15 Reasons Why You Need to "Gain" Weight
DO NOT BE ALARMED
I am just being up-front, forth right and honest. So blame me if you want to for "these" areas, and not about the content of this story.
Are you tired of the hard-labor, daily-drudgery, and stress brought on by that weight-losing diet that someone said that you needed months ago? Face it. You might have been prodded into doing that "Food-Free, Taste-Free, Food-Substitute, Joy-Killing" diet that you saw advertised one late night on your television by some wimp dressed in what appeared to be silk panties, white sneakers and had a soft voice like a woman.
Don't feel alone, for "I" am aware of these "super-successful" diet guru's who make bales of cash by people like "me," who by the way, "is," very much overweight, but I am not here to apologize for it. I am here to try to reach and teach people that laboring to stay thin and afraid of food is no way to live.
Face it. Like I did years ago. In life we are either a "leader," a "follower," or a "loner," the title that I wear with honor. I am proud of being a "loner," for I learned that following crowds, even those with loving-intentions, can be fatal if you follow them too far.
This man was "ME," in 1981
So one day I said
"hey, I am sick and tired of this laborious dieting." And with that truthful confession, disposed of all my diet-related books, pills, special "shakes" that I had to drink that only gave me "the shakes," and started living my life for "me," not some diet guru who became a few bucks wealthier from "my" credit card purchases.
The first "5" "Reasons Why You Need to Gain Weight" are . . .
1. "I" AM NOT LIKE "MOLLY"
in the office. She is our "queen of caloric success," and I admire her. Okay, admiring another person is fine, but remember, "we are all individuals," and if allowed, the "Molly's" of the world can and will influence us into things, like harsh dieting, that will do more harm than good to us.
2. WE HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH "US"
For some, that is tough. I was once that way until I realized that "I" was not a Greek god whose body was worshipped by women far and near and I wasn't going to compete in any Olympics, so I just started with a few little steps and little-by-little, "I" started loving "me," and making my own choices, bad or good, and not allow the "super-thin" by choice and (used as measuring sticks) so "I" can model my life after "these" people. Hey, the "super-thin," do not know me. They do not know how I live or where I live. Thank God. So why should I follow them when I am happy even with this few extra pounds on my body that "I" think is pretty amazing,
3. YOUR MIRROR CAN BE YOUR FRIEND
No joke. Look slowly into your mirror and whisper, "you look great today," and at first, you will feel silly. Do this each day that comes and before long, something great will be going on. Your focus will not be on "how can I weigh 90 pounds forever," and just learn to be happy the way you are. NOTE: I am not for being obese when it comes to weight. I am for being secure with how you look and knowing that YOU are the one who "calls the shots," in your life.
4. "LISTENING" WORKS TO THE BAD, AND GOOD
in our lives. "you are so big that it takes two seats on the bus for you," some low-life jerk might say to you simply because you had TWO servings of cake at the company Christmas party. Wow, two whole servings. And that was weeks ago. You haven't did that again. But what this jerk said to you rings in your ears and head. Okay. What about that "wolf whistle," those loading dock guys gave you when you walked by them one day last week and that one sound put a smile on your face? Forget the low-life jerks. They are their own idols. You, my friend, are intelligent. You can live a happy life, gain a few pounds, and lose it sensibly.
5. IS PUNISHING YOURSELF
Really worth the toil and mental anguish? I mean when you wanted an extra hot dog, you said "no," and went hungry. Was that smart? It's not like you walk around with a hog dog in your hand all of the time. So go ahead. Eat an extra hot dog. Then lay off bread and hot dogs for a few days and stop the "self-punishment," for the sake of one frank, and be happy.
Does "THIS" skinny, pretty girl smile all of the time?
6. DO YOU GORGE WHEN YOU EAT?
If "no," then why are you so worried about gaining weight? If I could see you, yes you, I might see a woman who is almost faint with hunger and depressed at seeing her friends who aren't "prisoners of perfect pounds," enjoy a good time dining together. If you don't gorge, eat. And be happy. And so what if you gain a few pounds? Enjoy it. NOTE: I didn't say eat everything in sight, so be aware that I am NOT urging you to be a competitive eater like Adam Richman of TLC's "Man vs. Food."
7. DO YOU THINK THAT DELTA BURKE IS PRETTY?
Delta starred on "Designing Women," a few years back on television. She was admittedly miserable at her constant-dieting and maintaining her figure. One day she said, "to heck with this. I am going to be me, happy and if people don't like it, tough." And she did. Talk about a super-gorgeous woman? Delta is even more-attractive now than she was "thin."
