15 Questions Men Don't Want Women to Ask on a First Date!

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Oftentimes I have read articles about women that state they have had more first dates than they can count. Very rarely do these women get asked out for a second date and almost never get asked out on a third date. Too often the problem is these women are trying to put the cart before the horse. Instead of approaching the first date with the intention of just having some lighthearted fun they behave like a woman on a mission.

The first date should be all about having fun! You want to see if there is any chemistry between you. Asking the wrong questions or the right questions at the wrong time can kill your chances of getting a second date. Below are 15 questions that could zap the fun out of any first date.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In all honesty it doesn’t matter much what a person’s plans are for the next five years if you don’t enjoy their company on the first date. The purpose of a first date is to see if we have chemistry. Odds are if we don’t there won’t be a second date. Let’s just see how tonight goes!

Have you ever been in love?

This question in and of itself is not a bad question. The problem is it opens the door to an avalanche of other questions. If he says (yes) or (no) there are bound to be follow up questions. Talking about the past too early takes away from enjoying the present.

How many times have you been in love?

Whether someone has been in love once, twice, several times, or not at all has nothing to do with you being asked out for a second date. Falling in love involves so many things coming together. Just because someone has been in love in the past does not mean they will fall in love with (you). It’s also worthy to note if someone has never been in love it doesn’t mean they won’t fall in love with (you).

Why did your last relationship fail?

No man wants to talk about failures and mistakes on a first date! In fact anyone that starts a (first date) off by telling you all about their ex has probably not gotten over their ex.

What have you learned about yourself from your past relationships?

Once again this question deals with failure. Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. The number one reason for any breakup or divorce always comes down to (selecting) the wrong mate for ourselves. He has not found “the one”. Clearly if he had he wouldn’t be on a date with you.

Have you ever been cheated on?

Nothing like having flashbacks of betrayal and heartache to put a guy in a romantic mood! If his answer is (no) he now has concerns about you.There really is no upside to this question.

Have you ever cheated on someone?

If a man answers (no) most women won’t believe him and if he answers (yes) most women will assume “once a cheater always a cheater.” They could care less if he is 35 years old and the cheating took place when he was 17 years old. Many in our society believe it is possible to be a former smoker, drinker, or drug user but when it comes to cheating, that is something no one can stop doing!

In reality the smoker, drinker, and drug user mostly hurt them self. Cheating hurts us. This explains why we put cheaters in a “box”. It simplifies things for us by having a hard fast rule of not taking a chance. Intellectually and logically it makes no sense to believe once someone does something they are stuck doing it for the rest of their lives.

What qualities would you want in a wife?

Slow your roll! It’s just lunch, a movie, an event of some kind. Even if he’s “wife shopping” he is not going to tell you how to behave in order to get him to propose. Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

How many children would you like to have?

As rewarding as being a parent can be most men are aware once children arrive sexual passion takes a major hit. The “infatuation phase” of a new relationship is about enjoying each other and having the freedom to be spontaneous. Discussions about having children and the responsibilities that come with that change the image he has of you from beautiful goddess to matron. Quite often once a woman becomes a mother she has less interest in being a wife. Not many men are in a rush to drop down the priority list especially on a first date.

How is your relationship with your mother?

Men either are attracted to women that have the same traits and values of their mother or they want a woman who is the complete opposite. However talking about mom on a first date is a romance killer!

What is the longest period you’ve ever dated a woman without having sex?

Are we shooting for a new record? Seriously this notion that the longer a woman “makes a man wait” for sex the more he will respect her is not always the case. Not all men are alike. Some men may wait six months to have sex with a woman while having sex with other women. Each of us is entitled to have our own “dating rules”. You should only have sex when you think it’s the right time for you. Whether the man has a “3 date rule” or he wants to wait until he is married to have sex, it should have no bearing on what (you) want to do with (your) body. This is a pointless question. If a man wants to have sex with you he will make a move on you. If he does not want to have sex he will not. Either way discussions about sex lead to thoughts about sex. Trying to set a man’s expectations before he shows interest in you that way is a turn off. Most men would rather read your body language and interpret the tone of the conversation (sexual innuendo, flirty responses or absence thereof) as opposed to being told.

Why is it you never got married?

This is one of those questions many women hate to be asked and yet they have no problem asking a man. The assumption is a man that is 35 or older who has never been married either has something wrong with him or he does not want to be married. In essence it’s not because he has not met “the one”. It’s because he is a jerk or trying to be a player. There has to be (something) wrong with him. You may as well have asked him, “What is your problem dude?”

Are you (afraid) of commitment?

Being a man all of my life and having had male friends I have never ever heard a guy proclaim he was “afraid” of commitment. There are over 2 million weddings that take place in the U.S. each year and the lion share of those weddings occurs after a (man) proposes to a woman. Not only do we have a divorce rate hovering over 50% a recent study indicated that (women) initiate 66% or 2/3rds of all divorces in America! After hearing nightmare stories of men stuck with expensive child support and alimony payments, moving out of houses into studio apartments it could be argued that men are afraid of divorce! Using words like “afraid” or terms like “a real man” are seen as manipulation tools used by women to get men to do what they want them to do. Coming across as a manipulator is not a good thing.

