!


braudboy profile image

braudboy 5 years ago from Long Beach, MS

Vision and focus- You say that homosexuality is not a choice because who would choose such a hard path in life. Well, I would ask you, who would choose to be a drug addict, or a bank robber, or a child molestor, or a thief, or a dead-beat dad, or etc, etc, etc. There are many bad spots that man can find himself in, and somewhere in the mix was his decision to follow that path in life.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks for another comment, braudboy - let's save the space for some other opinions - thanks :D


American View profile image

American View 5 years ago from Plano, Texas

Or maybe save the space for people who make sense. Look, being a bank robber or drug dealer or whatever else you want to throw out there is a CONSCIOUS choice. That person one day said I am going to do this. That is the definition of a life style choice. He chose the life style of crime instead of a life style of going to work. Responding with unrelated answers is a life style choice. Your behavior is also a concious choice, a life style choice, not an internal feeling. An example is there are those who are attracted, fall in love and marry. Their spouce abuses them. That is not a result of a loving feeling or the attraction they feel. That was a concious choice, a life style by the abuser. Why do most of the abused stay? Because they are attracted to that person. We cannot control attraction!!

Who we are attracted to is not a conscious choice. Its a feeling within that you cannot control. Desire and lust are a combination of feelings and actions. One does not wake up today and say " I am going to get atracted to someone of the same sex" That person just like the rest of us comes across a person they get attracted to. And by the way, who we are attracted to is not an "addiction". That was the lamest statement ever. I am atracted to Angie Harmon, oh man its an addiction. I better check into rehab. I think my girlfriend will get pissed when I tell her I cannot be in love with her, its an addiction. Good Grief.

Once more lose the terms we are all people, even those who post Ridiculous statements.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

You raise some interesting points, American View. I do agree that we can certainly control our actions, regardless of any attraction. Thanks for stopping by to comment.


KarmaPlusOne profile image

KarmaPlusOne 5 years ago from New Hampshire

Anyone here believes that it's a choice, let me ask you this. "When did you choose to become straight?" Meet and talk with some gay people and none of them will tell you that they choose this. They will only tell you that they've accepted it. How's that for statistics? Real life right at your fingertips.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Well said, KPO! Thanks so much for adding your perspective.


Justin 5 years ago

I am a gay man. I can tell all of you that at no point, EVER, in my life did I "choose" to be gay. I just was. This is who I am. I can no more change that than I can truly change my hair color. Sure, I can make the choice to mask my hair color with some dye, but my natural color is still my NATURAL color. Right? Sexuality works the SAME way. The only choice I ever made with my sexuality was forced by society saying it is wrong. I made the choice to try to be what society wanted. It didn't work. I never tried anything in my life that was so detrimental to myself and my soul than denying my true self. THAT is what causes the high suicides. It's not being gay that causes it. Oh, wait, CHOOSING to be gay as some of you say. It is people like you who cause it. It's really very sad. I have never had an attraction to women. I know who I am. Let's face it. Sexuality IS NOT a choice. Sure, you can choose to do differently, but that doesn't change who you are.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 5 years ago from Canada Author

Greetings, Justin. Thanks so much for sharing your experience so forthrightly. I agree - we can all choose what we do and how we do it, but that doesn't change who we are inside.


Starmom41 4 years ago

voted up! great hub!


RedElf profile image

RedElf 4 years ago from Canada Author

Starmom, Thanks so very much - nice of you to stop by and comment.


Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 3 years ago from Canada

this is a great hub, and one of the best I've read. Now this is something that is close to my heart, and no, it is not a "lifestyle choice" ( I hate the term being tossed my way) but something that is defines me. Excellent hub.


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 3 years ago from Southern Clime

I do not see my post. I am wondering if it was rejected.

Many heterosexuals cheat on their spouses. Many of the men say that they were genetically wired to pursue different females and impregnate them because it is their nature. They say that they cannot control these tendencies. Some of the women cheaters say that their husbands neglect them, and they have needs that the men are not providing. Still, other women are prostitutes, mistresses, or infrequent girlfriends to married men. They say that they cannot break away, although they have tried. Some of these prostitutes, mistresses, and girlfriends have husbands of their own!

Now, we look at men and women who prefer the same sex. They say that they cannot help their desires. So, what then is the difference between gay desires and heterosexual desires? I do not see a big difference. I see people, homosexuals and heterosexuals, doing what they want to do and giving reasons for it.

If you want peace of mind, love everyone, stop judging, and try to help people when you can. This world is a ball of confusion, and heterosexuals and homosexuals are in the mix.


CarolAnnHeadrick profile image

CarolAnnHeadrick 2 years ago

I have a serious question that I would really like an answer because I think the whole marriage thing should have the focus on the children - not the adults. A gay marriage denies the children of that marriage a mom or a dad. Are there any gay adults that can seriously say that they themselves would have been just fine without their own mom or dad? Which one would you have liked to have never known?


Sanxuary 2 years ago

Oddly, popular culture among a lot of people think that it is a choice. You would be amazed by the number of young kids who compare being gay to a fad like disco or some strange hobby like going emo based on whatever they think is going to fun or controversial today. In fact I think its the most pathetic part of the go gay movement. I really do not care what you are and whatever it is does not need my support or condemnation.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 2 years ago from Canada Author

Levertis Steele, you did not see your post because I have not been on this site for some months to moderate the comments. Thanks for your response to the hub.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 2 years ago from Canada Author

You raise an interesting point... any takers?


RedElf profile image

RedElf 2 years ago from Canada Author

I am most dreadfully out of touch - didn't realize there was a "go gay" movement - how silly.


Sanxuary 2 years ago

Spend a little time in any school and you will find a group of young kids who claim to be something they are not. They see it as being rebellious and something that singles them out from others. When you talk to them they have no clue and eventually they get older and leave the idea behind. The point is that there are people who think it is nothing but a choice. For example a marriage is between a man and a woman in a church in the presence of God before witnesses. A Civil Union is decided on a piece of paper granted by the state and performed by some appointed official. In other words I can be opposed to gay marriage but support civil union. If I was a church forced to perform gay marriage I would return to secrecy just like the times of ancient Rome. Can we not have both and still protect belief in this country? Of course for those who hate any idea of God this would be fantastic.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 2 years ago from Canada Author

You raise a very good point, and I do believe we should be allowed to follow our beliefs - as long as our beliefs do not infringe on the rights of others. Yes, we certainly can have both.

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