A Guide For People Visiting Patients in The Hospital
THIS SUMS UP THIS HUB . . .
Doctors and nurses have important work to do. And by you dishonoring the rules for visitation, their jobs are only made harder.
One day you are going about your daily business, catching up on that needed-office work that the boss has been riding you to finish. Then, as if the world has stopped in its axis, you get a phone call, an urgent phone call from your uncle "Thad," who informs you that your first-cousin, "Joby," has been admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery. You panic.
You dash to your office manager and tell her that you are "gone for the day," as you have to be with "Joby," when he comes to after his harrowing-surgery. What a good cousin you are. All heart. You are a tribute to "caring people" everywhere.
On the way to the hospital, you stop off at a fast-food restaurant and buy "Joby," a double cheeseburger, fries, cheese sticks and a drink. Then you whiz over to TARGET to get his needed-things for his hospital stay. Things such as: men muscle-building magazines; chewing gum; toothpaste; several sticks of beef jerky (the chewy kind) and a funny "get well soon," card with a lazy dog on the cover. All out of your own pocket. What a gal you are.
But, (you just knew there would be a 'but') upon your arrival at the hospital and you are lugging the items for "Joby," down the hall, almost dropping his beef jerky, an orderly stops you and sternly says, "miss, you are not allowed to bring those things on "this" floor. This is the Recovery Unit for surgery patients." You are stunned. Dumbfounded. Hardly able to speak to "Robb," the orderly, but you manage to form these words,"seriously? I am here to see my first-cousin, "Joby," who had to have emergency surgery, so stand aside, mister, this gal is going through." Wrong. And so wrong that the hospital administrator is called-in for back-up to handle your outbursts.
"Robb," an attentive orderly of 24 years, explains that no one, even "Joby," can have any of those things you are holding in your hands. Your first-cousin had surgery to remove a screwdriver that he swallowed on a dare from his best bud, "Flaky Frank," a known delinquent and school drop-out.
See what good intentions can get you sometimes? Trouble. But do not beat yourself up for thinking of "Joby," you are still a good-hearted woman. But you, like most visitors to hospitals, need to brush-up on today's rules for visitors who are visiting their family or friends who have to stay a night or two in the hospital.
So, I present, a few sensible rules (that I researched for a week) that all visitors can use FREE when they have to visit a sick friend of family member in their hospital room.
I proudly present . . ."A Guide For People Visiting Patients In Hospitals" . . .
1.) You are not a doctor. You barely graduated high school, so do not go off telling your friend or family member who is "laid up" in the hospital that "you" think that this black area on his or her arm is just a part of growing up. For decency's sake. The patient is 50 years of age.
2.) Do not start doing a personal comedy routine for your friend or family member lying in the hospital bed with tubes running in and out of him or her. "Aww, Ken, lighten-up. Laughter is good for the body and soul," you argue like any uninformed hospital visitor would. You see, your jokes are not funny. And the patient will be forced into an emotional trauma at "trying" to laugh so not to hurt your feelings. Just be quiet. Talk softly. And leave the comedy to pro's like (some of) us on HubPages.
3.) Pets are a definite no, no! Even if your friend or family member is close to his blue tick hound named, "Dozer," this rule is to be followed to the letter. Your friend or family member needs rest, not a rousing game of "fetch" with "Dozer," who is not able to run due to age and arthritis. Truth be told, "Dozer," needs the medical attention more than your friend.
4.) You are in a hospital room. Quiet. Peaceful. Do not bring your portable stereo system and jam out with "Sweet Home Alabama," by the late, great Lynyrd Skynyrd. If you must play anything, play "After Midnight," by Judas Priest. That type of music sounds more upbeat anyway.
5.) Do not continually ask your friend or family member, "you feel better now?" or "ready to go home?" Oh, that last one is an awful thing to say to a patient hooked-up to a morphine drip. And to get his or her hopes up about going home can be rough when the doctor crudely says, "Home? Seriously? You are going to stay with us for at least two more weeks."
6.) Do not fill-up the patient's room with more friends and family members. And please do not be so cocky that you say to "Robb," the orderly who points out the "One Visitor At a Time" sign on the patient's door, "Hey, man, we are family. That sign doesn't apply to us." Well how do you like making new friends such as "Bill," the ex-Marine who serves the hospital in the capacity as a volunteer security guard?
7.) Do not look for heated arguments with other visitors in "Joby's" room. Just because they do not attend the same church as you do is no reason for you to "call them out" and start a verbal ruckus. There are other patients on this floor besides "Joby," who never darkened a church house door in his 27 years of living.
8.) If you are a guy, do not flirt with every pretty nurse who enters "Joby's" room. She is there to do her job and take care of "Joby," not give you her phone number and agree to go with you to "Zingo's Beer and Wings," when her shift is over.
9.) If you are a woman, do not flirt with the male orderlies or doctors when they come to check "Joby," to see if his condition is better. Doctors are sharp, ladies. They know when a woman is wanting to "hook up" with them for marital security.
10.) Do not turn the television in the room up so loud that the people in the lobby six floors down can make out everything that Scott Pelley, of the CBS Evening News is saying. Use common sense. That always works.
11.) Do not use the phone in "Joby's" room to catch-up with your sales calls you missed for coming to visit "Joby." He will be hurt at your insensitivity and probably never speak to you again. Hey, not a bad idea. Make all the sales calls you want. "Joby" won't mind one little bit.
12.) Do not use "Joby's" hospital bed for a couch. He is recovering from a serious surgery. The surgeons still talk about how a man can get a screwdriver that big down his gullet, so give "Joby," some space. He might want to take on another daring challenge when he recovers.
13.) Please, I beg you, do not smoke cigarettes in the bathroom in "Joby's" room. Or chew smokeless tobacco and spit in Styrofoam cups that you forget about and leave sitting everywhere. Please use the brain that God gave you. And respect "Joby."
Now that I am finished with my heart felt piece that will surely be of help to someone, somewhere, I need to ask you one last question . . .
"When are you and 'Robb,' going out?"
AN EMPTY HOSPITAL BED . . .
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