10 Little Ways To Show Your Husband You Care

Let him know he's number one in your life!
Let him know he's number one in your life!

This hub is a response to a question asked by a reader in 10 Little Ways To Show Your Wife You Care. He asked if I let my husband relax after a long day at work, or helped him out in any way. This forced me to consider my role and efforts as a wife, from my husband’s point of view.

Here is my list (that I have not mastered, by the way) of things to do (and not do) for your husband to let him know you care. I definitely have some old-fashioned beliefs, but please don’t take the video seriously! I am not pretending to have all the answers regarding men and I do not possess the secrets to a happy marriage, but I do think there are a few things any man will appreciate.

Before I even start the list, I will state the obvious; every woman already knows what to do to make her husband happy, at least for a short time. I am including it just so the men don’t feel cheated or think that I don’t understand what they really, really want. Make his favorite dinner occasionally. Bring him a beer when he’s watching the game. Take off your clothes. Anytime is fine.

How Be The Perfect Wife

A guy needs his hobbies.
A guy needs his hobbies.

  1. Let him know you are his biggest fan. Tell him how great he is, how much you appreciate the little things he does to help you (no matter how small) , and how much he’s loved. I am not suggesting you lie. If you are not his biggest fan, you should be!
  2. It is best to avoid asking questions such as “What are you thinking about, honey?” Men hate this because they know they will get themselves into trouble if they tell you what they were really thinking. Or they can't remember.

  3. Always speak highly of him to others. Don’t call up your best friend to tell her about his latest stupid mistake.
  4. Don’t cut him down. It may be tempting to tell him exactly what you think of him during an argument, but hold your tongue. Deep down, somewhere , you love this man, and shredding him to bits will only make the situation worse. Don’t remind him of his weaknesses at every opportunity. Most men are fully aware of their weaknesses and do not need reminding.
  5. Be quick to apologize for snapping at him when you are tired and cranky.
  6. Listen to what he has to say. This may include topics that you neither understand nor care to be enlightened about, such as the rules of fantasy football or a comparison of programming codes.
  7. Although it is widely believed that men are dogs, don’t treat him like one. Don’t attempt to keep him on a short leash, or even long chain. I know the idea of a shock collar (as used in dog training ) is appealing, but really, he’s a big boy now.
  8. Appreciate who he is and don’t try to change him. You knew who he was when you married him. Trying to make him into something different is: A. a waste of your time because it will not work and B. just annoying . He was flawless in your eyes when you first met. Is he really not good enough now? I know, you have grown and changed and expanded. Let him appreciate you, but stay the same.
  9. Encourage his hobbies, even if you aren’t fond of them. My husband loves motorcycles. People are always saying things like “I can’t believe your wife let you have a bike” and “How could you let him do that?” Let him? That’s not how it is supposed to work. He is my husband, not my child. Yes, I worry. I ask him call to check in. I also love to see the smile on his face when returns safely from a nice long ride.

  10. Don’t make fun of his team, even if they always lose. It is likely that your husband has been programmed since birth to be a fan of a particular sports team. This rule additionally applies to Star Trek and Star Wars fans. If your husband is still a fan of the band KISS, then you have permission to go wild with abuse.

Give him some privacy.
Give him some privacy.

A Few Extras

Leave him alone when he is in the bathroom. I have a friend who follows her husband in there when she knows he ‘s going to be awhile just to have his complete attention. If your man doesn’t listen to you, find a more enjoyable alternative.

If you ever find yourself thinking that this man of yours is too difficult to live with, remember that he has to live with you. Are you always a perfectly dreamy mate? I’m not. I commented recently that when we finally have an opportunity to spend time together, I will have grown old and bitter and not be any fun anymore. The implication that I am not yet bitter was very amusing to him. But he puts up with it, along with my complaining (I am quite talented), my constant exhaustion and my frequent refusal to be social, particularly with his friends.

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Comments 132 comments

Erinn Soule profile image

Erinn Soule 8 years ago from Los Angeles


amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks Erinn!

John Chancellor profile image

John Chancellor 8 years ago from Tennessee


Good list, but as a husband, I can tell two things that I would have added.

One, if I tell you we need to leave to go somewhere at 8, I mean 8 - not 8:15 or later. Be on time when we are going somewhere.

Two, please don't make me guess what you might be upset about. I am horrible at mind reading. Do us both a favor, tell me - making me guess only gets us both upset.


Encourager profile image

Encourager 8 years ago from Cotswolds, UK

HI Ami, Great hub. Just a little tip that I always pass on to my friends. The three most important words that couples need to know that solves lots of problems - I am sorry!


amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi John, thank you for the additional tips. My husband is always late, so I didn't think of that one. You are right, women should be crystal clear when talking to men, especially when they want something! Expecting a man to know what you are thinking (or feeling) is unfair.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi encourager, thank you for reading and commenting. You are absolutely right! Being able to say you are sorry is essential for both husband and wife. We say it often around here :)

prems4u profile image

prems4u 8 years ago from KERALA Cochin

Thanks for responding my question in your previous hub by publishing this hub...

