Expose the Emotional Vampires in Your Life!

"Exhausting Shame"
"Exhausting Shame"

* 7 Signs to Look For *

Emotional Vampire: One who in their life continually creates chaos and drama that leaves them in the victim role in order to extract sympathy and attention from others. Once successful in finding a sympathetic person, they will latch onto that person and continually exhaust all energy and emotion to feed their own insatiable hurting soul.

Do you know an emotional vampire? Do you have a friend or family member who always leaves you feeling tired and drained after talking? Do you avoid answering the phone or a knock on the door for fear of having to endure your friend’s newest problem? Well you came to the right place for answers. You will find 7 signs to look for that will help you determine if there is an emotional vampire in your life.

1) Do you know someone who when you met them you were mesmerized, they were fun and exciting to be around, you had never met anyone you just clicked that well with before, and then suddenly you noticed yourself going to great lengths to avoid that person?

EV's are very charismatic people. They often look for victims who they can relate to or share same interests with. Once a bond has been established their true colors start to show, as you have now become a constant energy supplier to their insatiable hunger for energy and emotion.

2) Do you feel exhausted and sleepy after having been around a particular person?

EV's often leave their victims feeling lifeless and drained after a visit. Some EV's are so incredibly good at draining their victims they can actually absorb the energy over the phone. If you have a particular person whom every time you encounter them they leave you feeling tired and depressed, they just might actually be an EV.

3) Do you avoid answering the door or phone so that you don't have to deal with a particular person? Have you found yourself actually trying to find a good lie to cut the unwanted visit or conversation short?

EV's are such unwanted guests that the victims will go to great lengths to avoid contact with them. If you are finding yourself doing these things, the person whom you are trying to avoid just might be an EV.

4) Do you find yourself wondering about someone at different times of the day, and being angry that you even care what is going on since you really don't like that person anyway, after all they live in "drama" all the time and you are quite frankly tired of hearing about it all?

Most likely that person is an EV and you are doing your job as they hoped you would by releasing energy and emotion to them. The sheer fact that you give their life and situations a moment’s thought is a continual bond for them to feed from.

5) Do you have a relationship with a person that you have tried to end but just can't seem to get them to go away? You have asked them to not call or visit you and have expressed that you really are tired of all their drama, yet even if they do leave you alone, in a week or two you call to check up on them?

As you have probably figured out on your own EV bonds are very hard to sever. They are such masters at manipulation that once you are drawn in, they can weave such a bond that even when you have vowed to end the relationship, you find yourself making contact out of guilt. This web of emotional attachment has been skillfully weaved by a EV and may contain many subtly planted triggers including a sense of guilt or shame for even considering severing ties with them. This cycle can repeat over and over and the EV will never tire of the "game".

6) Unfortunately the very people you should be able to trust and love can actually be sucking/draining the emotional life out of you. Is someone in your family constantly criticizing you? Taking advantage of you, borrowing something but never returning it? Expects you to take care of the details to all family matters? Uses the "but were family" line to get what they want? If you answered yes two at least two of those statements then you have an EV in your family circle.

EV can be all around us, and the most draining ones we encounter are actually members of our family. They are the most difficult to sever ties with as they will go to grave lengths to keep that bond in place, including threatening to alienate you from the rest of the family. They often have so many family members under their spell that this threat seems a very valid reality and the fear of seclusion will cause you to submit and allow yourself to be victim to their vicious and exhausting energy drains.

7) Do you know someone who is very knowledgeable yet you know was not well educated? Do you know a person who has an extraordinary artistic talent yet they don't seem to be cultivating it to its full potential? Do you know someone who is deeply devoted to religious beliefs that they respond with religious quotes when placed in uncomfortable situations, or they use the quotes to gain an upper hand over a subject? Do you know someone who is truly way out there, very eccentric and new wavy that they seem out of touch with reality?

EV's are very passionate personality types. This is a key tip that you are dealing with an EV when assessing a person’s personality. EV's run in the extreme of whatever characteristic they possess the most natural talent for. They are seldom in the middle of the spectrum; they either run extremely positive or extremely negative. A EV needs to feed on the energy of many different people and therefore needs to appeal to the masses, they seem at first like such well educated or talented people, yet they never seem to nurture and grow that talent. They have very little desire to spend their energy on accomplishments; they only emit what energy is necessary to pull in their prey and given their well mastered talent that often takes little energy to do.

