3 Misguided Delusions About Gays

Stereotypes I have encountered as a lesbian

I started this hub after a long conversation with my father that surprised me in more ways than one. Yes, I'd heard all of these theories or delusions before, but I had always passed them off as outdated; maybe a joke or an overused stereotype that no one could possibly believe anymore. Then I had a long overdue talk with my dad (who, after 6 years of being "out", still has qualms with my sexual orientation), and he had presumed the following and a number of other delusions to be true. Honestly, I couldn't believe that I was having to both defend myself and rationally try to explain away these false assumptions without getting overly emotional. Thus, I determined if my own dad had these questions or assumptions, who is to say someone else doesn't also?

Delusion #1: There is some sort of "Gay Virus"

Initially, I thought maybe this was a joke, but I’ve heard it so many times over that it blows my mind. If you truly think about this statement logically, you can come to no other conclusion, than this is a misguided fallacy. There is no gay virus, like there is no blonde hair virus, heterosexual virus, or left handed virus. You can't just catch being gay like you can catch the flu. A person is born with their sexual orientation, just as they are born with their gender, hair color, eye color and the like. If there were a “gay virus,” you’d have to assume that the entire population would now be predominantly or entirely gay because everyone has had an encounter with someone else who was gay, whether they were aware of it or not.

Furthermore, if being gay were caused by a virus, the entire medical community would have been up in arms about a "cure" decades ago. The American Psychological Association first removed the homosexual diagnosis from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1973! And in 1986 all traces of a sexual orientation diagnosis were removed completely. This means that for nearly 27 years, a majority of the mental health field has been working to remove the stigma and medical discrimination of gays and lesbians. Yet today, we are still seeing far too much social discrimination and not enough accurate information and knowledge spreading throughout the world.

I like to say: Love yourself enough to accept what's different in this world.

Delusion #2: How can you know you are gay without “trying out” the opposite sex?

The easiest answer to this question is another question.

How did you know you were attracted to the opposite sex?

Yes, it is really that simple. Humans are not all programed alike. We don't come with operating instructions and a set of guidelines. Some of us have different skin colors, different hair colors, different eye colors, different personalities, and hundreds of other characteristics that, when combined together, create one unique individual. Being gay is simply another characteristic.

Why is it so hard to understand that gay individuals do not need to experiment with the opposite sex to know that they are in fact gay. Consider being straight, and someone insisting that if you have never experiment with someone of the same sex, there is no way you could know you aren't gay.

Is it really logical to believe that you, or anyone for that matter, knows who you are better than you know yourself?

Love is Love

Delusion #3: Gay marriage could lead to people wanting to marry their dogs/trees/etc.

This argument appears itself again and again among different groups who are opposed to same-sex marriage. And yet, it is incredibly easy to defend because it is simply not plausible.

Marriage is a union granted between adults who are able to legally make their own decisions under the eyes of the law. For example, minors are not legally able to get married without the consent of their parents or legal guardian (i.e. decision making adults under the eyes of the law). That being said, marriage is also a union that is granted to consenting adults. For example, 'Adult A' is not legally able to FORCE 'Adult B' into marriage.

Now, using these two guiding principles, how rational is it to believe that an adult same-sex couple consenting to marriage, will lead to people claiming they should be legally allowed to marry their dog because they love it? Is 'Dog A' considered a legal adult citizen capable of making it’s own decisions? Secondly, is 'Dog A' capable of consenting to marry 'Adult A'? The answers are simple and resounding - No. You can replace “dog” with any animal, plant, tree, or inanimate object you like and the answers will always be the same; objects can't make decisions for themselves, people can!

This scenario is preposterous, and quite honestly insulting as well. In my opinion, it is the modern day bigots' attempt to insinuate that LGBT individuals are less than human, and undeserving of dignity and basic civil rights. The fact is, whether lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, we are all human.

A Video by CollegeHumor

Prominent Quotes on being Gay

James Baldwin once said: "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality."

Dr. Seuss famously said: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Harvey Milk said: "It takes no compromise to give people their rights...it takes no money to respect the individual. It takes no political deal to give people freedom. It takes no survey to remove repression."

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Please leave some feedback 19 comments

krillco profile image

krillco 4 years ago from Hollidaysburg, PA

Well and simply written, from the heart. Times do change, just not as fast as we may want them to. I find it really refreshing and hopeful that your Dad takes walks with you! Hub voted 'up'.

johndnathan profile image

johndnathan 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas. USA

Great hub! When my mother first found out that I was seeing another man she started asking me all these questions about my sexual behavior. If I was seeing a woman she would never have brought the questions up... I think.

Briana Faye profile image

Briana Faye 4 years ago from California Author

krillco, thank you for stopping by and showing your support! I, too, am hopeful that my dad's willingness to have a conversation about these is issues is promising.

