Thirty and single. Part 2 - introductions.

Last time I promised to write about seduction-introduction here with "whys for guys", didn't I? Again, all of this is real. Accept it or deny it, you choose.

Just saw an article here about "how to gain confidence and approach the woman of your dreams". Name sounds good. Reason - it implies YOU, a man, approaches a woman. And takes the lead from then on. Ok, one thing at a time.

The ideal meeting/date according to Black Lilly, clubbing style:

"I was a bit bored and was thinking about going home to sleep, though it was still early. Said goodbye to my friends and was on my way out when I saw his eyes. He came and said hello. The world started to turn and everything afterwards did not seem real..."

You get the idea, don't you? Please don't confuse this with passing out after too many cocktails or an extasy pill "thrill" - no potentially harmful substances involved here. In addition, similar scenario can happen anywhere - tube, street, conference, sainsbury's, pub, etc (just most of the times you're not on your way to sleep from there).

Please show me a girl/woman, who would not dream of this. Deep in her heart. The secret is EVERY SINGLE ONE of us dreams about a prince, from early teens till... That's our secret dream. The one we wish would come true soooo much...

But we may also deny it ;) Just our denial does not mean we do not have that dream. We might want to be cool as ice, even iron ladies, strong and independent. The ones that always take the fate in our hands. But you are not truly fooled by this, aren't you? You understand that it's only exterior.. or you don't?

When you are single (or your current relationship is unsatisfying, though that's another matter), you normally are more open to the possibility of meeting someone. You subconsciously look for "suitable opportunities". You go along the street and you watch the opposite sex, sometimes not realising it consciously. That's got to do something with auras, waves, energies or ... call that whatever you like. You simply can see it in his/her eyes, some spark.

This also means that you get noticed more, not only that you notice more yourself.

And then you see someone that you like. We all know what thoughts pass through our minds when our eyes meet with someone that we like... Whole spectre from angelic fascination to sexual desires. It seems to be the same with both sexes - women are not so different from men in this case.

And this is it - your eyes meet, you feel it's something mutual and then... you go past that lady/get off the train/leave the restaurant/anything else. The end.


men - well, maybe I should've said hello... (add something here, because I'm not a man and I can't write for you)

women: he was nice, wish he had talked to me, but he of course has a girlfriend, but maybe not, maybe I should've smiled at him, but that might not be very appropriate, what if ... (and this goes on for about 3 pages more).

Whys for guys No.1-3: What happened to you - where is that courage you used to demonstrate just a decade ago? Why did you forget that it's YOUR responsibility to make the first move? Why do you hide behind that stupid term "metrosexual" - should this mean now that you've started getting into manicures/pedicures something has changed our nature?

For ages and ages, starting from that not very nice method of hooking up in ice age times (knock her down, get her into your cave = wife, and I would not advise you to try this method nowadays), men used to approach women. Now, and that is perfectly well seen in clubs - girls approach guys. And guys dance with guys all evening - maybe waiting to be approached, hell knows... if you (guys) ask your parents is it normal to dance with a company of guys all evening... try it. And tell me the answer.

My advice - see her - like her - your eyes meet - APPROACH her. Ok, what's the worst that can happen? She'll turn you down. Not the end of the world for a normal self-confident person...Next!

Common pitfall: if she likes you, you will feel it when your eyes meet. If you're totally dumb at reading body language, just look at her a few more times - if she looks back, her eyes stop at you, then this might be it. If not - she does not like you, you're likely to be turned down. At least that's my experience.

What happens to me a lot of times and is in fact quite annoying - I'm 6ft +, and when a guy of about 5'4 asks you for a coffee... it's obvious, isn't it? What should I do with him? Carry in my bag as a Yorkie? But that happens quite a lot, so - be real.

What also happens and is not less annoying is the way someone tries to chat you up. Like "excuse me, how can I get to abc tube station?", "where should I go tonight to have fun?", immediatelly followed by "would you like a coffee". I normally explain how to get where he wants to, and this is goodbye. Believe me, it's a very stupid way to approach a woman, also letting her know that you're a coward. Why coward? Because it's obvious you like her, but you're too scared to say it aloud. Why not just come and say - hello there, I really like you, and if you have time - would you like a coffee?