These are main things that husbands are looking from their wifes . I wish You a Happy Married Life

proudgrandpa profile image

proudgrandpa 8 years ago from Charlotte, NC

As usual a great job. I think each couple would be well served to find and celebrate the core values of their marriage. My wife Myra and I value peace and harminoy and that is what we still have 20 years later.

Good stuff Amy!

lady luck profile image

lady luck 8 years ago from Boston

This is a very good piece of writing, you make valid points and suggestions, I don't think a lot of women realize how over bearing they can be...remember ladies, pick your battles, otherwise your man will complain that you nag too much!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Prems4u, thanks so much. I'm sure there are many more small acts of kindness that women could do to show their husbands they care, but I think respect goes a long way! :)

WeddingConsultant profile image

WeddingConsultant 8 years ago from DC Metro Area

Again, some good tidbits, thanks Amy!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi Neil, I value peace and harmony too and I am always surprised when couples seem to enjoy bickering. Thanks for much for the comment!

Thanks Lady Luck, maybe it is in our nature to want to control everything (because we know just about everything) but you are right, no body appreciates a nag!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks, Pete!

stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

Nice work! I will email this one to Mr. Hicks too! :-) He was sad when I sent him the first one (do I not do all those things for you already, he asked??)

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hi amy jane, I do not have a husband. But I have 3 brothers and I know what it is like to live with men! LOL I was grinning when I went through your tips esp the one about asking "what do you think?" I also like to ask a lot and I remember this guy telling me, "Why are you so cerebral?" LOL (he was a doctor by the way)Great hub!


amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Steph, I am so sorry he was sad! Maybe this one will make him feel better. :)

Thanks, michelle - too funny! Hmmm, maybe we do think too much? I have been accused of that before... :)

MOmmagus 8 years ago

I like this one, I think a lot of your items are about giving him R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Yes, we all want that!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks MOmmagus. Respect is huge - for all of us!

penmanzee 8 years ago

You read us well Amy. I know you don't present this from a position of weakness so I daresay if all women practiced this, (and the guys play their part) we'd have a lot less divorce and much happier marriages. Thanks for helping us out girl!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thank you so much, penmanzee! I do feel that strong women can honor and respect the men in their lives. It is an even bigger compliment for a man to be admired and respected by a woman of strength and intelligence.

Sapristi! profile image

Sapristi! 8 years ago

I thank you for the tips. I will extend them to long-term boyfriend as well. I especially have trouble with number 6. Fantasy football... it's an automatic physical response: eyes glaze over, fidgeting, the flight mechanism kicks in... Just one thing: I disagree about leaving him alone during his "bathroom time" - that vulnerable position is the PERFECT opportunity for me to get revenge for all his usual bugging and teasing. >:D (Please note that this revenge is always exacted from the other side of the door.)

Peter M. Lopez profile image

Peter M. Lopez 8 years ago from Sweetwater, TX

Yes, yes, yes. Husband, not child. You hit the nail on the head, amy jane. Great hub.

cheapbuys profile image

cheapbuys 8 years ago

Great hub you may want to read my http://hubpages.com/relationships/ways-to-win-his- to get an additional perspective from a guy's point of view

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Sapristi, LOL! So funny! I am glad to hear that you are staying on the other side of the bathroom door - for your sake! My friend really does follow her guy in and sit down across from him to get his attention. Sounds like you are keeping things fun. :)

Thanks Peter! It is easy for women to get confused on this one, as they are constantly cleaning up after their husbands. :)

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

cheapbuys, I took at look at your hub and I like your point of view! Thanks for reading and commenting.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

amy jane, yes, I believe we think too much LOL and analyze too much HAHA --michelle, ripplemaker

Hope Wilbanks profile image

Hope Wilbanks 8 years ago from Louisiana

Terrific advice, Amy...especially #8. I see so many women RE-marrying (many times) and trying to change every man they marry to make him "better." It's sad really. Why not just love and accept him for who he is, flaws and all. After all, that's what makes us each unique--flaws. :)

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks Hope! I agree - I always think about what my husband has to put up with (living with me) as a reminder to let him "be" who he is! Thanks for reading :)

Andromeda10 profile image

Andromeda10 8 years ago from Chicago

The video "How To Be a Perfect Wife" was really cute. Very good tips throughout. Thank you.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thank you, Andromeda! That video always makes me laugh. I am glad you enjoyed reading this. :)

Annette Rozen profile image

Annette Rozen 8 years ago

incredibly fabulous hub. Ive been married for 3 months now. i think you touched upon all the different things we founght about within only the first three weeks of marriage (no we didn't live together first!) Now the'yre just repeating themes for all of our new fights, only thanks to learning and experience, the fights pop up far more in frequently. Keep dishing out the good advice! And by the way, what you said about remembering how your husband has to put up with you too, its so very true. But my mother reminded me of that last time i called to complain about something dumb and now i always keep it in mind!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks so much Annette! I am glad you found this helpful. Realizing that my husband has to put up with me and admitting that it probably isn't easy on him was a big step for me. Focusing on all the things that you love about your husband will help you to let go of all the little things that will annoy you over time. :)

PLM profile image

PLM 8 years ago

That was hysterical, loved it amy!

