Why You Shouldn't Date a Married Man

Despite the fact that there are millions upon millions of single men in the dating pool, some women choose to date married men. And while some women choose to date married men (probably the minority), there are also men out there who present themselves as single (probably the majority) and don't reveal that they're married until the women they are dating are hooked. These men are scumbags, which is a good reason alone not to date them.

Whatever the reason, women need to take control of their lives and avoid married men at all costs. No woman who's in her right mind should ever willingly date a married man, no matter what that married man says about wanting to get a divorce. Let him get the divorce first, then you can date him. Don't be the beginning of the end of his relationship because that will be what defines you and your relationship. It is a very hard thing to overcome.

Unfortunately, I guess this kind of logic just isn't that easy for everyone, so here are ten good reasons not to date a married man.

(CC-BY-3.0) | Source

Have You Ever Known a Woman Who Dated a Married Man?

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  • Well, he's married - This is probably the most obvious reason not to date a married man. If you are dating a married man and weren't already aware of this reason then you're probably not very smart. In fact, if you're dating a married man, it doesn't really matter whether you know about any reason for not dating him, you're just not very smart anyway. Basically, anyone who "dates" a person who is married isn't very smart. So, just to sort of get the basics out of the way in case you're still not getting this: when another person is married, they're taken. They've made vows to another person. They are legally bound to that person. You can't technically "date" a married man since he's not really available to be dated. Got that? So, about right now you're probably thinking something along the lines of "well, he's not happy with his wife" or "he's going to leave his wife". That's all well and good. Let him leave his wife first. It's not like he's going anywhere. Also, a married man who's dating a woman has serious trust issues, as in, you can't trust him. What happens when you're married to him? I'll tell you what. You're going to be wondering if he's cheating on you. NOT WORTH IT.

Marriage certificate (public domain)
Marriage certificate (public domain)

In Your Experience, What Are the Most Common Reasons for Dating a Married Man?

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  • Availability - Married men have availability issues. When you want to go somewhere on the spur of the moment, a married man is likely to be tied up with family responsibilities. If the married man has kids, he might have to pick his kids up at school at the same time you want to go to a movie. This will totally suck. When you want to go out to dinner, your married man is likely going to have to eat dinner with his family or his wife in order to keep the ruse going that he cares about them. Thus, you're going to have to figure out activities at a lot of odd times. If this married man has a job, he's not likely to be available during the day. If he's trying to keep his relationship with you from his wife, he's not likely going to have a lot of time at night. In other words, you're going to be seeing him at a lot of odd times and probably not very often.
  • Money - Depending on what a married man makes, it's very likely that a lot of his finances are going to be tied up, which means less money to spend on you. You may want to go to an expensive dinner, but unless he's got a separate bank account he can hide from his wife, this is going to be pretty hard. And you may want him to buy you something, but then you'll be taking food right out of his kids' mouths. Nice job there, kid starver.
  • Kids - You may not know this, but a lot of married men have kids. When married men have kids, that usually means they have obligations to those kids. Every second you spend with a married man is seconds he's not spending with his kids. So this is a guy who's probably not a very good father. Is that the kind of guy you want to be with?
  • He's sleeping with another woman - When you date a married man, you already know that the guy you are dating is sleeping with another woman. It's like built into the relationship that the man you are dating is cheating on you with another woman. The woman just happens to be his wife. Still, this isn't exactly a foundation upon which trust is built.

