5 Reasons Why Men Should Not Get Married

Don't Get Ready, Be Ready...

You Don’t Know Who You Are…

It’s almost a cliché to hear someone say, “We got married too young.” The truth is marriage and monogamy requires maturity not only age wise but also in personal development. Ideally when you join your life with another person you should have a handle on who you are, what you want, and what you need in a mate.

Keep in mind the answers to these questions are likely to change dramatically especially from the ages of 18-35. During your early youth it’s very possible all you cared about was having a hot looking girl with a great sense of humor. As you mature you realize there are other traits needed as well to have a real shot at marital success.

It takes a reasonable amount of time to formulate your own life philosophy. In addition to doing some major introspective thinking it's also necessary for one to have a certain amount of general life experience that should include getting an education/training, selecting a career path, dating, and traveling. Until you know who you are and have determined what it is you want in a mate in all likelihood your relationships will come as a result of happenstance, impulsive decisions, or flying by the seat of your pants.

Selecting a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. You owe it to yourself to make sure your decision comes from a place of awareness.

One of You Is In Significant Debt....

There is an old saying, “Romance without finance is nonsense” No matter how prepared one is a marriage is bound to have its share of challenges. However entering into a marriage with a ton of debt is a recipe for disaster.

Essentially you are starting your life together behind the eight ball. Many couples make the mistake of believing things will work out "magically" over time. Debt removal is something you have to be diligent about. Soon after marriage a lot of couples begin having children. The joys of parenthood come with a cost. In addition to purchasing food, diapers, and other assorted items you will need to have more money deducted from your payroll check for health insurance purposes. If you are going to have a two-income household there will likely be daycare expenses.

Mortgage, cars, furnishings, clothing, food, vacations, college funds for the kids and saving for retirement will be a challenge in and of itself but there are likely to be occasional emergencies and unplanned expenses as well. Ideally you want to come into a marriage as debt free as possible.

It’s Not Your Idea....

If you have to be “sold”, “persuaded” or given an “ultimatum” before proposing then you are getting married for the wrong reasons.

Many men propose simply because it’s what their girlfriend wants or “expects”. Some guys go as far as saying, “She’s earned it after all we’ve been together for…etc” Marriage is not some award you bestow upon a woman for time served. It's not something to be decided upon impulsively, or by saying, “Why the hell not?”

There’s a good reason you have not proposed whether you are conscious of it or not. Generally speaking when someone knows what he wants he is decisive. All marriages should at least start off with both people wanting to get married.

She is pregnant or has given birth to your child....

You can be a great father without marrying someone you don’t love. Accidental pregnancies occur from time to time but there is no such thing as an accidental birth. Only the woman “has the right to choose” whether a couple becomes parents or not.

If you know the only reason you are considering marriage is because there is a child involved then you are not getting married for the right reasons. A marriage based upon “circumstances” rather than love is likely to fail. As Dr. Phil is fond of saying, “Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.”

You bore easily and constantly lust after other women....

One clear signal that you are not ready to “forsake all others” is if you are unable to keep your eyes, thoughts, and fantasies off of other women.

It’s a mistake to believe that marriage will “make you settle down”. I have known guys who really thought they could fool around with other women all the way up until their wedding day and suddenly change their ways by saying, “I do.” WRONG!

If your motto is “Variety is the spice of life” a monogamous marriage is not for you. There is no sense in wrecking your life trying to be something that is against your nature. Divorces are expensive and “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

Trust me with over 7 billion people on the planet there are enough women out there who will have no problem with “no strings attached” relationships. A “real player” lets the women he dates know up front he has no intention of ever getting married.

It’s just wrong to allow women to get their hopes up for an “ever after” ending. Oddly enough there are lots of women who will be more determined to make you change your tune. However any heartache they experience is clearly on them.

When you do say, “I Do”....

Marriage is a very serious undertaking. You want to position yourself for the best possible chance for success. Selecting a “life partner” is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. People who fail to plan, plan to fail.

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without." ~James C. Dobson

One man’s opinion!

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Comments 36 comments

ssaul 5 years ago

really? very interesting!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

ssaul, Yes, Really! Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It's best for people to set themselves up for the best possible outcome before saying, "I do." Thanks for your comment.


