How to Get Over a Long-Term Relationship in 8 Steps



Being in a relationship is great. Loneliness rarely sets in, because you always have someone to spend the day with or talk to when you need to vent. You experience new things with this person, like seeing plays, going to concerts, traveling, exploring new restaurants and shops, etc. You can also learn from this person by conversing and challenging each other to understand different ideas and philosophies. Oh, and there’s sex! Who doesn’t love sex? Wow, so being in a relationship sounds great, and on paper, it is. However, in reality, relationships aren’t as bulletproof. You’ll argue about trivial nonsense like where to eat, or what movie to watch. Relationships are complicated and stressful, so failure is always a great possibility. Now, no one wants a healthy relationship to end; unfortunately, we don’t always get what we want. Like the famous saying goes: “all good things, must eventually come to an end.”

Dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship is always a tough thing to overcome, especially if it is a “long-term” relationship. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist; hell, I have no professional qualifications at all. But what I do have is experience, and let’s be honest, that’s all that really matters. That being said, the following information is from personal experience of getting over a 3-year relationship, and following each step word-for-word will not work for everyone. Hopefully, though, the information (if approached with the ability to adapt your situation) will help some of you get over your recently ended long-term relationship.

Step One: Accept the Truth

Honestly, there are many things that can act as a catalyst in ending a relationship. Cheating, lack of communication, or just plain boredom; it doesn’t really matter where the relationship went wrong though, you’ll only drive yourself insane trying to rework the timeline attempting to pin the exact moment in which everything fell apart. Instead, take a deep breath and swallow the truth. That’s step number one: accepting that it’s over. This will be the hardest step for most people, as optimism naturally takes over when the relationship ends. You’ll try to get the person back, hanging onto the notion that there may be a chance he/she will take you back. Let go. The quicker you accept the truth, the quicker you’ll get over him/her and start dating again.

Step Two: Be With a Friend

The worst thing you can do after a relationship ends is become a recluse. You see it in the movies all the time (typically romantic comedies). The protagonist is lying in bed, sulking over his broken heart. His friends then burst into the room, usually throwing back the curtains to let light into the depressing, dark room and fingering through the protagonist’s filthy food scraps and unkempt belongings. The friends say something like: “c’mon dude, you gotta get out of this funk, it’s been a week”. The protagonist retaliates, “just leave me alone”, and pulls the sheets over his head. The friends then drag him out and eventually the protagonist finds his next love. If you have friends this dedicated to you, then consider yourself lucky. For the rest of us, we have to be the ones to instigate a “hang out” with our friends, because they have lives too. Also, when you tell someone to leave you alone in real life…they usually do. So be a big boy/girl and call a friend to spend time with you.

When I was getting over my relationship, (has now been two years since it ended) I had a friend who spent the night at my house for the whole summer. We played video games, watched movies and TV, talked, and even went on a road trip. We’ll get to all that later though. Point is, my friend was there for me and I can even say that the relationship I have with said friend has improved because of it.


Step Three: Do Something

This step ties into the second one. Make sure you find something to do. Let me clarify that this step is mostly for times when you are alone. What I did was: watched movies, played lots of video games, listened to my MP3 player, and read a bunch of books. I would leave my house (a good idea), take my laptop and headphones and my kindle and chill at Barnes and Noble for the entire day. During the duration of my mourning period I occupied my time by occupying my mind. Of course, hanging out with a friend is a great way to take your mind off of the relationship and your ex., but they have lives too and can’t spend every waking minute consoling you. So, do anything, as long as it’s not you just sitting in your room browsing the internet.

Step Four: Work On/Learn Something

Similar to step three, this step requires you to get up and do something. Where it differs though, is what you are doing. Step three gets your mind off of your ex and the relationship being over, but it allows you to do unproductive things for the sake of healing. Step four is different in that you should do things considered “productive”. I took the time to write (wish I had worked on hubs) and to learn how to play piano. I also took up the hobby of paper crafting. So do something productive, like writing, learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, or taking up a hobby.

Step Five: Workout

Exercising is not only good for your body, but for your mind. It has been proven to make you more focused and energized. Having focus and energy will help you become motivated to do things like in step four. Plus, if you are already out of shape, then exercising will help you tone that body so when you ARE ready to get back to dating, you’ll have a more desirable physical appearance.


Step Six: Go On Vacation

This step may not be possible for some of you. If money is tight, or if you’re young and don’t have a job, then this step may not be too useful. For those who can spare the cash, take a mini-vacation. You don’t have to fly off to Hawaii or Italy or somewhere eccentric like that. During my recovery, I went on a road trip with my dad and friend. Just us three guys. We traveled west from North Texas towards California. Along the way we stopped at the Grand Canyon, went on the Sandia Peak tram in New Mexico, rode the thrill rides on top of The Stratosphere in Las Vegas, and then went to Disney Land and hung out with my aunt, uncle, and mom (she met us there) in California. It’s easily the best vacation I’ve been on. Even my vacation was a bit much, and may be unrealistic for the majority of people reading this. So maybe just head to another city? Like if I traveled down to San Antonio (once again, I live in North Texas) and hung out on The River Walk. You don’t have to blow lots of money to escape and have a good time.

When a relationship ends, it’s hard to give complete, undivided attention to work and school. Sometimes you need to shake loose and enjoy life.

Step Seven: Take a Break

Different than going on vacation, this step encourages you to take a break from dating. A common mistake people make after being dumped is to date someone immediately after. That’s a no-no. Don’t make someone your rebound, that’s never nice. Instead, take a break to reflect on yourself. Spend time working on bettering your life through your hobbies, your schooling, your career or whatever else. Stay away from dating, because there are too many things that can go wrong from that. You could annoyingly bring up your ex to your new partner, causing them to question your sanity and attraction to them. If your ex cheated on you, then you will most likely have trust issues with the new girlfriend/boyfriend (I’m guilty of this). So just take a break. You don’t have to wait a whole year like I did before getting back into the dating scene, but at least give it a few months.

