How Not to Talk to a Woman: 10 Things You Shouldn't Say

The 10 No-No's

  1. "Your smell makes me want to hurl."
  2. "I'd hit that." (in reference to her mother)
  3. "If only you were half as hot as your friend."
  4. "Oh, dear God. Put the panties back on."
  5. "Don't worry, it's not you. It's me and the fact that I don't like you."
  6. "Could we euthanize the dog?"
  7. "I'm hoping you look better after another drink."
  8. "If I could actually get my arms around you, I'd give you that hug."
  9. "My last girlfriend did it (whatever it is) way better than that."
  10. "You're just like your mom."

Although I only list ten things here, there are actually many, many things that you do not want to say to a woman.

Women are notoriously sensitive about certain subjects.

However, generalizing about things you don't want to say about women is no more beneficial than generalizing about things you don't want to say to a man.

Certain things, nobody wants to hear.

That being said, there are definitely certain things particular to women that make them more upset than if the same thing were said to a man. So there you have it.

Here are 10 things you don't want to say to a woman. Should you decide to test the waters and say one of these things to a woman, you do so at your peril.

courtesy graur codrin
courtesy graur codrin

Don't Say It!

  1. "Your smell makes me want to hurl." If you don't like the way your woman smells, your relationship is likely over and she'll know it. Women like to smell good and like to think that they smell good, so if you tell a woman she smells like the grass at a dog park, she's probably not going to like it.
  2. (in reference to her mother) "I'd hit that." There are so many ways this comment could get you in trouble. First of all, in general, you never want to talk about hitting another woman in front of your woman. That's just going to end badly. And if you happen to be in a bar and that comment just happens to come out of your mouth and the woman just happens to be her mother, you have the problem of it being her mother and the other problem of your woman and her mother frequenting the same bar. If you meet her mother in a family setting and utter those words, you might want to consider a course in etiquette. Keep it to yourself.
  3. "If only you were half as hot as your friend." Any comment in which you compare your woman to another and it puts your woman in a bad light is going to result in trouble for you. Always. This comment is taking one step further the male penchant for looking at other women.
  4. "Oh dear God, put the panties back on." If you've gotten a woman to the point where she has removed her panties for you and you urge her to put them back on, you are essentially saying you want nothing to do with her, so just keep that in mind. Usually if a woman has gone this far, this is the last thing she wants to hear and will be a major blow to her self-esteem. Now, obviously this could be like your boss or something and you're in a compromising situation that you want to get out of, that's different. And if this is your best friend, that's different. And if your best friend is a guy, that's different.
  5. "Don't worry, it's not you. It's me and the fact that I don't like you." Telling somebody that you don't like them usually has the effect that they then think that you don't like them and they go away.
  6. "Could we euthanize the dog?" Unless this dog is crapping in your stuff and urinating on your food, you better not ever suggest that you get rid of a woman's pet. Women love their dogs and most would glady drop a man before they would think of doing anything to their dog.
  7. "I'm hoping you look better after another drink." Why are you talking to this woman in the first place? The problem here is that alcohol makes things come out of our mouths that otherwise wouldn't. So if this comes out of your mouth with a woman you've just met at a bar, you've killed any chance that anything is going further. Clearly though, your unconscious doesn't want it to go anywhere, so no big deal. That being said, if you're out with your wife or girlfriend and you let this one slip, you're in big trouble.
  8. "If I could actually get my arms around you, I'd give you that hug." This is a really mean way to tell a woman that she's fat. It's one thing if she really is that fat, in which case why are you talking to her if you don't like fat women? This is a far worse thing to say if you're simply being petty and trying to get in a dig. And you better be pretty trim and fit yourself to pull this one off. Generally, there's no reason to comment on a woman's weight.
  9. "My last girlfriend did it (whatever it is) way better than that." You do not ever want to compare your current woman with any past relationship in any way. This is just generally a good rule to follow because by bringing up the past you are indicating that you are thinking about the past. It doesn't matter what it is. Let's start with cooking. Just eat what she cooks or take her out to dinner a lot or buy her a cookbook or some cooking lessons. If this comment comes while you're in the bedroom, you are in trouble. And even if she asks, like: "am I as good as your last girlfriend?" just answer yes, even if it's not true. And if it's not true, help her to be better.
  10. "You're just like your mom." Before you utter these words you better be very sure about the woman's relationship with her mother. Many women get along just fine with their mother, but they definitely do not want to be their mother or turn into their mother. Uttering these words is likely to elicit the same response you would get if you took the woman's arm and forced it down a running garbage disposal, so beware.


