25 Things I Think About During a Power Outage

This is NOT me in this photo

BUT THIS MAN IS DOING WHAT "I DO DURING A POWER OUTAGE. THINK. AND THINK. I THINK OF 25 THINGS WHEN THE POWER IS OFF.
BUT THIS MAN IS DOING WHAT "I DO DURING A POWER OUTAGE. THINK. AND THINK. I THINK OF 25 THINGS WHEN THE POWER IS OFF.

OTHER IMAGES OF WHAT "I' DO WHEN WAITING FOR THE POWER TO COME ON

THIS LOOKS LIKE ME SITTING WORRYING ABOUT THE POWER BEING OFF. SEE THE SPIRITS OF POWER MOCKING ME? THEY ENJOY SEEING ME SUFFER.
THIS LOOKS LIKE ME SITTING WORRYING ABOUT THE POWER BEING OFF. SEE THE SPIRITS OF POWER MOCKING ME? THEY ENJOY SEEING ME SUFFER.
LONELINESS CAN SET IN QUICKLY DURING A POWER OUTAGE.
LONELINESS CAN SET IN QUICKLY DURING A POWER OUTAGE.
THIS PHOTO DESCRIBES HOW "I" FEEL DURING A POWER OUTAGE. STUCK LIKE A PUPPET WITH NO ONE TO PULL MY STRINGS.
THIS PHOTO DESCRIBES HOW "I" FEEL DURING A POWER OUTAGE. STUCK LIKE A PUPPET WITH NO ONE TO PULL MY STRINGS.
DARKNESS IS NEVER FUN UNLESS YOU ARE SATAN.
DARKNESS IS NEVER FUN UNLESS YOU ARE SATAN.
THIS IS NOT WHAT "I" DO DURING A POWER OUTAGE--SIT ON A CEMENT BLOCK. BUT IF IT WOULD HELP RESTORE THE POWER QUICKER, I'D BE RIGHT OUT THERE SQUATTING ON A CEMENT BLOCK.
THIS IS NOT WHAT "I" DO DURING A POWER OUTAGE--SIT ON A CEMENT BLOCK. BUT IF IT WOULD HELP RESTORE THE POWER QUICKER, I'D BE RIGHT OUT THERE SQUATTING ON A CEMENT BLOCK.
OLD MAN. I KNOW HOW YOU AND YOUR DOG FEEL. LOST. DEPRESSED. NO POWER.
OLD MAN. I KNOW HOW YOU AND YOUR DOG FEEL. LOST. DEPRESSED. NO POWER.
THESE ARE THE "CULPRITS" OF ANY POWER OUTAGE: POWER LINES. THEY GET TIRED OF SERVING MANKIND AND SIMPLY "STRIKE" SENDING US INTO TOTAL DARKNESS.
THESE ARE THE "CULPRITS" OF ANY POWER OUTAGE: POWER LINES. THEY GET TIRED OF SERVING MANKIND AND SIMPLY "STRIKE" SENDING US INTO TOTAL DARKNESS.
THIS IS A MENTAL PHOTO IN MY HEAD OF THE POWER LINES LAUGHING AT ME WHEN I AM STUCK IN THE DARKNESS.
THIS IS A MENTAL PHOTO IN MY HEAD OF THE POWER LINES LAUGHING AT ME WHEN I AM STUCK IN THE DARKNESS.

Seemingly, when people use the phrase, "awww, that's just a part of life," they always refer to a personal tragedy, set-back, or some disappointment that slams you back into last week. Never have I heard this "suit-all," phrase when talking about meeting a hot chick who loves hotwings, classic movies, and tractor pulls. And I have done my homework on this, folks.

Let me ask you, "have you ever had someone say this phrase to you?" If you have, then you know how stunned and overcome with confusion feels like. Not fun, let me tell you. And the people who use this phrase so freely and without any thought of how the hurting person feels, are always the people who have never suffered anything close to a painful situation, ordeal or a good, old-fashioned dilemma. Break-ups by a hot chick's choice included.

And continue to humor me as I present a short-list of painful events or moments that the always-fitting phrase, "awww, that's just a part of life," may be, and is being used today.

1. Divorces for no apparent reason

2. Your best friend steals your wife of 30 years

3. Your wife's brother doesn't like you and is an IRS auditor to boot

4. You get a traffic ticket for going too slow

5. Your ex-girlfriend wins the 100-million-dollar lottery after breaking up with you a day before her ticket was drawn.

6. Your best buddy confesses he has been seeing your wife for the last 15 years. What hurts the worst is that you have only been married 6 years.

7. Your trusty pet collie, "Max," bites you one day because you rubbed him on the head.

8. Your telephone bill goes up simply because you called to let them know that some of the 50 calls on your last bill was their mistake.

Enough. I cannot stand this self-inflicted pain. But you know what I am talking about.

