A Mother-in-law

When we get married; we get IN-LAWS.

Getting along with the spouse is a challenge and in laws become a cherry on the top of the relationship by their constant interference. Life sure, takes a toll on the husband and the wife. Who says, Marriage is fun and cosy and a bed of roses.

A Mother-in-law in either relationship can be a bitter yet sweetness personified person in every family. Men and Women have issues with their respective mother-in-law.

Man and Woman change roles in their lives such as becoming a spouse to someone then a parent and then in laws. But a mother-in-law plays her individual role very precisely where she is always in the lime-light.

Surprisingly, Each Woman sure knows how to play that role and she starts to picture it as soon as she becomes a mother!!

My thinking to the above issue is attributing to her becoming a mother and since she is the MOTHER of that child; she cannot let him/her go. She still feels that the child could make wrong decisions or bring about changes that could hurt him/her thus, wants to be around their each and every single move.

As an adult; we get so frustrated then, my question is that :-

WHY don't we learn from it and do not repeat it when we age?

Oh! Woman when will we start to acknowledge the changes happening in our child's life once he/she gets married and just not want the change happen it OUR way!

Liberate ourselves from this bondage of over-protection which could become suffocating for our adult! Let us be aware of it now before they start to avoid us!


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Comments 54 comments

barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I have a MIL. When I first met her she was great. Now she has her moments. It could be because we have been staying with them until we find a place of our own. It can't come fast enough! She is driving me nuts!!!


Amanda 5 years ago

Loved your reasoning...Oh! Woman wish you could go and brain wash all women out there...lol


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

@barbergirl28...such a pleasure to see you :) I am sorry to hear about your MIL...I hope you can reason things out with her about her attitude 'cause you being driven to nuts would not help :(

Good luck dear!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

So right Ruchira! My oldest is 23 and I do NOT interfere with her love life! She is not Me and therefore it is not corme to judge who she should love. I'm there to smooth things over and be here when SHE needs me. I try not to be in the middle where she doesn not need me! Also - knowing the girl sometimes makes me feel sorry for her beau;) lol


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

@Amanda...I am glad you liked my reasoning 'cause it always perplexes me as to why and how. Now, I only hope we all can dig inside ourselves and be good when we get old and grey ;)

Thanks for stopping by...appreciated it!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

@RHW...your comment and your recent hub about your Uncle sure, has taken you miles in my mind for you...Jai Ho Woman!!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Hello Ruchira, I had a sweet MIL, who never interfered in our life, i try to do the same with my Son. ( Sometimes i want to ) In a sense, you lose a Son to the wives family, but i can remember that's the way it was with me too. Interesting topic. Cheers


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

@Always exploring...sure, it is hard to let go of someone esp the one whom you gave birth to :) I will definitely have issues with my daughter-in-law whenever she comes...lol. but, I am hoping that by taking the above baby steps I will achieve perfection in a few "years" time. :))

Thanks so much for stopping and making my hub even more brighter with your precious comment!


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

the mother in law problem will get lesser over the years as each generation will stop living their lives through their children and as they say nowadays "get a life".

we have two married daughters and i think by and large our interference in their lives is minimal and mostly only when asked for since not only do we appreciate that they need to have their own lives Godd we need to have our own too. Previously at least in India getting children married off and nearing the retirement age meant your innings had come to a close where as we think for us a new inning has JUSTTTTT BEGUN.

There are many like us who wish to enjoy traveling, eating out, socializing on a higher scale than we could before because of responsibilities .In such cases there is neither time nor inclination to interfere- I just hope the girls do not one day get into their minds to interfere in ours!!!

can think of a hub to write on this. Thanks Ruchira.


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

@neeleshkulkarni...sure, with distances the interference has gone down incredibly but, still there is the sense of ownership amongst the MIL's that can drive any sane person nuts whenever they meet up. Thus the above wordings or in other words as you indicated:- start your new innings :)

Thanks for your comment...appreciate you stopping by!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

It certainly would be a good thing if people could do that. Some seem to make it there but they are few otherwise mother-in-laws would not have such a common face. Thanks for sharing. WB


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

Yes, I agree major population of our world are still in the dark thus, the above thought!

