Is Marriage Really Worth The Challenges?

If you’re not already married are you considering it?

According to Wikipedia, Marriage is a social, spiritual, and/or legal union of individuals. This union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is usually called a wedding and the married status created is sometimes called wedlock.

Marriage may take many forms: for example, a union between one man and one woman as husband and wife is a monogamous heterosexual marriage; polygamy – in which a person takes more than one spouse – which includes, polygyny in which a man takes more than one wife, and polyandry in which a woman takes more than one husband have been common in some societies.[3] Recently, some jurisdictions[4] and denominations[5][6][7] have begun to recognize same-sex marriage, uniting people of the same sex. (Source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage)

Despite its meaning, purpose and who enter into it - when you look at the statistics regarding infidelity and marital failures one must, at some point ask the aged old question – is marriage really worth the challenges? Some would argue, for good reasons - that it’s not worth the challenges! In fact statistical data gives this group excellent reasons to avoid it at all costs. On the other side of the tracks are those who may argue that it is worth it - if you select the right partner. A marriage to the wrong person could shorten ones lifespan – or – prolong individual suffering, while marriage to the right person could be the best thing since slice bread. While the latter is perhaps true it leads us to another profound question which is; how does one decide who the right person is? Well, therein lies the challenges of a successful marriage.

Determining who the right person is requires a deep personal self analysis and emotional detachment from the physical aspect of the relationship that is difficult for most people to attain. However, in the absence of self analysis there does exists certain outward, physical, and emotional factors one may consider which include, but are not limited to the following:

1. Communications: Lack of communication is perhaps the most dramatic problem of any relationship. Communications has many forms from verbal to physical, to simple body language - and there are many ways to communicate. However, verbal communications is the most important. If you and your partner have not mastered the communications challenge then the only thing I can say is simply - don't wast your time, your friends or the valuable time of family members, or the minister, or justice of the peace. If your relationship is void of effective communications then getting married is the worst thing you can do!

2. Spiritualism: Is your partner a woman or man of genuine spiritual faith – not religious faith, but spiritual faith? A man or woman who seriously believes that marriage is a sacrament is more likely to enter into it with a sense of profound commitment – whether they are Christian, Jew or Muslim is irrelevant. A person of strong faith will have a very different view of the institution and the commitment they are making than a secular or religious person. Since the institution of marriage is considered a sacrament then a non religious person may want to avoid it altogether, or at lease give the action serious thought. If you're getting married simply because your partner demands, or nags you about it, then don't be surprised when you find yourself in family court a few years later facing a judge on a “Dissolution of Marriage” Decree. On the other hand careful consideration, moving slowly, and much prayer before you say "I Do" will eliminate this possibility altogether.

3. Personal Responsibility: Is your partner capable of accepting personal responsibility? A man or woman who is constantly blaming others for their life’s problems will eventually (and very soon in the relationship) begin to see their spouse as the source of all their worries. It is common for these people to blame whoever they are around the most instead of themselves – if they are constantly complaining about coworkers, family, or friends - run, and don’t look back. Cut your losses and move on. When you leave you will quickly discover that they have a new target as the source of their personal problems. Drama queens and kings are successful only in theatrical performances. There is no place for it in a serious relationship.

4. Comfortability: You need to determine if you are comfortable with your partner. Passion is no substitute for genuine compatibility, no matter how important it may be in a relationship. There is nothing like hot, intimate, and uncensored sex to bring couples together, unfortunately, there is the other 99 percent of the time that will either make or break a relationship. If you and your potential wife or husband is not capable of several hours in the same room together without talking, touching, or otherwise interacting directly, you may have a problem with comfortability and this is a serious red flag! If your best times are spent under the sheets and in no other forum – solve the problem or forget marriage.

5. Self Entertainment: Is your partner capable of entertaining themselves? Both men and women need their downtime. This becomes problematic and a serious challenge to the relationship if they see each others free time as a violation of time together. A man should be able to watch sports without the interference of his partner, if that partner is not interested. By the same token, a woman should be able to shop with her friends without the man wondering where she is or who she’s with, or what they’re saying about him. (My apologies for using stereotype to express my point – but you get the message).