Step Eight: Change Your Life

I purposefully left this step for last. I should note here that these steps don’t have to be followed in any order, with the exception of the first step. In fact, these steps shouldn’t really be “steps” at all. You should continue doing all of them simultaneously or interchangeably until you have reached an emotional state you are satisfied with. With that being said, I believe this final step is the MOST important step, hence why I saved it for last. It’s going to sound a bit harsh, a bit drastic, but I promise it is necessary.

The last thing you need to do is change your life. This can mean almost anything, and will differ from person to person, but one thing should always be done. Get rid of your ex’s stuff. Throw away the pictures, videos, notes, presents, etc. or at least hide them away. You cannot completely move forward if you are clinging to the past. Also, I’ve never met someone who was comfortable with their significant other having things from their previous relationships. It’s unhealthy and stubborn. Why would you want to hold onto memories of a failed relationship? I mean, sure, there were good moments in the relationship, but the very fact that it ended means that those memories were outweighed by the bad. Like the movie 500 Days of Summer, if you just stop focusing on all the good times from the relationship, you’ll remember all the bad ones.

Next thing to do is get rid of your ex. Wait a minute, that makes no sense…I mean, we are already broken up, right? Wrong. In today’s internet driven age, most people never really get rid of their ex. They keep them as friends on Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Pinterest, Myspace, even HubPages! This usually happens because both parties agree to “still be friends”. Don’t do this! Get rid of him/her. You will only hurt yourself by pretending that you can still be friends. I know it sounds mean, but you’ll regret it when he gets a new girlfriend and floods his Facebook with pictures of them kissing and loving each other or bombarding his “wall” with status updates about how awesome the new girl is (the alternative applies for guys as well).

Protect yourself. Stop worrying about him/her. If in the future you decide you can be friends, then go ahead (unless your new partner has an issue, which is entirely understandable), but during the healing process, it’s best to shut them out entirely.

Also, if you are young and can afford to find a new part-time job, then do so. A nice change of scenery and routine will help cast the illusion that things are better. It is an effort to move forward in life and your major changes to your job and circle of friends will help motivate you to become the person you want to be.

Oh yeah, building off of what I just said, you should also find new friends. Now hold on! Before you call bullshit and close your internet browser, hear me out. If you have friends that are exclusively your friends, who will stick by YOU and not your ex, then keep them. However, if you had mutual friends, then you might want to consider distancing yourself from them. After all, your friends won’t be courteous enough to plan out every “hang out” so that you and your ex aren’t invited to the same event. Not saying that they are bad friends, just that it is not their obligation to ensure this doesn’t happen. How awkward would that be to get invited to a party, movie, or some other event by one of your friends, only to run into your ex when you arrive? Remember, you can always find new friends. And the ones that can’t choose you over the ex are probably not worth being friends with anyways.

Which step sounds the most effective to you?

  • Step One
  • Step Two
  • Step Three
  • Step Four
  • Step Five
  • Step Six
  • Step Seven
  • Step Eight
See results without voting


So there you go. Some tips on how to get over a long-term relationship. Once again, not all of these will work for everyone. You have to choose which ones feel most natural to you. Maybe you don’t want to get a new job, that’s fine. Maybe you really do want to be left alone, that’s okay too. Just remember that all things heal in time. These tips are meant to act as time-consumers to alleviate the pain of the ended relationship. So, cheer up, because there really are plenty of fish in the sea. And I know it hurts now, but eventually you will look back at all of this and laugh.

When my three year relationship ended I was devastated. It took me about two months to get over her, and an additional eight months to find a new girlfriend. But that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for not having a girlfriend or boyfriend. Instead, brace the opportunity to work on yourself. Make new friends, work on personal goals, and play some damn video games guys! It takes work to be happy, to get over that long-term relationship, but when you finally do…you’ll wish it would happen again. No I’m just kidding! But honestly, at least you will be wiser from your experiences and you’ll know how to handle it if/when it happens again. And if you can’t recall the steps, you can always reread this hub! :)

Also, be sure to leave comments below if you have any additional tips you wish to share. And as always, feel free to follow me, and leave some feedback. Enjoy!

© 2012 Blake J Rudy

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Comments 79 comments

unique 4 years ago

I didn't brake up with my partner yet, but I feel that there is a third party invading our relationship. The reason why I'm reading this is because just in case it happens that we brake up because I found out about everything that is going on, its not going to be as hard. I been with my boyfriend for about 8 years and it sadden me that after everything we build up this had to happen now. If what I suspect is true than I would definitely reread this over and over until I get it.

Cougrl12 3 years ago

Thank you for this article! My boyfriend dumped me tonight after 10 wonderful months...I guess it wasn't meant to be. I really like these tips and will be employing them in the near future! Thanks again!

Kallie! 3 years ago

Me and my boyfriend just broke up! we were dating for 3 years! I feel like i'll never be happy again! but this gave me some hope! thanks!

liam 3 years ago

i don't even want to live anymore what's the point i have no mates i put everything i ever had into her then she goes of with some other guy my lifes shitty

lucy 3 years ago

2 months to get over a gf??? You are really a guy. Thanks for the info. I just wish pp would have more feelings. yes, Im a girl so that's why Im kinda screwed biologically.

netslums profile image

netslums 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas Author

As time goes on, and you date more people, it becomes easier to let go. I'm not being a "guy", I'm just being human. Besides, it depends on how the girlfriend/boyfriend treated you during the relationship. Things are not always so black and matter how badly we want them to be.

Kyle 3 years ago

I just got out of a 3 year long relationship myself, I really hope I can use the steps in your article to my advantage, right now I am devastated. I forget how to be "one" I feel like I don't even know who I am, so much of my time was spent trying to make her happy I forgot how to be happy with myself. I think the worst part is I don't have any close friends and haven't been around my family in years. So I guess I'll have to rebuild that relationship and meet new ppl. I hope this is all for the best

netslums profile image

netslums 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas Author

It's always for the best. I'm not a religious person, but I have always believed that things happen for a reason. Maybe it's just the effect of 20/20 hindsight talking, but when you look back on this relationship later, you'll smile and that empty pit feeling will no longer be there and wherever you are in life at that moment will be the new you, and it will feel right. I think reconnecting with your family and making new friends is a brilliant idea. Just don't give up, it always gets better. :)

Alicia 3 years ago

Just got out of a 5 year relationship and im really a wreck. This gave me some type of hope. Thank you very much.

