A Letter to my Mother-in-Law

Mother In Law vs Daughter in Law

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Dear Mother-in-law

First of all I would like to thank you for bringing up such a wonderful son. Today, I get married to him and I am sure that we shall have a happy married life. I am eagerly awaiting to take my first steps in our house, with your blessings and with your guidance I am sure we shall be able to overcome all obstacles.

I would like you to know that I really  dont believe the negative image that the media and most married women have of Mother's-in-law.I find it hard to imagine that a lady who has given birth to child willingly inflicts emotional as well as physical abuse on another person, who is also someone's child. I too am someone's daughter, sister and friend. My parents have brought me up with a lot of love and care, the same way you have brought up your son and with a heavy heart they have bid me adieu to start my married life, entrusting me to your son and  your family. They hope that you shall give me the same love and respect that they have given me over the years and want me to give you and your family the same love and respect that I have for my family to you. I assure you that I shall mesh into my new family and treat all family members with the same love and respect that I have for my family members.

Having said that, I would like to know, what expectations you have from me? Do you want me to cook, clean, sew and take care of your entire house? Or do you want me to be your daughter? Do you want me help your family in the business or do you want me to be a scocialite, who goes shopping, does charities and all that. If you clearly tell me your expectations, I shall try me level best to live up to them. I shall try not to give you any cause for complaint.

I would also like to tell you  that I love your son very much and he also loves me. However, I know in my heart that the love that he has for you is far more than what he has for me. He shall always be your son first and then my husband. He wants you to be happy with his choice of a life partner. He does not want to get caught in a tussle for emotional issues between his wife and mother. He does not want to make a choice between his mother and wife. For him both are equally important. He does not want to prioritise between us. You are not losing a son but gaining a daughter. The loss is my family's. My parents shall feel a vacuum on my departure, which shall fill up once I am accepted with open arms.

In return, all I ask of you and your family is respect. I shall do everything willingly and follow the family traditions to the best of my ability. Please don't treat me like a maid. That much I deserve. Please give due credence to my ambitions and wants. If you happily agree to my wishes once in a while, I shall feel nice and make me feel  a part of your family. I am scared and request you to be tolerant of my faults, as I know I have many and it would really help me to overcome them if you show some patience. I am a professional and would also like to pursue my dreams and a little understanding on your part shall help me to achieve our dreams.

In conclusion, I would ike to say, that I shall always honour and respect you, not be critical and try my best to adapt to your family. All I ask for is patience and love and I shall be a part of your family forever. 

Your loving daughter-in-law



RelationShip Between Mother in Law and Daughter in Law

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Comments 5 comments

Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

haha...beautifully expressed the downside of having another woman in your man's life ;)

I have also tried to address MIL issue and I hope to have done justice to it :)


Rose 4 years ago

This was a very well written letter. Are you the Mother in Law or Daughter in Law? A son/daughter should always Love and Honor their Mother. However no one should have to beg for acceptance from the others family. When a person chooses a spouse its about respect of that decision on both sides. I wrote a similar letter to my MIL years ago, she still excludes me and disapproves,Its been 20 yrs now. I am now a MIL, I do not particularly care for some habits of my DIL, but I Love the fact that she Loves my Son and My Son Loves Her. That's what matters.


movingfinger 4 years ago Author

Thanks rose. I feel that that it is difficult for women to watch their son make another woman the focus of their life (after being his focus for many years). Also, for the other woman..she finds it difficult to understand why her BF/Husband cant put her first before his mother. I guess its a woman thing.. No woman can be good enough for her son.. Its the amount of love that she has given to her son and finds it hard to let go.. I guess there is no cure.. but some equilibrium has to be reached..and in your case..its the acceptance of your DIL (with all her good and bad points ) that you seemed to have achieved the equilibrium.. :) In a ligher vein..MIL standards actually mean Military standards which are quite touch to achieve..I believe that MIL stands for Mother in Law Standards which no one can achieve !!!!


Brittany 2 years ago

"Having said that, I would like to know, what expectations you have from me? Do you want me to cook, clean, sew and take care of your entire house? Or do you want me to be your daughter? Do you want me help your family in the business or do you want me to be a scocialite, who goes shopping, does charities and all that. If you clearly tell me your expectations, I shall try me level best to live up to them. I shall try not to give you any cause for complaint."

UHHHH WHAT?! Is is 1810?


movingfinger 2 years ago Author

Brittany, that entire para was a metaphor - In the western world, this is outdated, however, in many other parts, its a reality. Lets face it - there are expectations from the daughter-in-law- whatever they may be at any level of society. If a daughter-in-law is a professional - obviously this does not apply. It also does not apply if you are staying separate as both partners would have to work together for the upkeep of the house. The issues arise during family functions, family visits and other events wherein sarcastic and snide remarks are made which vilify the atmosphere. It happens to a certain extant in the western world but to a larger extent in middle east, India and africa.

The key issue here is the acceptance of a daughter-in-law by the grooms family and vice versa. There are enough movies made on the subject (Monster - in- law for eg) . If there is acceptance from both sides, the marriage does become more pleasant and family gatherings are fun rather than stress points. The aim of the letter is to sensitise the MIL that her son is hers only, but is your Husband Only. Keep the two roles separate, learn to let go and accept the DIL for who she is.

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