Let me add my own facetious comments to this heh heh heh >=)

Being a fiercely independent that I am, I'll be serious for a few minutes.

enjoy it, as it's a rarity)

I met my wife in a bar.

She was the manager and had a crush.

That crush was made obvious one nite as I was frequenting her bar that she managed.

She was dressed to the nines.

She walks over to me and says "We need to..."

All I could say was "pick a friday"

The rest is history.

I learned a secret about being a good husband and what makes a good wife. It was something my wife related to me as her own philosophy and strategy on this.

Be sweet

That's it. Nothing else. Of course I had to disagree with her by claiming that all any man wants is oral sex, which we humorously have coded in our household as "brushing your teeth." I already know what I want for my birthday, x-mas, new years, anniversary, etc etc etc etc etc.

Since we have 5 young ones and don't need dads sexual escapades to be adopted in their own speech patterns, we have to use this code. Kids are very impressionable and don't I know it. (they'll be the death of me) So with the frequency that I request my wife to "brush her teeth" I'm hoping my children pick up good oral hygiene habits.

Seriously though, I had to agree after pondering on this for a while. My wife had tricked me into being a masculine protector, provider, handyman, and babysitter. By being sweet all the time, and never being anything but, a man will do anything for her. Men will lay down their lives for the woman they love if all she is...

...is sweet.

Not a raging hormonal lunatic or a pesamistic nagging slob, but "sweet" by every defenition of the word.

And just to add salt and lime juice to the wound. My wife tells me she learned this from Dr. Laura.


I can't stand that whackado! So that just added insult to injury because my wife has used this psychological judo strategy on me which she learned from Dr. Laura.

Now I've decided to search for a head shrinker that can give me some useful tips for myself. Maybe there's some strategy out there to make my wife "brush her teeth" more often!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

PLM, you are hilarious! Thank you for being serious for just a moment there and sharing your story. I just sent this to my husband. I know he will appreciate your view. I think it is great that your wife knows how to win you over with her sweetness. She is a wise woman. :)

Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Great hub, dead on on all points, although I think you may have understressed the first point prior to beginning the list. Heh. I also agree with John Chancellor on the "don't make us guess thing." Guys minds are not even remotely as complex as a woman's when it comes to emotions. We're complex in our ways, and some get emotions more than others, but generally, as birds of a feather flock together, emotionally complex men end up with even more emotionally complex women, so the result is the same. Just say it. In as few words as possible, cut to the chase. Don't be cruel, but be blunt. Guys want to fix problems, so, lay it out and we'll work on it.

Also, I think one of the best things a woman can do for her husaband is to like herself, in body and in mind. It drives me insane when my wife refuses to believe she's as hawt as I think she is. Pisses me off, honestly. I don't care what the fashion magazines say, if your man thinks your hawt, you're hawt. End of story.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Shadesbreath, I like your advice to lay the problem out so the man can fix it! I am not sure why women want their men to figure things out on their own. I think what they reslly want is for their husband to WANT to know what is bothering them and to really care about fixing it. I love your last point too about liking yourself. We too often hold ourselves to a crazy, unattainable standard and don't recognize the fact that our husband's are quite happy with us the way we rae. Thanks for the additional insights! :)

a_dork profile image

a_dork 8 years ago from egotistical jersey, usa

i cant believe nothing was written about sex?!

Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Re-read the opening portion, A_dork. Amy Jane was very, very delicate about it, but she tossed it out there as a given.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks Shadesbreath! Yes, I was trying to be lady like about that. :)

New Reflection profile image

New Reflection 8 years ago from The Real World

Super hub! You could not be more right. I'm going to have to remember these tips and apply them more regularly.

On a different note, very well written; very entertaining. First hub I read this morning and it definitely brought on a smile. Thanks.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks so much, New Reflection!I'm sogladyou enjoyed it. Sometimes I have to remind myself of my own advice. :)

betherickson profile image

betherickson 8 years ago from Minnesota

Wow. I agree. You really have a great hub. This is a very fine way to make a perfect wife to your husband.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks Beth!

starrkissed profile image

starrkissed 8 years ago from Arizona

This is great!!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks Starrkissed!

blogit2050 profile image

blogit2050 8 years ago from india

i enjoyed reading you hub and learned somethings for future thanks alot

amy jane profile image

amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks blogit. :)

johnny yuma1 7 years ago

An excellent blog that you have here. I surely enjoyed the reading of it. My wife is always late, and we quite often argue. On the other hand we have been married right at 38 years and don't plan on getting a divorce. We are married for life; we just need to put some of the things you have in your blog to work for ourselves.

Johnny Yuma

Journey * profile image

Journey * 7 years ago from USA

Nice hub Amy Jane!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 7 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi Johnny, sounds like you have things well under control! Being fully commited to working out your problems (no matter how big or small) is definitely a recipe for success! I wish you much luck!

Thanks Journey!

yourwaysingles profile image

yourwaysingles 7 years ago

Lovely ! Are you a good wife or I should not ask either ?

