"10 Sure-Fire Ways to Know if You Suffer From Narcissism"

Look at the pretty VAIN girl

see how lonely she is? She has no friends. Well she does one. Herself.
see how lonely she is? She has no friends. Well she does one. Herself.

More photos of "Narcissism," "Vanity," "Conceit," and "Smugness"

ATTITUDE IN MODELING IS FINE, BUT IN DAILY LIFE, NO WAY.
ATTITUDE IN MODELING IS FINE, BUT IN DAILY LIFE, NO WAY.
EVEN STUFFED ANIMALS SUFFER FROM NARCISSISM.
EVEN STUFFED ANIMALS SUFFER FROM NARCISSISM.
SELF-ADORATION.
SELF-ADORATION.
"I AM SO SMUG THAT SOME HOT GIRL WILL SOON THROW HERSELF AT MY FEET."
"I AM SO SMUG THAT SOME HOT GIRL WILL SOON THROW HERSELF AT MY FEET."
"WHAT DID "I" SAY ABOUT "ME?"
"WHAT DID "I" SAY ABOUT "ME?"
WHO'S CUTE? I'M CUTE.
WHO'S CUTE? I'M CUTE.
A MIRROR IS THE NARCISSIST BEST FRIEND.
A MIRROR IS THE NARCISSIST BEST FRIEND.
"NARCISSISM" AN EARLY PAINTING.
"NARCISSISM" AN EARLY PAINTING.
THIS IS NOT A NARCISSISTIC GIRL. SHE IS VERY HUMBLE AND NICE. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
THIS IS NOT A NARCISSISTIC GIRL. SHE IS VERY HUMBLE AND NICE. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

More celebrities mentioned in this hub

RON WOOD, OF ROLLING STONES.
RON WOOD, OF ROLLING STONES.
ALEX RODRIGUEZ, "A-ROD" OF NEW YORK YANKEES.
ALEX RODRIGUEZ, "A-ROD" OF NEW YORK YANKEES.
DAVID LEE ROTH (LEFT) AND JOE GRODEN, "FEAR FACTOR."
DAVID LEE ROTH (LEFT) AND JOE GRODEN, "FEAR FACTOR."

"Mr. Narcissism"

Jerry Seinfield
Jerry Seinfield




WRITER'S NOTE: This hub is sincerely-dedicated to a new friend and very-talented hubwriter, Chris Hugh, who wrote her own version about "Ways to Be a Jerk," that made mine look shabby." "I love to give credit where credit is due." (Kenneth)

In "my day," 1973, or was it 1974? Doesn't matter. My favorite girl singer, Carly Simon, scored a mega-hit with her song, "You're So Vain," which is still alive and playing on most classic rock stations (who have good taste in music) today.

Simon was badgered for years by numerous vain and normal people wondering whom this song was about. Many swore it was about Rolling Stones front man, Mick Jagger, while other club-going, martini-guzzling people who wear black year around with round sunglasses, said it was about Woody Allen. Both sects were way off. Simon confessed in an interview that the song was really about actor, Warren Beatty, for his "narcissistic" (love them. Leave them when I've been pleasured) attitude he had toward women. She must be right. Beatty has been with several women in his time.

This piece is about "narcissism," and its close relatives, "conceited," "smug," and yes, "vain." If you put all of these terms inside a burlap bag, shake them up and empty the bad onto the ground, you cannot tell one from the other, for all are very contemptible traits for a person to have.

I know. For I have been associated with people of all these descriptive terms over the years. And I feel today like I did then. "no thanks. I do not feel like having dinner with you so you can rave about "you."

It takes a very special person to endure an evening, or maybe fifteen minutes, of a self-worshipping person talk about "themselves," and the many conquests they have achieved. I just happen to be a person who is not "very special," in that regard. Frankly, before God, I despise the idea of just riding an elevator two floors with a narcissistic person. You might. Not me. And if I were to write a best-selling book on what "my" idea is of hell, it would be spending eternity with narcissistic, smug, conceited and vain people all sitting in a circle seeing whom could interrupt each other with another overly-inflated "me" story. I'd rather face the fire and brimstone.

I know that you are not any of these personalities I have described. To be like Carly, "you probably think this story is about you," and if you do, then you are not the group I am targeting.