6. Complimentary: In the opinion of your closest friends and family members do they think your partner is good for you? Most people would expel the notion of seeking the opinions of others when they have made up their minds to be with someone. It is very important to seek their opinions because those closest to you are not likely to be blinded by the rose-tinted lenses of infatuation and will often have a better read on your partners true personality than you – despite how much you think you know the person. If you find yourself defending your partner’s actions in anyway then you are flirting with long-term, peace defying trouble.

7. Control: Does your partner attempt to control you – your actions, thoughts, the way you dress, comb your hair, etc? If so, identify it early because this trait will get worse with marriage. Any sign of control in a dating relationship is a huge red flag. Contrary to popular belief it is not always the man who wants control - women have a strong maternal instinct and have a hard time grasping the reality that most men don’t want to be mothered, or pacified. The question then becomes whether she or he can back off if asked. If not – then you have a problem.

8. Respect and Dignity: Does your partner treat you with respect and dignity, both in public and in private? If your answer is yes then this is an excellent sign, provided the statements in previous paragraphs above are not a problem. If your partner is constantly putting you down, or giving you a difficult time unconstructively and or keeping you in your place, you’re better off moving on and moving on quickly. The term “I am sorry” after you’ve expressed your concerns should be only spoken once.

9. Disagreement: Disagreements are a natural, healthy part of any relationship therefore; the key question is whether you are in agreement on the larger issues? If she wants kids and you don't, move on – no matter how great the sex is or how well you’re getting along in other areas of your relationship. If he want to follow the Joneses into bankruptcy, instead of saving for a rainy day then move on, as this will become a major problem down the road. In fact, statistics suggests that over 60% of marriages failed because of financial problems.

10. Familiarity: Do you know him or her? I mean really, truly, unquestionably know your partner? While it’s almost impossible to know your partner 100% it is beneficial to at least know their strengths and weaknesses. The reality is that some things about your partner are not revealed until after marriage as marriage has a way of bringing out either the best or worst in people. Habits that were cute during the dating/engagement period becomes nerve racking after the marriage – even for couples who lived together for a significant period of time before marriage.

In closing: The institution of marriage and family is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Having a lifelong partner you can cry with, laugh with, and just share intimate moments with can add years to your life in a glorious, peaceful way. However, marriage is nothing to take lightly as it has its dark and depressing side as well. If you are one of the few who have found your soul mate for life, don't let small, petty, and shallow issues divert your attention from one another. Challenging times are never appreciated or respected until you’ve survived them. Only then can you understand their purpose in your life and your relationship. If you know what you want in life, finding a mate will not be that difficult, but if you waver and are side tracked by appearance, physical touch, or sex without consideration for the spiritual and the intellectual then prepare for a rough road ahead.

Yes, marriage is worth the challenges – with the right person!

Move cautiously, Choose wisely, and be Blessed!

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Comments 55 comments

goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

JB- another good hub but that question is one I ask myself all the time but I think time will only tell if we will blend together in old age or if we will walk away with just minor cuts and bruises. I think we go through what young couples go through, growing pains with finances and children. I'm just learning to shut my mouth more often makes a big difference.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

goldentoad: your comment "I'm just learning to shut my mouth more often makes a big difference" is your ticket to longivity. Have you heard "The Man Song"? If not, check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG_gLMMSn1E&fea...


Rose Ella Morton profile image

Rose Ella Morton 7 years ago from Beverly Hills, Michigan

I believe in marriage. but not same-sex Marriage. It is too confusing. If two women got marriaged, one has a baby by her male lover. is her female partner consider the baby's father. Children usually goes to the mother in a divorce. Which mother get the baby. What about child support who pays. As with two men if they divorce, which pays support. everybody talking about gay marriage, but what if it doesn't work.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Hilarious!

yes sir, that is the song for me!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

Hi Rose (may I call you Rose?), thanks for the insightful comment. I would hate to be a judge on the bench deciding such a case. Can you imagine the outcome.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

goldentoad - I suggested to my son to play that song at his wedding, right after they play "here comes the Bride" :-)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

We have our differences but we are strong in our marriage , what we have learned to do is communicate because without it, there is no sense in having it. A man should never be quite about what he is thinking or feeling, for fear of failing. If you love your man , then a woman should listen as really men have common sense and are smarter then many women give them credit for. So no disrespect but ladies we all have to learn to zip it and listen.:)


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

AEvans - Marry me!!!

