6 Common Mistakes Women Make With Online Dating...

In search of love...

Choosing wisely...

Selecting Without Researching

Everyday there are lots of new online dating websites popping up. One very common mistake people often make is assuming they are all about the same. Intellectually you know that can’t be true. Would anyone compare staying at Motel 6 to staying at The Ritz Carlton or Four Seasons Hotels by simply noting they all have beds and cable television? Do you believe a steak dinner at Denny’s is just as good as one at Ruth Chris Steakhouse or Morton’s Steakhouse? In a word, NO! (It should be noted many men make these same mistakes as well)

And yet when it comes to online dating sites lots of women and people in general don’t exercise “discriminating taste” when making a selection. You owe it to yourself to at least do a few google searches to view the best or top rated dating sites. Also be aware there are sites which cater to particular interests. Before you sign up with any site you have to ask yourself if I were my “Mr. Right” joining an online dating site which one would I choose?

Bad Profile Photo

Another big mistake is using a horrible profile photo! Examples include those who stand in front of a bathroom mirror holding a cell phone, pictures taken overhead with the subject looking up. (Attempting to hide body size), photos holding a dog, cat, or some other pet, photos showing your ex's hand resting on your shoulder even though you have cropped his face out, glamour shots, zany or stupid facial expressions, those taken standing next to your best friend (who may be more attractive than you). A profile photo is your “calling card” and the viewer's focus should be on you.

Lying

Lying about age, weight, career, and relationship status...etc Eventually the truth comes out! Now to be fair some of these websites make it easy to be evasive with such options as “I’d rather not say”, Relationship status listing “it’s complicated” or body type listing “a few pounds to lose”. If one has to be “discreet” they are involved with someone. Anyone with 30lbs to lose is kidding themselves by calling that a “few”. I’m certain if someone were hitting you on the head you wouldn’t consider 30 times to be a few.

Asking for the world!

"Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless you are a star!"

Too many people are (unrealistic) when it comes to their search for a mate. They create a long list of requirements/traits that even they don’t possess themselves. It’s just as important to illustrate what makes YOU special. Like attracts like.

Others take the opposite approach and list everything they DON’T want. (No players, no liars, no cheaters, no games…etc) Without realizing it they are announcing to the world that’s who they have chosen in past relationships. It also comes across as if you are negative, bitter, or have a chip on your shoulder.

Does anyone really believe a “player” who is attracted to you is not going to contact you simply because you said you don’t want to deal with players?

It should go without saying if a trait is not on your “list of wants” then it’s not something you desire. Focusing on the negative is never attractive.

Meeting too quickly

Another very common mistake is exchanging personal contact information and setting up dates too quickly. One of the great things about online dating websites is you can get a feel for someone by how well they communicate with you through the site. You can use the online service’s Instant Messaging to chat as well as email one another through the site. If a man starts to rush you into meeting with him more often than not it’s because he is afraid he may expose some character flaw which might deter you. Some women are afraid of becoming too “emotionally invested” with someone they have yet to meet. Therefore this forces them to hurry with exchanging personal contact information and meeting a guy too quickly. Hopefully you are communicating with multiple prospects and evaluating your options based upon the responses you get to questions you ask, sense of humor, and things you have in common. You are responsible for your choices.

Pushing for "Exclusive Status" Too Fast

I'm looking for a “serious relationship”, "marriage minded" or a "god fearing man”...etc. Lots of women are in such a hurry to (tie down a relationship) with someone they barely know! The whole purpose of casual dating is to determine if this person is someone you want to have a “serious” or "exclusive relationship" with. Casual dating does not mean having sex with every person you have dinner with. It means taking things one-step at a time and allowing them to unfold naturally. Dating is an “exploratory” process.

Jumping into a (one on one) dating situation right off the bat is like job hunting by sending out (one resume at a time) waiting to see if that company will interview you and eventually hire you BEFORE you send out another resume to a different company. Realistically you can't determine if he or she is "the one" until after you get to know them and that takes time. Be yourself and encourage him to do the same.

No one goes to a buffet breakfast/dinner and stops only at the first station for their meal. The vast majority of us walk around and check out all the stations before we decide. Every "serious relationship" I have ever had began "casually" and evolved into something serious.