KatieLee 7 years ago

Nice comments, great list! Have you read Laura Doyle's books? She makes many of the same suggestions, helping women to become much less controlling. Another way you can show your husband you care, is to do just that, take care of yourself. Self care can end up at the bottom of the list when you are raising a family or working outside the home. When women take care of themselves by getting plenty of rest and exercise, eating properly and getting a pedicure or taking a nap, we are happier and easier to be around. Others will never treat us any better than we treat ourselves.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 7 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi YourWaySingles - I try to follow my own advice on this, but I'm not always successful! I do try...:)

Hi KatieLee, thank you for the additional advice! It certainly is important to take care of oursevles. It is easy to put everyone elses needs before your own. Sometimes you do have to take care of yourself first!

Cathy profile image

Cathy 7 years ago from Oregon, USA

HI! Just came across this hub while I was out for a Hubwalk and gotta tell you, it's cute and funny. Don't know if it's supposed to be funny, but #3 and #7 gave me a chuckle - 'his latest stupid mistake' and 'Although it is widely believed men are dogs - don't treat him like one'. I just kinda got a chuckle from those, nothing mean, just that it was humorous. I really like the way you write, you're an easy read. Thanks for the Hubs.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 7 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks Cathy! I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I was trying to be funny - but serious at the same time! :)

AndyBaker profile image

AndyBaker 7 years ago from UK

Great stuff - all very true.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 7 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks Andy! :)

surferwife 7 years ago

Every morning for 1/2 hour while having our coffee, my husband and I read one article each (on how to better our relationship and communication) and discuss it. I've printed out many articles from this site and a few others. This gives us time to make sure we are on the same page as far as what the other person needs in our marriage. I want my husband to feel loved, appreciated, honored, that he's a good father, etc. I would like the same. So, I came up with this plan; every morning when we get up and the kids are still asleep, we have some quiet time together to discuss what we need as a couple. It has helped our relationship so much, we've been together and married for 15 years. We went through a few very hard years but after reading these articles and now knowing what I need out of our marriage and what he needs, it has helped up tremendously. Things are great!!!!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 7 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi Surferwife, I think your suggestions are terrific! What a great way to start your day! (I think you may need to write a hub about it:)) Spending that extra time together everyday would have a wonderful impact on a marriage - as long as you make sure that it is time to enjoy yourself and not discuss things that cause too much tension (like money maybe?)

I'm so glad you have found what works for you. Our marriages need attention! It is when we stop making our spouse atop priority that we get into trouble. Thanks for reading and sharing.

Madison22 profile image

Madison22 7 years ago from NYC

Good stuff! I especially like 5,6,and 7.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 7 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks Madison! I like 6 & 7 too. :)

LoveHurts profile image

LoveHurts 7 years ago from Indiana

I appreciated reading this. Sometimes I need to be reminded on how to be a good girlfriend.

csd1509 profile image

csd1509 7 years ago


amy jane profile image

amy jane 7 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi Love hurts, I'm glad you enjoyed this! We all need a reminder sometimes. :)

Csd1590, I know what you mean! When you are at home with a little one, you are exhausted by the time your spouse gets home. It becomes a struggle sometimes to enjoy that time with your spouse - when all you want to do is sleep!

johnmce profile image

johnmce 7 years ago from Brighton, UK

Number 2 is spot on! Nice work

amy jane profile image

amy jane 7 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks John!

Chin chin profile image

Chin chin 7 years ago from Philippines

"Listen to what he has to say." I need to work on this because sometimes I am not a good listener. And that is where misunderstandings arise. You have made a good list. Thanks for a sharing a nice hub.

myownworld profile image

myownworld 7 years ago from uk

loved this hub! shows great insight and makes one just smile throughout...you really have a way with words....! thanks for sharing...

amy jane profile image

amy jane 6 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi Chin chin - I think we all have to work on listening - I know I do! So glad you enjoyed this!

Thank you for your kind words, myownworld! I love to hear that I made someone smile. :)

pjk_artist profile image

pjk_artist 6 years ago from Turkey Point, ON

I'll leave this up for my wife to see.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 6 years ago from Connecticut Author

Lol, pjk, I guess that means you approve of the ideas?!

agaglia profile image

agaglia 6 years ago

OH yeah. these are good tips. and I am not even close to getting all ten. but, they are good things to work on -especially as we are coming up on Valentine's day.

thanks .

amy jane profile image

amy jane 6 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thanks agaglia. I'm not getting all 10 myself these days - there is always more we can do. :)

Gonzo 6 years ago

This is so chauvinist. I thought we got over the Middle Age.

LOVE 6 years ago


amy jane profile image

amy jane 6 years ago from Connecticut Author

Gonzo -really? I don't think so!

Love, thanks! I'm glad to hear my suggestions are helpful in your situation.

zzron profile image

zzron 6 years ago from Houston, TX.

This is awesome, I'm showing it to my wife. Thanks.

Denis Smith 6 years ago

Great ideas. It is amazing that big changes can be made with a little effort. For more tips click on my name.

