How do you handle it when your mother let's your 13 year old sister dress like she is 20, & smoke?

 This message is for the mother who has two children and allows a thirteen year old to act older than her age to the tune of a 20 year old.  This is not the story of the author but an attempt to answer a... keep reading →

Wow, this kid needs to be jerked out of that environment before something serious happens to her. If it were my family I would turn in the mother to the authorities. Sounds pretty harsh but there is a young life at stake here. Fixing it yourself is over your head and you could make things worse. Put it into the hands of the experienced and sit back and wait to be hated and resented for sticking your nose in but also be comforted by the fact you have saved someone from disaster. You have no other option so get busy!Don't put it off because you could be reading in the paper of her murder, arrest, abduction, over dose. How would you feel then? God speed!

Omg.....your mother should be ashamed of herself, but that is wishful thinking cause she isnt!!!!! There is nothing for your mother to see neither is there anything that you can do regarding getting through to her. Tell the authorities that is your best bet. Removing her may save her.

This is truly sad, your mother is destroying your sister because she has destroyed herself. Misery indeed Loves company, and it's sad that this is the company it's focused on keeping!!!!

Vonda G. Nelson

I agree with landthatilove, as much as you may care about this person, if that girl doesn't get help, there could be serious problems. Just think about if this is continuing and she for some reason were to get pregnant. What would happen to her children? She isn't going to change by anything you can do because she is already to far gone by this point. A professional is going to have to take over. If the mother doesn't do anything, she really doesn't deserve to have children. I don't mean to hurt you by saying any of this but as you mentioned, she does need help. At least your taking the steps to get her some.

I would suggest telling a school counselor about her, as a first step. Theywill know the appropriate steps.

I agree with the comments above that this is a very difficult situation. It is one of these situations where you need to get involved and follow up on the ideas above. Have you considered involved DHS? But maybe before you do that, how about consulting with an attorney to see whether your mother breaks any laws. After all, there is the concept of child enganderment and smoking might just qualify.

Have you considered talking to counselors or representatives of an alternative school?

I am glad to hear that you are willing to get involved and stand up for a person. After that situation in northern California, I think we should all rethink our position of when to get involved and when to stay out. All the best to you!

Thanks for being concerned about a child who is in trouble.

thank you very much,that has been aproached,and the school wants her to not disturb others there to learn and last week told mom and stepdad that they that before she could come back to school on Friday that they had to come up and talk to them only to have the school say that they did not feel that the girl was getting anything out of coming to school only to be sent home. so they are suggesting home school for her. She gets her way and gets to be at home all day due to all of her antics at the school.

I also agree with landthatilove, if you do not report the issue to cps, there's not much else you can do. A person that makes excuses for their children that way, are more harmful than anything because they don't put a stop to it and let it get completely out of hand. As much as your mother "loves" your sister, she's hurting her even more and therefore is not a suitable parent for her. Reporting her makes the difference between your sister being in school, graduating, furthering her career, living her life age appropriately and ultimately enjoying it making something of herself OR being another statistic of teen pregnancy, drinking, getting addicted to drugs, not being able to hold a job, making the same mistakes with her future children, ending up a miserable mess, possibly even dead at a young age. Kids need rules, boundaries, and discipline to shape them into responsible independent self-sufficient beings. Something, this young girl will not be if she keeps going down this road, unfortunate but true. I'm sure you want someone to tell you that it'll be ok and she's listen and turn around. But, honestly, if she hasn't listened yet it's extremely doubtful she will any time soon. Also, if the mom hasn't done anything till now, she has no control and can't possibly do anything and doesn't seem as though she'll get any sense knocked into herself either. Not making the HARDEST which is also the BEST decision, is selfish, cause this young girl won't stand a chance.

Also, she definitely needs psychological help because there are obviously some underlying issues here that she hasn't dealt with which drive her violent, disruptive, disrespectful, and self-destructive behavior.

Good luck!

It is a situation when sisters become uncontrollable. The tip i can give is be calm and let her know the dangers of the world and get her to a counselling. Understand her problems , why she gets frustrated , what is that she has deep in her mind that makes her rude. When you get it out she will be ok.

Take everything off her; her phone, her clothes, her tv/dvd player, especially her computer.

Leave her with one outfit -something a thirteen year old would wear- and tell her she needs to change her ways.

If that doesn't work print out some adoption forms and leave them out where she will read them.

Have a fake conversation at night, one which she'll overhear, talk about how the social workers will take her away from her mom if she doesn't get her act together.

This might work, if she understands the damage she's causing.

------------------------------------------------------------

Or if all that fails; beat her with a shoe horn.