It's also a mistake to automatically assume that just because someone has gone out with you a couple of times they should take down their profile. Unless you have agreed to be exclusive you both should keep your options open. Trying to skip the “dating process” in order to get married can lead to regret. Dating is not a waste of time. Being married to the wrong person is.

“Measure twice and cut once” – Old carpenter’s saying

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Comments 54 comments

akune profile image

akune 4 years ago from Surrey, England, United Kingdom

I love the 'Measure twice and cut once' saying! Clear, easy to read article.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

akune, Thanks so much for stopping by to read my hub and post your comment. Rushing into a relationship often leads to mistakes. Unfortunately these days a lot of people aren't willing to invest the time it really takes to truly get to know someone. Thanks again for your comment!


Contrice 4 years ago

Excellent Hub. I agree with every one of your reasons.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Contrice, Thanks for dropping by and leaving your comment.


SJmorningsun25 4 years ago

Great advice. Thanks for sharing your wisdom! Voting up, interesting, and useful.


ama83 profile image

ama83 4 years ago from San Jose, CA

These are some good tips. Having married my husband off an online dating site, I can agree with all of your points.

I will point out that these tips come in handy for both men and women. I found guys making all of the same mistakes you listed here, so apparently these aren't just women's mistakes.

Thanks for the great hub!


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A.

Thanks for the great hub! These are excellent tips for meeting people, especially online.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

SJmorningsun25,ama83,and JenJen0703 - Thank you all for taking the time to read my hub and post your comments. That's one scary profile you have their JenJen0703! ha ha ha. Ama83 You are so right I believe men are probably making the same mistakes. (I wouldn't know of course):-)


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Good to know. We should not rush things...


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Lady_E, Thanks for stopping by and posting a comment. Unfortunately it's human nature to want to rush things. :-)


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Great way of looking at dating. If it's a buffet, I've been stuck in the salad section.... lol. I'll remember these words. Thank you for that.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

wonderful1, I appreciate your comment and your sense of humor! I think we've all been guilty of filling up at the first station at the "relationship buffet". It's too bad wisdom only comes with age and bad experiences!If only we could go back and talk to our younger selves!:-) Odds are we probably wouldn't have listened though! LOL


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

OMG, I wrote a blog about that exactly on Shine (advise I wish I had sooner in life). Yeah, you know what? We are the product of those bad experiences, and without them, would not be as wise (and awesome) had they not happened.

You are a cool dude. Thanks again.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

wonderful1, That's funny! I use to write for yahoo shine! It looks like they have changed their requirments. I thought I read something that stated they would "own" whatever blog you post. Thanks again for your comment. You're the cool one! (Living in Southern Caliornia). God sometimes I really miss it. (especially this time of year).


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Ha! I'm so confused with the new format, and my computer doesn't allow me to see comments (which are why I write there). Cheers to you, scorpio, have a great weekend! It's cold here now by the way (65 degrees, brrrr). LOL.


msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago

Someone thinking he was doing me a favor put up my email address for online dating..I have forgiven him..

I enjoyed your article..

“Measure twice and cut once” – Old carpenter’s saying


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

emsorensson, Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to post your comment. Clearly your friend had good intentions and wants to see you happy. The more options one has the more likely they are to find happiness. When it's all said and done, it's not where you meet but whom you meet that counts! Just make sure you invest the time to really get to know someone before becoming emotionally invested. Thanks again for your comment!


Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington

I have enjoyed online dating for several years. OK So I have not met Mr. Perfect For Me yet but I have met some great guys. I have many friends because of online dating. I think I could have avoided some of my initial mistakes had I read your article years ago. Thank you.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Mary Stuart, Thanks for stopping by and posting your wonderful comment. I believe we all have lessons we've learned the "hard way" (male or female) which can help others. Online dating has been getting a bad rap for years. Much of what goes wrong has to do with how we use it. At some point as we get older going out to nightclubs, joining social/hobbie clubs, meeting people through work, and counting on friends or family to introduce you to potential mates gets old. Online dating is a "proactive" way to take matters in your own hands. It also offers you a wider pool of options! Best of luck! :-)


faria_lupin profile image

faria_lupin 4 years ago from Dhaka, Bangladesh

great hub :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

faria_lupin, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

"photos showing your ex's hand resting on your shoulder"

Reading this line in your excellent Hub, reminded me of all those amazing pictures! Seeing pictures like that or any picture without having put the effort to bring out the best in you online, to me said a lot about the effort you would be willing to take in general.