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benashiraz 3 years ago from Nowhere

Somebody just dumped me tonight, and I'm crying like a helpless child since that jackass broke up with me. We've been together for 4 years. He had always criticized my personality and my looks. I really don't know where to run away. Your article gave me some hope. But I'd like to mention one thing, that girls go through more when they're dumped or they break up with someone they actually really loved (Unless they're happy leaving the guy). The brain cells of males replace themselves more quickly than they do in females. The memory cells are renewed and the male is then joyful and starts to move on. Your article gave me a ray of hope. You wrote very beautifully. I'm gonna follow you. I'm new here. Thanks a lot (:

Dan 3 years ago

I have just come out of a 10 year relationship and 2 children later. I am devastated beyond belief. Everything i look at, anywhere i go is a harsh memory of moments with my family. I relocated 100 miles to be closer to my children to find out 4 days together with my ex and the children has brought back all the happy times together. 10 years and i feel well and truly broken. I want my life back but she is moving on with hers. Ive gone from a happy strong relationship down to nothing at all. I had the work, the car, the house, everything materialistic item you could to make you happy and now I live in a bedsit in a town that i don't really know and no one around. Im tired of feeling like im living with a broken heart. Im 35 and feel so lost its hard work. Im surrounded by people who i don't know and my ex wont speak to me or contact me anymore. I try calling and no answer, Ive tried everything i can to make her come back but nothing works. Ive just taken a read of your suggestions and i'll try a few once i find my motivation again. Heartbreak is hard and long term relationships are seriously difficult to get over.

Jo 3 years ago

What if I can't get over step 1? I don't think I can accept the truth, I mean my boyfriend and I always had problems that led to a break up but we always end up fixing them... why can't we fix it this time too ? it's only been a week . I don't think I'm ready yet though he's not talking to me now, but how can I let a 4 year relationship just end ?

netslums profile image

netslums 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas Author

It is subjective how much time one should wait before moving on.

I don't want to give you any false hope, but my current girlfriend and I went through a stressful time in our relationship where we eventually broke up. However, after about 2 weeks (during which we still talked to each other briefly through texts) we decided that the break up was stupid, that we were just stressed about other things (i.e. job, money, school, etc.) so we got back together. It has now been a year since that time and we are still together and happier than we have ever been.

So, I guess, don't give up hope...but be prepared to move on. It's like the old saying: "expect the best, prepare for the worst".

I hope that helps, and thank you for reading my hub, I hope it can give you what you need. :)

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bydojo 3 years ago from Romania

Really good stuff ...

I had 5-6 months between my first 2 breakups (am with mister no.3 since 2002). Just as you said, while I wasn't mourning (wanted the breakup just as the guys did), having friends to take me out and keep me from staying at home was a great thing. They really helped a lot in the first days.

I am still friends with my ex-es, meaning we say Hi, if we meet on the street. We don't meet otherwise and we haven't kept in touch. It's better to cut the cord when the wounds are still fresh, it helps both parties move on faster.

Karen 3 years ago


First, thanks for the tips, its will probably be very helpful. I just broke up with my bf after 5 years relationship.. After all the fight and useless discussions, I am doing what seems to be the best thing for both of us.. But how do you know that you are taking the right decision?? Its really hard as I lost my mom 4 years ago and now I'll have to go through a mourning process again!!! I don't where to stand in all this. Its like i'm losing a part of me for the second time!! Do you have any advice by any chance?? Is it normal to feel desperate and torn apart?? The thing is we've been living together for 1 and 1/2 year + I still have feelings for him but we just can't live together and answer to each other's need. I need to get my stuff back this week. Its been a week since I left my ex home?? It is too early?? Thank you in advance for you advice.

Jessica 3 years ago

Thank you for your article! Just recooperating from a 4 year relationship... i agree with all you said! Will do!

3 years ago

Thank you so much for writing this article. I was in a 3.5 year relationship and although it was great, it took a downward turn and I had to get out of it. I have been hurting and feeling lonely and trying to do new things to help and focus on myself but your advice helped even more. Now I feel motivated and inspired, something I have had trouble feeling lately. God bless you, I hope you write more.

kyle 3 years ago

well 5kids 14years later its finally over . Although it hurts undesirably i felt that it was bound to goin to use each step that was given and through prayer hopefully my broken heart will be mended

Lorraine 3 years ago

Broke up after 8 years together after being lied to on numerous occasions, I feel I have wasted all this time and any plans we had made were just a lie devastated and really don't know what to do or who I am anymore

B.Josette 3 years ago

After 3 years of something wonderful. We broke up for the last time. And I feel like this is it. We were so use to each other, and I really thought we were meant to be I never met someone who accepted me for me and who accepted my weirdness and who I could be myself around. We both accepted the break up and even though I asked if we could try to work It out the fights and problems got to him well both of us I guess. He told me his feelings faded. And honestly I don't feel as devastated as I did during the first split. So I feel like my feelings faded in a way also. I feel good and I feel like a great weight has been lifted off of me. It sucks still but I will follow what you said in this article because even tho he meant a lot I don't think I would want the relationship back I guess I just gave up :/ but that's not a bad thing and if it's meant to be I guess it will find a way.

YiA180605-210913 3 years ago

After 8 years our time has come too.. You said that after all if you've come to this, it means that the bad moments prevailed; Im not sure though, it could be a combination of bad moments leading up to the break up. My gf lost her dad 4 months ago, since then we've been spending less time together (something very understandable). The combination of that together with the fact that I was a lonely person with not many friends to keep me occupied with at moments when we couldn't be together, brought strains to our relationship. We both love each other (I speak for her as I felt her love). As quite rightly you mentioned in your article above, time heals everything. Im trying to explain this to her before it's too late. I love everything about her, her name, looks, character, the way she giggles, when she's being silly, when she is right or wrong, I love her with every bit of me. I am 100% sure that we could make things work. She thinks we can't and she is willing to take the risk for something new. I will respect this if that's what she wants and I will try to follow your steps above. Thanks.