8. ARE YOU "REALLY" HAPPY
at where you are in your dieting regiments? If "no," skip one. Eat a moderate meal. Even "life wild" and eat ONE BOWL of ice cream. Then ask yourself, "did the world end?"
9. ARE YOU HONEST WITH YOURSELF?
If a man says to you, "wow, what a shapely-figure you have," then you suddenly dart into that self-denial mode and snap at him, "I am a fattie! I am overweight, can you tell?" Then dieting is not for you. What you see in the mirror is not how you sometime see yourself. Look at yourself through "honesty" and if you do not see an overweight woman (or man), relax. You are doing good. And if by gaining a few pounds and you get one hour of enjoyment, "go for it."
10. WE ARE NOT ALL ALIKE
Hey, sometimes I pray that God will let me look like slim, trim, sexy Brad Pitt, but you know what? God never hears "that" type of prayer. What He does hear is, "thank you, Father, for this delicious food. Help "me" to not go nuts if I should gain a few pounds. You made me and you can help me to be happy in whatever state of life I am in.
Do you think "THIS" lady is pretty?
IN THE "HOME STRETCH"
11. IS IT SO BAD IF YOUR CLOTHES ARE A BIT TIGHT?
So what? Buy more clothes, or diet moderately. Is seeing your skirt, or jeans a little snug worth the dark depression you sometimes head into when pounds appear on your digital scales? No. That's how "I" feel. Stop, when you see extra pounds, do the moderate-diet if you like, or buy some new clothes. Your choice, but would it be so bad if that extra TWO pounds was ALL that you gained?
12. DO YOU MAKE EATING CERTAIN FOODS A "CHORE?"
Such as when your date orders you and he (or her) a milk shake, and then it's the equivalent of a tidal wave (of panic) running over you, now I ask, "why not enjoy "that" one milk shake and the happiness and warmth is brings you and your date? "oh, but Kenneth, I will have to work for days to get rid of that one pound I gained from the milkshake," you say. Days? Not really. Someone is telling you a lie. A little moderate exercise, maybe a few laps around walking track and you are in good shape, so to speak. NEVER make eating a chore. It can only lead to misery.
13. MY FRIENDS CALL ME MEAN NAMES
when I enjoy my food. Well, let them. Are you so weak that mere words from someone else's lips is "your master," for living? You, my friend, are "the master," of your own ship in life. Listen to wise people and keep their wisdom close to your heart, but walk away from a fool and his folly. That came directly from The Bible and see how it pertains to people who, for no other reason, have to judge and condemn "us," for enjoying ONE dish that when we eat it, we might gain one pound. You can do what you please, but if I am enjoying my turkey and dressing, let it be.
14. "I DON'T LOVE MYSELF"
That, my friend, is "the" nucleus of your dieting and struggle to be thin. Like I said earlier in this story, if you could visit with me, you might be tempted to say, "Kenneth, do you need two chairs to sit in?" And the answer is "no." I can laugh at my own extra pounds. I can thank God that I know when to quit eating. But more-importantly, I do not freak-out if I find myself with five pounds that I gained from enjoying a family member's sweet potato pie at Thanksgiving. I can laugh at myself and live with myself.
15. WHO PUT YOU INTO A CUBICLE?
You? Your best friend? Your family? Whom? Remember "before" you went on that "certain diet," and lost pounds and pounds almost overnight? Remember your "real" friends advising you, "just go on a mild diet. You aren't that overweight"? They were right. No, they didn't tell you what you wanted to hear, but truthfully advised you to "diet mildly." Now look. You are stuck in that cubicle afraid of every food on earth. And fearful that even drinking a glass of tomato juice will send you to the grave. Am I harsh? Some. Do mean harm? No. I want you and I to just stop for a minute, and look at "us" and get rid of that propaganda that bombards us telling us to "diet, diet, diet, or else." I will take the "or else."
I hope that this article has been of help to only one person. I realize that not everyone will read what I write or what I say. That's fine. It's that "one person" I want to reach.
I know that this piece was "fat with text." For that, I am sorry.
Next time I will publish a "meaner, leaner" story. I promise.
DANGER SIGNS TO SHOW THAT YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT . . .
- When you get into your car, it goes to the ground on your side.
- You are poster boy at the "Big and Tall" stores.
- Six times through the buffet is not enough.
- You wheeze from walking from the living room to the kitchen.
- Picking up your newborn grandson tires you out.
- Tying your shoes is an all-day event.
- Your wife or girlfriend is ashamed to be seen in public with you.
- People think your middle name is "food."
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(Just) talking about meddlers and busy bodies is not enough. It is time I did something about them.
To Emmett Kelly.