Thanks for stopping by Wayne :)


movingfinger 5 years ago

Interesting ... however I have come to the conclusion that nature wants women to behave differently with their kids and with other kids...i.e. The mother and the Mother-in-Law. Mum's dont like to share the love of their children..thats the bottom line...just too bad


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

@movingfinger...IT is one sad but true fact and I wish we can change that since; we women have learnt to make bread from moss then a change in our relationship with another woman should be a piece of cake huh ;-)

Since, I am a dreamer. I shall continue to dream :))

Jai ho to all women out there!!


makusr profile image

makusr 5 years ago from India

Ruchira,

Greetings from MAKUSR. In-Law,Outlaw any law has to be respected if you want to be on the right side of the law as staying on the right side of the law pays. For any relationship remember,

Make your heart so big as to forgive everyone,

Make your ego so small as to offend none.

Lots of Love,

MAKUSR


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 5 years ago from Lagos

A good mother in law is the dream of newly married man or woman. But, it can be fun or pain. The best thing to do is to do all things for the interest of peace. Bless you


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

Hello Makusr...well said indeed!

Our ego's tend to complicate everything on this planet and we should learn to keep that in the cupboard :)

Thanks for your precious comment and stopping by...appreciate it!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States Author

Hello Ubanichijioke,

Thanks for the wonderful comment and YES, for the sake of peace we ought to keep our behavior under check :)

A Pleasure to have you stop by...thanks!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

A shout-out to the MIL! Very unique! I've had two MIL's ... I still adore my first, more after the divorce then while married to her son. My second MIL...well it's been 15 years that I've known her and we still haven't bonded, don't think it's going to happen. It's all good :) Great hub!!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Hello Sunshine625...MIL's are complicated...LOL

Not realizing that my daughter-in-law will say the same thing for me one fine day...LOL

thanks for stopping by with your precious feedback :)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi, my son recently went to live with his girlfriend, and I tried to be so careful what I said on the phone! lol so I think women should step back and let them get on with it, unless the partner is hurting them in some way, then I go in and try and help out! lol but I still put my foot in it! lol cheers nell


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Funny Nell...we women tend to put our foot in our mouth at times and then think...why..lol

good luck with a new chapter in your life...am sure you will do justice to it...Cheers!


shampa sadhya profile image

shampa sadhya 4 years ago from NEW DELHI, INDIA

What a nice hub! In my personal life I have a mixed feeling. I want to make a point that is the maximum number of mothers-in-law believe in dominance due to the grown and experienced age. In contrary they loose the motherly instinct and affection a mother possess during the early years of their motherhood. It is actually sad.

The mothers-in-law behave like true mothers only when they are given all the attention. The moment daughters-in-law draw all the attention in the family the matter worsens.

Voted up and beautiful.


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Hello Shampa,

A pleasure to read your deep and true insight into this picture. I totally agree with you on the above :)

I only pray that I don't land up being such a mother-in-law where my daughter-in-law jumps at the sight of me...lol

I guess, we should learn from our experiences and should not take it out on the women of the future.


NiaLee profile image

NiaLee 4 years ago from BIG APPLE

First thank you for raising that subject that I meant to brush up two days ago but didn't get to. Second, love the pic of parvati's hand and lamp in Devdas.

Then, I think that we need to realize that the society maintains that issue because a lot of women are oppressed and their only way to exercise power is in the social circle like that... or that is how they feel. In the African community it is the same, the daughter in law is like a slave that should better watch if she doesn't to be replaced or be overridden in her face (cf polygamy). I had great in laws in my dating life but when marriage came it was very different. They assume you are going to age and get tired and they will introduce something fresh to your hubby, so you'd better do everything and more than what they want! Now, I have seen my mom and sisters acting the same way with my uncle and brothers! I definitely tell them everyday to be good to a person who comes to your family out of love for your brother or son, because your children will be in the same position in their lives and karma exist!

Now, I am actually already working on not being a monster in law to my kids, especially my dear son.

Families need to understand the concept of privacy, boundaries and respect.I always try to put myself in the shoes of the other person... that should help!

NEELESHKULKARNI, my dear friend is always so sensible, sensitive and funny. Parents need to learn from him!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Hello Nialee,

I am sorry to hear about your MIL. I am happy that you are aware about your actions towards your son...lol

Wishing you peace my friend...thanks for stopping by!

Cheers!