The effort to make something work and to do something so simple as taking a good and decent picture of yourself. After all you're selling yourself in words and in photos.

I also like the wonderful sentence: "You are responsible for your choices."

Very true but very difficult to see for lots of people when they're in the middle of dating. You have to be quite clever and know yourself very well, before you realize, you're the one asking for trouble with players, liars and cheaters.

I remember a period in my single life, where I felt so attracted to the bad kind of guys, complaining afterwards they didn't treat me well. Luckily I changed and dated bad guys anyway. This time I had fun!

Gonna link your Hub to mine about Speeddating again! Makes a good add to the rest. Voted up and shared:-)


leenamartha profile image

leenamartha 4 years ago from USA

I have enjoyed online dating for several years. OK So I have not met Mr. Perfect For Me yet but I have met some great guys. I have many friends because of online dating. I think I could have avoided some of my initial mistakes..


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Escobana, Thanks again for your comment and vote up.

What makes online dating challenging for a lot of people is it is clearly (advertising). Most people aren’t comfortable with knowingly "competing".

They don’t know how to promote or sell their attributes. They are far more comfortable with (telling) others what they must have or want in order to be with (them)!

My take is, be grateful for any information you can gleam from a profile that would cause you to say “ah NO!” LOL! Very few people can knowingly become involved with "bad boys" or "bad girls" without getting emotionally burned.

leenamartha, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. When I was doing online dating I had fun with it as well and enjoyed it very much. In fact I had two very serious relationships that lasted up to 7 years. The people we meet online are the same ones go to the grocery store, movies, malls, beaches, nightclubs and even churches. People just have to use the same commonsense they would with meeting any stranger.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Escobana, I also added your hub link on Speed Dating to this hub. Take care.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Super! Thanks so much for the etra link! Really appreciate it:-)


yoginijoy profile image

yoginijoy 4 years ago from Mid-Atlantic, USA

Great information here!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

yoginijoy, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. I actually included this hub in my book as well. "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany). Thanks again for your comment.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Interesting and practical read. I like the points you raised and hope people take your advice. Nice to see you mentioned Escobana. She is one of my favourite Hubbers. Cheers.

Ps. I just scrolled up and noted that I was here 7 months ago. lol. but I'll just carry on and leave a new comment and rate it up again. It was refreshing to read. :-)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Lady_E, Thanks again for your (second) comment on this hub! :-) I actually included this hub in my book, "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) in the workbook section. By the way the book is also available on Amazon in the U.K. ha ha ha http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cat-Wont-Bark-Relationship...


cbpoet profile image

cbpoet 4 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

dashingscorpio, Some good tips for online dating. I particularly enjoyed the phrase, "Dating isn't a waste of time. Being married to the wrong person is."


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

cbpoet, Thanks so much for stopping by and posting your comment!

I've gotten some really good feedback on this hub I decided to add it to my own website. http://lovealert911.com/

Thanks again for your comment.


brittvan22 profile image

brittvan22 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

NICE HUB, I AGREE WITH YOU!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

brittvan22, I'm glad to see we agree on someting! lol

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to post a comment.


viveresperando profile image

viveresperando 3 years ago from A Place Where Nothing Is Real

lol found it interesting and got a few giggles out of it too! Enjoyed reading this.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

viveresperando, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment! There is a humorous side to most things we do in life. :-)


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida

I like your voice and the information you provide. I was 'blessed' with a subscription as a gift by a friend dropping major hints...

Her purpose is to have me make friends but my objection was that the initial impression on any of these sites is not one of friendship. The expectation is more... and currently I am out of stock on 'more' besides I never went around looking for love when I was blessed with it.

Anyway, nice read. Thank you.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

Moms-Secret, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. You're correct. Most people create online profiles in the hope of meeting someone romantically. If someone were strictly looking to cultivate new friendships with people that have simlar interest I would suggest they check out www.meetup.com

These meetup groups are all over the country. I myself belong to a writers group and also a meditation group. However there are groups that meet for just about every hobby or interest there is from "Wine Enthusiasts" to book clubs, to Suburban Mommies, to sailing...etc


beckysue33 profile image

beckysue33 3 years ago from Appleton

this was a great article. I learned lots from it!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

beckysue33, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. I also included this article in my book. "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany).

