A Newly Single Woman asks: "How Do I Avoid Becoming A Booty Call?"

Life On Stand By...

Back Into The Dating Scene

Amy got divorced a year ago and now she feels ready to date again. She had been married for eight years and prior to marriage she also dated her ex-husband for two years. Essentially Amy has only been with one man for over a decade.Now that Amy is getting back into the dating scene she is concerned about being used and or trusting “the wrong men”. Naturally she wants to avoid any STDs. She also asked, “How do I avoid becoming a booty call?”

My answer is below. Please feel free to offer your advice in the comments section.

There is only one 100% effective way for a woman to avoid becoming a “booty call”. Don’t Have Premarital Sex!

We Have No Vote In The Matter As to How Others Feel About Us

Honestly none of us has a say in how someone else views us or values us. I may think I'm handsome but a woman I'm attracted to thinks I'm average looking. I may think I'm the best lover in the world but a woman I had sex with may have thought it was so-so. My point is a lot of the time what WE think of ourselves may not be what another person thinks of us. Ultimately we're all looking for people who agree with us!

There are a few reasons why a woman could be a booty call for a man. Her personality is not such that he'd want to deal with her on a regular basis. Maybe he perceives her as having too much baggage, a negative attitude/outlook, she smokes and he doesn't, curses more than he'd like, she's slightly below his "ideal beauty standards", (she may weigh more than he likes, skin may not be as clear, has a nasal voice, an obnoxious laugh, an ugly tattoo, fat long thick finger nails, talks loud, their worlds are miles apart (ie he's a business man and she's a hot looking "biker babe", she dresses too slutty, has a "I don't need a man, I'm a queen, I'm a goddess, I'm a diva" attitude. Everyone is entitled to have “their list” of what keeps someone from being a serious girlfriend/boyfriend material.

Since a “booty call” is NOT a “one-night-stand” it’s very easy for a person to mistakenly believe they are in a genuine relationship. Although you don’t expect to meet his best friends and family members right away you probably should be suspicious if 4 months have gone by and you’ve never met anyone close to him.

Some women and men are "asking for the moon" and have little to offer! Generally speaking water seeks it's own level and like attracts like.

"Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless you're a star!"

(NOTE: Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is "booty call" material) If a woman is not a man's ideal woman there is always a chance he may see her as a "booty call". It's all SUBJECTIVE.

We don't get to tell other people (what to think of us). Each of us makes up our own minds and form our own opinions about other people regardless of what THEY may think of themselves!)

"One man's "booty call" is another man's dream girl!"

(A woman may date men she has no intention of having sex with and men have sex with women they have no intention of bringing into their “inner circle”.)

Basically a "booty call" is a woman that a man feels is not worthy of bringing into his inner circle of close friends and family. He wouldn't want to take her to his company Christmas party or a family picnic. The guy may have sex with her because it's great or simply because it beats masturbation.

Another reason a man may look at a woman as a “booty call” is because he's got his eye on someone "special", he's already in a relationship or there is too much distance between you. Maybe he only comes to town on business a few times a year.

Do I Command Respect by Making Him Wait?

It's not just about respect. If a man has made up his mind that a woman would not fit in his "inner circle" it won't matter if she "plays hard to get" or "demands to be respected". He'll just move on to someone else. In his mind she's not worth the effort. It's not like he wanted to marry her to begin with. If he’s not "into her" there is nothing she can say or do that will elevate her status in his mind from potential booty call.

It's not about whether you have sex too soon. I've had sex with women on the first night or very soon after and we evolved into serious relationships lasting anywhere from 2-8 years. Had there not been any sexual chemistry between us that first night those relationships would not have evolved. "Bad sex or so-so sex = a “one nightstand" in my book.

It’s like the old saying, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”.

I’ve known several men who have a 3-date rule. They want to know if they’re sexually compatible with a woman as soon as possible. If she rejects them or refuses to "kiss on the first date" they assume she's not that into them.

When a woman thinks a guy is "HOT" she is hesitant to do or say anything that might turn him off.

Don’t Men Enjoy The Chase?

The notion that men enjoy the chase is outdated. No one likes rejection period.