Kimmy.Lowe profile image

Kimmy.Lowe 6 years ago

There are a lot of Myths about relationships and your hub really closed the doors to some of these. This is a great hub, very informative. http://hubpages.com/relationships/MythsandTruthsof

Carolyn 6 years ago

Another point I have found which is really important. When you and your partner are talking, try as much as possible to be in the same room. Instead of yelling from opposite ends of the house. Keep eye to eye contact. Plus, really listen to him. The listening to him really builds a good rapport with him and he'll be more likely to talk about more, in future - especially if he knows you ARE sincerely listening. In other words, the less he thinks you are listening, the less he will actually talk. He might just keep his thoughts to himself. Or, worse still share those thoughts and feelings with someone else! Heaven Forbid. It really does help people to get emotionally closer. Also give each other a hug as well as a goodbye kiss, when he goes off the work. The hug feels really nice.

Lizzletwizzle profile image

Lizzletwizzle 6 years ago from Western New York

Great Hub Amy! All of this is so true and I know I should start on one thing. The leaving him alone in the bathroom thing. When my husband gets home from work, one of the first things he does is use the bathroom. I (unfortunately) haven't seen him all day and just want to be with him, give him a kiss, ask him how his day was, etc. I realize now how much he really hates it when I do that. Unless he goes into his hobby room, I don't give him his hour to unwind time, I will start doing that again though!

Adeline 6 years ago


blessedmommyof3 profile image

blessedmommyof3 6 years ago

Great Hub! We women have a tendency to treat our husbands like dogs sometimes without even thinking that they have feelings too and also they put up with our PMS doesn't that earn them a little respect?

Angie 6 years ago

Thank you so much for the advice.U really made my day and made me to understand my fiancé.I felt you were talking to me with your sentences.Thank you so much.Now i know how badly I have treated my fiancé. Im a short-tempered person and always treat him badly.

You havbe open my eyes.

thank you.

IntimatEvolution profile image

IntimatEvolution 6 years ago from Columbia, MO USA

Loved it!

ncosby profile image

ncosby 6 years ago

This was fun and informative! I will definitely keep these in mind with my hubby.

David Tyler 6 years ago

When I come home at night I ask my wife how her day was and if she said it was "OK"

Guaranteed there was a problem. She wants to talk

This seams to be true Girlwide!

writer83 profile image

writer83 5 years ago from Cyber Space

I am so much in love with my husband and i want to give him everything. I love to do all the tips you provided. Thanks! It is really helpful.

Moons 5 years ago

Great! keep it up. :)

vidula...India 5 years ago

hyee....its realy...good 1..yaar...thanks dude...a lot

Truth Talker 5 years ago

I'd just like to add some points if i may to your top 10 as i feel you are missing some important points -

1)Let him know you are his biggest fan ONLY if you ARE his biggest fan - Being dishonest is only a recipe for trouble.

2)In fact you should ask questions, as it shows your curious and interested in your partner and it is also one of the best ways to know what he really wants. Not asking questions can be seen as disinterested, men want to be wanted like everyone else. If you don't ask questions simply because you are worried about the answers then it only HIGHLIGHTS the issues within the relationship that need to be sort out. It's best to know your man, flaws and all!

3) Always speaking highly of him to others is also unrealistic and dishonest. Calling your friends to talk about your partners flaws only highlights your own flaws, so who is to talk of who in the end? The point here is balance is required, don't over-emphasize his negatives nor positives, keep it realistic and balanced, anything else only creates further problems, and frankly who's business is it anyway?

4)I agree it's best not to discuss sensitive issues during arguments, but there should be allocated times to do such things openly & honestly without repercussion, otherwise you simply cycle over the same arguments time and time again.

5)Apologize only if you mean it... not just to make him happy - doing this only makes you unhappy and solves nothing.

6)Listen only if you are interested, again do not promote dishonesty, and it is being dishonest if you pretend to care when you don't. But expect the same in return... Obviously there needs to be some give and take here.

7)Frankly this could be seen as insulting due to its stereotypical nature. Are woman considered dogs too? If you need a shock collar then again you need to look at yourself and the choices you are making in choosing men.

8)The only thing you can change is yourself. If you grow or expand away from your partner, then allow them to grow with you, be inclusive.

9)If you are not fond of his hobbies then it is a perfect time for personal growth by asking yourself why & what does it have to do with you? it's his hobby not yours, if it makes him happy then be happy for him.

10)Well if you make fun of his team and he gets upset, then maybe the dog collar is needed after all. Again time to look at the choices in man you are making.

Hope that helps. Peace.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 5 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi Truth Talker - I appreciate your tips, but I fear you have missed the point of this hub, in a sense. It was written, not as an end all, take to the grave advice about marriage, but to make my readers laugh. Obviously, (at least to me) I am not saying to lie and deceive and pretend you feel a certain way if you don't.

Regarding hobbies, I clearly state that I think women should be supportive of their husband's hobbies. Did you miss that?

Men being dogs...now that was just for fun. If you are going to be married you better hope you are capable of laughing about it once in a while. Like I said, I think you missed the point.

