Schwag on HubPages

Schwag (Wes J. Pimentel) is the author of The Life Articles. They are a collection of mostly humorous writings on all different topics, from pizza and doughnuts to the evils of small talk.

Here's a description of each of my writings. Just click on any title to read the article:

 

Television Personalities is my scathing rant about people like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

Pizza and Doughnuts is a funny little number about the power of suggestion when used by the food industry.

Marijuana and Severed Limbs is the very funny, but true story of how I was introduced to two totally unrelated things at the same time as a kid.

The Lily Pad Technique is an analysis of how women navigate relationships (funny).

Pirate Shit is another very funny, but true story of how I ended up taking a dump with a parrot on my shoulder.

Sit, Lion! is a criticism of all the people making those "When Animals Attack"-type shows (funny too).

Sonic Gloom outlines exactly why the human ear is the ugliest body-part in all existence (kinda funny).

MyFace is my take on social networking sites, like Facebook and MySpace.

Watchmen: A Review I'll give you one guess (informative).

Schwag Learns to Draw is a product review of the Bamboo Fun digital drawing tablet (informative part II, revenge of the info).

God Bless You is one of my all-time favorites. It's a hilarious, grouchy criticism of saying this after every sneeze.

Hub Pages Censorship is the true story of how I got censored on this site and how I reacted.

a CLEAR and present CHANNEL is an alert about a certain media company (hint, hint) that is destroying the music industry.

Good Tech Bad Tech is a comparative essay, weighing the benefits of technology against its drawbacks (very funny).

What's the Catch? is my expression of appreciation for my family, but especially my wife (not funny at all).

Look Who's never Coming to Dinner is a public service announcement welcoming "baby momma" and "baby daddy" to the american family (hilarious).

You've Got Mail! is a venemous assault on all those people who forward around "funny", "inspirational", "cute", and "uplifting" emails (funny, if you like evil).

Black Death is my profession of love for coffee (do I have to say it again?).

Disregard the Following... is an all-out attack on the ridiculous disclaimers we use like, "Not to be rude, but..." (funny, if you love jerks like me).

Pooper Stupor is a guide on how to use the male bathroom (funny? are you kidding?).

Death and Ducklings is the hilarious true story of how I watched a group of little girls become jaded during an event which lasted about 2 minutes (funny, if you are a sick, morbid freak).

The Emaciation Proclamation is my denouncement of all the anorexic celebrities, wrecking the minds of our little girls (funny, but not).

Latin Food Refusal Guide is a guide to help you when you're in a Latin home.

Piss Like a Racehorse is a review of a bunch of common sayings that don't make any sense (very funny).

The Good Guys is my attack on MOST policemen. (it's funny, dammit)

I See Gay People! is my criticism of homophobia.

Spring HubNugget Review is a review of the HubNugget nominees for the week of March 22, 2009.

I Do? was my take on marriage a long time ago (funny).

The Secret to Hub Traffic is my way of helping all the Hubbers out there who struggle with getting traffic.

My Dad's a Homo is the true story of how I found out that my father is gay and how I reacted (funny haha, not funny queer).

The Vagina Diatribe is my rant about all the vaginal-product commercials out there.

Me Duelen en el Alma is my expression of the anguished love one feels as a parent.

A Farewell to Prison is my funny farewell to a place I called home for years.