Barack Obama, Chauncey Gardiner, and the Nobel Prize

That great American philosopher Woody Allen said that “eighty percent of success is showing up.” And to this point, “showing up” could be described as President Obama’s governing credo. We all woke up Friday morning to hear that the Nobel Committee had given the Nobel Peace Prize to President Barack Obama. Fidel Castro and other Obama apologists immediately went into their usual genuflections praising Obama and the Nobel Committee for making this surprise presentation.

The Nobel Committee has been oft criticized for taking the peace prize and turning it into a political hatchet job, and 2009 is no exception, giving the prize to the man who has yet to demonstrate any leadership ability besides that of “showing up.” Of course, this will not be the first time that something rotten went down in Scandinavia. All in all, the Vikings should have stayed home and we still haven’t forgiven the Swedes for releasing ABBA on the rest of the world.

Democrats are quick to point out that Obama is attempting so many good things. But when did good intentions, without productive results, count for anything? (besides the Academy Awards, I mean). If “good intentions” were enough, where is all the credit for George W. Bush? He certainly meant well and tried very hard to keep the nation safe.

Come to think of it, he actually did that.

Yet Bush continues to be bashed long after having passed from the scene. Like a cat playing with a dead mouse, Democrats can’t leave Bush alone. Dems still flop him around and bite on him every now and then for the pure pleasure of it.

But, Obamaphiles are elated that the president got the Nobel Prize for having done nothing because it proves to those crusty conservatives that you really can get something for nothing. Producing something for nothing is a fundamental principle of a liberal’s metaphysic. It’s the stuff that dreams, and welfare checks, and fiat spending, and rights to abortion are made of. Progressive atheists believe that the universe came from nothing and by nothing, but for something—an ontological Gettysburg Address for unbelievers.

But some good may come of the President receiving this award. At least liberals who have been so ashamed of America in the face of Europeans can now hold their heads high with pride knowing that their president has done even more than the French to advance the cause of international security.

When someone receives the Nobel Prize, everyone should be cheering instead of laughing. If we wanted to laugh, we could have tuned to the Ig Nobel Awards which this year’s prize in physics went to three physicists who analytically approached the question of why pregnant women do not tip over. Unfortunately, the Nobel Peace Prize has become the Darwin Award for international peace, an award given to well-meaning, but “do nothing” international busybodies like Desmond Tutu and Jimmy Carter. Perhaps in keeping with the spirit of this “unaccomplishment” the Nobel Prize could be presented by former House Majority Leader and more recently, dancer extraordinaire, Tom Delay. You laugh, but why not? Both are dancing their way into obscurity. Somehow, it seems a fitting gesture.

Actually, it’s really not fair to say that President Obama has done nothing. While only a few months in office, the president has managed to offend the queen, show the Saudis “who’s who” by bowing before the Saudi king, and has apologized profusely for America’s existence (we use to call it “excuse me for living….”).

I actually think the Nobel Committee made a mistake: they were supposed to give President Obama the “Nobel Appease Prize,” not the “Nobel Peace Prize.”

Let’s see….he’s managed to appoint five tax cheats to cabinet positions, double the national debt, and kissed Hugo Chavez on the cheek. Such affection among leaders is reminiscent of that kiss Leonid Brezhnev and Jimmy Carter gave each other upon signing SALT II in 1979. Carter kissed Brezhnev in June and Brezhnev returned the gesture six months later by invading Afghanistan.

In the movie Being There, Peter Sellers plays Chance the Gardener who is transformed through a misunderstanding into “Chauncey Gardiner.” Chance is a blank slate, but is exalted throughout the film because his behavior provides a backdrop on which other characters in the film can impose their own interpretations of reality. Chance is advanced throughout the film, although he does nothing more than become whatever people want him to be at that moment.

President Obama is distinguishing himself as the Chauncey Gardiner of the Democrat Party, where "being there" is all that counts.