And by "taking a look at the choices in man you are making" are you implying that if a woman is married to a man that is a sports nut, it's her own fault? Or shall we all just jump ship due to our partner's imperfections? The "choice in a man" has already been made, therefore, your advice is not all that helpful, or funny.

Edoka Writes profile image

Edoka Writes 5 years ago

Love this hub! I will keep these hints in mind! Thank you.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 5 years ago from Connecticut Author

Thank you Edoka - I'm glad you enjoyed this!

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JLClose 5 years ago from OreGONE

This is a great list, and many of them hit close to home--especially number 6! My husband has interests that are TOTALLY different than mine, and when he wants to talk about what he's been reading about (or whatever) I am SO not interested. But I know I need to at least try to care.

connie 5 years ago

i love these......#2 opened up my mind coz i always ask questions to my husband and he do ask me why i'm always asking to him its somewhat like i don't have trust on him but i just want to clarify things out.....huhuhu

sometimes i hate myself why im acting like this. just to satisfy me either...huh!!!!im i bad to him???

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htodd 5 years ago from United States

Thanks for the hub

Carey 5 years ago

You know, I don't consider myself to be a hardcore feminist but this whole thread just made me want to throw up. Why is it that, everwhere we look, there's always some throwback attempting to turn back the clock and make women feel like the only way they can be a good wife is to return to the 1950s? And where, for that matter, are these articles pertaining to MEN - telling THEM how to be the perfect husbands, taking out the trash, remembering important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc???

I know far more women who do everything and then some, only to get maybe half if that in return from their husbands, than I know men who still fawn and fuss over their wives after the initial glow or novelty wears off.

joy 5 years ago

nice write up. i think i will practice them

frooglemom 5 years ago

I don't mean they are all children who need us to be their mommas all the time. But, I find it hard to balance not too much with not enough. I thought I was giving him space to find his own things to do. Too bad I found out those things had a female name. I didn't pay enough attention although (we were doing "if you know what I mean" 2 or 3 times a day. NO JOKE!). He claimed they were reasons, I claim excuses. I've learned that reasons become excuses when the person you are trying to give them to doesn't buy it. He never bought my reasons why you couldn't eat off the floor when we had 3 kids ages 7, 4 and 2 running around the house. My house may never be on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens but it won't be on and episode of Hoarders either. He always complained he wished I was more independent, but let me tell you, no one more independent would not put up with his BS. I liked your list and will try to implement them but @ Carey, the reason there aren't any articles like this for men is because it wouldn't be an article. It'd be too long for their short attention spans to focus on long enough. The reason these tips are timeless is because regardless of how much women change this world, men and their needs NEVER do.

Anyway. My two cents...for what that's worth.

I did like the hub and hope to use these tips as research. I'll try them and see how well they work. Will it change and save my marriage, who knows. However, I didn't get married to get divorced so I have to try.

leann2800 5 years ago

Really good ideas. Most of these I do. But, I probably need practice on #2. Thanks for sharing

Kavs 5 years ago

Thank you Amy...Your tips are so useful specially when I have began to realise that I have become a nagging wife from the so cool wife in our 8 mnths of marriage.

I love my husband a lot and will try applying to each of these points. Loved it .... I think being best friends with your husband and having trust helps it all .Thank you so much

Aaron0308 5 years ago

While I get what you're saying here, I have to agree with Carey who questioned where all the articles are that point out how husbands could be better to their wives. I didn't quite realize that the wife was the only one who was responsible for the relationship. Silly me! And here I thought all along that it took two to make or break a marriage.

My sister treats her husband like a king, far better than anything this article suggested, yet she consistently gets treated by him as if she's only there to serve him and nothing more. Knowing how the mommas out there treat their sons, and after reading this article, it's absolutely shocking that some men refuse to be treated as if they are just normal, everyday, imperfect humans.

I sincerely hope, Amy Jane, that your husband gives you the same respect and thoughtfulness that you try to show him. It would be nice if he would write one called, "10 Little Ways To Show Your Wife You Care." There are plenty of men out there who desperately need it!

amy jane profile image

amy jane 5 years ago from Connecticut Author

Hi Aaron - If you take a look at the very first line of this article you will see that this was written in response to a previous article I wrote called 10 Little Ways to how Your Wife You Care. A reader there had asked how I treated my husband, since I seemed to have a list of demands. There is a link to it at the top of the page. Both articles were written with a sense of humor. Both were written at a time in my life when I thought I had things all figured out... I don't, by any means, think that a woman should treat her husband like a king and be walked all over. Respect is huge in a marriage though, and it has to go both ways. Returning to the 1950's role models is not an option and it is not what I am suggesting.

As I said earlier, this was written for fun, to make my readers laugh a little. Maybe I'm old fashioned, because I think that the best way to keep a relationship strong is to treat your partner with respect, compassion, understanding and forgiveness.

Your point about men not accepting being treated like normal, flawed humans is right on target for many men I know. I'll go along with blaming the mothers. Which will surely get me into more trouble. :)

Truthfully, seriously now, sometimes all the effort in the world cannot save a marriage. And I certainly never meant to suggest that my advice could accomplish it.

