36 Things I Might Say to a Gorgeous Woman When I am in My "Super Mood"

Jessica Gomes
Jessica Gomes
Teresa Palmer
Teresa Palmer

WRITER’S EXPLANATION: this is not a story about lust among mammals. This is a semi-serious hub about things I would say to any hot and attractive woman if she ever were to cross my path. I had to use photos of women to accent my topic and not just for the males in my readership. Enjoy. Kenneth.

Mankind is sometimes driven by moods. Good, bad, blue and expectancy are all moods that I have now and again. Blue would be my dominant-mood. Oh, I have good moods when I see my followers achieve an important milestone or deserved-award or someone in my family, grandkids to be exact, be beyond excited at an “All ‘A’” report card at the end of a grading period.

Margot Robbie
Margot Robbie
Delta Goodrem
Delta Goodrem
Relaxing
Relaxing

I could sense my "Super Mood" was near

I can sense just as easy as putting my ear to the railroad that a train is coming, that a bad mood is rubbing its filthy hands together just waiting for me to open my spirit’s door so “it” can enter and ruin my day. And to help you, I share this: If you have been in as many bad moods as I have, you should have learned to know the tell-tale signs of a bad mood and how to turn the dead-bolt on your spirit’s door and so what if the bad mood gets its feelings hurt? Mine has been hurt many times by a bad mood.

But to be truthful, I guess that my all-time favorite mood is when I have went for hours without rest or sleep and after a certain length of time, something strange happens. I cannot explain it. I feel super-relaxed and confident. Many times when I am in this mood, most anything I say or write makes tons of sense. I remember well when I first met this mood. It was when my friend, Les Walters, the managing editor of our local newspaper, the Journal Record, would pull those dreadful “all-nighters,” to put a special section “to bed,” or ready for the press

Rachael Taylor
Rachael Taylor
Tired
Tired
Robyn Lawley
Robyn Lawley

I would feel this mood taking over my thinking and working and when the two shifts we pulled ended, I felt remorse, depression so quickly for I knew that “this” mega-uplifting mood was going to leave and I would return to being the “old me,” tired, exhausted and ready to sleep for 22 hours straight.

It was “this” mood that got me to thinking about what if I were to meet some of the gorgeous women I have placed on this piece and what I would say if I were in “this,” what I like to call a, “super mood?” The results might prove interesting.

So thus, my title—

36 Things I Might Say to a Gorgeous Woman When in My “Super Mood”

(to make this piece more interesting, as you read each thing I would say to one of the gorgeous ladies (on this hub), take time to pick the woman that each of my remarks might fit.)

  1. “I just love watching documentaries about the Petrified Forest.”
  2. “I am not into gymnastics.”
  3. “I was formerly an addict of women’s prison movies.”
  4. “Sure, I dream of transforming myself into a circus clown and speaking in French.”
  5. “Care to allow me to shine your high heels?”
  6. “I would love something that you bought me to eat.”
  7. “I seldom sing Opera. I prefer solo Barbershop Quartet singing.”
  8. “You look better than a vanilla ice cream cone on a hot Sunday.”
  9. “I bet you cannot swim while wearing that dress.”
  10. “Ever starred in a low-budget film with a mutant snail as your co-star?”
  11. “Confidentially, I am not a licensed doctor.”
  12. “I hope there are not any more at home like you. Otherwise this compliment is going to be wasted.”
  13. “You look nothing like Barbara Streisand.”
  14. “You bet I would love for you to allow me to sleep in your basement.”
  15. “No, I am terribly sorry. I am not trained in the fine-art of gardening.”
  16. “I did not have Oriental parents.”
  17. “Hiking up Mount Everest is not my ‘cup of tea.”
  18. “You look so good when you look confused.”
  19. “Are your eyes real or leased?”
  20. “I used to lease myself out as a rural scarecrow.”
  21. “I hope you do not own any mink. I am all-in for PETA.”
  22. “You ever dreamed of touring a hog farm way out in the country?”
  23. “Are you Barbara Eden’s granddaughter?”
  24. “Do not say another word. Now you may tell me how much like Kirk Douglas I look.”
  25. “I appreciate how you ignore me.”
  26. “I was formerly a man.”
  27. “Care to go with me on a fishing trip? A free lunch is in it for you.”
  28. “Are you completely-dependent on cabbage for a diet supplement?”
  29. “I am the worst romantic man you will ever meet.”
  30. “I am not at ease until you treat me like trash.”
  31. “Please do not glare at me and say profane words or I will burst into tears.”
  32. “Yes, you can go get a cup of coffee for me.”
  33. “Snow skiing? Never touch the stuff.”
  34. “I learned to swim when I fell into a sand pile.”
  35. “You mean that I look like a dog you once owned? Gee, what a sweet thing to say.”
  36. “Can I dance? Sure thing, but you got to let me sit down.”

How did you do on the matching my comments to the women to the right?

More by this Author


Comments 16 comments

Rhonda Lytle profile image

Rhonda Lytle 2 years ago from Deep in the heart of Dixie

Loved number twenty, a scarecrow, too funny!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Rhonda,

I sincerely thank you for this, and all of your comments. I am sorry that I took so long. You see, Yahoo Mail is down and is not loading mail, so I do not know if anyone is commenting on my hubs or not. It is just a hit and miss proposition.