Imagine if you went to kiss a guy and he turned his head. Would that excite you?

Would it turn you on?

If he pushed you away would that make you want to go out with him again?

Most people would rather hear the word YES over the word NO.

It's been said a woman knows within the first 5 minutes of meeting a man if she would sleep with him.

Men Don’t Want To Be Used Either

(Believe it or not there are some women who will go out with men they are NOT attracted to simply because they had nothing else planned.)

It's a free dinner, a concert or play they wanted to see...etc. Her going out with him has nothing to do with how she feels about him. As much as a woman may not want to be a "booty call" a guy does not want to be played as a "sucker".

Some women will string a guy along until he wakes up or the woman finally comes clean and tells him all they can ever be is "friends".

A few will break down and have sex with him once or twice (out of guilt) in return for accepting a ton of gifts, expensive dinners, concerts/shows, candy, balloons, roses, money for a "girl-friends getaway" or helping to pay some of her bills.

When it's all said and done, Women don't want to be used for their bodies and Men don't want to be used for their money.

Reality & Rules

None of us has any say in how others see us.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

We have no say as to who is attracted to us nor can we make someone be attracted to us.

You can't manufacture chemistry. (It's either there or it's not.)

You don't demand or negotiate love and affection, these things are (given freely).

I've learned the one rule in love is there are NO rules!

The "Right person" will come along and you'll break ALL of your rules!

The only person you can control is yourself.

Be yourself and never have sex with a man based upon a "hidden agenda". (ie: hoping for anything beyond an orgasm).

Women that have sex with an agenda often feel like they got "used" instead of two consenting adults having a mutual pleasurable experience.

Have “The Talk” Before You Have Sex….

(Men seldom confuse SEX with LOVE.)

You can fall in love with someone you've never had sex with and you can have sex with someone you will never love. One has very little to do with the other.

If he's "the one" he will naturally see you as being "the one".

We all want to be loved and respected for the person we are and not the person we pretended to be. You can't fake being something you're not forever. Once the real you steps out he/she may dump you!

You might as well be YOU up front, state what you're looking for and let the chips fall where they may. Love is a gamble and there are no guarantees your feelings for someone will be reciprocated.

Best of luck!

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Comments 21 comments

angelenastanford profile image

angelenastanford 6 years ago from Riverview, FL

i agree very much so with what you are saying, but I also think it has to do with the way a woman presents herself to others. If she wants to act in such a way i.e. a booty call, then she will be nothing more than a booty call. Also if one doesn't respect themselves they aren't going to respect someone else and their needs either. Furthermore, I couldn't agree more with making their partner wait and abstinence! ! ! ! Oh and also something I believe is VERY TRUE. Women are more emotion-involved then men are, sometimes women need to think from a 3rd person point of view to see the full picture with no bias and go from there.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 6 years ago Author

Thanks for you comment angelenastanford! At some point we all get taken advantage of. Hopefully with time everyone becomes a better judge of character when selecting friends, lovers, and spouses. Ultimately we are responsible for letting others into our lives.


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

Great advice dashing, hopefully some people will learn from this article, both men and women. "People treat you the way you allow them to treat you," when it comes to relationships. :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 6 years ago Author

Money Glitch, Thanks for your comment.

And if someone doesn't treat you the way you want them to never forget you have the option to move on! :-)


Contrice 6 years ago

Great Hub...so many nice women (because of emotions and the desire for a relationship) become booty calls. It so easily happens. You have sex with a guy you like and he likes you to a certain degree and before you know that's all it is. My advice, have standerds and stick to those standards. If a man is not willing to reach those standards then he is not the one for you. Like you said "one mans booty call is another mans dream girl." Keep it moving honey...keep it moving!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 6 years ago Author

Thanks for your insightful comment Contrice


Treasuresofheaven profile image

Treasuresofheaven 5 years ago from Michigan

I voted this useful dashingscorpio. You raise some interesting points about relationships in this hub. You really have to know yourself before you give of yourself.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

Thanks for taking the time to read my hub Treasuresofheaven! Knowing one's self is the key to surrounding ourselves with the right people.

Every friend, lover, or spouse is someone We Selected!