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Comments 17 comments

sameerdaydream profile image

sameerdaydream 4 years ago

The way you describe reasoning article is fact true


Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington

Ha! Ha! Ha! That is way funny. How did you think of all of these crazy lines? Or, perhaps, they are true life experiences. Oh no!


Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 5 years ago

You should consider trying stand-up comedy!


SanXuary 5 years ago

I love it an awesome sense of humour. Reminds me of that movie where the guy gets paid to punk there girl so that they will come back to them. Tell cool dad that I have used at least one of them after meeting a rude woman. A woman tripped over my foot once at a club and told me I lost points, I told her not to worry I have extra credit. I once bought my girlfriend edible underwear, she ate them before we got home. Lets go shopping, sizes unlimited I hope, I need a tent. Cute mask where are you hiding your face? Ever been on a date at Goodwill, I like my stuff cheap. We have to go to Burger King first and have the burger first then head to Mc Donald's for the fries. Not funny but best female pick up line ever (Do you like breakfast at my place?)


naturalsolutions 5 years ago

Those top ten things to say are really inspiring. But i guess, only the man who has a great self-confidence can say it or a man who is totally drown to his woman.

I can say that thing to someone but i believe, it will be more effective if you say it to a woman in front of your friends, family or in the public place where a lot of people is looking on the two of you. I'm pretty sure the world of someone who will hear that lines will definitely stop for a while.


selfdefenselesson profile image

selfdefenselesson 5 years ago

Haha no. 2 and 9 could actually be used as teases. I've done that tons of time.


Cynical Optimist profile image

Cynical Optimist 5 years ago from Lawrence, KS

Ha. I won't report you, though I'll keep that in mind.


crankalicious profile image

crankalicious 5 years ago from Colorado Author

I meant #2 as the euphemism for having sex. Too much innuendo gets one in trouble, so I had to keep it clean.


Cynical Optimist profile image

Cynical Optimist 5 years ago from Lawrence, KS

No. 9 was the best. The rest are extremely obvious unless you're a complete idiot. Also, in No.2 saying "I'd hit that" means you want to have sex with someone, not that you want to physically hit them. I'm not sure if this was a mistake or a joke, though am leaning towards a mistake at this point. "Your mom is really hot" would be more appropriate though, though only if she was single and you're with the kind of girl who appreciates absurdity. You know you've found a keeper when your girlfriend can laugh or make a joke after you've just said her mom was hot.


MarloByDesign profile image

MarloByDesign 5 years ago from United States

"You're just like your mom." - Definitely a buzz killer for sure!


windywind1971 5 years ago

this is a real e-mail from my husb to a male friend and to her ex fiancé. wich destroy my love for him and also the marriage with only 4 months of being married, yeah sure,!!! B.S..

now the looser is broke for gambling addiction

-Dude, I am really not sure that this marriage thing will work for me - I was so used to being alone, on my own, pimping and getting laid by hot latina MILFS, some that were single and some that were married......I really do miss it!

My wife is adorable but to be quite honest I don't lust her, I don't desire her because she is nothing close to what I was used to physically. Also compounding things is that I am having to support both of us on my meager salary


Sky's End profile image

Sky's End 5 years ago from Florida

The sad thing is that this is probably something most men these days would not know. Whatever happened to survival instinct?


nterry34 profile image

nterry34 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

LOL! I like this article. Thank god I've never heard any of these.


cooldad profile image

cooldad 5 years ago from Florida

wow, i would love to meet the guy who actually said any of those things to a woman. Funny, I enjoyed your hub, thanks.


alexisriggard profile image

alexisriggard 5 years ago from United States

I love this post..


Ancillotti profile image

Ancillotti 5 years ago from Brasil, Vitoria - ES

You're right! I believe that any of these phrases can leave a single man fast!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

If a man does only one of these things to a woman, I'll call him a PUNK! Thanks for this smile-arousing hub!

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