Woman Of Courage profile image

Woman Of Courage 5 years ago

Wow, Great hub! It's always good for people to marry for the right reason. Marriage is full commitment and should be taken seriously.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Woman of Courage, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and leaving a comment. I completely agree with you.

Marriage is no game.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 5 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Excellent hub on marriage. I believe we need to learn about ourselves - love ourselves, before we enter the marriage market. Taking time to know who we really are can take a while. But until we do, we risk marrying the wrong person (or the right person for the wrong reasons). :-) Thanks.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

vocalcoach, Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my hub. Knowing ourselves is the key to finding happiness.


RCAugust 5 years ago

One more reason for a man not to marry:

THE AMERICAN WOMAN. The American woman has been taught to be a Sarah Palin, a Snooki Polizzi, or a Britney Spears. She has been taught to be the bimbo bombshell with the boobs and the butt, but no brains. Marriage is no game, and marriage to a beautiful bimbo is a crap shoot.

RCAugust


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

RCAgugust, I believe both sexes have challenges when it comes to finding and selecting an ideal mate.

Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and post your thoughts.


AllyWrites profile image

AllyWrites 5 years ago

Great hub! I think of who I was at 18, 20, 25...and who I am now at 30 and I'm glad I didn't get married then. At 21 I would have been excited by a man who had a "good" job, even if it kept him away from home a lot. Now I would rather have a man who has more free time.

And I can totally relate to your assertion that marriage shouldn't be something that woman earns for "putting in her time." I have to thank my ex for not agreeing to marry me. We would have both been miserable.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

AllyWrites, Thanks for reading and commenting on my hub.

It's kind of funny when you think about it. Most us "believe" we know what we want out of a partner for life without having had much life experience! We assume our idea of what constitutes Mr./Ms. Right at ages 18 or 21 will be the same at age 41. LOL


Sirena Sea profile image

Sirena Sea 5 years ago from California

I completely agree with everything you've written and believe that this info applies to women, too. Great hub!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Sirena Sea, Thanks for your comment.

You are so right. These 5 reasons for not getting married can be applied to both sexes!


your cybersister profile image

your cybersister 5 years ago from Just relocated from Florida to the mountains of North Carolina

I agree with your hub and all the those who commented above. People thinking of marriage should be thinking with their minds, not other body parts, when making decisions about marriage and the future. Ultimately you are planning a future, not just a wedding and there are many things to be aware of and work out that might affect that future. If you are with the right person there is no need to rush, they will still be the right person in six days, six weeks, six months or six years.

You should take the time, for everyone's sake, to be sure.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

your cybersister, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and post your comment.

I totally agree with what you said "Ultimately you are planning a future, not just a wedding..."

Marriage is not about (a day). It's about the rest of your life! (Hopefully) :-)


NoThanx 5 years ago

It's really simple. Men are not marrying because the risk is not nearly worth the reward. The chances are great that you could lose your house, your assets, your income, and your children to a woman who poisons your own children against you. To top it off, he loses the lions share of his income for the next two decades to his ex wife, and therefore cannot save for retirement, that is if he can manage to stay out of debtor's prison. When he finally comes out from under the debt burden in his mid 40's, it's too late to save for retirement. The chances are better than even that he will live most of his adult life, and die, in poverty, while his own children are systematically poisoned against him. This is not the exception in the US today, this scenario is the norm. Nothing is worth that risk.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

NoThanx, Thanks for your comment.

You are right there is always a risk assoiciated with getting married. Love and marriage are both a gamble.

However every year in the United States, there are approximately 2.5 million weddings. Most weddings only take place (after a man proposes). Apparently there are quite a few men taking that risk. Having personally gone through a divorce I did not experience losing my income or slipping into debtors prison and I chose not to have children long ago.

My overall feeling is "marriage is a life style choice".

"It's not a requirement to lead a happy life." People who don't want to get married for whatever reason should not get married. However those that do should be both (wise and selective) about who they "choose" to be their life partner. That is the underlying message of this hub.

If we don't trust ourself to make "the right choice" then we're probably better off not choosing! :-)


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Great article, dashingscorpio. I totally agree, and having gone through a divorce myself, I see no reason to go through the legal aspect to be in a partnership.

