15 or More Things That Make Gorgeous Girls Look Awful

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Can you image this girl

Dressing up in a gorilla costume and stand near the highway handing out free coupons to "Clara's Chicken-Rama?"

Women, I am all for you

Can women do the same things as men? Yes.

Are women doing the same things as men? Yes.

Case closed. No argument.

No, wait. Stop. There are still "those" two areas that stick out like a nasty gash you got in a bar fight because the Carolina Panthers cost you a bundle and you, in a drunken rage, shouted, "Cam sold out," and an ex-Navy SEAL (who got out of this elite organization just that morning), named "Ben," took you out with one mild elbow smash. Although he did feel sorry for the damage to your face, "Genny," the senior pole dancer was busy trying her best to get "Ben" to take her home due to her '97 Camry being in the shop.

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Does this beautiful girl

Look like the type of girl who would work on a whaling boat?

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Can you see this girl

Working on a logging crew?

The fight is not over for women

The two areas I mentioned are these: Equal pay for women and suitable punishment for a woman's ignorant male co-workers who think that sexual harassment and all of their vulgar innuendos are considered flattery to the women victims they terrorize.

If someone would solve these two gaping problems, the world would be a harmonious place. I truly believe that.

I confess that a lot of my hubs deal with women and their various issues and how us guys need to re-educate ourselves regularly on how to respect, admire, and appreciate them. I do not mind writing about women as long as women do not take offense at my hub stylings.

This video makes my point

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This lovely girl

would not look working in a coal mine.

Be advised

Before venturing further, let me issue this warning to you, the women are just now checking out this hub: Familiarize yourself with other hubs that I have written. You will surely see an under current of tongue in cheek with a dash of drama. If you do not realize the nature and style of my hubs, your feelings will be hurt. You've been fairly warned.

Let's all step back, take a breath and a swig of my new health drink: "Veggie-Smash," made with a certain tomato-based drink named after an eight-cylinder engine mixed with a hot sauce named after someone named "Frank," some cayenne pepper sauce topped off with a spoonful of super-hot sauce that I call "Diamond Dave's" which is total insanity sauce. (I hope you were able to decode the brand names) and enjoy while learning . . .

15, Maybe More, Things That Make Gorgeous Girls Look Awful

This angelic creation would look awful if she were to dig ditches by hand for a living.
This angelic creation would look awful if she were to dig ditches by hand for a living. | Source
Could you see this "dream boat" working for a sewer cleaning service?
Could you see this "dream boat" working for a sewer cleaning service? | Source
Would this gorgeous female look this great if she were to make her living by picking cotton by hand?
Would this gorgeous female look this great if she were to make her living by picking cotton by hand? | Source
No, hate to disappoint you, but this pretty girl would lose her great looks quickly if she were to wash dishes at an all-night restaurant.
No, hate to disappoint you, but this pretty girl would lose her great looks quickly if she were to wash dishes at an all-night restaurant. | Source
Gutting fish all day long is not the job for this beautiful woman.
Gutting fish all day long is not the job for this beautiful woman. | Source

Clarification

No women were harmed during the production of this hub. Nor was any phrase or idea meant to put any woman or women's group, or the very-appreciated Navy SEALs in any light of embarrassment.

Gorgeous girls look awful as sin when they . . .

  • Try their little hearts out trying to plow a plow with an old fashioned plow and a mule named "Bob."
  • Smear mayonnaise all over themselves and then walk out on stage in a skimpy bathing suit a state-sponsored beauty pageant.
  • Try as they may to climb a tree without the aid of boot spikes, boots, or protective overalls. These ladies are all dressed "to the nine's" in their designer dresses and shoes.
  • Have their hair stylists attach small bells throughout their gorgeous hair and they walk around shopping malls shaking their pretty heads and doing mime routines.
  • Compete against each other in a "Pecan Pie Eating Contest."
  • Belch loudly without covering their pretty mouths after they eat all they can eat in this "Pecan Pie Eating Contest."
  • Dress "fit to be killed" as if they are headed out for a wild night of partying, but they choose to wear waders instead of those pretty heels.
  • Gather in groups of five and stick their heads (and most of their bodies from head to waist) under the hood of some stranger's pick-up truck. Note: Some guys might find this scene appealing, but a gorgeous woman with her face completely covered in grease is not a pretty sight.
  • Enter dog shows with their girlfriends as their pet poodles.
  • Spend most of one day painstakingly dressing like a guy who is employed by the city sanitation department.
  • Wear burlap sacks that were used to ship garlic from Italy to San Diego. To make matters even more hilarious, these same gorgeous gals in burlap enter posh eateries and try to get a table.
  • Try their hand at raising pigs complete with mud, feed, pigs and awful-looking overalls to wear while tending their swine.
  • Chewing tobacco, dipping snuff or smokeless tobacco in public or private.
  • Intentionally gaining weight and then working to get in a designer gown that they once wore to gala balls and social events.
  • Allowing a make-up tech (with a drinking problem) to do their make-up before the most important fashion show of their careers. Can you say "Sweets, you look just like Emmett Kelly?"
  • Trying to wear a hippo costume that does not fit and then try to entertain a large group of children at a child's birthday party.
  • Spending bales of cash on plastic surgery to get their tummies to be made larger as well as their ears, necks, and butts.