And please understand when she says no. My worst experience was when I could not get rid of such "admirer" for about a mile, until I got into a taxi and shot the door in front of his nose, sending some not very nice comments his way (this at least made a taxi driver laugh). Feel the limits of how much you can push your convincing talks... please...

Ohlala... Not tired of reading yet? If yes - navigate from this page. No - read on ;)

Another thing to mention here is being shy or indecisive. One guy once told me: when you're a guy, you have to wait for a chance to approach the woman you like. I would add - please not for too long, because you may not get that chance at all - there'll be others, who don't doubt that much :D When I like someone, I always look at him, in a bit flirty way - just to send a signal of green light. But after a few times I normally get bored, plus there are others. Even more - I think one of very masculine attractive features is being a go-getter and I also like attention (bitchy spoilt egoistic attitude, already confessed on that). If a man struggles to decide whether he wants to come and talk to me, that sends a signal to me that he's not that interested, though the case might be opposite - he's simply afraid to be turned down. But I've already sent him a few welcoming signs using body language - right?

Whys for guys No.4: why are you so cool with your mates (and maybe at work), but when it comes to women you turn into a bunny facing bunch of cobras? ;)

So you approached her, and she does not seem to be looking to escape you at the first possibility. What should you talk about? Anything, as long as YOU keep hold of the conversation. As long as YOU take the lead. Tell a joke if you don't know how to fill in those gaps of silence. Provoke a bit. Look into her eyes. Watch her. This is your end-of-introduction-start-of-seduction part, so if you like her enough - it's in your hands. Remember - if she did not like you, how come she's having coffee/dance/etc with you?

Additional thing about dancing - when you dance, dance with HER, not half of people on the dancefloor. Look into her eyes, touch her (mind the decency, at least for now) - that's a perfect opportunity - and watch how far you can go with it ;)

Whys for guys No.5 - why do you assume that after you've done that "hard work" of approaching her, she should be thankful and "help" you?

Please note that girls approaching guys is something that I do not understand. Terra incognita for me. I can only do that if I want my shy friends to get with someone, when I'm totally drunk (that happens very rarely) and when I just don't care, because I don't like anyone anyway.

Take care of her. E.g. when in a club, if she's drinking something (and THAT'S a BIG plus for you), watch the glass, and judge for yourself whether she'd like another glass, DON'T ASK! I bet you'd be talked over and over by her friends if you do this. That's called a nice surprise - unless she's barely standing on her feet (watch Picadilly at 4am...).

If you're in a restaurant, you can do the same. I remember dining with one guy that I met on some internet dating site; we were in the middle of the conversation and I nearly finished my glass of wine. It took me one (ONE) glance at that glass, no words, no gestures, and he got it - without any questions. Should've made an impression if I'm writing about that, eh?

I should not mention helping with her coat, opening doors, not walking too fast (most of the times she's in heels), shouldn't I? If you say I should, bad for you. These should be in your blood, and not only for seduction purposes, just for general manners.

Whys for guys No. 6: why on earth you think we like feminism - like being equal to men?!

F*** that feminism - 99% of us are not that. Feminism historically did lots of good things, and it still does now, especially regarding work matters (ever heard of "glass ceiling"?), but when it comes to dating and romance... I get angry even thinking about it.

So I hope you enjoyed the above - comments very welcome. Part 3 to come ;)

Comments 3 comments

dave272727 profile image

dave272727 6 years ago from Kentucky

Ok. First and foremost before I read any further. If any "metrosexual" calls himself a man that is a lie. A man doesnt use more lotion than his date. I will borrow a line from Brad Paisley "With creamy lotion hands you cant grip a tackle box". To answer your questions. Men in clubs tend to talk to a girl that is not surrounded by her friends. When I used to go clubbing and I didnt do it very often, I would approach a girl that only had one or two friends with her. That way if and when I made a mistake I wouldnt get laughed at too harshly. Groups of women can be intimidating when you are going after one of the girls in the group.

Black Lilly profile image

Black Lilly 6 years ago from London Author

1. Metrosexuals - try telling them they're not men... :D

2. Intimidating... Ok, this is it - I'm off clubbing alone from now on :D

PS. read Part 7. Think it's best so far.

dave272727 profile image

dave272727 6 years ago from Kentucky

I will give it a read. You point one out and I will tell him. I tell them all the time at bars and clubs or "at the pub".

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