Nichelle 3 years ago

Thank you. I even thought you were a girl cause everything just makes sense. You were right 1st thing that you should do is to accept the reality. I know its hard for anybody to move on when you've invested a lot with each other. But life move's on. You can't stay with the grief for a long just because your hurt or whatever. Everybody gets hurt but we have to accept the fact that this hurt doesn't last forever. Give yourself time to heal the wounds a month,4 weeks,a year or whenever your ready.Your life wont stop with a single person,you also have a life of your own. So move on and be happy. Someone deserves you better than your past does. Think and cherish everything wonderful or bad that happened with you. But make sure to leave it in the past because memories like those doesn't deserve on your present. God is keeping the best one for you. Carpe diem'!

Lost and shattered 3 years ago

My husband and I have separated after 29 years the pain in my heart and chest is unbearable sometimes I can't even breathe! I've lost my husband my friend my lover I have spent my life idolizing him and I treasure every memory I can't stop thinking thinking it goes on and on I am already suffering depression and anxiety now I feel completely insane. How can I go out and enjoy anything I went to a movie with a friend and felt guilty for been out! I miss his smell his touch his voice everything I know everything you've said is right I must accept this is my life now I'm terrified I've lived with my mother until I was 17 and then lived with my husband I've never lived alone ever! How do you stop that pain that shoots through your chest the hopelessness I want to go to bed and never wake up! It does help to read everyone's stories it's hard in the real world when everyone's saying oh your lucky your free now you can do whatever you wasn't! What I want is my life back! They then go home to their husbands I don't begrudge them that but I want my husband to come home to! I pray I get the strength to get through this I know I've lost my beautiful husband and I miss him every minute.

yz 2 years ago

This article will be very useful to me moving forward. I was in a relationship for 9 years with my ex gf. We met as hs senors and she was coming off of a break up herself at the time. We took things slowly and became friends and then began dating. It would always be times were i felt she never got over her ex that she was with before we got together. Little things would lead to arguments and every so often his name would come up over the years. we were able to finally(I thought) get over a lot of our issues including him and we became best friends. it was her and i against the world and the years just rolled by. then around our 9th anniversary and talk of marriage she began to fill uneasy. i also had begun having health issues so the timing was awful. she ends up running into her ex at a work event and they hit it off. she comes back to tell me what happen since we always share everything and that the feelings she has make her scared to get married. she says she needs some time and takes a weekend away. while away she ends up sleeping with him and coming back to me in a heap of sadness, embarassment, and shame. he reminded her of why they brokeup before and now she threw everything we had away to realize that. now i can't even breathe at times when i think about what happen. the truth of what happened is so surreal it enrages me but im trying to keep it together. we still live together too which doesn't help. i know i need to do better following some of these rules you stated but we are locked into a brand new lease that neither of us can afford to break. im losing my mind now and am ashamed to admit i still want her back. we have a vacation coming up that we have planned for years and i don't know how this is going to work. im in serious pain now with no sign of relief in sight. thanks for this article as it may help.

marcia 2 years ago

Just ended a 2 and half year relationship and I feel good. Well sometimes. Got tired of the lies and the cheating. I really loved this guy, sacrficed so much for him and all I got were lies. I only cry and hurt when I'm alone and feel good when I'm around other people. I cry because it devastates me that I wasted 2 years of my life making excuses for him. I changed as a person and became insecure and bitter.

It was time to move on. I thank The Almighty God that I finally got the strength to leave.

Liked the post... Very practical.

Gia 2 years ago

My guy and I broke up last 3weeks ago. Our relationship lasted for almost 4 years and I am really having a hard time on letting go of him, though I was the one who broke up with him. I just felt like our relationship was nothing good anymore. No one cheated. I just got bored? I don't know. He's my first love, soI have no idea on how to move on. Thank you so much for this article. Few but very helpful tips.

2 years ago

Relationships arent hard. Thres no perfect guy or girl. To me ur in or out.grass greener in the other side? Nope just mre grass to mow diff set of probs. Ltr's thyre worth something an thy do count. N/c is best thy knw wht thy did wrong (guys&girls) hope thy come to their senses. If not thy deserve what thy get. Hurtful absolutely. Sme point the 'new' relationship(?) Wl hve issues jst the one u wre in. Pray work on urself bop them outa ur mind work on that. I know 5yr ltr nvr actually said wre done to my face its bn 4days n/c. Frm my end i stayed consistent loving nt a doormat jst being me...its awful i feel for evrybody :/

Ariel 2 years ago

The article and the tips are making me feel incredibly better. I broke up with my first love, a relationship that lasted 2 years of those we were constantly together and in the last pretty much living together. This really helped me, your steps are very accurate and your own experiences and those in the comments below really help me stay optimistic and hopeful for a less painful future. A future where I'm over him. Thank you!

Jammie 2 years ago

I've been out of my 3yr relationship for sometime now. We still love each other and still bestfriends but the thing is we had a talk the other day and she mad a decision to move on. The thing is we still want to be there for each other no matter what. We still want to be bestfriends. But I know she's not over me yet and I'm damn sure not over her. I want to know do anybody have any advice with this type of situation.

Desirea 2 years ago

Thank you. I was in a relationship for almost two years and our anniversary is April 19. I honestly just want that month to be over already. Lol but I know I'll get over this sooner or later. Thanks for the advise

Julie 2 years ago

My boyfriend dumped me two days ago, after a relationship of almost 4 years. We've been so happy for so long … the past half year we had less and less time together, which resulted in more arguments. He now told me that he's been wondering for months about our relationship and now decided there's no way back … I just don't understand why he wouldn't tell me before, so we could work on it … If you have loved someone for almost 4 years, you don't just walk out the door, do you? We also still have the contract for our apartment running until August … so we'll have to keep living together … I also can't start on removing the things that remind me of him .. it's everything. And 2 of our family members are married since a year … I just don't know how to move on … I know I have to … But I can't figure out how ...