SuperManIsDead 5 years ago

Contrice, I liked what you added, very true outlook. Just sucks that I'm blindly searching for treasure while. Women often get stuck in thinking they need to behave a certain way to garner a man's attention. They think, "I like guy, guy likes sex...I'll project that." Then of course that's how they will be viewed. Wish I knew one lol!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

ElSeductor, I agree with you most men and women are likely to want to have sex prior to saying "I do." However the only 100% way to "avoid" becoming a "booty call" is by not having sex. :-)

If one is hungry they're going to eat. The trick is taking the time to read the ingredients before making a choice. Having said that there are times when a person is going to do whatever feels good in the moment. The main point I'm making is a woman is probably better off waiting to get to know the guy very well prior to sleeping with him. It's still a gamble but if he only comes around at night and never introduces her to his "inner circle" of family, friends, and co-workers she should have an idea that he doesn't see her as being anyone "special".

Like you I would never marry a woman I had not had sex with. However if she was someone I was seriously interested in I'd introduce her to people that matter to me. That's the major difference between a "relationship" and a "booty call". One man's opinion! :-)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago Author

ElSeductor, Amen! Even then she should only place value on the title of "girlfriend" if (HE)uses it to (introduce her) to his family and friends!. Saying it only at home or in private doesn't count. lol!

As stated earlier there is only one way that is 100% effective and that is to not have pre-marital sex. Outside of that, life's a gamble! Thanks again for your comments!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Really great Hub and so very true!

Just wrote a Hub about my dating experiences and the wonders of Speeddating. I have to link your Hub to mine because it so much helps in that first impression you want to make.

By being myself in the four years I've been single in my thirties, my main line was about clarity. Tell me what you want and see if it's what I want too.

I liked my toyboy experiences, booty call fun and friends with benefits arrangements, because it was all so cristal clear from the beginning.

No tears for nothing, lots of fun and the times I did feel disappointed wasn't because HE did something wrong. Expectations sometimes didn't match anymore with the initial arrangement so the only thing I had to do, was to step out of it.

I did just once in a while but over all I had a blast! Loved the into your face-approach! Love people in general telling the truth as simple as it is:-)

Shared, linked and voted up!


tsmog profile image

tsmog 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

a very interesting read and perspective. Presented thoroughly one only has to listen instead of hearing. Reading further I smiled listening to the awesome experience shared. I learned much!

I have not answers to the quest, and some will tell you I'm full of puzzles or horse**** :) try a read highly recommended by C.S. Lewis - no religion intended either. The book is titled The Four Loves.

Some will say no, no a difficult read, I say just skim and glean what lay or lie or is lain. Discovering liberty some years back this was inspirational for 'self' and has brought much happiness with 'loves' in life and the dating scene. A little Greek understanding will help too, regarding mythology . . .


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Escobana, Thanks for stopping by and posting your wonderful comment. Appreciate the vote up and the link too! I think life is a personal journey and we all go through our various phases which teaches us who we really are and what we really want.

tsmog, Thanks for your comment. You sound like a very well read person. I've heard of the The Four Loves but have never read it. I've been busy putting the finishing touches on my on book which should be available on Amazon in about four weeks. My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) Only time will tell if there are enough people who agree with us.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Linked your Hub today to mine:-) Would be great if you link mine about Speeddating to yours too.

Always nice to help out our fellow Hubbers. Have a beautiful day:-)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago Author

Escobana, As you might have noticed I did add your link to this hub. I enjoyed reading advice on Speed Dating. Awhile back I wrote: 6 Common Mistakes Women Make With Online Dating.. With your vast experience you'll have to tell me what you think one of these days. :-)

http://hubpages.com/relationships/6-Common-Mistake...


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Ah super! I didn't check it out proper enough. Shame on me! I will read your other Hub too and let you know what I think:-)


viveresperando profile image

viveresperando 3 years ago from A Place Where Nothing Is Real

found this hub very informative and interesting. Great hub, timeless too. Nice.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

viveresperando, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment!


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Most impressive! Well informed too.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago Author

DDE, Appreciate you stopping by and thanks for your wonderful comment!

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