12 Things That Were Never Said To Me

with my hand in the air. I don't know why I am writing such a hub as this one. I guess I have the need to confess another heavy burden that I've carried around for many years and never told anyone about it.

Never, in my 58 years of living, "I" have never, and I do mean sternly, never heard any of these 12 things you will read below in a moment.

Don't ask me why. For I cannot answer your question. And now I wish I had the mind of Jesus whose thoughts are so high that we mortals cannot contend, much less understand them, but I don't. So I am, like you, just stuck in this place in time and left to wonder why, for all the places I have been, all the things I have done, people I've me, not one of the 12 things I am confessing have my tender ears heard.

Am I sorry for myself? No. That never entered my mind. I am though, very curious as to why many of those around me, the elite, the super-minded, the always-popular, heard these 12 things and more during the times I knew them. Guess that I was the one whom God needed to fill the slot of being "left out," or "overlooked."

That's cool. If God planned it that way, great. But read the 12 things below and see if you can relate to just a few? Thank you.

"Kenneth, please come away with me to my private bungalow in Key West, Florida. All expenses paid."

I wish that one time in my life, someone as charming and lovely as Danielle Sarahybe, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, would have said something like this to me.

My common sense tells me that if horses can win awards for races everyday, why did I not have someone say to me . . .

Kenneth, we are so proud of how you ran in our 20-mile marathon. So proud that we are awarding you this expensive blue ribbon to show how much we appreciate your performance.

"Kenneth, grab your guitar, we want a song"

And no, this was never said to me in any shape, form or fashion. Hey, I could have entertained friends at beach-side bon fires, cook-outs and cozy parties with no problem. I had the guitar, mind you. And the desire to learn the chords, but it never happened, my gift of music surfacing in my life for obviously, God never gave it to me.

"Sing for us, won't you please, Kenneth?"

Right now, I despise Billy Joel, Leon Russell, Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles. These guys not only grew into superstar entertainers, but I am sure that when they started out, some of them must have shown-up at a "dead" party and the panic-stricken hostess begged them to sing for them. Well, hey! What about moi? Oh yeah, God didn't give me the gift of singing either.

"Ohhh, Kenneth, I've missed you so much you are all that I thought about."

This one I would have given a million dollars to hear from a pretty girl so lonesome to see me that all the thought about in our time apart was "me." The closest I ever came to hearing a confession like this was, "oh, Kenneth, did you go somewhere?" That hurts. And bad.

"Kenneth, please! I ONLY WANT YOU to rescue me from "Gilligan's Island!"

I loved Dawn Wells, a/k/a "Mary Ann," the God-gifted girl of natural beauty on CBS' "Gilligan's Island." I really did. I mean to the point of dreaming about her. Almost sending her a steamy fan letter, but that might have been inappropriate. So I dreamed of hearing "Mary Ann," swoon the statement above and friends, I would have died trying to make sure Dawn Wells made it safely back to civilization.

"and breaking the tape FIRST, is Kenneth "the Blaze" Avery!"

Never. Now understand this. In my high school years, and maybe a few beyond, I was active as I could be. In our Physical Education classes in high school I was a decent wide-receiver in our after-class football games, but my passion was running laps just like my heros of the track and field sports shows on television. No matter how hard I tried, I never won, came in first, or anything of this nature. What a shameful memory to bear.

"What a funny guy you are, Kenneth. You are much funnier than that guy on Saturday Night Live, that Steve Martin."

If I had heard this statement, I would not be sitting here with my black coffee alone in my workroom "banging out" another hurtful hub about my losses over my lifetime. I love comedy. I love to make people laugh. You can witness this by reading my hubs. Very seldom are my hubs of a serious nature. Sure I like drama, but I love comedy. I think I would have made a good living doing stand-up, if only someone had said something like the sentence above to me when I was younger.

"Kenneth, you have to be "THE" sexiest man alive"

NOTE: This is NOT ME in the photo to the right, but man, how I would have foamed at the mouth if some lovely woman had breathed this sentence to me. I would have taken it even if she had been drinking heavily. I wouldn't have cared. I know two of my buddies whom the females flocked over like hungry chickens after corn. All of the time. Night and day. Whereas "I" had to beg, plead, almost bribe girls to just ride around with me. I guess I am very bitter at my age of 58. I have not one hot, sexy memory of me and one girl who had "rocked my world," the night before. Not one. And I will die with that on my life's record.

Friends, you have just read

"one of those things," a painful area of my life that I cannot fix. 12 things. 12 simple, easily-achieved things. But as for me, I am left to wonder "why," and "if," I had made the right decisions or wise choices when I had to make them.

It's a tough thing, friends. And I can hear your lips preparing to tell me, "Kenneth, you are much-better at "other" things besides these," or "Kenneth, these were not your gifts," and I admit it. I like those statements of personal validation. And thank you if you said these things.

Right now, at this moment, I know what I am NOT GOOD AT, Living with this fact that "I" was never chosen to be told any of these 12 things.

Maybe I can win an award for that someday.