Ty 2 years ago

Out of an 8 year long committed relationship. Thought I was going to marry the girl but she had different plans. It has been 9 months now and I still dream of her on a regular basis. All of "our" friends became her friends which made the lonely factor increase 10 fold but recently I have realized drugs (heroin) don't help but only make yourself less likely to find a new partner in life. Being that I am not in the same amazing physical shape that I was when we met, lowering my self esteem and making me less desirable with the opposite sex. I find it hard talking to women even though all i want is a sexy women that I can treat like a queen (not making it any easier finding a girl seeing as they seem to want ass holes at this age). I guess my point is that life seems pointless after a long relationship but it does get better. I read the steps here and sounds like what I have been doing the past few months and it does help. I like the steps and think every one who follows them should start to feel better after a little time. They say 1 year for every 5 years to get over a past love. I myself hope this is true and plan on waiting for the right girl for me.

Ching 2 years ago

Me and my boyfriend broke up last night, it was a 3 years and 6 months relationship. He was may first love, first in everything. I'm so depressed that every time i would end up crying since last night. I know someday, I'll eventually forget him. But now I really want to be with him again and I'm still waiting for his messages, and I want to text him and ask him to be with me again. I know I'm crazy but its so hard. Its my first broken heart. After reading this I think I'll try to move on now. :( I hope I can do it.

david 2 years ago

Just got out of a 3 year relationship. I accept the fact that were done. And I also accept the fact that it was my fault it ended. All of the arguing and my negativity killed us. Im one month into this break up and i feel emptier every day. I go to sleep thinking of her. So naturally I also dream of her. I wake up in the middle of the night only to grab empty sheets. And in the mornings its more like a cold sweat. I'm learning from my mistakes. I need to stop being so negative and appreciate what I have in front of me. Km actually on the greyhound back to Cali from a two week vacation from visiting my family in Oregon. I quit my job because when this all happened I couldn't focus and literally needed to get away. So I did. Ive pretty much done every step but get rid of small letters and I guess a bonfire will fix that for me. Thanks for the tips. You temporarily made me feel better. But its nice to know im not alone in this.

James f 2 years ago

Thanks man just got out of a two year relationship...

eastwestsidestory 2 years ago

Just want to share a saying, it goes like

"When I saw my ex is with another person, I felt like 'well, this was a dish I used to enjoy, but maybe it's not for me. I know how it tastes like. But I choose to not eat it any more.' "

melanie 2 years ago

I had a 8 year relationship, and was cheated on a few times. I stayed with my ex because I didn't want to lose him or who I was, but after 8 year I couldn't stay in it any longer and it ended. I spent 2 and a half year apart from him and dated 2 people in between this but still every now and again ended up talking to my ex, I never felt with anyone else what I had with him but maybe its because I was with him for so long. We then decided to give it another go and things were good for first few week until a family member told me she had slept with him whilst we had broken up. Even though we wasn't together it still hurt but I stayed with him since then we have not been very good which has resulted in him saying its over as he can not make me happy as theres been to much damage for me to get over. Maybe this is true all I know is that I feel alone and upset yet again I just don't know what to do. What if I never find anyone and feel what I used to for him? Its easy to say yea ul meet some one better but happy ever afters don't always exists apart from in Disney.

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netslums 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas Author

@Melanie - Sure, "happy ever afters" are a thing of cinema, but they DO exist, just not always the way you see them in the movies. Once you find the person that you love and who loves you back, you'll feel like its "happily ever after", and that's all that counts.

You will find someone, but it takes time. The key is to not be actively looking. Focus on yourself and things will just fall into place. Also, a guy who cheats on you is not a guy worth being with. There are many good guys out there and i'm sure you'll find one. Once you do, I doubt you could honestly tell yourself that your ex was better. Any guy who respects you and stays faithful will always be better than a guy who cheats.

Time heals all wounds. I honestly think all you need is some time. While you wait, focus on yourself. Make your own life better. Hang out with friends, travel, pick up a hobby, etc. Just get to know yourself better.

melanie 2 years ago

thank you. It does help keeping busy. I'm not actively looking just gonna get on with life in general. I'm sure theres men out there that don't cheat I've just met one yet. Good luck everyone x

Anonymous 2 years ago

This article Really made me few better and was a real eye opener. Those were really great tips and hope they work. Thanks tons.

Thissucks 24 months ago

I'm really grateful to you for writing this. I had been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and 7 months and for the last month he had been pulling away. Earlier today he just told me he didn't like me anymore and he didn't know why. It all came as a shock to me, really. I felt like I really poured my all into this relationship. I love him and I really tried to be the best person. At times it did feel like I put in more effort than he did. Now that its over it seems like I'll never move on from this, because it really was a sudden slap in the face. My family even invited his family over for thanksgiving. I'm glad I read this and I hope I can follow through with it.

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chaitanyasaivb 23 months ago from INDIA

Sometimes, we may have face some problems, being in a relationship. But, if we can solve those problems, with out hurting any one, we will able to continue our relationship, as long as we can. We must act according to the situations, we will be facing at that time. Because, if we lose any one now, there may exist no chance for us, to get them back, later.

