A Relationship That Has Changed Over Time

Me and My Children's Dad (Antonio)

Never To Be The Same

A relationship of mine that has changed over time is my relationship with my children’s father. It is nothing like it used to be. Sometimes I feel as if he hates me so much. I’m still trying to figure out what it is that I’ve done so wrong. All I have ever done was gave him my heart and all of my love. Now, all that we do is argue and fight. When I think about how our relationship use to be I wonder what went wrong. We use to get along so well. We were so close. There were times when we could hang out, laugh, and chill as the modern would say. These days, we can’t even be in the same room together.

            I often wonder what made me fall in love with him. We have nothing in common and we are on two different levels. He still thinks that he is sixteen years old with no responsibilities. Together we have two children. He just wants to hang out with his friends and go to parties. I am stuck with the children, school, and work. I have set very high goals for our children and myself. Their father is still walking around with no care in the world like a lost little child. It’s very hard on me but I have to do it. There is no turning back because I have two little girls that depend on me for everything.

            In high school, I never really thought about the future or set goals to achieve or plan to further my education. My mind was focused on boys, being popular, and partying all of the time. Boys…., they could have waited. I was one of those teenage girls who always thought that my mother did not know what she was talking about. I use to do the opposite of everything that my mother used to tell me to do. I would sneak out the house to see my boyfriends. I even use to sneak my boyfriends in my house when my mom was asleep. My mother was the best mother that someone could ever have. I know that she only wanted the best for me. Back then I was young and dumb and experience was the best teacher. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have chosen a different path for myself. I could have waited but I decided to rush everything. I rushed dating. I rushed sex. I definitely rushed a family that is all broken up now.

            Maybe the reason why my children’s father and I do not get along is because we did not give ourselves time to grow up. We were not mature at the time when we created this family. Our minds were all over the place and now we have grown apart. We were young and we were just doing what everyone else was doing which was sex. It seemed like if you was not in high school and having sex then you were not keeping up with what was the hot new thing. Two little girls have to go through their parents not being together. Our children have to deal with the fact that their parents do not get along. I had to separate myself from the fighting and the arguing for our children and for myself. It was unhealthy and I could not take it anymore mentally, physically or emotionally. Change could be a good thing. Change could be a bad thing. Who really knows? All that I do know is, “So much has changed and it will never be the same.”

                         

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