Online dating often gets a bad rap mainly because people don't use commonsense nor do they trust themselves to choose the right people to meet and under the right circumstances. The Internet is just another "tool" for meeting new people. These same people go to the movies, nightclubs, beach, park, grocery store, mall, or church. And yet if someone met you at one of these places instead of online they would think differently of you. Before there were online dating sites we had liars, cheaters, and dangerous people. The Internet did not invent these people. :-)


destiny17 profile image

destiny17 3 years ago from Florida

Thank you for the advice. Very informative.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

destiny17, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. I look forward to reading your continuing online dating exploits! :-)


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 3 years ago from Toronto, Canada

I quite agree with you. I don't think we are really skillful in online dating yet, but with practice we all can get better.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

kallini2010, I appreciate you stopping by and posting your comment. I think over the next 10 -20 years online dating will lose some of it's negative bias. There will always be people that use it to take advantage of others but the vast majority of people aren't looking to scam others out of money. Everyone may not be looking to get married or have a monogamous life either. However that is the case no matter how you meet people.

Each us of just has to stick to (our own shopping list) and (weed out) those who are not the right fit for us much like a company does when they interview potential candidates. Unfortunately a lot people lack the patience to (truly get to know) someone before they become emotionally invested in them. When they get hurt they blame the website instead of themselves for (their choice) from the website.


sandy280 profile image

sandy280 2 years ago from East Coast

Well written, great advice! Having done online dating for over a year, I speak from first-hand experience, including the wrong things to write in a profile. I've removed my profile from the public's view for now. I truly was exhausted from talking to so many men who made me realize that all of them lie about something -- weight, age, height, relationship status, etc. And, I was not finding this out until I met them in person. It's hard to look at their "current" photo and agree with them that it's current! So, if you really want to meet someone and establish a lasting relationship -- be honest on all fronts. Oops, see there I go listing the things I want in Mr. Right. lol But, it is true -- as you have stated in your Hub -- about the mistakes we've made in online dating. Thanks for writing this invaluable Hub.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

sandy280, Thanks for taking the time to read and post a comment!

Over the years I have met several happy couples who met online and a few that went on to get married. I highly recommend it as (one) tool for singles to connect with one another in addition to joining Meetup.com which is a site for various groups of people with similar interest to meet and socialize. It's not specifically for singles but there are singles in just about every group. Groups range from wine tasting, hiking, theatre goers, yoga, meditation, book clubs, dancing, writers, and single mixers. I've found some people HATE the dating process period. I remind them:

"Your subconscious mind will never allow you to succeed at anything you despise." Dating is also supposed to be fun!

Right now I'm offering my "Avoid the Catfish: How to Date Online Successfully" class manuscript at no charge on my website. http://lovealert911.com/


Kristina Pitts profile image

Kristina Pitts 2 years ago from Greenville, SC, USA

Wow! You actually did more research. Great job.


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 20 months ago from Home Sweet Home

don't reveal your true self

Don't reveal your occupation and salary

Don't reveal your location

better to know each other before go for real


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 20 months ago Author

peachpurple, Yes, for security reasons it's best to (gradually) give strangers information about yourself especially if you are a woman.

Building trust takes time!


Nancy M Jenkins 13 months ago

Nice tips! Oh and by the way. Well in my boyfriends eyes and mine that is perfect for us specially since we have handicaps and disabilities and to us that is the basics and other personal desires, but that's all we need, plus we have been together for so many years and still going strong. So to us that is are perfect love life. Thank you for your feedback have a nice day!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 13 months ago Author

Nancy, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment.

Best wishes!


Nancy M Jenkins 13 months ago

dashingscorpio. Your welcome! And thank you!


Ngozi Ebubedike profile image

Ngozi Ebubedike 3 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria

Good advice, it reminded me of my experiences with men on date sites. Most men there believe most of the woman on such sites are "desperately" in search of a man to settle down with or have an exclusive relationship with.

It's good to know what you want and take your time before you decide.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 months ago Author

Ngozi, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment.

At the end of the day each of us gets to (choose) who we engage with, share our contact information with, and spend our time with.

We are responsible for having our own "screening/selection process."

Too often people using online dating sites tend to forget this!

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