What would you say to a woman that accidentally became pregnant with your child?

End of date! Check please! Seriously? I can’t imagine what date number this question would come up. It is definitely not something that should be asked on a first date! Whether a man is pro-life or pro-choice he can’t force a woman to have an abortion nor can he force her to give birth to his child. The laws are fairly clear that only the woman has the power to determine whether there will be a birth or not. If you’re fishing to see if he wants children refer back to question number 9.

If I called your ex-girlfriends what would they tell me about you?

“He’s the one I let getaway. I threw away a winning lottery ticket!” Come on! What type of response would you expect from a man to a question like this?

Questions you might ask on a first date

What led you to ask me out? What do you enjoy doing for fun? If you could visit any place in the world where would you like to go? What is your favorite type of food? Who is your all-time favorite singer/band? What is the funniest thing you ever heard or saw? Even with these questions you don’t want to ask them in “rapid fire” style. Let him ask you questions too.

First date questions should be “ice breakers” and encourage the other person to relax. Dating should be a fun exploratory process. Your attitude affects your altitude. Stop trying to create instant “serious relationships” and learn to allow casual dating to “evolve” into something serious if the feelings are mutual.

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Comments 34 comments

Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

Marcy Goodfleisch 3 years ago from Planet Earth

Great insight! I've seen similar questions on the other end of it, and you're right, they certainly put a damper on the idea of going on Date Number Two. Voted up!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

Marcy Goodfleisch, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and voting it up! I'm sure a lot of these questions get asked by both sexes.

Too many people have forgotten that dating is supposed to be fun! :-)


ZRMoore profile image

ZRMoore 3 years ago

Great information. Very helpful, I'll definitely make sure to not ask any of these questions


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

ZRMoore, Thanks for your comment! I believe a lot of questions that get asked during a first date come out of nervousness. However once they've been asked it's impossible to un-ring that bell. :-)


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California

As usual, your advice is sage and sound--- keep up the great work! Ironically, I've never asked those "bad" questions and focused on having fun for all my first dates, yet they still *poof* disappeared. Either I've had a string of incredibly insecure men ask me out, or there's something TERRIBLY wrong with me that only they see.... that, or when I tell them I write relationship advice ebooks and articles, they are intimidated or scared they'll end up in my words. And funny thing-- because they disappear, they DO!

I'll keep reading your articles to keep my sanity, and hopefully some day I'll meet the guy who is up for the challenge of "me".


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

wonderful1, Thanks so much for your comment. You and I are kindred spirits. I imagine when guys hear that you write relationship advice books they figure they won't be able to pull the wool over your eyes! :-)

I bet shrinks have a hard time finding love as well. Prospective mates are afraid of being analyzed. There is nothing wrong with you! You're a beautiful passionate woman with a great sense of humor, a heart of gold and a very talented writer. You are going to be fine!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California

You made my year with that sweet "review".... much love coming your way, dashing. Cheers to 2013! May we all find the kind of intimate connection we all seek.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

wonderful1, I'm sending you a million hugs and kisses! 2013 is going to be a fascinating year!

Are any of your eBooks listed on Amazon. I would love to read a description. Below is a link to the Kindle version of my book. http://www.amazon.com/Wont-Bark-Relationship-Epiph...


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California

I read the details, and let me say-- I'm going to have to buy your book! I'm intrigued by any and ALL insight from the opposite sex. I must say though, recently, I talked with my sister about how so many guys act as though they're interested in pursuing me, yet none have asked me out. She summed it up pretty well: "if he's 'into you,' you'll know! He'll be on you like white on rice!" So far, I guess I just haven't met a guy who was smitten by me. Oh well.

Oh, and my work is mostly ghostwriting, but I do LOTS of ebooks for Alexandra Fox and "Unforgettable Woman." I'm currently working on: Friends with Benefits. Quite an ironic topic, since I seem to get "FWB-zoned" by most guys I meet. But not since I've been boycotting them. Life is quite an adventure, isn't it? Thanks again and best wishes on your book!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

Your sister is correct. If a guy is "into you" he'll be all over you. The following hub comes from an excerpt in my book. You are going to be fine. Thanks for the well wishes on the book. http://hubpages.com/relationships/Affirmations-for...


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 3 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

Nice list. Just imagine going through all these questions on your first date. I bet it would seem like a consultation with a psychologist rather than a date.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

jpcmc, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.

