Men Who Wear Lingerie: How Feminine Is Too Feminine?

Sure, its really a woman with a beard, but I feel it illustrates the point as well as anything...
Sure, its really a woman with a beard, but I feel it illustrates the point as well as anything...

For a great many men who wear lingerie, the point of the exercise is to feel feminine. This has been confirmed over and over again by the wonderful readers and commenters who have come out of the lacy shadows and shared themselves with the world.

The question for today however, is just how feminine can a man get before he has become too feminine? Please note that this will be of very little use for men who wish to transition genders, owing to the fact that nothing could be too feminine for them anyway. No, instead this is for men who may be concerned that their panties may be making them a little too girly.

Perhaps its not you who is worried about you being too girly. Perhaps it is the significant other in your life who wishes you'd just man up a little. Now my thoughts on women who won't stand for men expressing any kind of weakness or femininity have been expressed at great lengths over the years, but for those new to this, let me say this:

Any woman who expects you to behave like a cliché and is horrified by the notion that you might not play along in her little fantasy world where men are real men and women can do whatever they want is not someone you will be happy with. Period.

To get back to the topic on hand. Are you getting too feminine for your own liking? Do you feel that perhaps it is time to put away the lingerie and instead put on a checked shirt and go wrestle a bear? Is it possible for a man who wears lingerie to become too feminine?

Long story short: No.

Wearing lingerie is fantasy play time. It does not change who you are on the inside and it certainly doesn't change who you are as a person. Fearing becoming too feminine means that you are challenging the ego which sees itself in a certain light and does not want to be destroyed. It's actually a pretty good thing. When we question ourselves, what we are and who we are, we can sometimes learn some important life lessons which can be applied outside the arena of lingerie.

Gender often argued to be little other than a construct. On a chromosomal level we are either male or female, but it is up to us to decide exactly what that will mean. Fearing that you are 'too feminine' means that you have put behaviors into little boxes and assumed that there is some reality to them. No such reality exists, life is what you make of it.

That doesn't make lingerie play time any less fun, but it should take the serious anxiety and repression out of the equation.

What do you think, chaps?

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Comments 21 comments

Komara profile image

Komara 7 years ago

"Any woman who expects you to behave like a cliché and is horrified by the notion that you might not play along in her little fantasy world where men are real men and women can do whatever they want is not someone you will be happy with. Period."

I have encountered this a lot. I couldn't agree with you more. Partly for this reason, I have recently ended a relationship.


Gunnau 7 years ago from Central Coast NSW Australia

How Girly is too Girly? A damn fine Question Hope.

This whole gender thing where clothing is concerned is quite questionable and it's difficult to actually say what is right and wrong when it comes to clothes.

Women wear trousers, shirts, suits and jeans. Are they ctoss dressing or just comfortable?

We like stretchy, soft, silky or lacey lingerie. Are we being girly or just comfortable?

When your fitted with added bits of skin with a mind of it's own, having it caress the forbidden materials is far supieror <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> than the cotton crap we are expected to wear.

Women have it all when it comes to clothing. I do hope you understand your good fortune.


ILoveLingerie 7 years ago

This is absolutely true, there is no box that tells us what we must be. We must not let us put ourselves in stupid norm behavior patterns.


Troy 7 years ago

I have to say that it is true that some men want to feel feminine, but I would also say that "women's" clothing is much more comfortable and fun than men's clothing. Men love how "women's" clothing makes them feel and look.

I totally agree that there is and should be no limits to how men wear lingerie or any "women's" clothing. I want to see men gain the freedom to wear skirts, dresses, heels, hose and even makeup freely.

There are currently a few companies making pantyhose for men. Men enjoy the feeling of pantyhose just like women did when they first started wearing them. Women lost interest in pantyhose when they were told that they had to wear them.

Men should have skirts and dresses. The shirt dress is perfect for men to start with. This is a man's shirt in the first place that was borrowed when it was found that women liked to wear men's Oxford shirts if they did not have a nightgown at home. As with other men's clothing, once borrowed it became normal women's wear.

Tunics from men in Africa became women's tunics. Lungi from India became women's wrap skirts. Men's clothing is now always adapted to the female body. It is time for men to take back our clothes. It was the Roman military that created and wore the first mini-skirts and there were no women in the Roman military. The same military created tights since they did not like the look of their hairy legs.

Hope, you are wonderful and a blessing to all men! Your openness and willingness to see beyond societal stereo-types is beautiful!! I love your articles and hope that you will continue to write them forever!! You are an inspiration to all men to express themselves freely and with pride.