Just kidding  :-)

I agree that communications is VERY important and an area that men (I probably lead the pact on this one) have a problem with - but after 20 years of marriage I am learning! Sounds like you and your husband found your key to longivity. I wish you continued success in your marriage!

Thanks for the feedback!


jjrubio 7 years ago

Marriage is a partnership no doubt. It can be hard and it can also have its rewards. And AEvans is right. Us ladies sometimes think we know everything and we don't. There I said it. And MEN don't know it all either. So its give and take. But communication is key!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

jjrubio - the very word that can save a marriage is the same word that scares most people in a marriage and that is "SUBMISSION" to one another. It doesn't mean lay down and be walked over. It means partnership in all things. Apologizing when' you're your wrong and forgiving when when're right! It's a tough one that requires open communications.

Thanks for the constructive feedback.


Joseph Thomas profile image

Joseph Thomas 7 years ago

jbx7076,

Nice hub. Well thought out. Marriage has been wonderful for me for the last 35 years! Of course you have to work at it and allow God to have his proper place.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

Pkoson - I am not quite sure what your point is however, thanks for the feedback and I wish you the best!!!

Joseph Thomas: You're a blessed man. I've been married for only twenty years but your testimony gives me hope! Thanks for sharing.


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong

I certainly agree. Marriage keeps you happy if it works out. Even when it doesn't, it makes you a great philosopher.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

Benson Yeung - Your comment "Even when it doesn't, it makes you a great philosopher" is so true! The experience certainly prepares you for greater challenges in life.

Thanks for commenting


pkoson profile image

pkoson 7 years ago

Is Marriage Really Worth The Trouble

Please revisit the last hub I started. I think it will make a little more sense.


badcompany99 7 years ago

Anything in life is worth the trouble if you want it.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

badcompany99: I am in total agreement man. Thanks for the comment.


goldenapple951 7 years ago

love, loyalty,support,companionship,joy, laughter,comfort, friend, lover

yep it defintely worth it


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

Goldenapple - you can't beat those ingredients. There's nothing like it! Thanks for the feedback!


Chris Eddy111 profile image

Chris Eddy111 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Great Hub! Marriage is a good thing with the right person for sure, and you need all of the ingredients you mentioned to keep it solid.

To stay together, partners should realize that they are not static, but growing all the time. The way I was five years ago is not the way I am now. My thoughts and experiences inside and outside of marriage have changed. The marriage should allow you to be who you are and to highlight those good things.

Growth and maturity in the partners sometimes creates a shift because needs and desires have changed thereby creating a separation. What this all means is that you both better be able to talk about everything(communication) that is happening to you

or there goes the marriage.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

Chris Eddy111 - Thanks for the feedback. Marriage is a challenge but not an impossible one. I think most couples spend the bulk of their time trying to change one another instead of changing together.


rosariomontenegro profile image

rosariomontenegro 7 years ago from NEW YORK

jxb, I like the hub, a lot! But I like also this last comment and the idea of instead of trying to change one another, just change together!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

rosariomontenegro - thanks for the comments. Yes, I am in agreement that couples need to change together or at least accept the other for who they are and be uderstanding and tolerant.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago

You have brought out some great points! There is a big difference between being spiritual rarher than religious.

I agree communication is very important!

A good Marriage contains mutual love, trust and respect along with great communication. After thirty eight years I can say that I am "Pro Marriage!"

It is important to not take one another for granted!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 7 years ago

You have brought out some great points! There is a big difference between being spiritual rarher than religious.

I agree communication is very important!

A good Marriage contains mutual love, trust and respect along with great communication. After thirty eight years I can say that I am "Pro Marriage!"

