A 10-year old takes her life because of bullying. How awful that bullying has probably been around since before public schools and yet in the 21st century we still act like we have no answers. Our approach seems to be the same old nothing as evidences show that lives are threaten by bullying. This 10-year is by no means the first to take her life because of bullying and this act of bullying can and does cause the victims to do things they ordinarily wouldn't do because we as adults just can't take this matter seriously.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45354766/ … l-suicide/
Sadly, 10-year-olds do not have enough experience to know that things change radically as people grow up. One learns their strengths and passions.
I personally feel guilty for being mean to a fat girl. She was pretty hardened to this. I felt I would certainly be more shunned than I already was to befriend her. I was hardly the popular girl in high school ("jolly green giant" was my moniker after wearing the green girls scouts uniform).
I acted like I didn't care, so others did not pursue this. Should make a hub about this....;-)
That's so sad.
The part about kids being told not to tattle is true, at least in many cases. I remember having lunch with my grandson at school on Grandparents' Day a few years ago. On the wall was a sign saying "No Tattling". It struck me as strange then and it still does.
The main thing I can think of that might correct this issue is that adults (both the school systems and parents) need to let kids be kids! Many schools are trying to teach children that they're capable of making adult decisions, when in fact they are not. That puts too much pressure on a child, even a teenager. Maybe because the authorities did away with corporal punishment, even, is a factor. Children can of course learn (if properly taught) to treat each other well. Even the "bullies" are children themselves! So, adults need to take charge of this situation. That might include mental health counseling and/or proper punishment for bad behavior. It's not right to allow bullying, but it's not right to label a kid a "bully", even, without focusing on all aspects of the coin. The problem is that this has become a vehicle for political activism instead of child-rearing/teaching. Each case has to be considered individually. Otherwise, it only leads to more confusion.
Perhaps along with the teachings of sex ed in our public school systems, they should mandate informative classes dedicated of the dangers of how bullying really can be and what it can lead up to as a result of it. Not sure if they are doing that now but if not,it's an idea.
this is a tricky subject - if you punish a bully, you may just be reinforcing their behavior - validating them. There are people who are just sort of born mean, and need a bunch of extra love. Certainly, no one should ignore bullying - often though, bullies have a whole gang of supporters as we often see in the political arena. How to teach our children not to behave like some of the adults they find? on television, computer games, movies, and can find even in their schools = speaking of their adult models. How do we do that? can love be taught? I guess so.
One other thing, kinda sad that a 10 year old knew how to successfully kill herself in the first place. Many adults fail at their attempts so how the hell did she know how to do it the "right way"? Call me clueless but I'm pretty sure when I was 10 years old I didn't have a clue how to do it or even have a thought of doing it. Kids nowadays are exposed to way to much info that they shouldn't be exposed to at these young ages!
I feel a hub coming on. I've done it before. I did one at ehow. It was stolen blind. Can anyone find it? It would save me a lot of work. Then again, such an article as I wrote would be subject to lawsuits here, there, and everywhere. I am facetious as to finding it.
I am perturbed enough to make an attempt.
Bullying has been around too long for us-(adults) to continue to make excuses as to why it's still as effective as it's always been. Bullies do what they do behind people's back, in the shadows so when you expose their true nature to the light then they have little power for now Everyone Knows What They're Really Like. We know that bullies go after the weak as we see in a lot of adult crimes- we very, rarely ever see crimminals going after orginized crime or gangsters. This let's us know that bullies are cowards and knowing all these we haven't designed a better way of life to keep our children safe-that's shameful.
In my opinion we've become so politically correct we've handicaped ourselves. Example: A teach could think I know that kids a bully but if I address him/her/them in a way they'll understand then I may get fired for doing the right thing so the best thing is to do nothing and hope it will go away. Our children need protection and they aren't getting it.
The no tattle rule even extends into adult life but then the term changes from "tattling" into "rat." People get killed for being labeled a rat both in and out of the prison systems. Seems like such a simple term but has many repercussions attached to it for both the young and old as we can see.
You know a bully rarely stops themself. I wouldn't say when I was younger I was a bully but I did fight more times then I would have liked but because of the environment in which I grew up you fought to keep from being bullied. What came as a shock to me until one of my best friends pointed it out to me is even though I didn't see my self as a bully other's were treaten by the reputation I had made for myself and though people were polite and kind to me I truly didn't know it was because they were afraid of me. Once I was made aware of my impact on others I changed.
mega, No way should a bully receive extra love. No way. By doing so would appear to him as a reward for making the lives others miserable.
Most parents I know that have children set what I call house rules. If those house rules are broken, consequences take their place. Grounding, extra chores, or what ever the parents have set forth.
But you know, there must be more and more people who are thnking like you. I see kids that are bullied all day and I can tell you their life is no pick nik. While the ones doing the bullying, are having a ball, basking in all this new found attention.
And yes, this is a VERY touchy subject.
I have to say this. I taught my son to just walk away, and ignore the bullies. Not to argue with them, not to fight with them. Just ignore them. He is a big kid. Right at 6 ft, 250/300 pounds. Big boned. Solid as a rock. But, tender hearted as can be. You would think a bully wouldn't bother him. WRONG. He was tortured day in and day out. UNTIL one day, he had had enough. He told a bully, hey, dude, I don't fight, but if you are interested I'll make you a deal. If it is hitting me that you want to do, go ahead, take your best shot or shots. Then, it will be my turn, but instead of hitting you I will challenge you to a simply round of mercy. The bully agreed. The bully simply said forget the punches, dude, you are toast, held up his hands for a round of mercy. First, my son son said, if I win, you leave me alone right? The bully, of course. They engaged the game of mercy, my son says get your best grip cause brother your goin down. He laughed. Less than 30 seconds into the battle, the bully cried mercy.
After that, they became friends. Not best friends, but respectful friends.
Most often than not, the one being bullied just has to show them they won't stand for it any longer. Even if it means getting expelled or paddled.
I meant extra love for children who exhibit signs of becoming bullies - not for full grown meanies. and then, there's also all kinds of ways of showing love to kids and adults who are bullies - not meaning that they should be coddled. No. not at all. You can actually find ways to show love without rewarding for bullying - I mean caring in a strong way. It is unhealthy for us to be exceptionally aggressive toward bullies - sometimes that's the response they want. You can find love in yourself and turn away a bully's attack - appropriately. It's called diffusing the situation without using aggression. Try it - it feels good, and it works.
Kinda like buffering, and yes, that does help in many cases. But in some people are players, and then there are some that, well, they just have a mean streak. With them, you could spoon feed them and give em fame and fortune and they would still laugh you in the face. These are the ones teachers and employers are having such bad experiences with.
Most all kids are going to push a few buttons here and there. Limits and boundaries. I guess. Adults do it too. That is natural, and in most cases, gets worked out on its own merit. Much like, the one being bullied sometimes just has to stand up to the bully.
Glad, so glad, to know you didn't mean reward a bully for his/her bad behavior.
by Eric Dierker3 years ago
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