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Dear Red States:

  1. profile image0
    Rad Manposted 4 years ago

    We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving: "Legitimate rape" is almost reason enough. We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America(E.S.A).
    To sum up briefly:
    • You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
    • We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
    • We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
    • We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
    • We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
    • We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
    • We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
    • You get Alabama.
    • We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
    • Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
    • Please be aware that the E.S.A. will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Afghanistan at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.
    • We wish you success in Afghanistan, and possibly Iran as well, but we're not willing to spend our resources in these sorts of pursuits.
    • With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
    • With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
    • We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
    • 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.
    • We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
    Sincerely, Blue States

    1. Ralph Deeds profile image70
      Ralph Deedsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      +++

    2. habee profile image90
      habeeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      I agree with much of what you said. I'm not at all for the South leaving the USA, but I must disagree with you on a couple of points:

      * FL has the best beaches. The Gulf beaches to the south are almost like the Bahamas.
      * We GROW the best weed.
      * We get the SEC - GA Bulldogs, FL Gators, etc.
      * We get the Smoky Mountains.
      * We get to keep all our deer, doves, quail, ducks, rabbits, squirrels, and wild boar. Yum!
      * We get to keep our flounder and LARGE largemouth bass.
      * We have a l-o-n-g growing season here.
      * We get to keep our guns.
      * You can keep the ice and snow!

      1. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
        Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Then you can't claim victim-hood.  We'll be magnanimous and send foreign aide when the hurricanes knock you off your beaches. Better hold on to your guns because  you won't get any new ones.  All the factories are in the north and we won't make any for you. But you can still use slingshots.

      2. wilderness profile image96
        wildernessposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Can I add a few, habee?

        We not only get the smokies, we get most of the Rocky mountains, too.  Coupled with the Ogallala reservoir, we get most of the fresh water.  They get death valley. 
        We get most of the hydro power, they get more coal plants (if we ship them coal, anyway)
        We get the bread basket of the nation, they get orange groves.
        We get the farmers and workers, they get the unions. 
        We get the oil fields, they get maple syrup.
        We get Yellowstone, Zion, Bryce, Mt. Rushmore and the Grand Canyon,
        they get a donated French statue and some volcanoes.

        If we can talk them into taking illegals it sounds like a pretty good deal to me!

    3. kathleenkat profile image90
      kathleenkatposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      What do Neanderthals have to do with anything? Neanderthals existed in nomadic tribes, with little government aside from a tribal leader. I don't see the relevance to today's Republican platform.

      If it's an insult on intellegence, I would like to share that Neanderthals had larger brains that we do:
      http://newswatch.nationalgeographic.com … anderthal/

      1. profile image0
        Rad Manposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Neanderthals did have larger brains, but their inability for creativity was their downfall. That was just a comment, not an insult. No Neanderthals were hurt in this post.

        1. kathleenkat profile image90
          kathleenkatposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          Studies has shown that it was the super-high calorie intake required to sustain a Neanderthal, combined with the lack of food in their region of habitation due to the Ice Age, which caused their demise.

      2. Josak profile image62
        Josakposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Neanderthals were incapable of adaptation and creativity which is why they were wiped out by our own ancestors (though we have significant parts of our DNA from Neanderthals due to cross breeding) apparently those with conservative leanings are more likely to have a high proportion of neanderthal genes which may have some correlation to their inability to adapt.

        P.S. Brain size is largely irrelevant to intelligence.

        1. kathleenkat profile image90
          kathleenkatposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          Conservatives having a higher percentage of Neanderthal genes?

          Seriously, do tell: WHERE did you get that information?

          1. profile image0
            Rad Manposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            Have problems knowing a joke when you hear it?

            1. Barefootfae profile image60
              Barefootfaeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              There are many liberals who would make that statement and not be joking. Really.

            2. kathleenkat profile image90
              kathleenkatposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              Whether or not you were joking doesn't make that statement any less ridiculous.

              And sarcasm is virtually impossible to read on the internet, so you know. The main word I want to pull out of your response is "hear." I didn't hear it, I read it, so I didn't sense the sarcasm. wink

          2. Josak profile image62
            Josakposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            It's called science, preliminary studies have found a correlation, it is not "proven" per se as it needs more research and more trials but the available evidence suggests that to be the case.

            1. profile image0
              Rad Manposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              I've got some family members that clearly have a large proportion of Neanderthal DNA.

