2011 Just Started And All Ready People Are On My Nerves!
I once wrote a blog about the fact that I had about five minutes of patience left for the rest of my life and as I wrote, “the clock is a-ticking.” So it came as no surprise to me that on the first day that I ventured forth from my home in this bright and shiny New Year that the people who inhabit the earth around me would all ready be trying my patience and taking time off of my five minutes of remaining patience. While some would say it’s me, I’m convinced it’s “them” you know who you are, you “them” who enter 15 items and under lines at the store with your 30 items, you Starbucks line sighers who make those audible sighs because I want something other than a grande drip, you know who you are, you need to be destroyed and I’m just the Jewish gay super hero to do it! 2011 Just Started And All Ready People Are On My Nerves! – Don’t Get Me Started!
I try, really I try to not only give every moron the benefit of the doubt but also try and wake each morning like a Disney cartoon, whistling (well, not whistling as I think this is one of THE most annoying things anyone can do on the planet, close only to people wearing skinny jeans when they shouldn’t oughta be a wearing those skinny jeans) I try to greet each day with a chipper smile and winning attitude but no matter how hard I seem to try there are those evil forces who are out to get me from the start.
I chose to not leave my home on January 1, 2011. This was a conscious choice, not because I was hung over from the previous night’s activities (to be honest I didn’t have any alcohol on New Year’s Eve) but because I thought I owed it to my sofa and some old movies I hadn’t watched in awhile to lay about and view them. This day was better than perfection because not only was it one of those lazy days that we rarely allow ourselves to experience and enjoy but I had some of those Trader Joe’s wanna be Oreo cookies with the peppermint sticks crunched up in the creamy center part. YUM!
So I’m sure it’s no wonder that when I decided to once more become a part of the human race on January 2, 2011 my day began at my usual corner Starbucks. This being a Sunday, I always pick up the local paper as well as the New York Times for my spouse (one of the last seven people on earth reading newspapers). When I got to Starbucks and began to look for the New York Times, I heard a voice from behind the counter say, “Oh, you’re looking for the New York Times, right? Well, they didn’t do one today.” Slowly I rolled my head like a Raptor toward the voice. I mean, was she serious? Did she really think there was no New York Times the first Sunday of the year or any day of any year for that matter? And moreover did she really think I was that stupid that I would believe her bad lie? (I’ve always said that I have great respect for good liars, bad liars…not so much.) Through gritted teeth I concluded my transaction there and wondered once more where the cute boy baristas had gone and why there were only Lonely Hearts Club gals both young and old working the counter. Ugh. I ended up going around the corner to a grocery store that had the New York Times which miraculously had INDEED been printed. Wow, Jesus does exist! From there I encountered five more people in my errand running, all of whom are going straight to the section of hell that I will not be in charge of. I would list these people and their transgressions but I won’t give them the luxury of being noted individually in this blog. They are like The Blob but far less interesting.
Enter the third day of the year of 2011 where it was back to my 5:30am workout class and onto work. But of course the gym was filled with the “well intended” who will not last five weeks in their New Year’s resolution to get fit and use that gym membership they’ve been paying for but never using. Must those of us who actually use our memberships year round be forced to watch these fatties and out of shapies spend ten minutes getting in our way or sweating on machines, clogging up the system? Can’t they make a section of the gym for these wanna be workoutters where they won’t hurt themselves and won’t get on our nerves? I know I’m supposed to be delighted that they’re doing something to try and get in shape and therefore lead healthier lives thus increasing their life spans and taxing the medical systems less but I don’t care about that, I just want them out of my way and not taking up space where I want to be.
So, as you can see, 2011 is starting off to be one hell of a year. And while 2010 saw the end of my blogging on a regular basis on my website’s Don’t Get Me Started page I think that it may be writing more often in 2011, to allow me to purge my frustrations without the need to pay for professional therapy. 2011 Just Started And All Ready People Are On My Nerves! – Don’t Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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