Grow profile image

Grow 5 years ago from British Columbia - The Amsterdam Of North America

Wow .. that was SO sensible .. are you sure you are a woman? I couldn't have written a better wish list of how men would like to be treated? If every woman was as understanding as you .. relationship counselors would be out of work!

ashmy mendez 5 years ago

hi i was so delighted when i read ur tips.well am not married but its intresting.so that i can prepare myself before marriage.sure i would like to pass to all my friends about the value of married life,thank you.

lyn 5 years ago

thanks so much. I am very short tempered and cn sying anything when i am mad. I guess i have learnt something. I am very rough when i have a lot on my mind

ria chhabra 5 years ago

thanks for these beautiful tips which helps me out...i am newly married n really it helps me

pls post some tips how to adjust with husband's family


Ria chhabra...:)

Deborah Ogbudje 5 years ago

Thanks 4 d info. God bless. I ve really being guilty. Pls keep writing

Wave 5 years ago

It's particularly disgusting! Maybe all of you seem that's true, but this hub is just an easy parody of the long-established sexist system of this society. Its contents are offensive and simple. Of course I know it wasn’t the original idea, and it must be read with sense of humor, however not only magnifies all the cliches of female stereotypes, but also makes men stupid and insubstantial animals... Watch out, and re-think about the real meaning of your thoughts, and specially WHY, which is the socio-cultural reason of your way of thinking.

Grace Andrew 5 years ago

I have moved in and stayed wif my partner for 2months and sometimes he comes late because of his job and I sometimes speak harshly to him by reading your points I have decided to change my approach towards him.

Let's be honest... 5 years ago

Hitting 60, married three times, one daughter, and had my fair share of relationships so thought your blog was a send-up until I read you were for real.

No disrespect, I think your great, but have never met a woman that could tick even half of your suggestions, or show any interest in understanding in them.

So I don't know which world you live in, but sure wish it was mine! But then again, I am a man, and have had to resign myself a long time ago that women don’t give a damn about how we men think or feel.

L_Hendrix 4 years ago

My husband is one of the hardest workers ever! He provides everything for us and the grandchildren we are raising. I do my very best to take care of his needs to show him how much he is appreciated. Number two on the list is probably the only one I don't do. I really want him to share his thoughts w/ me and will ask what he is thinking. Sometimes he wants to talk and sometimes not. This is where number six comes in...listen to what is on his mind. If he doesn't want to talk certainly don't nag him about it.

Some of the other comments gave more good tips for showing your husband you care.

Food is one of them. I get up at 5:00 a.m. and make coffee then fix my DH (dear husband) breakfast and pack a big lunch for him before he leaves for work. (One of his co-workers is always asking to trade wives b/c his won't even get out of bed before he leaves; let alone fix breakfast or lunch.) I always try to have supper on the stove when he gets home. When he works late I have the kids already fed and cleaned up and the kitchen clean and reheat his food when he gets home.

Space and time w/ the guys or just to himself is always a good thing to give your DH. The reader whos husband goes for the long bike ride and comes home w/ a huge smile has the right idea. Men need to unwind. I know mine works very hard - both mentally and physically - and if he wants to go hunting or fishing then I am happy for him. In return, he takes the children out for awhile so I can have some quiet time and when we have time w/o the kids for a weekend we always spend it together doing something we both enjoy.

Some readers thought you were being sexist and trying to put women back in the 50's but I agree with your tips. Keeping a clean house (not perfect but at least picked up), taking good care of our grandchildren, making sure his laundry is always done, and paying the bills on time are all ways to show my DH how much I care.

Another thing you can do for a hard working husband is to take off his boots and rub those tired feet for him after a long day on the job. Give him a cold beer and the remote first then watch the pleasure and relaxation on your husband's face. :)

To the previous poster: There ARE women out here who give more than a damn about their husbands! I try my hardest to be a very good wife and in return I have a very loving, happy husband. What goes around comes around.

Doris 4 years ago

You didn't hit a specific topic I was interested in but overall very useful. :)

P Cow 4 years ago

I wish I can have a husband to praise and take care of. :(

Maybe one day...

dorie 4 years ago

ugh...i certainly hope l_hendrix is getting a nightly massage, a hot bath drawn, so good loven' and a heap of gratitude, appreciation, love, affection, respect, kindness, loyalty, honesty and faithfulness.

i hate to be a scrooge, but this entire subject makes me want to throw up. i personally don't believe any many should be treated as if his wife is subservient to him. relationships have to about more than DH bringing home the bacon and the DW being his servant, maid, housekeeper, chef, slave. if this is what's required to show a husband you love and care for them, no thanks.

i am quite disgusted with the entire subject. it is not funny at all and this is a place where humor needs to be handled carefully.

i came across this blog by accident and i totally hate every word of it. i wonder if this was really written by a man disguised as a woman.


kemysola 4 years ago

Oh my God I really enjoy this an to add to the points giving already is that.