            2. kathleenkat profile image90
              kathleenkatposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              How could you possibly know that? We Americans are such a huge mixing pot of cultural backgrounds that yes, there may be some human-Neanderthal hybrid down the line in our ancestry. But what does that do with political standing? That is so far-fetched. Do a DNA test on a conservative and find some remnants of cross-breeding over 20,000 years ago in their DNA, and you could probably find similar findings all of the world, particularly those of European decent, where the Neanderthals populated.

              Also, that's not how science works. You don't grab a group of conservatives and look and see if Neanderthal genes are in them: You grab a group of people, find the genes, and draw conclusions on what the genes mean based on evidence. Nobody see's a stray gene sequence in someone's DNA and says "oh hey! They must be conservative!" You may as well grab a group of conservatives and say the fact that many of them have had wisdom teeth means they are conservative...

              Or explain how my brother became a conservative, while my parents are both very liberal. Perhaps that Neanderthal-conservative gene is recessant, just like my blue eyes?

              1. profile image0
                Rad Manposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                OMG, he was kidding with the conservatives having more Neanderthal genes, But not with all humans outside Africa. Only Africans have no Neanderthal DNA.

                1. kathleenkat profile image90
                  kathleenkatposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                  How could you possibly know that? He never came out and said it.

                  Perhaps he honestly believes it? Clearly you don't, but you also cannot speak for him.

    4. Barefootfae profile image60
      Barefootfaeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Buh-bye.

      1. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
        Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        promises promises

  2. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
    Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago

    The framers of the present USA were blues, so we get the Constitution too.

    We the people of the Enlightened States of America, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the Enlightened States of America.

    Article I.  Congress shall make no law telling women what to do with their bodies
    Article II. Congress shall make no law  allowing stupid, derogatory campaign ads
    Article III. Congress shall make no law  prohibiting affordable access to health care.
    Article IV. Congress shall make no law allowing the state to murder people in the name of justice
    Article V. Congress shall make no law promoting religions or allowing them to preach without a disclaimer informing the public that what they are preaching is not proven facts
    Article VI.  Congress shall make no law prohibiting scientific and medical advances in the name of  religious qualms
    Article VII. Congress shall make no law making natural foods and medicines more expensive than synthetic medicines and  edible food-like substances
    Article VIII. Congress shall make no law allowing mistreatment based on sexual orientation
    Article IX. Congress shall make no law allowing the destruction of the environment in the name of the economy
    Article X. Congress shall make no law allowing churches to tell people who to vote for

    First Amendment. Since Hershey is in Pennsylvania, the Blue states get all the chocolate.

    1. TheManWithNoPants profile image73
      TheManWithNoPantsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      ... AND you'll go bankrupt it in 18 months and we'll buy you back for pennies on the dollar.  We'll pay cash because we'll have plenty of it after 18 months of economic growth and not having to support your bums. 

      Hate crap like this is what's ruining our country.  I was given this link by someone in my organization who saw it .  I don't spend my day playing on the forum.  I actually do something to help this country.  I founded a truly bipartisan organization who's goal is to fight corruption on both sides.  Our members are both conservatives and liberals and we don't subscribe to this kind of destructive trash.

      1. BLACKANDGOLDJACK profile image83
        BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        + + + +

        1. profile image0
          Rad Manposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          You guys need to lighten up.

          1. wilderness profile image96
            wildernessposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            Hmmm.  Guess I'm just not with it anymore.  I took it all as tongue in cheek humor - laughing at ourselves to lighten the day. 

            You mean people actually believe this stuff?  Actually take it seriously?

            1. habee profile image90
              habeeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              Same here, Wild Man. I didn't take this seriously.

              1. wilderness profile image96
                wildernessposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                Aw, forget it, habee.  Let's go see Opryland. smile

          2. kathleenkat profile image90
            kathleenkatposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            You need to lighten up, too.

            It really is quite humerous, as an independent voter, to see how democrats and republicans insult eachother on here, and don't see how by doing this, they are acting exactly the same as they are accusing the others to be.

            1. profile image0
              Rad Manposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              Okay, I'll go grab a beer and smile.

      2. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
        Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        Wishing bankruptcy on people and calling them bums qualifies as hate more than anything  Rad Man or I have said.