Wedding rings (CC-BY 2.0)
Wedding rings (CC-BY 2.0) | Source
  • The Wife - Imagine for a second that you are the wife of the married man you're dating. How happy would you be to find out that your husband is dating some skank (yes, that's you)? You probably wouldn't be too happy. You'd probably follow your husband and see if you could figure out who this woman was. And once you found out who this woman was and where she lived, you'd probably show up at her door and give her a piece of your mind or worse. Catch my drift? Do you want to live in fear?
  • What Goes Around Comes Around - Let's imagine, for a second, that everything you want with your married man comes true. You date for awhile and you manage to hide all of it from his wife and kids. Then he decides that you're the one and he divorces his wife. And then you and the married man get married. And a few years down the road, he's out late one night and you don't know where he is. And then you remember back to how you met. How can you ever trust such a man?
  • You're the Other Woman - No matter what your married man's marriage is like, no matter what a crazed lunatic his wife may be, no matter what a horrible person she is, you are still the other woman. Your married man's wife may have killed the family pets and drowned her children, but being the "other woman" is not going to be any fun. Generally, society reveres marriage. The husband and the wife are the core of that institution. You are an outsider. You will be blamed for the break-up even if the man pursued you. The "other" woman is going to be blamed for everything. You better have a very strong constitution to make this work. Ultimately, most rational people would say it's not worth it.
  • The Foundation of the Relationship - Let's say everything goes perfectly in your relationship with your married man. What is the foundation of the relationship? No matter how you may look at it, other people will regard your relationship as built on lies. You had to date your man keeping your relationship quiet. Your man had to lie to his wife. It just doesn't seem like something built to last. That's not to say that it doesn't, but it's yet another challenge.
  • You'll Lose Friends or Family or Both - When a relationship defies convention, not everyone is going to pat you on the back and say "way to go". In fact, you need to be prepared to lose friends and possibly alienate family members. You have absolutely no idea how people are going to react to dating a married man. Further, if this man has children, you are breaking up a family. People have very different experiences with such things and they may express emotions you may not expect and it could hurt a lot.

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ladybroken 4 months ago

yes don't date a married man....he will always have a emotional connection to his ex wife..if he gets divorced especially if they have kids together.....i decided to date a married man now divorced man and its the most stupid mistake i have made in my life.....you will only waste good years that you could have shared building a good relationship with a single man...even if you find Jesus together...there will be problems related to how the relationship started up.....i was 24 years old...young/lonely/new in my career....i was away from the Lord thats why i made the wrong choices with dating...all that i wanted was not attainable because i failed to respect myself.....Ladies out there thinking of dating or messing around with a married man....SaVe yourselves....I regret all those years....I could have met a Godly man and have kids with IF ONLY I had gone to church..and kept my faith Strong.....now im 35...with no real relationship...scarred from my bad decisions.....still want a family but dont know where to find a good man because I have gone blind and allowed myself to feel not deserved due to my sins....ugh..save yourselves young ladies...

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Sychophantastic 2 years ago Author

Thanks for your comments. Hopefully it was obvious that the article is a bit tongue in cheek.

Elaine Flowers profile image

Elaine Flowers 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

My response to,"Availability - married men have availability issues" is that usually the women who are the other woman also have availability issues. This is the reason the arrangement 'appears' to work for them. In some cases...

Great points!

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Sychophantastic 2 years ago Author

Well, I personally would blame the man in most situations and firmly believe it's the man who's at fault. However, part of the reason for avoiding these situations, particularly if you know that the man is married, is exactly for the reason you're arguing about - the woman will be blamed. She's the homewrecker when, in fact, the man is mostly to blame.

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Phoebe Pike 2 years ago

" No woman who's in her right mind should ever willingly date a married man, no matter what that married man says about wanting to get a divorce." Is that the introduction you meant? It's all ready apparent that you have formed an opinion about women who WILLINGLY date married men. Would I ever date a married man? No. I'm married and would be devastated if he left me for another woman, but if a man can be "stolen" then he was never mine to begin with.

Then this little gem- "And you may want him to buy you something, but then you'll be taking food right out of his kids' mouths. Nice job there, kid starver." Again, all the blame goes on the woman... not the man who willingly does such a thing. Let me say this- Not every married man will have a job. My ex, who did have an affair and leave me, never worked. Not once. We had a son and he was a stay-at-home dad, but ended up dating someone behind my back.

Though I respect your opinion, I just don't see how this article can be so biased towards women. You also excluded the fact that men can also date married men. Just food for thought. *Shrug*

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Sychophantastic 2 years ago Author

Clarified in the introduction.

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Phoebe Pike 2 years ago

I think this article points the finger at the woman an awful lot... I've had friends who accidentally dated married men because they didn't know they were married. Seriously, a lot of women get a lot of crap for dating a guy that they legitimately believed was single. Does it make them unintelligent? No... it just means they were lied to and believed it.

Perhaps it might be a good idea to write a little more in-depth about this subject before passing judgement. Just a thought...

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