Take care,

Troy


david 7 years ago

Wearing any kind of lingerie certainly does bring on a certain level of femininity but I have never felt too feminine. Of course it depends on the person and how feminine they want to feel. Sometimes its the boring colored/plain cotton panties...but other times its the bright and colorful lacey hipster or the frilly and revealing bikini with a cute pattern on it. Not to say cotton can't be exciting but those are just a few examples. But if there is a "too feminine" and, might I add, a "too masculine", where is the line drawn? I guess that would be left up to the person and their perspective of each. For some women the smallest amount of femininity in a man is too much and they're not openminded to that kind of thing. For other women, they love that a man can have that side to them and encourage it. To each their own I guess.


Jakkie 7 years ago

Right on! When I first saw the title of your hub, I kind of braced myself thinking I might have gone to far. But I agree with your conclusion. Thanks again for the reinforcement.


Jakkie 7 years ago

Great Hub. Keep up the good work!


Mark 7 years ago

Can one be too thin or too rich? I think not! :)


Shane 7 years ago

How feminine is to feminine for a lingerie wearing man who already embraces femininity? Well, in line with Mark's comment and to paraphrase a famous song by Daryle Singletary: it's like too much money, a girl to pretty with too much class, being too lucky, or having to much fun. You can never have too much of any of those. In this case, being too feminine. You just can't draw a generic line of "too much".


Mike 7 years ago

when I started wearing panties daily, I choose plain nylon briefs. as my confidence and my loving wifes support I started going panty crazy! I now wear lots of sexy sheer, lacy panties. bikinis,boy shorts G strings you name it. I also love wearing pantyhose,thigh highs, garterbelts and stockings. well that pretty much covers the bottom.now for the top my wife is getting me sheer gowns, baby dolls,softcup bras and I love it. we both have such a great time together in our sexy silky outfits. I don't feel less of a man because I like wearing sexy undies, and it really gets my wife HOT. I've even found the old long leg style panties that I love wearing over my panties at home. they come in many colors and either straight leg or wide leg styles. I say wear what makes you feel good!


Alison 7 years ago

I don't like women's underwear which isn't feminine and sensual - I like to feel pretty when I dress. Otherwise I can't see the point. I don't want to be a woman, I want to feel feminine and sexy.


supersteve 7 years ago

i love to feel feminine it makes me feels so good in my pretty panties


Steph 7 years ago

I love the feel of panties, bras, skirts, blouses, dresses, ect. and the feeling of feminine that comes with them. I am tired of the steriotype that a male has to be stern and rugged all the time. we should be able to show off our feminine side without being judged by others. It feels right to wear clothes labeled as female, now all i need to do is find a gal who accepts it.


scott 7 years ago

Age is no barrier. No matter how old one gets it still is wonderful to feel a bit feminine on occasions when the urge comes. The so-call old fashion undies and garments that has retired to the closet trunk is the most wonderful wardrobe women has ever worn. Ever try on a pair of knee hi bloomers or layers of petticoats? You would get hooked men,I did years ago. Thank you grandmas for letting this guy feel good once in a while.


David 7 years ago

The first time I shaved myself completely and sat down on the edge of the bed to roll sheer stockings up my smooth legs was... EXQUISITE.

Undoubtedly, it is mostly the FEELING of the delightful fabrics that we generally do not have access to in men's clothing.

Cotton briefs versus silky nylon panties?

No contest.

Boxers versus satin tap pants?

HAH!

Just THINKING about all the delightful virtues of all that is feminine is euphoric.

Being held by a pretty bra.

The weight of breast forms pulling on my shoulders.

And the PROFILE.

The firm surround of a waist cinching garter belt.

Silk and satin and lace.

Sheer stockings on smooth skin.

The gentle tug of garters against my thighs.

5" pumps accentuating my rear.

Stepping into a delicious, lace trimmed, "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" full slip.

A whispy, georgette, chiffon dress tickling my legs and neckline.

And the wonderful taste and smell of lipstick...

... takes me away to an extremely sensuous and relaxing state that is so very far from the day in/day out demands of being a 'man'.

It is an outstanding place to be... and I love it.


Erica4U profile image

Erica4U 7 years ago from Great Lakes Region

Hope again you have hit an issue that I understand because of the "Social" implication involved. Being "Too Feminine?" in dressing for me, makes no sense! I wear nylons, bras, skirts. dresses, heels etc.. I wear very in style outfits and not outrageous attire. I dress feminine to "Be" feminine and "Feel" feminine because I feel so at peace and comfortable with who I am as a "HETEROSEXUAL" male that adores everything about women! Is this a bad thing? I adore being around women and I love women so much that for me when I dress femininely, I feel inside my soul and heart like a woman! I know I could never actually feel what a woman feels I suppose and for that it is regrettable for me! I notice too,WOMEN DO NOT PARTICIPATE MUCH HERE with their ideas and thoughts on these matters! Ladies, realize for many of us men here, we would be very interested in your feedback! Again Hope, I think I'm In Love With You!