Steve 23 months ago

My gf of 5 years just left. I am completely devastated as she was my best friend and we spent every waking hour together. We love all the same stuff and finish each others sentences as we are so in sync with each other.. No one cheated, or ever did anything wrong really. We just constantly bickered about stupid things that never should have been an issue in the first place. She was an angry person, and always felt like people were against her, including myself. I devoted my life to try and help her see that's not the case. Any argument we ever had should of been a 30 second discussion, but always turned into a 4 day shut down period for her. I felt so deeply sad for her that she felt she needed to do this all the time.. I never wanted to "fix" or "change" her, but I wanted to show her that life can be awesome if you just simply let it in. It deeply saddens me that I couldn't be that person to show her the consistent happiness that I know we could have had, as we occasionally did find it. I devoted my life to trying to make her happy, but was never good enough. I am feeling like a total failure and that my entire life has been taken away from me. The tips above are EXACTLY what should be done, and I wouldn't change anything about it, except that, it's always easier said than done.

hailey 21 months ago

Me and my boyfriend were high school sweet hearts. So we've done everything together from losing virginity, to our first prom together. But ever since we've went to college things have changed. He doesn't give me the respect and love I deserve anymore. It just hurts so bad because at one point we use to be eachother's everything. When you leave a relationship like that you honestly feel hopeless, like you just want to die. The sad thing is I really don't any close friends. I don't even know who I am anymore because I put him so ahead of myself so many times... What I need to do is find myself again, and make new friends. I will take these tips into consideration, thank you.

juan 21 months ago

I just got out of a 15 year relationship and 2 kids it suck but all the arguments and break ups . We broke up and got back together I enjoy spending time with my boys but it really hurts knowing I don't spend enough time with them I go out with them and all but just make me feel empty that she ain't there I keep telling my self that's it's ok and that I have to move forward and the bad part is that I still live with her for now because we are selling the house it sucks but it is time to move forward but eventually I'll get over her and here is a tip for reliving a little stress BATTING CAGES it's great plus you get out a little the harder you hit that ball the better I feel thanks for your advice

ryan 20 months ago

I just got out of a three year relationship and iv never been this devistated. Im completely heart broken and i feel like i failed myself. I tried and i tried and i guess i was never good enough. I hope i can follow this a little bit..

Hayley 20 months ago

Some of these comments remind me of 3 months ago...

I've just got out of a 2 year relationship, He was ripped, in a awesome job, nice car etc and at the time I didn't consider myself worthy. So you can imagine (no matter how shallow it appears) how hard it is to get over someone like that. I got cheated on multiple times and in the end he went off with and dare I say it a much better update (haha). At the time I was devastated I spent the first month crying myself to sleep and constantly texting/ringing him. All I achieved was a 300 pound phone bill.

I was guilty of shutting my friends out of my life when in a relationship, I called one of the girls and explained everything - of course she knew he was an arsehole already. Likewise, we spent about a month talking and staying over each others houses, This included many late night walks and 24 hour restaurants. It really helps!, loneliness is what will make it hard, get your family and friends around you. - I paid my phone bill, booked a holiday to Amsterdam, passed my driving test, got a awesome new car, booked to go and see the 6 nations on a mini vacation, live concerts, lost a lot of weight doing it all as well!

I've made so many new friends. I am so so happy. You soon realise that people appreciate all the qualities your other half took for granted. You'll realise you are special. You'll soon start seeing what a waste of time your other half was and the bad things will outweigh the good about them. The idiot I left behind spends his weekend fighting, drinking has lost all motivation in his life and it really motivates me, there really is no better revenge. I would never get in to a relationship again until I am completely over it.

Life is too short. I've now got the mind-set of if I was on my deathbed would I want to look back at my life and regret wasting so much of my life crying about this? You have to be strong, accept it's over and get out and live your life!

amachi 19 months ago

I just got out of an almost 3 year relationship. The last leg of the relationship was long distance. I never believed in long distance until i met her. I agreed to it because i thought she was worth it and we were supposed to eventually move in together(honestly, the whole setup with a long shot, in hindsight.) My friendships are not as strong as they were before I moved across the country for school about 4 years ago.

Currently, I am living back in my hometown with no one to turn to. I am super lonely, and it sucks! I am coming up on my 2 month break up-versary. Hopefully, I will be as over her by then but I doubt it. She wants to be friends and we are still in contact with each. I have been told to cut her off but i'm clearly an idiot.

Some of these steps however, will allow me to get my life together. Breakups really make you feel like a loser.

Kierstin Gunsberg profile image

Kierstin Gunsberg 18 months ago

Great advice! When my relationship of seven-years ended (some years ago, now) I was completely devastated. However, in taking up some random hobbies I'd always wanted to try (hula hooping, of all things) and making new friends that empty space that my relationship left became filled with much richer, colorful things over time. It's because that relationship ended that my life is so beautiful now! Sharing and voting up :)

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Venkatachari M 18 months ago from Hyderabad, India

Very useful article for those looking for means to get over broken relationships. Voted up.

Engelta profile image

Engelta 18 months ago from Albania

It's very important information thanks

Kevin 17 months ago

Ok I'm 13 yeah ok I'm young but I don't really care I loved this girl first month it was amazing!! But near the middle of of our 2 month it was getting bad. The first time she broke up was because of her period and she regretted it. The second one she wanted space and to think about life and all and our relationship. My good friends told me that she is not good for u she has to THINK!! About u and her which I thought well but I we went out again. Third time it was final and u know what really mess with my head? After talking for 2 days to this new guy she started dating... It took me 3 months to get her but 2 days for him to get her. My father said she replaced u and u mast do the same to show u r a man. But I don't want to be a man I want to love someone and not be a asshole. I want another view of my thoughts please someone give me why I'm crying over something I don't understand

Jessica 17 months ago

I recently broke up with a man I had been with for 5 years. He had left me twice before, and was never very good at comforting me in times of need. He truly broke my heart. He is a nice person, but he was emotionally distant and disconnected. It was clear I loved him more than he loved me, as I still do. Every day is a struggle, and I have never felt so alone. I moved for him, started a new life; for him. I lost friends, pets, family, and careers all on the premise of the promises he made me about being there for me.

It has been 2 months, and I still feel just as devastated as day 1. I have to start my whole life over, as he has kept our home, animal, friends, and life. I lost everything, and he lost nothing. I find myself bitter with him, he let me down on the deepest of levels. He was supposed to be my best friend;... my everything. So many promises he made, he had no intention of keeping. He wakes up every day just fine, has fun, and lives his life. There were years whereI supported the both of us, while he struggled to find his place... I truly feel used. No amount of my expressed frustration has made him realize how I feel, as I truly feel he is devoid of the ability to car enough to understand.