Briana Faye profile image

Briana Faye 4 years ago from California Author

johndnathan, thank you for your comment! It's interesting, I guess parents need to ask more questions when they don't understand something. I'm sure the conversations would have been much different with our parents had we been seeing opposite sex partners!

Tracy Smith profile image

Tracy Smith 4 years ago from Colorado

Well written and an enjoyable read!! When my dad found out - he told my mother she should cut me off financially (I was in college) and get me to a shrink! He came around later...although he never agreed with my lifestyle. He also never asked me very many questions. While the questions can be frustrating...constantly feeling like who you are is being questioned... I wish my father had been more willing to have these conversations! Best wishes!!

Briana Faye profile image

Briana Faye 4 years ago from California Author

Tracy, thank you for stopping by and leaving some feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the hub. I agree, constantly feeling like who you are is being questioned is very frustrating. It can take a lot out of you if you don't pay attention to how much it is affecting you, too! I'm glad your dad finally came around, at least a little. Hopefully, with time, things will continue to get better. Best wishes to you too!!

Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 3 years ago

In my opinion, it is disturbing to me. I have no phobia's about the LGBT community. I just feel that the majority of those who wish to have a relationship with the same sex does so for various reasons. Some include sexual abuse by someone they trusted. A deep and close relationship that was devestated by betrayal. My concern is because the approval to have a same sex relationship. This might lead to the future generations no longer being a man and women and we will stop being fruitful and multiply. It doesn't seem to be part of the grand design. It just doesn't go with the flow of nature.

I would like to add in closing. I find you to be a great writer and I understood your message in this article. I wish you happiness. :)

johndnathan profile image

johndnathan 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas. USA

Jo, homosexuals get into relationships for the same reasons as heterosexuals do. There is no underlying sinister reason. Love is love no matter what the genders happen to be.

Certainly there are people who are screwed up in the head, however that sort of thing spans across all sexual orientations.

The modern family is no longer simply just "man and woman". There are now many more types of families living happy and productive lives.

And if you're concerned about going with the flow of nature maybe you should take a look at what actually happens in nature, e.g the sea turtle that lays their eggs and then abandons the nest, the various animals that eat their own offspring, the female praying mantis that eats the male after mating... come to think of it maybe we're closer to nature than we think.

Briana Faye profile image

Briana Faye 3 years ago from California Author

@Jo Goldsmith11, while your comment is nothing I haven't heard before, I'd like to send a few words and ask that you really spend time considering what I've said. Regardless of your personal views of same sex relationships, you are speaking about other human beings. Calling their loving, committed, relationship 'disturbing' is rather offensive. Regardless of what you believe the 'reason' for their sexuality preferences to be, it really isn't your place to judge. I can tell you that I was born gay, just as your were born heterosexual. It was just something I knew from a very young age. And as far as future generations 'no longer being man and woman' that is simply impossible... Imagine, even if you were open minded about the LGBT community, would you ever be capable of choosing to be with a woman? Could you really ignore that innate drive in you that tells you that you want to be with a man? Just because something is accepted by society, doesn't mean it will take over the universe.

Having said all that, I can imagine we will have to agree to disagree - but hopefully I may have sparked some thought that may grow and evolve some day. All the best.

krillco profile image

krillco 3 years ago from Hollidaysburg, PA

If it's one thing in our face in life it's that God created variety. On purpose. And God does not make mistakes. Would He give wings to a being and then tell it that it is a sin to fly?

George Greene Jr. profile image

George Greene Jr. 3 years ago from California PA

I think the hardest thing for meto do was actually come to grips with realizing I am more of a woman inside than the man I was born outside. I still prefer women but I am now going through the change to the woman i always should have been. I am slowly weaning my mother onto the idea that I am who I am and my aunt (The more Christian of the 2 of them ) is actually starting to come around even better. In fact she said yes ma'am to me yesterday even though I was in my male garb. It took me 30 years to finally get the guts enough togo thru this , but the wait has been worth it.

Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 3 years ago

Hello Briana,

I wanted to share with you and to thank you for the sewing of love through your words to help shake me from being so judgemental.

My predisposed opinion of what I believed most of my life to be wrong and sinful. I now understand it is about the act of sharing your life with another person who makes your heart skip a beat because you can't believe you finally "found the one"! You have been searching for all this time. I now have come to the realization that the word "gay" means happy and joyful! LGBT are joyful and happy with who they are and know that God has them on the path they are to be on. I pray that everyone will just stop it with the misconceptions. Before the physical intimacy. We need to acknowledge the commitment between two people who really want to share the ups and downs and everything in between.

They deserve to be loved and give the love in return to the person who they know is the best thing that ever happened in their life. They have a life partner. This is what we should be focused on. "Live and let Live"

Can you "Imagine"? John Lennon. I wish you much happiness in your life and with your life partner. Blessings, good health and may you always be the example of Joy! Be happy and celebrate! Thank you again.