NiaLee profile image

NiaLee 4 years ago from BIG APPLE

thanks


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Now this is a can of worms.. :) When I was married I lived 600 miles away from my mother in law so I didn't have trouble with her. I have 3 sons.. with 3 girlfriends. I don't interfere in their relationships but the girls all get so catty with eachother. I try to help everyone bond. I have one "daughter in law" that I actually favor more than my son. Great hub and great discussion topic!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

well, i'm glad that you've written this hub...surmising this was published a few months ago...i didn't have a good relationship with my MIL, she still wants to control the life of her son...i hope she can read this so may know what she's doing is wrong...


ThePracticalMommy profile image

ThePracticalMommy 4 years ago from United States

To think that some day I'll be a MIL...shudder... But really, my MIL has been nothing but wonderful most of the time. Sure, there are times when we disagree, but we both get along very well. :) I hope someday that when I'm a MIL that I can let my adult children live their lives without interfering!


NiaLee profile image

NiaLee 4 years ago from BIG APPLE

Ruchira I agree with you 200% I always had two prayers as a parent since I was a teenager:

1)Have daughters that are not jealous or mean

2)Be a good mother and mother in law

I have seen generations of women and families destroyed by mother in laws and in laws. I have seen my family do and say things that were out of this world to others in the same position. I have had boyfriend's whose parents loved me and treated me so nice...and married differently of course. Some cultures make it even harder because the men and family really don't know how to set limit in relationships and space.

I will work hard at being a loving person which includes welcoming, loving, supporting and knowing your place in your adult children's life.

I think that some ladies just need to keep busy, get a life, improve their relationship with their own spouse or changing spouse if necessary!!!LOL


sonia05 profile image

sonia05 4 years ago from india

what a realistic issue it is and quite interesting too! Being married is the most beautiful thing one does if one is marrying his or her love but mom-in-laws are seen are the trouble-makers. I think its just the insecurity of a mother trying to garner support and preference from her son over his wife. But times have changed and mom-in-laws have become quite smart in dealing with their daughter-in-laws.A nice and warm relationship is possible at this front too.

What about father-in-laws? I think, sometimes,even they are problem creators for they fuel the insecurities of a mother.

great hub! voted up!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

In-laws, are first and foremost, just people...much like every other person in our life.

In all honesty...I never had a single problem with a mother-in-law. My husband's relationship with his birth family was what it is before I came along and should not change once I am a part of his life. (The same applies to me and mine.) Women often make the mistake of knocking themselves out silly to please or impress their MIL. I didn't marry her, I married her son. Since he's happy, she should be. If she's not, I'd say that's her issue, not mine.

The key is to be "yourself," treat others with kindness and respect. Overlook unimportant nonsense that may occur and keep your nose clean.

I am a MIL to 4 women. I trust my sons and their choices, since I'm quite confident in how they were raised. I love my DIL's as though they are my daughters. They're exceptional women, sweet wives and incredibly wonderful mothers to my grandchildren. I couldn't possibly wish for more.

I'm very confident my DIL's love me as well. If by chance, they don't....in addition to all their talents, they're also Oscar-winning actresses.... I don't believe this is the case.

Any mother of a son who insists on "causing" chaos in her son's marriage because SHE doesn't happen to "approve" of his wife, is simply selfish and unacceptable ...and I might add, insulting her son more than anyone else. I say, "get a life, Mom," and BUTT OUT of your son's. In my opinion, all this "jealousy" and fight for "control" is absolute bull****!!!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Tammy,

Unfortunately MIL is a very ugly relationship. What ever you do will always be questioned...lol

I wish you luck with your present situation. However, i dunno how I will react when my kid is married et. al.

Thanks for sharing your feelings...hope you felt better...lol

should think of making a MIL association where one would feel lighter after talking their hearts out...lol

Wishing you luck, my friend!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Racinwa,

Unfortunately nothing can help straighten them...lol

However, we could try to change/make history by bringing about a change within our selves so that our kids don't have to blog it or text it to each other...lol

Wishing you peace of mind, my friend. I can understand how all this can upset one self.


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Oh Practical Mommy,

You are unique and you gotta count your blessings dear :))

I am very happy for you.

Wishing you many years of happiness with your MIL and may you be a terrific MIL yourself.

Cheers!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Nialee,

I agree families get destroyed by constant nagging. No one can take it, my friend!