        1. TheManWithNoPants profile image73
          TheManWithNoPantsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          I don't wish bankruptsy on anyone, and I have a bum in my family who has more character than anyone I know.  I was taking a counter stance to show the sharpness of tone, anger,  and what I find to be un necessary  insults to the side that lost the election.  Sure.  Call us racist, and insult us all you want.  Then get offended if we say anything back.  That's fair. (if you're a punching bag)  Why put something like this out?  I have an idea.  Some idiot on our side did the same thing.  (sighing)  I gotta get to work.  This link WAS witty, I have to say.

          1. TheManWithNoPants profile image73
            TheManWithNoPantsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            Rhonda,
            I read your profile and though we may see some things differently, I appreciate the work you do to help these beautiful people.  Much respect my friend.

            ~ jim

          2. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
            Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            Your post was a reply to my post.  There is no anger or insult in what I said.  Did I call you a racist?  You betray yourself when you deny what you have not been accused of.

            1. TheManWithNoPants profile image73
              TheManWithNoPantsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              I was refering to whoever wrote this thing.  If you knew me, you'd know I'm about as far from being a racist as you canget.   Sorry, I don't do forums,  don't know how the thread thing works, and I don't want to. Going to shut the notification off.  I don't have the time or the interest in arguing for the sake of arguing which is the norm in here. This thread was written for the sole purpose of invoking a negative reaction from the right.  No educational value, nothing.    Don't do Soap Operas or Forums.  This country is divided enough without them, but if that's the way some people want to spend their day, ya gotta do what you love.  Peace.

  3. Greek One profile image79
    Greek Oneposted 4 years ago

    Can I have Miami Beach if Florida leaves?

    1. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
      Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Sure!  In fact, I'm taking my little town down here in northeast Texas with me.  I'm also taking Disney World and those beautiful women who prance around with bananas in their hats.

      1. tammybarnette profile image60
        tammybarnetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

        I'm in TN the most beautiful place on earth, IMHO, beautiful weather, all seasons, I am in the east so not too many tornadoes to worry about, far enough in to not worry with hurricanes, gorgeous mountain ranges as far as the eye can see....I don't wanna go, can't we all just get along....pretty please, with sugar on top...  smile

        1. kathleenkat profile image90
          kathleenkatposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          Happen you to be on the Cumberland Plateau? My mom lives there; beautiful geography (she's a geologist, so that's probably why she likes it).

          1. tammybarnette profile image60
            tammybarnetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            I am an hour outside Asheville NC, the Blue Ridge Mtns...I bet she does love that she has so much beauty inwhich to study...It is truly God's Country, in my humble opinion of course smile

            1. profile image0
              Rad Manposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              I love that term "God's Country". My Grandfather used it all the time to describe part of the country where he lived. As a small child I was perplexed as to why my parents moved us away from "God's Country". A few years later I learned that God's Country was seriously lacking in jobs.

              1. tammybarnette profile image60
                tammybarnetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                Jobs are pretty good right now, but education has gotten way too expensive...I have 2 in college and one about to start next fall...it seems they want to keep us dumb and poor, a lot of welfare beneficiaries here, and I will fight for their rights to have that help all day long, but the system needs to be regulated much better, I hear people talking about selling their food stamps for 50 cents on the dollar and it makes me sick...there are jobs, just too many people who would rather not work and live on welfare, now that is a sorry existence, I do not know how anyone could be happy that way...something has got to give...

        2. profile image0
          Rad Manposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          Okay. You've convinced me with the sugar.

          1. tammybarnette profile image60
            tammybarnetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            That's the southern Belle in me, lol....

            1. TheManWithNoPants profile image73
              TheManWithNoPantsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              Sugar'd up, bouncing off the walls, and back to work!  Thanks Tammmy.  George sent me the link and I bit. You know how I hate forums.  The real reason?  Obviously with my addictive, compulsive, and ADHD disorders mixed with high testosterone make me good at only a few things.  Since I'm too old for football now, I have to be careful with where I direct my energy.  Lol   Learned my lesson!

              1. Gotridame profile image59
                Gotridameposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                Deleted

                1. TheManWithNoPants profile image73
                  TheManWithNoPantsposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                  Honestly don't need em yet and need the ones I have need to mellow out, bro.  Love the head gear on you and the cat.  Also like the love thing.    When you gonna write a hub?