It is important to not take one another for granted!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

Hello DeBorrah K - Thanks for stopping by. I am not a professional marriage counselor as I wrote the hub for information however, I understand that you are a professional counselor and I am therefore humbled by your comments. I attempted to check out your website from the link you posted on your profile(www.alpha7ministries.com) but it returned an error message. However, I was able to connect to it from google and was very impressed. I will recommend your book "Holy Matrimony - Now That We're Married" to friends.

Thanks again for the encouraging comments.


drpastorcarlotta profile image

drpastorcarlotta 7 years ago from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC

I believe in Marriage! Yes it is worth it, especially if it's honor unto God! God first, then your husband or wife. I can write on and on about this subject! lol Some disagree but from experience I know it works because God is in the midst of it all!!! GREAT HUB my friend!!! As always!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

drpastorcarlotta - thanks for stopping by and commenting. I too believe God should be first and your spouse and kids second. If God is first then everyone else is on equal grounds so there is no second or third.

Be blessed!


NZUNG SERAPHINE profile image

NZUNG SERAPHINE 7 years ago

i love this hub.i have learned alot from it and by Gods grace i will appy them in my question of whom should i marry.


peoples voice 7 years ago

make sure your compatible, i loved being married never strayed, but i was 25 my wife was 18 and after 9 years she thought she missed out on her youth, and the grass was greener, i think we both took each other for granted but i always promised i wouldn't throw away my family for some nookie, she agreed, yet she strayed, marriage is hard, never get comfortable like i did, u gotta be ontop of your game all the time, otherwise you end up like me, 37 with 3 kids and a wife who bounced, good luck


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

Peoples voice - thanks for the sound advice and sharing your story. It appear that you guys worked it out and it's all in the past now. I tip my hat to you!!


Aqua profile image

Aqua 7 years ago from California

I appreciate your thoughts about marriage and think they're right on! I didn't get married until I was 38 but he was well worth waiting for. Getting married was absolutely one of the best things I've ever done and when I made that vow - I meant it! Thanks and Great hub!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

Congratulations! I pray that your union lasts a life time...and more. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


Opinion Duck 7 years ago

jxb

Marriage is unnecessary as a means to support your reasons of why it is worth it.

Marriage doesn't protect, serve or strengthen a union of people. The people that would have a good marriage, would also have a good relationship outside of marriage. People that would have a bad marriage might have a better relationship without being married, but it still wouldn't be a good relationship.

So in today's weakened morality it is as secure as our currency. Our currency is no longer backed by gold or anything tangible and neither is marriage backed by anything tangible.

The government labels marriage for tax purposes but a private contract between parties would do as well or better for serving the parties.

Phrases like, "Till Death Do Us Part" and "Let No Man put Assunder, what God has joined together" are no longer valid in marriage ceremonies. Divorce trumps God and marriage and that is a mechanism of man.

So the answer to your question is, it is not worth it.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

opinion duck - thanks for stopping by and commenting. You raise some interesting points and I am in agreement that divorce does appear to trump God. It's a tough call.


DivineScribe profile image

DivineScribe 7 years ago

Thank you for writing this hub. Its a simple reminder that marriage is a blessing from God. He blesses us with the gift of oneanother to love and cherish and sometimes there are bumps along the way but He is our ultimate streghnth. These are simple everyday questions and actions that we should all take and adhere to; however, most of us don't and we allow petty things to escalate and become major. COMMUNICATION IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS A RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER. Thank you once again, this article makes me excited about entering into marriage someday with the right person.

God bless!!!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America Author

DivineScribe - thanks for stopping by and commenting. I am glad that you found the hub useful and I pray that God leads you to the right partner. Keep in touch!


joque profile image

joque 6 years ago

Well said, my Brother. Do you mind if I quote you when I talk to people?


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 6 years ago from United States of America Author

joque - thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to take any quote you may find useful. God bless.


Useful Knowledge 6 years ago

This is a well written hub about the many aspects of marriage. I know personally that marriage is difficult. It becomes even more difficult when you have children. If you decide that you are no longer happy, it will not only affect you and your spouse, but also, will affect the children.

How does one ever know if they have found the right person. People change and sometimes they change into a completely different person than the one that you fell in love with. For example, if you get married at a young age, you will have to grow up through the marriage. The different stages of life can cause you to drift apart.