Voted this up, shared & I support my LGBT sisters and brothers 100 %!

We do need to stop the hate speech about treating this group of people who choose to live their life the way that makes them happy! I get it now. I have experienced stigma in a diferent way. I realize we are not being true to ourself and the gift we are to our life partner .

Briana Faye profile image

Briana Faye 3 years ago from California Author


I can't even begin to tell you how surprising and inspiring it was to read your message this morning. Not a lot of people are willing to sit with uncomfortable feelings or strong beliefs and truly consider another point of view. Thank you for your incredibly kind and thoughtful words; thank you for being willing to consider another viewpoint; and thank you for being a new ally to the LGBT community. All the best to you and your loved ones!

George Greene Jr. profile image

George Greene Jr. 3 years ago from California PA

I know what your saying in some way Jo. Being a transgendering person, I need to go out as a guy in a dress wherever I go to adapt to society.Many people don't say anything ecept hello , but when you are sitting at the bar, some are going to ask questions like "Why" or "what makes you feel that way?" If one is truly open, one must be ready to answer those questions or they truly are not ready for such a transition. If you can be open and honest, you are ready and whether you won their hearts is irrelevant.. you stood your ground just as a mother might protect her child or a politician on their belief in a law.

We are al different and that is what we need to stress to everyone. Like you said about John Lennon's "Imagine" it would be the perfect world if we could imagine everybody with everybody in harmony. It may take a cosmic event to bring such a drastic change about, but until then we have the freedom of speech thatis our God given right as humans to do the best we can to try and strive for that perfect world where we all can be ourselves!

Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 3 years ago

Hello George,

I saw this really cute sundress! It was yellow with black polka dots. It was $11.00 on clearance! I had to get it. I had bought some cute pumps a couple months ago and they are perfect with the new dress. :)

I guess, with so much that rages inside of me and working its way out. It's kind of like the black dots on that yellow dress. The bright yellow that caught my eyes is something I realized that everyone deserves. No matter how or whom they choose to love. If they are happy and their lives have purpose. Then this is something I can rejoice in too. The black dots represent the hate, anger and bigotry. They are scattered around but they are still not as strong as the the yellow. I don't think I want the dress and just maybe find me one with no black spots I wouldn't have to be ashamed about or feel guilty about. I wish you the very best! Have fun and please! Don't drink and drive ok? Shalom my new friend. :)

George Greene Jr. profile image

George Greene Jr. 3 years ago from California PA

Actually I like little black dots on a red dress!!! My college's school colors!and they are supportive of the LGBT community. I go to class dressed as I please and the only bad comment I ever got was one.. That purse does not go with that dress! Well that and I forgot to shave(but that was an oops on my part!).

Next week the college is actually having a "WALK IN OUR SHOES" campaign for breast cancer! It's a dare for men tonwalk a mile in heels to support the drive. I am going for sure (not only to participate, but to show some of these guys its no joke walking in those shoes and also (and I have to admit a bit of greed) the free heels!).

I look at the little black dots as little black holes that are the essence of a new Big Bang that will emit all the colors it has held trapped for all these eons ! if the black dots can help to enhance a pretty yellow dress(or any color for that matter!LOL) then one needs to think of that black dot in a positive way.

George Greene Jr. profile image

George Greene Jr. 3 years ago from California PA

Well, now I got a big debate on what to do! I was just told I wouldn't be hired because I a a guy who is transgendering! I am wondering if I should sue for discrimination. Its the town beer distributor and its also the town where I live. If I raise a ruckus about it, I could lose my apartment maybe as well and then I would have to drop out of school. But then there is the principal behind it as well. Yeah, I could win enough money to get my operation and be a full fledged woman, I could own the place, and whatever else would come out of it. But I wonder how the town would look at me then.

The town already respects me and something like this could change everything. I am in a condundrum over what to do about this! Any ideas?

Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 3 years ago


Oh no! are you serious? That is so not fair! :( It is none of their business how you live your life. If you can meet the job requirements. Then this is all that should matter! I will do some research for you, so don't worry ok? I will be quick about it too. Keep your chin up and I send prayers & hugs your way. :)

George Greene Jr. profile image

George Greene Jr. 3 years ago from California PA

Any ideas here will be deeply appreciated! I forgot to mention also they are the only place where I can get my beer and smokes in town since there is no other retailer in the area that carries them.(not even on the busline!). I do not want to stop catering to their business , nor do I want the town to go against me if I was to persue this as a legal matter!

I know it would get me noticed for certain, and probably someone would hire me just out of spite or to be supportive. I don't want to get a job like that (unless its a place I would enjoy working ).it' is a perplexing issue indeed!

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