I hope this has been helpful in helping you determine if you are being drained by and EV. If you find yourself saying yes or agreeing to most of the statements above, it's time to find a solution to end this attack. It's time to reclaim you energy! There is much information on the net on how to rid yourself of EV's I wish you the best of luck. I will try to get a companion article written with my own tips on riding yourself of EV's in the meantime, please seek resources that are out there and end this exhausting cycle.

My best to each of you,


More by this Author

Comments 9 comments

Sheila 6 years ago

Wow, I really related to the part about getting upset with the EV person in your life, and telling them to get lost or having an argument and then after a couple of weeks or so, Just with a little persuasion calling them back or saying O.K. I'll meet you or whatever. The EV person is so good at laying on the guilt or "WEAVING" as it was mentioned almost a web that draws you back in. I relly thin it happens when the EV is very comfortable manipulating and a person such as myself doesn't play these games but gets sucked into them. The EV knows their personality is dominant in that sense and can lure you back into their BS. The EV may not even completely consciously DO THAT , but it is just so well ingrained into their personality that they do it with complete ease. At least I don't feel the person in my life sets out to do it. She definitley knows she wants me BACK IN her life to have her needs met (being that she is needy , a victim mentality , self-centered, narcissistic) I just dont think she sets out and says A-HA, I will play these games and get her back into my life , she just does it because that is what she knows. It doesn't make it any less problematic and detrimental though. But I really like this article. The EV in my life is so good at making me feel guilty every time I try to say SAYONARA. She calls and calls and calls and calls. She persists and persists, then waits awhile, then lays on the guilt - something to the tune of "I just thought that you would care that it is my daughters birthday or that you would care that it was the holidays, and I am your friend and I deserve to be treated fairly. She is a MASTER at making me feel like I am horrible for not seeing her and I guess I get sucked in once again. OY VEY!!! And then I question myself , "Oh maybe I am just overreacting", I should be able to ignore her and just see her for just a bit and get on with things. That is the crazy part , they make you DOUBT yourself so much. You doubt that you should tell them to get lost and just put up with them. Uhh it is hard.

Call me "Chelle profile image

Call me "Chelle 6 years ago from Oregon, Nature and Beauty Author

You have a very good handle on the situation and that is half the battle. You are so right in the assessment that she isn't doing it on purpose. Most EV's are not aware of what they are doing, they can only see how they "push people away." They are often over heard saying, " I don't know why every one I care about leaves me." and such comments. I haven't followed up on this article as life became very busy but I will make it a point to finish the series of this article. My next article will be about exposing the truth to the emotional vampire in your life and will talk about how to deal with EV's and empower both involved by making them aware that they have a problem. Then I will follow that with a third on how to rid yourself of an EV as very few take the initiative to change and once you have exposed this to them there comes a time to cut all ties if they choose not to change their ways. Thank you for your thoughts on the article and the kick in the butt to get the 2nd and 3rd part written. Your not crazy, just drained. LOL. My best to you.


Caitlyn 6 years ago

This article is spot-on. I've recently been sucked into a very one-sided and draining "friendship" with an EV and I'm stressed out beyond belief.

Constant IM's, emails and texts, she's told me that she drove past my house to see if I was home (I've only met her about a month ago!) wants me to go to movie premiers with her, to meet her family, to come over for dinner even though I have to cook for my own family, only talks about herself and her latest problem or drama, and I when I attempt to get a word in about myself or my life, she looks down and starts talking over me about something else! It's awful, not to mention her kids trash my home when they come to "play" with my kids. UGH. I'm in such a rut with this chick.

zionsphere profile image

zionsphere 6 years ago from Oregon

what advice would you give to a person that has expressed to you that they feel they may be an EV?

Support Med. profile image

Support Med. 5 years ago from Michigan

It's definitely the 'real' people we have to look out for. Voted and rated.

Rastamermaid profile image

Rastamermaid 5 years ago from Universe

Good hub!

You have to be careful of the company you keep.

Voted up!

onceuponatime66 profile image

onceuponatime66 5 years ago from USA IL

I just wrote on the fixer upper energy drainer. I really like your hub. Keep writing. Jackie :)

Call me "Chelle profile image

Call me "Chelle 5 years ago from Oregon, Nature and Beauty Author

I don't have as much time as I would like to post on hub pages. I have a you tube series on the EV's. Since I can not post links in comments just Google 4mingthoughts emotional vampires and you will see the videos. Thank you all for the support, and stay clear of those energy drainers.

FireFly 5 years ago

Wow, sooo helpful. The most helpful article and video (I saw your video on YouTube) on this topic. I was stressing about this and now realize why the person is in my life. Thank you so much. I'm soooo ready to start living...

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article