Communication is the key, I believe, to a successful marriage. When you lose communication, it is time to say good-bye.

I enjoyed your hub. Thank you for sharing!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 6 years ago from United States of America Author

Useful Knowledge - thanks for stopping by and commenting. I agree 110% with you on the communications part of the marriage. However, it takes both parties to humble themselves for it to work.


"Quill" 6 years ago

Mrs. Quill and I both stood before God and the congregation and braided a "Three Fold Cord" and braided Christ into our marriage. We became one that day and one will always remain.I have researched in depth on the subject of marriage and the failure rate is very high in the secular society and in the Christian society its alarming in some countries matching the secular.

No matter what the problem every possible effort needs to be made to remain and work out the differences. The "D" word is not even in our vocabulary, it is treated much the same a swearing in our minds.

Blessings and great Hub Brother great hub


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 6 years ago from United States of America Author

"Quill" - praise God for your union together. I pray for longivity in your marriage and that you will celebrate your 60th anniversity together and more. God Bless!!


kbennett51770 profile image

kbennett51770 6 years ago

Interesting Hub jxb7076. I am in agreement with marriage being a sacrament and a very serious step in life to consider. You are absolutely right about communication being the key but another good key is compromise. Thanks for visiting my hub and God Bless :)


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 6 years ago from United States of America Author

kbennett51770 - thanks for stopping by and commenting. I agree, compromise is a key as long as one maintain their principles which I am sure is stated in your comment.


Tom T profile image

Tom T 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

jxb7076 Thank you for this hub. Too many people don't get the value of marriage. They do not understand what commitment really means and do not consider vows to be sacred. Marriage is work but it is not without rewards. Ask anyone who has been married for more than 25 or 30 years! Great Hub


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 6 years ago from United States of America Author

Hi Tom - thanks for stopping by. I've been married for 21 years and it requires sefless service. People today are more concerned about themselves in this 'Oh woe is me' society of social abnorms. Its all about 'self' perpetuated by hollywood and unfortunately the modern day family structure. Thanks for commenting.


NickSimpson profile image

NickSimpson 6 years ago from Jacksonville, Illinois

I have never been married yet. I know that any relationship takes a lot of hard work and it makes no difference if you are wearing a ring on your finger or not, commitment is very serious business. Looking out for your loved one before yourself really is the first and foremost in most successful relationships from what I have experienced.

Great Hub,

Nick


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 6 years ago from United States of America Author

NickSimpson - I think too many couples enter the ring of marriage thinking only about what will make the individual happy and not what will make them happy. I agree with you because any successful relationship requires a give and take, and a dying to self.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


Scratchin my head 6 years ago

I agree with your whole article. It re-enforces the concept that if you skip a step you may have some serious problems ahead. What I would add is that you should take your time before moving in with somebody. I see people living together within a year - most seem to break up a year later.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 6 years ago from United States of America Author

Scratchin my head - thanks for stopping by and commenting. Thanks also for the suggested addition.


Rogochuks profile image

Rogochuks 5 years ago from USA

I like this post and your commentary is right on. I think the problem with marriage today is that people go into the union with unrealistic expectations; I did. People assume that the euphoria of attraction will never wane, and that attraction will see them through.

Marriage is work; it is a job that requires, patience, attention and collaboration. In order to be succesful at doing this job, you have to practise discipline in your choices, and have respect for your spouse, the teammate. Above all else, you have to have good communication.


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 5 years ago from United States of America Author

Rogochuks - I agree with your conclusions and I would add one additional thing - what is expected and what is delivered are totally separate entities. But I think communications can brodge the gap. Thanks or stopping by.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 3 years ago from Kingston, Jamaica

Well written hub jxb7076. I do agree that marriage is worth the challenges, only with the right person. If you do not mind, I will be using some of your info in a workshop that I will be having in January. All the best to you!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 3 years ago from United States of America Author

Dr Ope - thanks for stopping by and commenting. I am honored that you found the article useful. Feel free to use any information from this article as you please. btw, I will be traveling to Montego Bey and Kingston in February 2013 with my family to visit relatives. I'm really looking forward to it as it's been over 8 years since I've visited.

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