If you can't find someone who shares the path in life that you do, mentors you to be all that you can, and is a supportive companion on good or bad days, there is really no point to being with someone. Marriage has become a dinosaur of traditional "roles" that usually reflects a roommate situation rather than a relational one. They don't teach "love 101-- how to meet your 'soul mate'" in school, and most of us are clueless when it comes to knowing what we want in life, or who will be next to us in the path we are headed toward.

Ironically, it's been assumed that women are the ones who want to get married, but modern times are reversing this trend. Now that women are outnumbering men in college, and becoming more successful in their careers, they don't feel the "need" to marry a man to provide for them. Women are choosing NOT to marry because of the slack in men for keeping up with changing times (most still want a wife who cooks and cleans and takes care of him, but now they expect her to also bring home a paycheck). There's a good book on this subject: "Drama Kings"... I recommend it to men and women to know the shift in relationships.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Wonderul1, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. I agree with you more and more women are feeling less of a need to rush into marriage. Unfortunately there are still a lot of women buying books, reading hubs/blogs, articles, and practicing cooking the "engagment chicken dinner" in hopes of getting their men to "commit". You don't hear much about men trying to find ways to get their girlfriend to commit. However I am sure there are some men who want that. I read recently that 75% of all relationship advice books are purchased by women. Apparently men don't feel they need any help in this area. LOL!!!

I'll have to check out "Drama Kings". Speaking of books my book should be available in about 4 weeks. This hub is an excerpt from it

"My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)


Sanjida Alam profile image

Sanjida Alam 4 years ago from Bangladesh

*sigh* Its sad to be wanting to get married to a man whom I know would never really want that. The thing is, I have been brought up rooting it in my mind that by the time I am 20, I surely am getting married to someone. Its ok with me if my boyfriend doesn't wanna commit on papers, I will never persuade him to do so. But how do I change the thoughts I have been rearing since my puberty? Over time I guess it will be ok, but as for now....it is pretty tough :-)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Sanjida Alam, Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment.

It's important to remember that each of us gets to choose our own friends, lovers, or spouse. If you are with someone who does not want what you want then they are the wrong person for you. In order for him to be "the one" he would have to see you as being "the one". Ulitmately if choose to stay with someone who does not want to get married as opposed to you moving on to find someone else...then you have to accept responsibility for (your choice). In the end we are all responsible for our own happiness!


Steadman11 profile image

Steadman11 4 years ago

It's refreshing to find someone who knows what marriage really SHOULD be about. You are completly correct in saying that getting married for the wrong reasons will end up in disaster. Too often do you see young adults getting married because they are pregnant or it sounds 'cool'. Marriage is not 'cool'. It is a commitment, and it takes work. Getting married because you are pregnant or have a common child will do nothing but cause problems for you as well as the children. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew IMMEDIATLY that I would NEVER be with his father again. I could never be happy with him, and I doubt that he could have been happy with him. Had we gotten married, we both would have been miserable, stressed, and resentful. The home would have been a miserable place to bring up a child. A child can sense all the hostility between loved ones. They know when you aren't happy...there is non of this 'let's do it for the kids' stuff. You are right on all your other points as well....debt, being coerced, and not being ready. If you're going to do it, do it for life. 'Til death do us part'


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Steadman11, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. My hope is your personal story will give someone in a similar situation something to consider before getting married. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a child is (not) to raise them with their biological parent. Thanks again for your personal insight.


VeronicaInspires 4 years ago

You know I love your perspective on relationships and your content, and I'm playing devil's advocate when I ask you this but...

Where's God in this whole equation for reasons not to get married? In other words, is it not important to be equally yolked to your partner?

With over half of first-time marriages ending in divorce and 85% for second marriages, I would think God would be your first and foremost overarching concern when deciding who to marry?

:)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

VeronicaInspires, Thanks again for your comment. Actually the goal in my hubs as well as my book; "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) is to provide practical advice that encourages self-empowerment and awarness when making relationship decisions. I guess you could say I'm reminding people to use the brains and intstincts god gave them. :-)

I also stress it's important to find someone who wants what you want and shares your same values. As I have often said; "There is no amount of (communication) or (work) that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want."

My theory as to why the second marriage divorce rate is so high is twofold. 1) People don't learn from their first mistake. 2) They learned enough the first time around to realize early on when the ship is sinking. They aren’t going to waste a lot of time trying to avoid becoming a divorce statistic.