I am aiming for that group of people who are "on the fence," in wonder if they are a narcissistic person or a regular "Joe," like most of us. Honestly, being "on the fence," is not a pleasurable place to be. So much insecurity it can drive a person to do senseless things like go on a two-week camping trip, alone, without any communication devices, simply to let the universe "talk to them," about what they are. Gutsy move that camping trip, but senseless, not taking a cell phone.

With that being said, I am here today to share with you my


"10 Ways to Know For Sure If You Suffer From Narcissism"

  • When you go through your home, do you stop and look into the mirror as a reflex, not a habit? You just checked your appearance not ten minutes ago. How much could you have changed?


  • When you are in a restaurant, do you strain to listen to the people talking at the next table to make sure that they are talking about you? Hey, a strained vertebra in the neck can cost big bucks to be fixed. Those people may not even know you, so what does it matter?


  • When you visit your doctor, and are sitting in the waiting room, and a nurse says, "next," you automatically jump up and start to run ahead of others. If you suffer from this one, you are definitely a narcissistic person.


  • You scour the daily newspaper looking for news about "you."


  • You get irate and highly-upset when your local radio station doesn't dedicate the next song to you.


  • You walk long hours on a sidewalk looking for people standing around talking. Then you burst-into the middle of their group and say, "heard any good stories about any super-talented people lately?" Odds are, they all say, "no," then a huge smile appears on your face and you are set. You say, "well, let me tell you what "I" did yesterday. It made "me" feel so good about "myself," that "I" could hardly stand "myself." Pal, are you that smug and conceited that you crave for men to beat you up with their fists?


  • When you attend a magic show and the magician needs a volunteer from the audience, you are always the first to run to the stage. And when he asks your name, you not only tell your name, but what you majored in at college, what awards you have won over your life and how you were a stand-out in football. "You" are the main reason that there are not that many working magicians around in 2012.When your family has a reunion, you insist on being in every photo and every scene of each video that is filmed.


  • At company dinners when awards are given-out, "you" rise from the table before any name for any award is announced. And you wonder why your wife covers her head on the table.


  • You make the attendant at the Department of Motor Vehicles (more) angry than usual when you keep asking, "if this photo of me on my driver's license clear enough? Do you want me to pose for more?"


I can't help it. One more . . .

  • At Christmas, you get angry when all of your friends and family do not give gifts ONLY TO YOU.


Okay. Just one more . . .


  • All through your home are 8x10, and 16x20 color photos of "you" in various cheesy poses.

If I have "gotten on some toes," with this hub, I am sorry.

But I am not that worried about it for . . .

only a narcissistic person would admit that I did.


"I want to take this valuable opportunity to say "thank you," to Chris Hugh, and ALL of MY CHERISHED FOLLOWERS, which I couldn't type into this space. But you, on My Follower's List, mean so much to me, that I cannot put it in words."

"You all, at one time of another, have said a word, maybe given me some advice, that to you, didn't mean that much, but allow me to tell you something. It did. A lot. And I will, as long as I remain on HubPages, and I hope that will be a long time, never forget you or your acts of sweet kindness and true friendship."

"I only wish I had half the talent as you do, those on My Follower's List. I enjoy your hubs so much and you all are a living inspiration to me as I continue to learn each week, some new idea or system that I can use to make "my" hubs a little bit better and more-entertaining for you, my followers."

"And after all, isn't that what all of this "hubbing" is all about? Taking care of and looking out for each other?"

My Sincere Thanks for Reading This and All of my hubs!

Kenneth

This is my own personal list of people whom "I" think fit the mold of being narcissistic, smug, vain, and conceited.

This is not to say that "I" personally, am above such sour personality traits nor that I haven't experienced such personality traits or for the duration of my life, ever will.

But here are some famous people whom you might know and possibly agree who fit being narcissistic, smug, vain and conceited.

1. Jerry Seinfied - if the show wasn't about "him," I read somewhere, they he was going to 'walk.'

2. David Lee Roth of rock group, Van Halen.

3. Bill Maher of "Real Time, on HBO.

4. Colin Farrel, actor.

5. Carmen Electra, diva actress.

6. David Letterman, CBS Late Show.

7. Jerry Lewis, comedian. Over-bearing. Hard to work for. He has to be "the" top of everything.

8. Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees.

