How do you deal with sexual abuse?

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   Marie-AnneLeClercposted 12 years ago

   What are ways to heal the scars of sexual abuse?

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      Marie-AnneLeClercposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Should you report all people that sexualy abuse you?

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         CASE1WORKERposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         It depends on the individual, you have to be prepared to answer lots of questions and be prepared for upset- especially if the abuser is a family member.

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            Marie-AnneLeClercposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Thank you case1worker, I do have a history of sexual abuse, though I thought I had worked through this & felt that I had come out of the 'horror' & trauma of it all.... Only I have this neighbour who is an alcoholic but is nice when he want to be... He is at leat 20 plus yrs than me.  He has appologised and then takes time in manipulating me by giving me presents and seeing that i'm ok to wantig to share talks with him etc; & then finaly he has repeated the same act in deliberately exposing himself & physicaly forcing my hand or head to service him.  I hate this & there is no excuse... 
            
            During my time of rape & sexual abuse I have also met men that would Never do such things...  but I feel really repulsed by men, because of all the abuse & rape...

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               Marie-AnneLeClercposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Not only this I feel that I should report him since he knew exactly what he was doing, & manipulated me into giving back my trust etc; & when he got that back he repeated the same act... There is no forgiveness in this... ..and this been the thread of these type of people they wish to dominate or are just completely 'social rapists!'

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                  Marie-AnneLeClercposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  My relationships since the early times of rape & abuse has been with women. I don't regret this at all... I am open to what ever happens.... though I am sick & tired with men sexually abusing me...

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                     CASE1WORKERposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     You don't have to put up with this.
                     It is not your fault!
                     You don't have to report him if you don't want to, but don't take his presents, don't speak to him and don't associate with him.
                     I repeat, it is not your fault..........not all men are like it.................be brave and make YOUR decision and then go with it- don't hang around and hope he will change- he might do but not with you.
                     You dont have to be the victim!

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                        Marie-AnneLeClercposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                        I will do this I have to be stronger, he is my neighbour downstairs, but before my mother just recently died she said to stay away from him, she knew very well what was going on... & I agree Not all men are like this but he has two sides... I have to realize that he is not sincere at all & you do not do these filthy acts towards women... I should report him to the police but I don;t have evidence... Point is I will Not haven anything to do with him... If he again try to apologise & say that he was drunk that's not true, I was in a room full of people when I said I was leaving, he then walked me out side & shut the door behind & then forced his disgusting sexual acts upon me he grabbed my hand and pushed my head and I could not move back because he was much stronger than me. Eventually I made my escape.... but would a normal man do this? I doubt it he's sick - I should of opened the door & then Everyone would of seen him exposed, wish I had done this at the time... I hate him & feel so sickened by this act... and yet he is sitting there in no way affected and just acting if everything is normal;;;, I hate this man!!!!

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   Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

   Marie, I'm very sorry that you have gone through this. Such horrible things should never have to happen to anyone. However, just discussing the issue is a huge step. Another thing I think would be important would be to forgive yourself for being trusting in regard to this person who manipulated you back into his trust only to once again betray it. It seems from the words you use that that is particularly traumatic for you. I wish you the very best in overcoming this horror. I dealt with a lot of emotional abuse and brutality from my stepdad when I was a child. Im 37 now and forgiveness is still a serious challenge. I hope very much you can overcome your fear of trusting people and that you can find peace.

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      Marie-AnneLeClercposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      No I'm going to have to reprort him. This just happened again less than  days's ago. I feel sick, violated, abused, and sooo angry. While he sits there in his house unaffected. His also been very possessive of me and if he has ever found out that I have dated anyone he then calls me a whore & a slut.... I hate this man.... I am trying to move away from here so I can be free!!!

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         CASE1WORKERposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Good! Go report him! Don't worry about the evidence, even if nothing can be proved now it will be recorded and he may try it on some other woman where there is evidence and your report would help in her case. Try and move or ask any girl friends over to stay, or simply go out early, if he drinks a lot he will be up later- try and get in without him knowing and dont answer the door- if he creates a disturbance then some one else is bound to report the noise.

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            Marie-AnneLeClercposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            I will, apparently there have been other women who have had similar experiences, one in particular was an old Greek women who used to live upstairs, & she did report it but they must of thought she was mad because of her age... Though I was not amused considering what I already knew, other women that had been there just on & off reported the same stuff... I also saw him outside the flat exposing & playing with himself whilst looking up and being well exposed to a young vietnamese women who had young children & a baby... She must of seen him down there doing his thing...
            
            I sincerely think that I should report him to the police as a sex offender..
            He has No excuse & is highly manipulative and doesn't seem to feel any remorse for his actions... I also remember onetime hearing some young teenage girls screaming as they walked past his house one time, & they were screaming things like  OMG what a filthy dirty old dog etc; - well he must of exposed himself at the time... Must be sick - what else?

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