              2. tammybarnette profile image60
                tammybarnetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                Jim, alls well that ends well my friend smile Hopefully we will be able to say the same thing after the next four years, right smile Good to see you, I haven't seen George lately, tell him I have missed talking to him as well, talk soon smile

              3. Ardie profile image90
                Ardieposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                Does Tammy know you hate forums Jim?  How does she know that if I don't even know that? Must be the cousin thing ; )

        3. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
          Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago in reply to this

          lol!  Oh Tammy, that sounds like a lovely place.  By all means, stay where you are.    We've been getting along fairly well.  .  I don't want to leave geographically.  I'd just like to leave some of the craziness and those people who just won't do right.   But who doesn't?

          1. tammybarnette profile image60
            tammybarnetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

            Amen Rhonda, I have noticed we the people are much better at finding common ground than those guys up on the hill...What is wrong with those nuts, I mean you can't have a true American pie without the nuts, but geesh... smile

            1. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
              Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago in reply to this

              Maybe there's some truth to the saying power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.  Yet there must be somebody on the hill who's doing something right or we would be in a lot worse shape as a nation.

              1. tammybarnette profile image60
                tammybarnetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                Exactly! And yes there are still good people and even good law makers and tax collectors...Here is what I think is happening right now between "the people" : We are having a marital type power battle and getting dangerously close to a divorce, the paper have been signed by the (husband) The(wife) is explaining that it is better to be patient and frugal to ensure a bright future for her children, the (husband) is worried sick about the maxed out credit card and is afraid the bank(China) will come calling and the family will lose everything, so who cares about the future right now, we want have one if we don't fix the budget...Anyway, maybe its just me but I think we better make up and learn to love one another again, compromise, listen to one another, respect eachothers strengths and opinions, quit worrying about who is right and who is wrong, quit the power struggle, share responsibility and work together for the common goal of having a safe and loving family...

                1. wilderness profile image96
                  wildernessposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                  Good analogy, and I do think that the maxed out credit card (along with the spending habits that produced it) are a major bone of contention. 

                  We really do need to get along and come to an agreement on what we can do about that card, while maintaining spending for what we really want and need.  It can be done, but only with honesty and a real desire to work together to make the family work.

                  1. tammybarnette profile image60
                    tammybarnetteposted 4 years ago in reply to this

                    I agree, reminds me of an Andy Griffith episode, the men and women were all upset about the City Counsil, a woman had dared to run, the men cut off the ladies credit, so they couldn't buy their hats...the women quit cooking and cleaning for the men...great episode, lol...I wish we could solve this crisis in a 30 min time slot smile The truth is we need to be open to all it will take, taxes really have to increase, we have some serious work to do on the infrastructure, especially after Sandy...we can not even think of taking all of the extra income through cuts or we will slip back into a recession, but some cuts must be made, across the board...The fights are constantly black and white arguements, the details should be the arguements...One side wants $250,000 to be the point where new taxes begin...so, why come back with "no," Why not instead say, well, how about any individual over $500,000 and couple over $550,000..why not just hammer out the details...One side feels government sponsored welfare programs must be dealt with, ok so lets increase regulations such as drug testing, make sure people work or at least volunteer, to qualify, lets cut administrative levels of red tape where most of the funding actually gets spent...lets also realize that if we believe that teachers, policeman,  fireman, garbage service, etc. is important, then you will not believe these services are free and these people should make better money, so taxes need to come up ...What was that famous line from Henry Ford, he had to pay his employees enough to buy the cars...As a country we must invest in these important institutions...But we must learn to pay our bills and quit buying hats smile

  4. rebekahELLE profile image92
    rebekahELLEposted 4 years ago

    The letter is quite a few years old, and originally appeared on Craig's list in 2005. 
    It looks like it has a few modifications, and Florida, by the way, is currently blue
    So habee, we'll continue to share our beaches with all who come our way. smile

    1. Rhonda D Johnson profile image77
      Rhonda D Johnsonposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      That's right, the president won Florida in the elections. Yippee!  Disney World is safe.

    2. habee profile image90
      habeeposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Sorry, but FL is one of the states that has filed a petition of secession:

      http://jacksonville.com/news/florida/20 … -also-have

      I thought that was the topic here at first, but now I see it's about red vs. blue states. Anyway, FL is still pretty red. Since 1972, they've voted R 7 times for POTUS, and only 3 times for Ds.

      FL governor - R
      FL lieutenant gov - R
      Chief financial officer - R
      Attorney Gen - R
      Commissioner of Ag - R
      state senate - R (2 to 1)
      state house - R (overwhelmingly so)

 
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