9. Ron Wood, of Rolling Stones

10. Leona Hemsingley, the former "queen" of New York's motel empire

















"Hi, say hello to "me."

"I" love "me." "I" am very conceited.
"I" love "me." "I" am very conceited.

Fun with Vanity, Conceit, Smugness and Narcissism

Do YOU know anyone who is Vain, Conceited, Smug or Narcissistic?

See results without voting

More by this Author


Comments 14 comments

Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 4 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Hi there Kenneth! Well, you never cease to amaze me...your repoitoire is so broad in scope and you add such humor and self effacing to your writing...and, believe me, I sure do (and, WE) sure do empathize with your "take " on life..so real and so "right there." I read Cat Gypsy's tribute to you and I concur, completely...and I'm so happy to hear that you two are close friends. What a great gift! Love this one, Kenneth..funny, entertaining and a bit o' the truth in it! All ups, my friend.


Sueswan 4 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

Great hub. I will never understand those people that think the world revolves around them or who believe they are God's gift to woman or man.

Voted up up and away.

Have a good evening my friend. :)


hi friend profile image

hi friend 4 years ago from India

Well done. I really enjoyed reading your hub. Vote up.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello Dear Lucky Cats,

and "Thank YOU, from this old heart," for your sweet comments. And as for the hub by Catgypsy, that was a complete surprise. I didn't know she had written it until this morning and in faith, thanks for reading that too. NOW I sound narcissistic. Dear God, help me to NOT be that way. There is NOTHING in my personality that deems me to be IT. Lucky, would you send me an email so I can get your email address??? I have a hub idea for you. And thanks again for your much-appreciated comments.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Dear Susan,

Me either. And frankly, I have been long since spaced myself away from anyone where I live who dominates a casual conversation with "I", "ME," and "I." All the time. I am not being ugly, but there are billions of far-more interesting people in our galaxy for me to build a relationship with who are sincerely nice and sharing.

Like you, Susan.

Thanks again!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

hi friend,

thanks for the nifty title, comments and vote. I love that, "hi friend." Would I have sounded redundant if I had said, "hi, hi friend?"

Kenneth


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

I have no time to read this hub. My reflection in the mirror has captivated me.


Chris Hugh 4 years ago

Thank you so much for dedicating this Hub to me! I would say I were deeply humbled by the honor, but that would violate the spirit of this excellent Hub.

So instead, let ME take this opportunity to invite people to read MY own Hubs. I have written four on health, beauty and hygiene and, if I do say so myself, they are the best Hubs that have ever been written by anyone in the world, ever.

Incidentally, you have some photos in your Hub of people who do not appear to be ME. If you'd like to rectify this oversight, I'll be happy to send you any of the 8,343,008 pictures I have of myself.

In all seriousness, thank you so much! Great Hub!


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Kenneth, very funny, but sadly true in today's society. People seem to be all about "me, me, me!"


hi friend profile image

hi friend 4 years ago from India

No mention kenneth avery. Its the pleasure of mine. Thanks.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, breakfastpop,

Ive missed you. And your comment was HIL-AR-IOUS! Loved it as it set the tone for the rest of the comments. What? Uh, oh. I gotta run. I think that a man on TV in the other room mentioned a man named "Kenneth," this makes the 10th trip Ive made way across the house. Uggh.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Chris,

my new and good friend, you could easily write comedy for some famous stand-up comic's or screenplays. You are so talented that I am intimidated. Honest. And next hub, would you go ahead and send me those photos of YOURSELF so I can download them with photos of me and I will dedicate the hub to US and let people see US doing things in daily life for OURSELVES like shopping for hair spray, gel, cologne to make US look better; waving at ourselves in the storefronts; and stopping in the city park to admire the pennies in the wishing well, but more-importantly, to see OURSELVES in the water's reflective powers. What a great day "I" will, I mean,WE will have.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Dear Catgypsy,

you are so right. It is a shame that today most people love only themselves instead of their neighbor who is sometimes on the sidewalk in front of them.

Thanks for your kind remarks.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

(Hi), hi friend,

better with "me" not mentioned. Thanks for liking this hub. I appreciate YOU very much!

Kenneth

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