I wish that everyone on HP would launch a campaign to get Yahoo to hurr and fix whatever is wrong.

Can you send me an email at my temporary email address at:

ken7Avery@g-mail.com? I would appreciate that.

Have a quiet and safe evening.


bwhite062007 profile image

bwhite062007 2 years ago from East Coast

Thanks for the laugh! Voted up and funny


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, bwwhite,

You are very welcome. This, making my followers happy, is my goal for being on HubPages. There is so much hurt and sadness in our world, I think that with a hub or two filled with (hopefully) funny things and things to make you think is better than the majority of what I watch on the evening news.

No, I was not bragging on myself.

Thanks again and have a safe Sunday.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

As always, very funny. If some man said some of these things to me, at first I'd think there was something totally wrong with him. When I sat here thinking about it though, I'd have to interpret them as him being shy and something silly just popping out of his mouth because he's flustered or that he's being totally honest. Both of those options are wonderful. The first I think is cute and second is great because it's hard to find anyone - male or female - who can be completely open and hinest.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Hahaha, you are one funny guy, Kenneth! This is hilarious. Thank you for the laughs this lovely Sunday afternoon.

Voted up and funny, of course.

God bless.


Mel Carriere profile image

Mel Carriere 2 years ago from San Diego California

I like your playful use of words. I envy you for having actually worked as a journalist, a dream of mine that somewhere went awry. I do, however, doubt the effectiveness of these pick up lines. Great hub!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Mel,

I would not recommend these lines for any guy. That is unless he is loaded with cash, a stable of new cars, and influence.

Then guys like this can get away with saying most anything. And only girls of charcter and integrity will have the good sense to say "No."

Thanks for your kind comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Faith,

You are very sweet to take time to pay me this warm compliment. Thank yoiui and may God bless you.

It makes me feel better knowing that something I did makes you happy. No one today need be dark, depressed or troubled.

You keep up the great work and stay in touch.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sheilamyers,

I agree with your comments on this piece.

At first, yes, I can see you entertained, but for him to continue spewing things like this to you would lead you to be turned-off. I have met guys like this who in fact did say some of these things. Some got away with it. Some didn't. I never tried.

Thank you so much for the sweet comment.


no body profile image

no body 2 years ago from Rochester, New York

Men are so pathetic... and I, even I, am a man. (This I declare to my shame). This was the hardest article to read because of all the distractions. Those women were all turning their head off of the screen and yelling at me, saying, "What are you looking at?" I must admit I agree with them. In my world those women aren't real. They have no apparent flaws. I am so flawed I was not qualified to do any matching at all. Don't get me wrong, I am married to a gorgeous, woman who has no apparent flaws but I have secured the right to not be distracted. I am constantly looking at her. I hardly look at anything else. I admire from afar and up close because she is real. I am constantly touching to make sure my sense of sight is not lying to me. These women, should I ever dare talk to them, would inspire no real comment come out of my mouth. I probably would say, "Um, so what did you do with all your flaws, really?" And then after I picked myself up off the floor I would be soundly put in my place. In my heart I know I have no business talking to women who aren't real. I could probably manage a "Hi" or a "Have a nice day" but that is all I am qualified to do.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

Reading this hub was a great way to start my day!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hey, vkwok,

You are a special blessing to me. What a nice thing to say. Thank you and may God bless you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

no body,

I am stunned with amazement at your comment. My good friend, and that is meant with sincerity, you could write romantic novels in your sleep. Your wife must be the most-loving, selfless woman in the world. Does she know that you wrote this about her?

If so, she is so happy with you and your comments.

AS for "these" girls in my hub, do not tell a soul, but I had a time keeping them still while I snapped their photos. Shhhhhhh.

Your friend, Kenneth


no body profile image

no body 2 years ago from Rochester, New York

My wife is never surprised with how I talk. My first marriage was a failure and I learned many lessons in it. I learned to appreciate and to serve my wife and treat her with the respect she deserves. I also learned to forgive and to take slight rejection/criticism well. I learned to put the seat down and that I better not feast my eyes on any woman's body but hers. Many things I did the first time around that failed, now succeed. Many things I have realized I did wrong have been stopped. Another thing I learned is to NEVER joke about divorce, about cheating and to never to treat her as less than a princess. I will not have my first marriage a total waste of 2o years! As I come up to the 16th I know that I am where I am supposed to be. Thank you for your kind words, Ken.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

no body, my new friend,

Wow. I am very impressed with your moving comment. I am NOT joking. There is a time and place for all things and this is not a time or place for me to joke, but appreciate someone, YOU, who can be a teacher for me.

What you said makes a lot of sense.

I too, neared divorce several years ago and it was entirely my fault. I was drowning in booze, stress, work burn-out, but these things came because I did NOT fit in where I worked because all of my coworkers drank like fishes and partied on weekends.

I surrendered my life to Christ in 1989 after 11 long, tormented years of boozing and staying gone while my wife and daughter were at home.

I have apologized no telling how many times to my wife, my companion and someone I had rather give my life for in a moment than see her hurt again my me.

With all of the darkness, I came home with a different light to see my way clear in the ways ahead of me.

I did not mean to go on and on. My life is better now in every way and having met you and looking at you as a new friend is very rewarding as well.

Keep up the great work and be careful.

Tell your wife hello from Hamilton, Alabama.

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