I now sit here with no idea what I am going to do with my life. I gave up everything for us, as I saw him as my soul mate. A huge misconception, and some willful ignorance on my part.

In the end, I know he didn't deserve who I was for him. He didn't appreciate it, or me at all. I still struggle with the fact I deserved him, and he never really fully gave himself to me. It makes me angry he can just throw away something that literally meant the world to me.

I appreciate this article, as it truly speaks to the depths of how I feel right now in this moment. I would love nothing more than to wake up tomorrow above water and ahead of his betrayal. I am SO ready to get over this, and to feel whole again without him. I'm pinning this article, and look forward to the day where I can read what I am posting in peace. Right now I cannot see it, but I know I will feel it one day. I have to cling to that until then.

Jonathan 17 months ago

My girlfriend of 6 years split up with me last month. My struggle is that I am finding it so hard to accept its over. We have come through so much more and do much worse in the past. The hard part is that it is my fault, not being there enough I suppose. But she has completely cut me out of her life. Not even given me the chance to say goodbye. I have tried everything to get her back. But I just feel lonely, lost, confused, I cry all the time to the point I am extremely upset but no more tears will come out. I love this girl with all my heart. I can not get past step 1?!?!

Luke 16 months ago

thanks for this, just needed some guidance to help me. Still difficult and have some really bad days but keeping busy and trying to look at positives in your life is the best way to follow these steps. I hope everyone on here that needs help with break ups can find these steps useful and enjoy the life they have, even if it is hard right now.

Big shout out to the author B.J.Rudy for writing this and giving people the help they need in bad times like these



Bubblegum12 16 months ago

Just ended a 8 year relationship,it was all my fault.I abused him emotionally I admit that,I'm getting help now and the steps will be extra help,I hope he's happy.Im not to miserable,I have more guilt than anything else obviously I didn't really love him if I abused him,at least that's what they tell me.I left him because I knew he deserved better,he's a really good person.I miss him,but you reap what you sow.

Mo 15 months ago

I can tell difference between a woman's comment and the man comment it's easier for men to find a mate because he is the one to find a mate for women they have to be found and that is what takes the women longer in the hardship longer until find until f you do different things you change things women change their hair style their clothes and maybe even some of the friends they hang out with but the ultimate thing is that one out of 8or 10 is that the woman always have to wait for the man to approach and if a woman approach and then the title of being a woman is diminished

Eric 15 months ago

These steps are great advice! I know 1 year and 8 months doesn't compare to all of these other breakups, but she was the one for me. It sucks how much you can take out of a relationship that you messed up in. I drove her away from me with jealousy, envy, and just plain ol being irrational. The only reason I was like this is because I have been cheated on in previous relationships. But that doesn't make it right because she was the one for me, we both saw and extremely bright future together. So my advice is anyone out there trying to work on their relationships, just trust don't let stupid things get to you and wrap your head up with crazy cenerios, love your partner with all your heart and don't restrict them from making memories with other people. Let them live let them breathe the only way to let these things work is freedom, because at the end of a hard worked day who doesn't want to come back home to here loved one and relax. I know I sure as hell do, so please take This advice it'll only help you and your loved one grow together. It's been 5 days since we split and I can't help but to constantly blame myself. Don't do this just like in step one except reality. She is completely done with me but I still give myself false hope because what we had was truly amazing. Don't push your loved ones away, think rationally because you never know when it might happen. To me it was a week after we moved in together. So my world has recently come crashing down. The forum has helped me think out side the box, although in the past five days I have starting taking some of these steps. It's just so hard because I'm not willing to let her go. Of course I got the famous "we can still be friends", for what reason torture and suffering? No thanks... I hope whoever reads this can take something out of this and not make the same mistakes that I so terribly regret making.

jenny 15 months ago

After 10 years together, 6 married, he just shut me out of his life. He doesn't speak to me and when he does it is to criticize me. I hate being stuck in this house with him but I don't have money to leave. I hide in the bedroom as I don't what to listen to his sharp tongue. I moved to another country for him.

Alex 15 months ago

Just got out of a 3 and half year relationship a week ago. She's already off with a new guy.

i'm hoping these steps will help, thank you.

rishi 14 months ago

i feel terrible going out of 6 year long relationship

Nb 14 months ago

It's been a week since my boyfriend and I agreed to take a break from each other after 5 years and some months together. And i know, it's only taking a break, well i could already feel that his feelings towards me is diminishing little by little. The hardest part of this whole situation is constantly thinking about him. Everything I do and every step I make, he's is my mind. I want to so bad to try telling him thay i cant do it anymore and i want him back but I know that I will get rejected because he is very certain about this taking a break thing. It's really hard to sleep and just go on my day. I guess that's because i am still holding on to that hope. And i deeply want to know how I can take that hope of us being together again away from my mind.

abc 14 months ago

I was in 4.9 year long relationship..and now I found out he was dating another girl in college for last three years..but in these years he always took care of me like a baby and loved me always..what do i do? I still cant accept the truth that he was cheating on me..he still says he couldn't break up with we both and he wanted both..please help me

Gj 14 months ago

Thanks for this, these are all so true! I just ended a 7 yr relationship last month. Another good way to meet people, get out and have fun are things like trivia night, volunteering, or joining a sports league. These have all worked for me. You meet tons of new people. I think I'm going to take up the drums...

Ros 13 months ago

After 10 great years and a beautiful baby girl, all she can tell me is that it doesn't feel right anymore. I tried everything but all that did was push her away. She offered me friendship but I had to turn it down as I am still so in love with her. All I can do is take it day by day... One day down.

Jose 13 months ago

i just got broken up with on Monday. It was a 3yr relationship we broke up once for a month and got back together because it was something we both wanted then 4 days before he broke up with me we had a small fight and told me he was 100% happy with was lie and now after all this time I've spent with him I have to rebuild my life from scratch and idk how to do that

netslums profile image

netslums 13 months ago from Dallas, Texas Author

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read this article and for all the wonderful people who have left comments. I read these every time I get them. I'm sorry I can't respond to all of them, but I just want to say to everyone who is going through a breakup: it does get better.