Recently I suffered what I deem to be a personal tragedy. A personal tragedy that directly affects my family and me instantly. Without any warning. It just hits us and sits back and gloats. We are helpless to its shameful laughing. Know what I am talking about? A power outage. Yes, a power outage is one of the most-annoying, useless, and yet seemingly lethal occurances that plague mankind.

I know. Life or people are not perfect. And I am not asking for perfection. I am just tired of "those" care free people with perfect hair, skin and body fat who stroll by when I am out of power in my home and say, "awww, that's just a part of life," and casually continue their stroll to their next victim.

When I'm told, "awww, that's just a part of life," by these self-imporant people who are in love with themselves, I always ask, "you ever have a power outage?" "Wy' no, my good man. I have an expensive generator in case I ever do have a power outage," they reply with their eyebrows raised.

Then I simply look at them with a stone-face and hope that their dog bites them on the way home. Frankly, my point is that no matter how long or short, a power outage is crippling, disabling and all-the-time frustrating to a common man like me. I don't ask for much in life. Maybe that the billion-dollar-a-month power company I pay for their electricity, could invest some of their truckloads of cash into finding a power-outage-proof way of supplying my power. Anyone with me?

Okay. Enough of this venting. I'm already getting hungry. I always get hungry when I vent. But to the powerful power companies across the United States, I hate to hurt your delicate feelings, but I have stumbled upon a way for me to remain calm, collected, and still smell like a man when the power that you supply to me and countless numbers of customers goes down. I am not sympathetic. I am a survivor. You actually drove me to this with your computer-enhanced voice at your 1-800-"Sorry-Your-Power-Is-Out" says to me, "we are aware of this problem. And a power crew has been dispatched to remedy this situation. Your power "SHOULD" be resorted in 12 hours or tomorrow at 4 p.m."

I have found a list of things that I ponder over and over, hour after hour, day after day, when my power company suddenly experiences a good, old-fashioned, all-American outage. And it actually works like a charm. You should try this system. It might save you needless headaches, muscle spasms, and tension in your neck that makes you feel like you are being pulled apart by a team of Clydesdale horses who work for Budweiser.

I proudly present, "25 Things I Think About During Power Outages" . . .


"Why me?" "I pay my bill on time. Every month."


"Must be a "test" to see how good their power crews really are."


"Darkness is not that bad. The caveman lived in darkness."


"I hear Navy Seals train in darkness. I will suck it up and be like a Navy Seal."


"Why does my wife insist on talking so much?"


"Oh how I wish I had a battery-powered television."


"Hey, my neighbors all have power." "Are they special or kin to the power company CEO?"


"Funny how a hand looks like a turkey on a wall when my flashlight hits it."


"Wonder if they called the NFL game scheduled for an hour from now?"


"The NFL never has power outages. They probably own a power company, no I'm thinking of the NBA."


"Wish I was a young man again. And with the girl I broke up with before I got married."


"What's with the traffic tonight outside my house. Don't tell me that people celebrate a power outage with beer, loud music and touring a dark neighborhood?"


"Man, I could use a Coke, but I cannot open my refrigerator. I have to conserve the cold air trapped inside."


"Why is my wife finding only boring subjects to talk to me about?"


"Gosh, I would give $1,000 for a battery-powered turntable and a Led Zeppelin LP."


"Good. I am getting sleepy. Uh, oh. Can't go to sleep. My wife will think I am not interested in her sister's new way to spade cats."


"Maybe some callestenics would make time go faster."


"Has it been an hour yet?"


"Oh my gosh, all of my clocks are electric-powered."


"What does a panic attack feel like?"


"What if I can't get to my doctor due to this power outage?"


"Wonder if I could sue my power company for reckless power outage?"


"I will call the power company tomorrow and thank them when the power is restored!"


"Maybe I'll send them a gift card for $50.00!"


"What's that noise? A burglar? A prowler? What??? My wife's asleep?"


Hmmm. "That's just a part of life."


No, this man is NOT me either

BUT LIKE THE MAN IN THE TOP PHOTO, HE TOO IS LIKE ME WHEN THE POWER IS OUT. STRANDED. HELPLESS. AND JUST SITS AND THINKS.
BUT LIKE THE MAN IN THE TOP PHOTO, HE TOO IS LIKE ME WHEN THE POWER IS OUT. STRANDED. HELPLESS. AND JUST SITS AND THINKS.

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Comments 17 comments

tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

I most relate to looking around to see if others in my neighborhood have lights and then I ruminate; why do they have lights, who else has lights, why not me? This was a great hub, your ideas -as always- are so fresh and entertaining and your photos right on. I loved the subject and the humor, written as only you can do! Voted up, funny and interesting.


Jean Bakula profile image

Jean Bakula 4 years ago from New Jersey

Hey Kenneth!