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

Thanks for your kind words, Erica :) I am guessing that there aren't a lot of women here for the same reason that there aren't a lot of men on feminist hubs - they're not relevant to their interests.


David H profile image

David H 7 years ago from England

Well Hope, how come this is relevant to your interests then?

It is unusual for a woman to be so open-minded when crossdressing is involved.


Kimberly 6 years ago

As a woman, I think it's God awesome that there are men who are comfortable enough with themselves to wear women's lingerie. Screw the Victorian aged gender roles with its fake, cliché macho male image.


Gr8legs profile image

Gr8legs 6 years ago

I was out in the park late tonight in Perth, wearing combat pants and a light silk button-up shirt. Underneath the pants I was wearing a pair of 30 denier gloss pantyhose with an ivory satin G-string and half slip. Under my shirt I was wearing a silky camisole, trimmed around the neckline with a touch of lace.

It's mid-summer right now in Australia, it was dark and I was sitting on a bench playing Sudoku on my iPhone with the top buttons of when two young girls in their mid-twenties walked by. I didn't look up as they passed, but I heard them whisper to each other as they passed, then they turned back and approached me. At this point I should tell you that I'm middle aged, divorced and fit, with a muscular, athletic body and with hair cropped short but not balding. Anyway, as they approached me, one of the girls asked "Excuse me, but are you.......erm......wearing women's underwear?" I have only recently started becoming comfortable with myself about wearing lingerie and hadn't meant for it to be visible, so I was rather embarrased by her question. However, I realised it was too late at that point to cover up, so I answered, somewhat coyly, that I was. "God," she replied "that looks soooooo hot!" and with that the girls turned to walk off. As they did so I heard her say to her friend that she was going to try to get her boyfriend to wear some of her lingerie. The second agreed, but said it probably wouldn't have the same effect unless he lost some weight & started going to the gym.

I don't know what their reaction would have been if they'd know about the rest of my attire, but from past experience, there are a some women who will tolerated it and a number of others who will embrace it enthusiastically. Indeed, my ex-wife used to buy lingerie for me on occasions.

I am a very masculine man, totally straight and no desire to be, or dress as a woman; however, I love wearing lingerie. Whilst some manufacturers here in Australia are now making men's undies in a wide variety of styles and even in silkier fabrics (satin boxers, microfibre briefs & trunks), in my experience the fabrics they use for men are not of such good quality (and therefore don't have the same tactile qualities) as those they use for women's lingerie.

I don't know whether Hope is a nom-de-plume, but you certainly give hope to those of us who have lived with the fear of shame and emabarrassment that wouild overwhelm us if our secret were to be discovered. Indeed, when I discovered that my ex-wife had been openly telling her friends about it, I went to court and had a restraining order issued against her.

I wish I could be open about my penchant, but after spending all my adult life hiding my secret away, I doubt if I will ever reach the "So what?" stage. Sad, but true.


innercomfort 6 years ago

(some of these hubs are more than a year old, but fascinating to a new visitor so I'll comment!) In private, there is no limit, you can't be too feminine. Sometimes there is great pleasure in doing things to excess, as long as it doesn't hurt yourself or anyone else. Just do it! In younger days I sometimes put on about 6 bras, 5 long slips, 3 nightgowns and stockings, all at once, just to feel cocooned in femininity. It sounds silly now, but it gave me a thrill.

Venturing out into the real world is another thing, where there are plenty of unenlightened people. For those of us who present as men, it's easy to be too feminine. High heels, frilly skirts, dresses, exposed lingerie, large bustlines, etc. are just not acceptable yet, much as we might wish we could display them. Do you want to be laughed at? Even true crossdressers, who can succesfully pass as women, can go too far with femininity. For example, a 60s CDer usually doesn't look too great in miniskirts more suitable for high-schoolers, and should not walk around in a French maid's outfit.

For we men who wish we could express femininity (as men), I think gradual incremental change is the sensible way to go. Add a small feminine touch here and there while living your normal life. (As one random way to do this, get some nice girly bank checks for paying your bills!)

I have a circle of friends who have gradually seen my feminine side emerge. They see is as just one part of my personality and individuality. If I had suddenly appeared with girly top, slightly enlarged bustline, short shorts, and lots of jewelry, I would have definitely been "too feminine".

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