I know it seems like right now this wound will never heal, but give it time. It's cliche to say that "time heals all wounds", but it really is true. Hang in there everyone! It will get better.

joshuachevy 12 months ago

Hey I wanted to tell the author of this thank you very much me and my high school sweet heart broke up and she left me and expected to just ne friends got mad at me and iv been really hurting.... I had a dream about her tonight anf then I found this and it gave me hope and peace at mind that even tho we wete together 3 years of shes okay with throwing it all away I won't stop her I'm gana work on me and my cars and just have friends till I find someone I wany mote then just friends. So thank you for this article:)

munda94 12 months ago

7 and a half years and over in an instant, feels like someone just ripped my heart out. It's only been a few days now and was about to send a text begging her to give me one more chance. Instead I did some research and found many souls going through the same thing. As a survivor of clinical depression and a failed marriage previous to this relationship, my first few days were dark and hurt so bad I felt myself drifting to those dark places again. Even made an appointment with a psychiatrist just in case. However just from reading things people go through and advice on moving on, I'm seeing hope and doing it on my own. I fully believe there will be bad times to come, particularly since she told me she has her eyes on someone else, but I'm going to survive. She saved me last time in my times of desperation, and I know she is better for having had me in her life, as I have been for being with her. This time, I'm going to save myself. Thanks dear author for hopeful words when needed.

Court 10 months ago

I just got out of a three year relationship like you and can't seem to even get myself out of bed sometimes but your writing really helped me and made me feel like I'm not really alone. Thank you for taking the time to do this you don't know what it means to me.

Tay 10 months ago

Well - my story goes like this , dated a guy for 4 and a half years - got dumped - two days later he started dating his best friend ( who I apparently I had nothing to worry about with ) - (I btw did not find out they were dating till much later ) I went to visit him at his house - things happened (because we were supposedly getting back together ) and then he dumped me again - the day after that he messages me in the morning to find out if I slept with someone else - and that afternoon I find out he has been dating his best friend for two weeks - LOL and so he cheated on his best friend with me lol after I'm positive cheating on me with her .

Gav 10 months ago

After 5 and a half years found out she was cheating on me with a so called friend and I can't stop picturing them together and it's tearing me up while she has no sympathy I'm ruined and she has broke me ,I don't k ow how I can cope

Alex 9 months ago

I don't like leaving comments like this, but some day I would like to be able to look back and realize that I've got rid of this anger and sadness. I love this step-by-step guide, who knows, maybe it works for me :)

Mark 8 months ago

Thank you

Jacob 5 months ago

I've had a two year relationship with a girl, and it just ended. I didn't want it to end, at all, but it was.. much less drama than most relationships i've had. It ended on what I should consider a good note, but the fact is, it ended less than 24 hours ago, and.. Quite frankly, i'm still in love with this girl, but she isn't with me. Step one, embracing that she's actually out of my life.. Damn. This article already has helped me a lot, as i'm already starting to plan things out. Thank you, very much for this. Sorry if it seemed like I was babbling on, but since the break up there's been no one to talk to, no closure. But hey, talking in a little white box on my phone helps, I guess.

lara wilson 3 months ago

My bf dumped me after 8 years together. maybe in a few years i will look back at laugh but right now i feel so depressed

Ivy 2 months ago

I don't usually post things online, but just feel the need to share now. I've just got out of an 8 year relationship, during which 5 years was long distanced and we still pulled through.

I know he loves me as much as I do, but that doesn't stop him from all those little white lies and his temper from time to time. We have been distanced for the past month, and what ought to come has come. He shouted at me in anger and we just stop talking, seeing each other, not even saying the breakup line. What's worse is that we just lost our baby not long ago.

But I'm not here to badmouth him or mourn over the dead relationship, I'm not blaming on anything or anyone, I'm just hurting. Stumbled across this page and found that I have actually been doing many of these suggestions, hopefully one day I can find my peace and move on. The storm shall pass, I hope.

Jon 5 weeks ago

My girlfriend ended with me after nearly 3 years of being together because she didn't feel the same anymore. She said she felt as if everything she done annoyed me (which is heartbreaking alone thinking she's thought that) and thought our relationship was draining her. We had a wonderful 3 years together and I'm devestated it's over. Just not speaking to her everyday is already killing me. But I feel your article is really going to help me. Even worse we have a holiday booked which is in the next three weeks that obviously we won't be going to, I thought about asking her to go as friends but that's probably going to make getting over eachother 10X as hard. Again thank you for this hoping I can get through this.

Sandy 3 weeks ago

I got dumped a month ago after 14 years of being together. Totally out of the blue, blindsided, rug pulled out from under me, you name it. I am so completely devastated and am having a really hard time accepting this. He's already seeing someone else too. It seems so easy for guys to find a replacement and move on. He apparently doesn't love me anymore. Just like that? How do you just switch feelings like that? He assured me just recently that everything was fine and we were moving to the islands. I've lost my best friend, the person I trusted with my life and the person I thought I was going to grow old with.

These steps are very helpful. It's hard to move on when you still live together. I can't move out for several months so life is going to be extremely difficult. I mentioned needing to remember how to be alone and he said "Go find someone else." Seriously!?!?? OMG he's such a PITA. So hurtful, blaming me for what takes two. I guess our relationship wasn't worth saving to him. Some friends say he'll come back; but why would I want him back? It was my dream to move to an island and that will still happen... single instead of as a couple. He of course still wants to remain friends. What an idiot. He doesn't talk to me, he's going through a mid-life crisis and I'm "collateral damage". What a blow!

He lost his attraction to me; we'll I've lost 15 pounds and will lose a lot more and will look better than when we first got together! He's a jerk and selfish!

He gives a glimmer of hope by not telling anyone about this; but then never comes home. I'm trying to stay busy; but I can't sleep and think of him always. Life sucks right now. Yes time heals; but that time takes a long time.

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