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I’m an only child, so growing up my only friend was shaped like a box, which is more aesthetically pleasing than an asymmetrical teenager. TV, back then, showed less of the aforementioned people and also wore more clothing. Sometimes good, sometimes gross.

This lifestyle also led me to making up imaginary characters I wrote and lived with daily. Once, I submitted a script to Home Improvement (probably written on Lisa Frank stationary in scented pens) with a kissing scene between JTT and myself, of course.

My family’s Spanish and Southern, so we’re crazy with bad childhoods, making me the perfect candidate for writer/responsible nare-do-well (that’s not a paradox because I’m a multi-tasker).

Because of my big hands, I’m an efficient typist and I’ve only met two people who have a larger pinky than me. Big hands means long forearms and big feet, which allows me to reach high objects and have good balance.

For a year, I majored in Journalism (which you can obviously tell by the fact that I am not utilizing reverse-pyramid format), until I remembered I’m a little too out of the box (get it, my only friend was a box and to watch it I had to outside of it). I’m funnier in real life, I think. 

I graduated with a degree and Creative Writing and Art History and after writing for a lot of the newspapers that went under under, I can gladly say that either way I would still be working in restaurants because the school board is having a hard time funding prospective teachers like myself.

I’m writing three different novels, two movies, two TV shows, and a variety show titled A Hipster Commune Companion, all of which I plan to market with an Oprah’s Beat Life sticker.