1. You. Don't argue with him

2. And when is talking just keep quiet and listen to him

Truth Talker 4 years ago

If it was meant as humour, then you must be upset that people are actually taking your points as useful tips for their relationships? Maybe you need to make yourself clearer in regards to this and is possibly a list item - say what you mean ; )... Because as Wave spoke about,if people are taking this seriously then all it is doing is propping up the illusionary differences between men & women by further conditioning peoples minds(using humour) which unfortunately only serves to create further seperation, confusion & delusions within peoples relationships... ; ).

Amy 4 years ago

I read all the ways that I care ! Well !!! My husband and I have been married but separated for 45 years. Married part is the paper work. The separated part is since our wedding night he has lived his life in the basement and I lived my life upstairs. Since our wedding day he doesn't want to talk to me or be around me. He only comes upstairs to fix things but he refuses to talk other than to say Hi or grunt something I don't understand. Why has our marriage been this way, I really can't answer that nor do I know why. He is happy where he lives hasn't any friends, no phone,computer or TV. Just a loner who is uninterested in me, the world or anything else. I was told years ago if I want to leave that it is OK with him. Also that if I get a boy or girl friend he had no problem with that, just don't bother him on who it is and what we do. He had no problem with an open marriage. All he wants is to be left alone. Needless to say is I can't explain how I've felt. One thing I never understood is being married and alone.

Troy Reardon 4 years ago

I love my wife!! I let my emotions he the best of me in an argument...and she is pregnant!! We ran to Vegas and got married less then a month after we met, we just both knew we dint ever wanna be with anyone else so we went! We've both been married previously and knew what we dint want in a partner! I let my insecurities get the best of me and now were on the rocks!! I wanna make it up to her and raise our baby together, but I'm scared I ruined it, she's at her sisters and I gotta go turn my self in to jail for an old warrant and she's 2 months pregnant!! Why wount she forgive me? I feel like a complete idiot :( I know I'll never love another more and it would be unfair to my self to ever move on!! I TRULY love my wife and don't know what to do! And she's not the type of woman to just run away with anyone and get married, dang what do I do?????

Jay 4 years ago

I see a couple of posts here on the order of "this is so behind the times, how come it's all the wife's job to make a good marriage, saying a woman should try to make her husband happy is insulting and demeaning, etc."

To the idea that it's not JUST the wife's job, I say: Well, duh. OF COURSE the husband should also be trying to make his wife happy. But when you're giving advice to women, you tell them what THEY should do. Telling women what their husbands should do to is not productive because it's beyond her control, she can only control her own actions. Such discussions might even be counter-productive, just encouraging her to dwell on his faults and failures. Of course the same is true when giving advice to men: tell men what the husband should do, not what he should complain about his wife failing to do.

To the idea that it is demeaning for a woman to work to make her husband happy: So what are you holding up as the ideal, then? That women should be completely selfish and make endless demands on their husbands while offerring nothing in return?

Mrs promise 4 years ago

It is good for the wives to always stand for there housband no matter what, either money or no money

PrettyChummy 4 years ago

Thanks a lot! I have made these mistakes and I paid for them and I promise to be a better person to my guy,my next friend will be pampered and adored by me.

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yssubramanyam 4 years ago from india, nellore. andhrapradesh

it is really advisable to women to have pleasurable home. great hub.

amy jane profile image

amy jane 4 years ago from Connecticut Author

Dorie, I assure you, I am a woman! I'm sorry you don't see the humor in this, but I'm okay with that. The topic of marriage makes a lot of people want to throw up. I just prefer to laugh. :)

Amy 3 years ago

First of all my husband never cared about me. Since the day we were married which was 45 years ago we only had sex once or anything that a marriage is suppose to be. He's live alone in the basement and has just moved out to his garage. I've slept alone for all these years! As of right now and in my mid 60's I could care less about him or myself.

Ulysses Schuneman 3 years ago

[quote]8192 characters left.[/quote]

Seriously quite a lot of excellent info..

Effectively expressed without a doubt. !

Herb Hopkins profile image

Herb Hopkins 3 years ago from Clayton Alabama

Really good Hub. I truly enjoyed it..I agree with all of the things you said but mostly what you said in #9, he is your husband, not your child! So many women would have a much better relationship with there partner if they could realize this from early on in their relationship. Having been married for over 35 years (tog for over 39), the only other thing I can add is that sex is the "glue" that holds your marriage together. It is the only part of your marriage that is totally and completely a part of both of you and a act of pleasure that only you two share. Never, ever take an argument or disagreement or hurt feeling into your bedroom. Love your line of "take off your clothes". That should make them happy!!! Keep up the great post...

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mathira 2 years ago from chennai

amy, excellent tips which every wife should read.

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LCaverson 2 years ago from Virginia Beach, VA.

Wonderful words of wisdom!

PMARTIN 2 years ago

No complaints except...we argue wth guys about sports all the time, I dont think we are that sensitive if you make fun of our sports team as long as you know what your talking about. If you come in during a baseball game saying the Dallas Cowboys stink at the free throw line, thats greatly annoying--simply leave the room. Added on as one other poster said--stop that being mad but we have to guess for 3 days why!! Be mature and say why.

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