The only solution I can think of is to change ourselves for a better future 'cause present cannot be changed 'cause of someone's constant nagging...lol

Wishing you loads of luck, peace and contentment, my friend!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sonia05,

haha...now we should write an article on FIL :))

I kinda agree on your comment....they too help to start a fire in a certain way. But, if they are still working or out of the house...that should not matter :)

I wish you luck and peace, my friend.

Thanks for your valuable feedback!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Well said indeed...fpherj48

I am happy to read that your life is in control and you have a wonderful relation with your DIL's.

I agree it is in the hands of oneself on how to make or break a relationship.

Wishing you many blissful years with your near and dear ones...Amen!


Ruchi Urvashi profile image

Ruchi Urvashi 4 years ago from Singapore

Interesting hub. My mother-in-law might be an exception, she is very kind and loving. I too thought that things would be difficult after marriage but it turned out to be much easier than expected. Voted up.


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Good for you, Ruchi.

I am happy for ya. Wishing you many more years of blissful years with your MIL.

Thanks for your comment...appreciated it.


Sunita-Sharma profile image

Sunita-Sharma 4 years ago from Los Angeles,California,US

It was fun to read this hub!I have been married for six years now and I am still not able to understand my MIL ;)

She is so unpredictable, at times she can really be very sweet, helping,caring etc.. but sometimes she just reacts like the one we have in our bollywood movies lol!!But over all she is nice person! Very interesting hub...voted up!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks Sunita. I am glad you liked the above and relate to it...lol

I only hope and pray we don't repeat history :) Good luck!


breathing profile image

breathing 4 years ago from Bangladesh

Nice hub...I think Mother-in-law is a big factor in the south Asian family. In Hindi it is called "SUS." She plays a great role in her family. If she is good then family get peace otherwise family will be a hell..


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 4 years ago

The relationship between the spouse and mother-in-law is often a touchy subject. While some resent the "interference," some actually welcome it. As you mentioned, why not learn from it? I don't have a MIL as she passed on shortly after we got married but I often wonder what i would do if she's very overbearing. Good topic of discussion and rated up.


ishwaryaa22 profile image

ishwaryaa22 4 years ago from Chennai, India

A hilarious yet well-said hub! I have seen that nowadays mothers in law have changed a lot and some are very close to daughters in law that they go shopping together, share secrets and all, which is quite relieving for newer generation girls and ladies including me! Good views presented by you! Well-done!

Thanks for SHARING. Funny & Interesting. Voted up.


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Thank you breathing, Angi and ishwaryaa22. Sure, MIL's play an important role in everybody's life but, if they know their boundries...everyone is happy :)

Apologize for the late response...cheers!


Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

Great read! Yes we really do need to learn from others bad behavior!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

haha...I am glad you agree Angela.

My MIL's behavior still haunts me and indirectly I have learnt quite a bit from it :)

Good luck, my friend!


Vellur profile image

Vellur 4 years ago from Dubai

Great hub with an important lesson to learn. Wish all MILs would consider the daughter-in-law as their own daughter. Voted up.


remaniki profile image

remaniki 4 years ago from Chennai, India

Hi Ruchira,

Good message in here. I am enjoying the role of a mother-in-law (and a gran too of a wonderful new-born) of a beautiful daughter-in-law. I believe that what we give, so we get. If m-i-l s decided not to interfere with their children's life, I am sure everything will be sorted out. Of course the d-i-l s too should understand this. It is a mutual agreement where both decide not to interfere with each other's life.

If this understanding is reached, I don't see why a m-i-l ----d-i-l relationship should not be a great one. Forget your ego, think of your children's happiness and enjoy the lovely moments you get to spend with them and there you are -- celebrating life.

I am enjoying every single moment of my life now thanks to a wonderful son and daughter-in-law who are very independent individuals. Thanks Ruchira for the food for thought. Thanks for SHARING.

Cheers, Rema


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Nithya, Yup, I wish too ;-)

Hi Rema, Awesome! I am happy that you and your DIL share a loving relationship. Gotta learn from you, my friend :) Wishing you joy and peace!

Hi Naimishika, Thanks for your insight. Appreciate it :) Cheers!


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Interesting point of view.For a smooth relationship a D-in-law has to be treated like a daughter and only then can a M-in-law get the love and affection of her D-in-law.

Everyone need breathing space and so does a D-in-law.

Voted up and interesting.


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 3 years ago from United States Author

Well said, Rajan.

This is a strained relation and both of the women ought to be sensitive about each other's feelings.

thanks for your input.

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