How to drink fast

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There is a method of drinking a bottle of beer or an alcopop quickly by placing a straw in the bottle then holding it loosely and downing it. This allows the air to escape and the liquid flows freely. Also if drinking a pint look at the beer while you do it it seems to make a diffrence.

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My favorite way to drink fast is with drinking games. My favorite is Fuck The Dealer Fuck The Dealer is by far the simplest game you could ever play. All you need is a group of people (4+). One person is the... keep reading →

My preferred method of drinking quickly is by using the Dr H patent pending Hose-straw.

You can't buy them yet ,but for my fellow Huber's I'll teach you how to make one.

You will need a ten to twelve inch piece of garden hose.

a neck support brace and some Duck tape TM

First you will need to tape the piece of hose to your chin allowing for enough distance to allow you to place one end in your mouth and the other hanging vertically down.

Then you will need to place the neck support brace around your neck to cover the majority of the contraption.

Then you are ready to go.

Go to your local supermarket and limp as you enter,this is to imply that you have recently survived a near fatal accident,

as you pass members of staff you will need to (in full view)occasionally stop and pretend to use the tube as a breathing device.

Then you will need to go to booze department and find your preferred alcoholic beverage(mine is dark rum)

When you find the bottle of your choice you will need to remove the cap discretely .

Once you have done this you will need to get a few more bottles (4 or 5 ,for cover ) and place them precariously in your hands, when you feel comfortable holding the bottles you can place the open bottle pride of place in the centre of your bundle and surreptitiously place the hanging end of the tube in the open bottle.

Now you can commence walking around the store looking at produce and drinking at the same time.

I have found it is possible to ingest the majority of a bottle in 9 and half seconds with a Dr H Hose-straw.

When you feel you have consumed enough of your preferred beverage you can pretend to trip over and release all the bottles from your grip (however please remember that litigation for making you trip is only good at a maximum of three times per store)

This will cause all the bottles to fall and break at the same time.

No matter how much the store staff protest about the amount of stock damage you have caused they can never prove that you had already consumed a large amount of booze ,as for this they would need some very expensive and technical forensic equipment and in the case of my local supermarket it took them three years before they invested in the above said machines.

This system is probably the best out there for drinking fast and i am now creating a "Junior" version for kids.

Many thanks and hope i helped.