"Ben" and "Genny": The Epilogue: "Genny" lies a lot and the gag about her '97 Camry being in the shop is one of her most-used lies to get guys to take her home. Truth is, "Ben" might have been one of the best Navy SEALs, but his only weak area was his gullibility.

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There is no way you can tell me that

This beautiful woman could ever play the part of a tree seen in the classic "Wizard of Oz."

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Comments 8 comments

MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 9 months ago

Kenneth, I know you’re trying to be funny, and I’ll address your humor as such, but:

Hey, my grandma’s mule was named Jude, and she was more at home plowin’ behind that mule than she was in the kitchen, although she was the best cook around on that old wood stove. I never saw her in anything but a feminine dress, even while plowing. That’s the truth. (At least she didn’t plow in pearls, a la June Cleaver.)

One of my best friends here at work, an African-American attorney, is a lovely, 5’4”, svelt woman. It is hard for me to imagine her in U.S. Army fatigues and combat boots, but she was. It’s how she paid for law school.

I climbed trees as a child and even with my kids as a grownup, but not in high heels. In fact it was hard to find high heels to fit my size 4 foot even after I was grown. Thank goodness my feet grew in middle age and I now wear a 5 ½ or 6. I promise I won’t climb a tree in my heels, but I’m not a glamour girl either.

So you just go right on dreamin’ of those glamour girls underneath all that pasty makeup, add-on hairpieces, and silicone boobs and leave the rest of the world to us real women. Remember those posters of Rosie the Riveter?

(And take my comment in the spirit in which it is intended, with a grain of sale, my good friend.)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 9 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Let's see, what can I say about this? First things first....All women are gorgeous in their own unique way, right?? I guess since I don't look at women as men do, I really can't imagine too much making a "gorgeous" woman look awful. Maybe temporarily unappealing is a fact.

I was a 100% Daddy's girl" thus into my mid-teens I was not the typical fashionista applying my make up to perfection & fluffing my hair. I learned some very valuable things though. Carpentry, plumbing, fishing & cleaning them afterwards, are just a few. I think we can safely say I was pretty "tom-boyish"

OH....just one more thing.....IMHO, I agree on the "drunk" image, but that goes for men too. The most handsome man in the world can turn my stomach if he's drunk!.......Paula


tsmog profile image

tsmog 9 months ago from Escondido, CA

Good to see your prose this today in my newsletter! Giggle + giggle your sense of humor lives onward. I thought of many comedic movies reading the highlighted fifteen. Of course there is contrast with the women we know in our lives, but that is where I see their genuine natural beauty come alive


Michaela Osiecki profile image

Michaela Osiecki 9 months ago from USA

This seems to imply that it's a woman's job to always look attractive or gorgeous and that any activities/professions that do not condone or support 100% physical perfection are not fit for ladies. What a crock.

Women don't have to be pretty all the time. There's nothing wrong with a woman looking dirty, messy, unkempt, or grease-smeared.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 9 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Michaela,

Actually, I did not imply that at all. This was just a personal observation and not as you impolitely called it a crock.

But, you are entitled to your opinion as I am.

No, women do not have to look pretty all of the time. I never said that either.

And I do not see the point of apologizing a third time since I have already apologized to you twice.

Peace.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 9 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, MizBeJabbers,

Hi. Glad to hear from you. As always, I enjoyed your comment(s) about this hub which I did not mean as a lightning rod of controversy. LOL.

Loved the mule named Jude part. And no doubt that your grandma was all you said she was. I was merely (in gest) and speaking from my own viewpoint. No harm intended.

Fact is. My underlying tone was to defend women. Not anger them.

Sorry.

And yes, I remember Rosie. I have a lot of respect for those ladies who worked in war plants in war time. Their contributions did not get as much credit as they deserved.

And in closing, I really do not dream about plastic women. LOL.

Too old. Too sick.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 9 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

fpherj48,

Thank you for your sweet comment.

You are not offended too, I hope. I am not on HP to offend anyone. Just maybe bring a moment of happiness to my friends.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 9 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

tsmog,

Thanks for your supportive remark.

I appreciate you ALL and although I offended some of you, the only thing I can do now is ask the offended to forgive me.

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