How have you been? We have endured the occasional power outage, like maybe a few hours once a year, and it's usually when you are ready for bed anyway. In the last years it's become much more common, in October we were without power for 6 days. It's awful. Yesterday we had 2 short outages, only about 5 and 10 minutes. But the lights came on and it seemed OK. But today, our TV wouldn't boot back up all day, and the power surge ruined our printer. Feeling crabby after speaking to a woman with a heavy accent who was asking me to remove parts of the printer I couldn't even find really challenged my patience. I complained, and I'm gettng the broken part free. Plus we just bought new ink (I can't stand that 3 part, cyan, magenta and whatever cartridge), but decided that was wasted and dried out because of the outage too. They do make propane heaters which are safe to use in the house now. But the surge also broke our refrigerator last time too. It seemed to be getting cold, but not cold enough. We live with too many electronic things now. If you have a fireplace you can stare into it for hours, lol. Meditation has it's good points. We used to just get drunk when we were younger. Sigh.


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

Funny how we don't miss electricity until it's out! Our power company was working on a new transformer just yesterday and had out power our for four hours! I hate having to reset all my clocks and other things that run on timers. Great Hub.


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

Kenneth, you seriously crack me up! Thanks for the power outage suggestions. My life seems to come to a stop when this happens and I feel so ridiculous to not be able to just get on with life. NOW, I have these fun suggestions, so maybe I won't be full of anxiety(for I shall be laughing!).


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Years ago, power outages were routine around my neighborhood. I spent the whole time trying to turn on the lights!


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

So funny! When the power goes out, I try to read by flashlight or candlelight, but that can get old fast! Great hub! You come up with the most unique subjects to write about...true genius!


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean

Original and funny. Thanks for the good read. If I ever experience another power outage, I'll remember to list my thoughts.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, tillsontitan, nice to hear from you again. And thank YOU so much for your sweet remarks. Power outages are one of life's challenges that I have long since conceded that it is bigger than I, so I do not worry. I just think. Think. And think some more.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello and Thank you, Jean, for YOUR enlightening, (no pun intended. For reals) comments. When I was a kid and the power went off, I went nuts. I cannot stand the darkness. I take that back. When I was a teenager dating pretty girls I loved the darkness for this reason . . . .no, cannot talk dating when power outages are the topic.

Candlelight is great. Thats what I have. But when I see my neighbors with lights on, I cannot help but to feel isolated. And then depressed.

Never thought of drinking my way out of a power outage, but then again, I dont drink anymore.

Jean, please visit with me more often. I find YOUR comments better than my hubs.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Mary,

yes, the constant setting and then the resetting of clocks gets old fast! I cant stand the flashing "12:00" it gets on my nerves quick.

Animal shadows are fun to make if you have a good candle or flashlight. Or the thing I do: think about things that I wouldnt normally think of.

Dear Mary, you have a good day. Ive missed you.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, picklesandrufus, "Thank you, sincerely, for your nice comments. Glad that something I wrote could make you so happy. That's what Im here for." And next time YOU have a lack of power, just use a flashlight to list what goes through your mind. And then put them in a hub. We could start something here.

Thanks again!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, breakfastpop,

me too. And someone would always say, "Kenny, turn on the light. I need to see how to set this clock," then laugh at me for being so gullible.

I dont laugh that much during a power outage.

Ive missed you too, breakfastpop.

Stop by anytime.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

THANK YOU BIG TIME . . .dearest catgypsy, for not only the comment, but the compliment. I think that YOU and all of my followers are far-better hubbers than I am. I just write what surfaces in my imagination about daily life. This time it was power outages. Next week it may be why I have to sign six papers proving I am Kenneth Avery, when I go to my doctor. Do they not know me now in the eight years I have been their patient?

Sigh.

Have a great day, cat. And say hello to Heidi.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ Catgypsy and ALL who commented on this hub:

Notice my New Profile photo? That is my oldest granddaughter, Alexis Cameron Nash in the photo with me. She is my buddy and future journalist. Smart as the day is long. Of course, Im biased.

Just sharing.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, MsDora, and thank you so much for your supportive comments. I appreciate you very much. And hope to have helped you face the next power outage. Meditation helps too.

Kenneth


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

I love your new profile pic! I only wish I had half the imagination you did, Kenneth! You come up with the most interesting, off beat topics and they are so much fun!

What we have to go through at the doctors...boy, you could write a hundred hubs about that!

Stay well...Heidi says hello.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Catgypsy . . .Thank you sincerely for your compliment on my new profile photo. That is Alexis, my "Buddy," 11 years old and smart as Bill Gates. I have to brag because that is part of a Grandpa's job. LOL. And thank you for your sweet comments on these subjects. Life is full of subjects. I just have to know where and when to look. YOU and Heidi get some rest today!

Kenneth

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