20 Things Wives Should Never Say to Their Husbands


Since I just wrote a hub on 20 things a husband should not say to his wife, I thought I would be fair and give a little advice to my fellow female friends. Women can be just as clueless as the men, and their expectations can be unrealistically high. Here is a list I have come up with based on personal experience and doing a lot of reading on marriage. Just so everyone is on the right page, I am particularly aiming this at Christian women and marriages, but not exclusively.


Do you nag your husband?

  • Never. I am a Stepford wife.
  • Fairly often, but hey, I've got good reason to.
  • Somebody has to show him how to be a husband (or man).
  • I love my husband and even though he's not perfect, I try very hard not to nag.
  • No, I gave up a long time ago. I just do it myself.
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  1. "If you loved me you would..."
  2. When your husband doesn't do something you ask or expect - "You don't love me, otherwise you would have done it."
  3. "You're supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home, so why aren't you leading?" This is something between God and your husband. It's best to pray for him. Believe me, I know how frustrating it is. But no one will change by telling you to.
  4. "Do I look fat in this?" No matter what he says it's going to be wrong and he'll be in trouble. So decide for yourself or ask a friend.
  5. "I shouldn't have to tell (or ask) you, you should just know what I want (or think, or need)." Remember, men don't think like women, so if you don't let them know what's on your mind, don't expect them to read yours.
  6. "You're just like your mother (father, sister, brother)." Not said in a complimentary way, it's insulting.
  7. "It can't be that hard to fix a _____(fill in the blank)."
  8. "You just don't get it, do you?"
  9. "Your supposed to love me as Christ loved the Church." This is a true statement; however, as I said, you can't nag or tell someone to do or change in matters like these.
  10. "I know I promised not to spend ____ (fill in the amount) without consulting you, but these were on sale and I saved $____." You don't like it when he does it to you.
  11. "You never..." or "You always..." These two apply to husbands speaking to their wives as well.
  12. "I'm not your mother."
  13. "Why can't you just get another job (or ask for a raise)?"
  14. "You look like such a dork. No one wears white socks with sandals (or black socks with tennis shoes)."
  15. When your husband invites his best friend over, "Him again? He's such a pig (goon, jerk, dork, geek)."
  16. "You're doing it all wrong. Get out of the way, I'll do it."
  17. "Husbands (or fathers) are supposed to ____(fill in the blank)."
  18. "Jennifer's husband just got a raise and he's only worked at his company for five years."
  19. "My mother (father or parents) warned me you'd do this."
  20. "So and so's husband does ____(whatever it he's not doing)."

© Lori Colbo. 2012. All rights reserved.

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Comments 12 comments

Phoebe Pike 4 years ago

I've only done the "Do I look fat in this".

lambservant profile image

lambservant 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest Author

Phoebe, I don't think there is a woman on the planet who has not asked that question. Thanks for stopping by.

Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

"I'm not your mother" is the one I think we should keep. It's true. We aren't your mother, we're your wife, so grow up and stop expecting us to spoil you!

The rest, Lamb, you're right--we should let them go out of our marital vocabulary, and I'm sure relations will improve.

lambservant profile image

lambservant 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest Author

Paradise, thanks for your comments. I see what you mean about I"M not your mother, but you can say it two different way; the way you meant it, and the way I meant it was like if he's messy and I have to pick up after him all the time. Thanks for stopping by.

lifegate profile image

lifegate 4 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA


I think you got it right on both the husband and wife hubs. Thanks for laying it out there.

lambservant profile image

lambservant 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest Author

Thanks for stopping by LG. Most of it was from my marriage, but also from what I see in other marriages. They are things we get into the habit of saying. What's most telling about these statements is the attitude behind them.

chipped teacup profile image

chipped teacup 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

I'm not married yet, but this is some great information! It will surely come in handy for my future boyfriend/husband. Thanks for a great hub! :)

MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean

Now wives will think twice or thrice before they say something they shouldn't. Thanks to you! You're right on!

aethelthryth profile image

aethelthryth 4 years ago from American Southwest

I hope a lot of younger women especially read this. We are told so often that men and women are the same, that I think most women don't know how very different men are. And even those of us who do know something about it have a hard time re-training our bad habits.

lambservant profile image

lambservant 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest Author

aethelthryth, you are so right. It is very hard to retrain ourselves, especially when our hearts have grown a little hard. Thanks for your comments.

Jared 24 months ago

My wife says 15/20 of these things to me on a weekly basis. Part of the reason our marriage is not working.

lambservant profile image

lambservant 24 months ago from Pacific Northwest Author

Jared, marriage is hard. Communication is one of the most common places where the marriage breaks down. All is not lost. I don't want to get into marriage counseling here. But in relationships we have a choice to react or respond to poor communication from the other spouse. Learning thoughtful responses instead of knee jerk reactions or just shutting down is helpful to get the ball rolling. I will say a prayer for you and your wife. Check out the hub I wrote about 20 things you should never say to your wife. When husbands and wives say the things they say they are trying to give a message in an unhealthy way. It's helpful if the two take a breather and say this isn't working. Let's try new communication skills. Sometimes when one spouse is communicating in an unhealthy way a careful question might draw them into a healthier dialogue. Or just listen and repeat back what they said, like, I hear you saying thus and so, is that right? If you didn't get it right say Okay, I see that this is important to you and I want to understand can you word it differently or could you repeat it. It seems awkward when we make changes but it works if both spouses are 100% committed to listening, valuing the others feelings, and wanting to resolve the issues. I hope you are able to work things out. Blessings Jared.

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