Sometimes people don’t realize how the (other person) may be interpreting the motivation behind their questions. The intent of the questioner is to “save time” or eliminate a relationship prospect before becoming "emotionally invested". What they fail to realize is interrogation style questions cause people to reveal (less) about their “authentic selves”. People tend to open up to those they enjoy being around.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

I think most men don't like being asked any questions, good questions too.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

DDE, You may have a point. :-)

However I believe to a certain extent women and men approach dating differently especially early on. Maybe it's because some women are so anxious to "weed out" the B.S. that they lose site of the fact that it's only the (first date). It's not the time to be "grilling" each other. If there's no chemistry it won't matter how the other person responds to the questions they're asked. A first date should be fun, light & carefree. The more relaxed and comfortable a person feels the more likely they will open up anyway. Thanks for your comment!


penlady profile image

penlady 3 years ago from Sacramento, CA

Great list for women to follow. It seems like there's so many do's and don'ts to dating these days. Nevertheless, it's best to be prepared for it than not to know at all.

Thanks for the advice. Great hub. Very up, interesting and tweeted.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

penlady, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. Far too many people have taken the FUN out of dating! Instead of getting to know someone overtime they want to interrogate and eliminate. I submit you'll learn more about a person when they feel (relaxed) enough to be themselves. One man's opinion! :-)


mike102771 profile image

mike102771 3 years ago from Lakemore, Ohio

No one wants a first date to be more of a job interview. People take things to seriously. This concept (not mentioned in your hub) that there is a set order to dating takes the fun out of actual dating. People provide way too much information on a first date. Talk about your day, your hopes, and dreams (outside of the dreams of family).


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

mike102771, Thanks for your comment. I agree with you 100%! However much of the dating advice given today especially to women is to approach every date as if (he) could be "the one". Therefore they try to weed out guys early on by having them take a test on the first date!

They're out on a mission and it's not to have a good time.

Dating is suppose to be a (fun sociable activity). The first date in particular is all about seeing if there is any chemistry. Future discussions and dates will reveal whether or not they are "the one". If someone doesn't (like) a person it doesn't make a difference how they answer the questions! :-)


mike102771 profile image

mike102771 3 years ago from Lakemore, Ohio

IMHO that is why we have such a high divorce rate. People don't want a friend they want what their books and TV shows tell them they should want. There are way too many books and TV shows telling women that men are a different species and/or are children to be handled rather than respected. The other person in your relationship should be an equal and a friend. I learned through past mistakes that while opposites attract they eventually repel because if you have nothing in common you have nothing to keep you together. Marriage is not a job it's a lifestyle. Good Hub I look forward to reading the rest of your Hubs over the next couple of days. :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

mike102771, Thanks again for your comment.

I look forward to your feedback on my other hubs.


hubby 2 years ago

So exciting and i have learnt a lot...


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

hubby, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and post your comment. Best Wishes!


Prince Bethel profile image

Prince Bethel 22 months ago from Africa

Interesting hub, keep it up Mr Dashing!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

Prince Bethel, Thanks so much for stopping by to read and post a comment to my hub. Best wishes!


Prince Bethel profile image

Prince Bethel 22 months ago from Africa

The pleasure is mine, you're welcome!


Kimika Foster profile image

Kimika Foster 22 months ago from Dallas, TX

Great tips now I know what not to ask. Thanks!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

Kimika, Thanks for your comment!

The first date is about having fun and accessing whether or not there is any chemistry that warrants going out on a second date. :)


Annelle profile image

Annelle 18 months ago from Port Elizabeth, South Africa

Loved this article too. Will be following you regularly now :).


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 18 months ago Author

Annelle , Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and posting a comment.

Cheers!


Say Yes To Life profile image

Say Yes To Life 15 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

I should be posting under my pen name, Ana Kolomeka.

Thank goodness it never occurred to me to ask these questions. They sound like a job interview. If any date asked me these questiins, I'd run screaming!

Thank you for this excellent article!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 15 months ago Author

Ana, I've noticed there are far too many people who have forgotten that dating is supposed to be FUN!

A first date is especially all about seeing if there is any chemistry and similar likes, sense of humor...etc

Awhile back I wrote a hub regarding why so many people don't get "second dates" and the number one reason is because one or both people didn't have a great time on the first date!


Madison Aulisi profile image

Madison Aulisi 11 months ago from Essex, United Kingdom

I love reading all of your articles. Your insights are fantastic. More specifically, the area regarding cheating and how people can come off drink, drugs and smoking and are a new person but cheaters will always be labelled as that - cheaters. Something I have never thought about before. You have really opened my eyes to new perspectives. Thank you.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 11 months ago Author

Madison, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment.

One day it suddenly dawned me that the old "Once a cheater always a cheater" didn't logically make any sense.

I came to realize that (we tell ourselves that) in order to attempt to prevent us from being hurt again. It has nothing to do with the person as they are today. That old belief also didn't take into account the age and maturity level of the person. Someone who cheated on their significant other at age 18 should be stuck wearing the label "cheater" at age 30.

Both cheating and monogamy are (choices) not DNA codes. :)

Nevertheless each of is entitled to have our own "dating rules".


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 11 months ago Author

I meant to type:

"Someone who cheated on their significant other at age 18 should NOT be stuck wearing the label "cheater" at age 30 or for the rest of their life.

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