Memory from age 5
When I remember my childhood,one horrible memory over rides all others I had at the time.i had a young friend who was female, we were both five years old.we hung about a lot together,we got on very well as much as young kids can I suppose.one day we stupidly decided to play at the railway line just over our back door,only thing separating us from imminent danger was a busted old metal fence which had lots of holds perfect for two small children to get through. We went through and started tossing stones around the edges of the line.just out of the blue for no reason my friend decided to sit directly between the railway lines.i was shocked to say the least,I thought she was doing a prank or some sort of joke.i shouted to her,please come off the track.it was as if she could not hear me,or she was ignoring me.i shouted louder and louder as much as my small voice could muster.still nothing,I warily approached her, I was petrified,but she seemed eerily at ease.she never spoke.she was almost trance like.i took her cold hand,I said to her please please come off the track.still I got no response.i tried pulling her,but she felt so much bigger than me, I could not budge her.then I heard the sound I was dreading, a train was approaching us.i was scared and began to cry.my friend was still motionless.i tried my hardest to drag her,but again to no avail.i felt the vibration of the train approaching on the ground were it stood.fear had gripped me now,it had all but taken over all my emotions.still my friend did not move.the train was visible now in the distance.it was getting ever closer.i thought about running to get our mums,but I didn't want to leave her.the train was getting ever nearer now, I felt totally helpless.i didn't want to let go of her hand,I thought she needed me to stay.the train was about a bus length away from us now,I seized up with fear even more.i kept her hand.the train was then twenty feet away,everything in my mind was playing in slow motion.before I knew it the train was upon us.i still held my best friends hand.suddenly I felt a wrenching of my arm, a pain shot up my arm,I knew I was losing my friends grip at that moment.in the blink of an eye I heard a thud ,I watched as my best friend was dragged off by a huge train.i was lost.one minute she was there,then she was gone.i stood alone on the railway for what seemed like an eternity.once I came back to reality the horror dawned on me of what had just taken place.i immediately ran as fast as my small legs would go,to my home.i spoke to my mum who didn't believe me,she thought I was telling stories. I pleaded with her to believe me.just to give herself peace of mind she took me to my friends home and I repeated what I had said to my mum.the family were in shock,as they had not seen her for a few hours.my mum called the Police,they arrived very quickly.again I repeated the story.the Police left temporarily to what I could only imagine was to see if there were any reports of a rail incident.they came back with an ominous look on their faces.the girls family read their faces and burst in to tears.
i don't remember much after this,I briefly remember a couple of days later seeing her Dad and Mum and other family members leaving early in the morning dressed in black.i reasoned that it must have been my best friends funeral that day.turned out I was right,I found out later from my Mum who told me what had occurred that morning.i don't have many memories from that time,but this is not something I think I will ever forget.i think of my best pal often,hoping she's in a better place now.only god knows the answer to that.
True cost of losing a friend.
Trains pass like life.
i now live across the backdoor from a major railway line.i see hundreds of trains going by each week,just now and then the memory rears its ugly head.it still freezes me on the spot when I recall the horror of that day.
This time in my life is still disturbing when I think of it,it's a trauma a young child should never have went through.i lost a good friend that day,one of the very few good friends I had at that time.i was a bit shy to say the least,didn't find it easy to make friends,so any i did get I was very grateful for.Any friends I had i guarded fiercely,I trusted my young friends implicitly,and I think they trusted me as much as I trusted them.we formed a very close bond,and when one of us died,it affected us terribly.we felt the implications of our friend dying very deeply.it took us a long time to get back to some semblance of normality.In the months after her death,we didn't see as much of each other,our hang outs became less frequent.we all sat mainly in our homes thinking of what was,and hopefully what might be.We would never forget our good friend,she is still fresh in my memories even to this day.
Gone,but not forgotten.
this memory is as fresh today as it was when I was five.out of all the bad things over my life,this one is by far the most prevailing memory I can't get rid off.i think of it often in my more somber moments.sometimes thinking is an overrated pass time.
Family moves on.
the family who lost the wee girls took a long time to move on from the tragedy.i used to see her Dad daily and the trauma was still with the guy.he walked around almost in a daze most of the time.I have not seen the Dad or any member of the family since I left Ferguslie Park all those years ago,i often think how the got on in their lives.i think and hope they ended up happier than when I last saw them.i genuinely hope the found some solace or peace in their lives.