Awhile back I wrote a hub sharing my thoughts on divorce. http://hubpages.com/relationships/DIVORCE-The-Upsi...


VeronicaInspires 4 years ago

Agreed!


deepikamehra2012 profile image

deepikamehra2012 3 years ago from New Delhi

well all reasons are quite genuine.. really nice.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

deepikamehra2012Thanks for your comment. It's so important to get married for the "right" reasons. :-)


Danext profile image

Danext 2 years ago from Tanzania

Well, you have given me a very good insight of the topic, another interesting article of yours which i read from start to finish......well done, i completely agree with you in this....voted up...


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Danext , Thanks for taking the time to read my hubs and post your comments. They are appreciated.


UndercoverAgent19 profile image

UndercoverAgent19 22 months ago

This is an incredibly comprehensive and well articulated hub! Although your hub addresses men in particular, I think a lot of this advice is helpful for women, also. For instance, the point you made about not allowing yourself to be pressured into getting married. It's important for women to remember that as well. Just because your partner proposes doesn't mean you are obligated to say yes. If you are not ready or not interested in marrying the person, that's okay. There's not use in going through an expensive wedding, rocky marriage, and painful divorce because of that.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

UndercoverAgent19, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. I completely agree with you that these lessons would apply to women as well.

I suspect many women do feel pressure to marry after being proposed to because they might fear never being proposed to again!

A lot of women have marriage on their "to do list" and if they're able to scratch that off early they feel like they can "relax".

After all they've been groomed to believe "good men are hard to find" therefore the thinking is "don't throw away a bird in the hand for one in the bush". They're too afraid the future may not produce another proposal!


michellejohnno101 profile image

michellejohnno101 14 months ago from Jamaica

This was an interesting read dashingscorpio. As much as I am looking forward to being married (sooner rather than later; in my 20s). I do agree with the factors mentioned that can be heartbreaking for me as the woman if I dare to persuade a man to marry me. But I also believe that a 'man with his head on his body' cannot be convinced to marry a woman when he is not ready.

Because I'd want him to spare me the pain and the expense of his 'wandering eyes or spirit'. Not to mention, entering a marriage with a debt when there is already so much to be covered for the new life as husband and wife. While things can work out, a relationship will experience more storms when bills & debts are more than the cash inflow.

At first I was like 'what the...' when I read the title. But I enjoyed this read. I still want what I desire, but I've gained some understanding thanks to you.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 14 months ago Author

michellejohnno101, Thanks for your comment.

I imagine a lot of folks are thrown off by the title of this hub. :)

You'd be amazed how many men get married for the "wrong reasons" even in this modern era. Some guys actually feel as though they are rewarding long-time girlfriends with a "promotion" to wife status.

In all honesty a woman should never have to "convince" a man to marry her. He should want to marry her on his on accord.

Nevertheless (some men) have caved into getting married because an ultimatum was given or they felt guilty/obligated after a pregnancy. Essentially these guys feel as though they are doing the woman a favor.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 14 months ago Author

michellejohnno101, Thanks for your comment.

I imagine a lot of folks are thrown off by the title of this hub. :)

You'd be amazed how many men get married for the "wrong reasons" even in this modern era. Some guys actually feel as though they are rewarding long-time girlfriends with a "promotion" to wife status.

In all honesty a woman should never have to "convince" a man to marry her. He should want to marry her on his on accord.

Nevertheless (some men) have caved into getting married because an ultimatum was given or they felt guilty/obligated after a pregnancy. Essentially these guys feel as though they are doing the woman a favor.


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 14 months ago from Home Sweet Home

if a man could not afford to shoulder all the expenses, he should not date at all


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 14 months ago Author

"if a man could not afford to shoulder {all the expenses}, he should not date at all." Marriage these days is seen as a "partnership".

Women aren't men's "dependents". The goal is to build together.

peachpurple; There is a big difference between going out on (a date) to see a movie, concert, or have dinner together as opposed to marriage.

In the U.S. most households are "two income" households.

Very few women realistically expect their husband to become their "surrogate father". The women's movement of the 60s and 70s was about women claiming their "independence" and demanding equal pay & treatment.

Having to (rely on a man) for food, clothing, and shelter is a step back in time that most women don't want to revisit in America.

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