A Rose For A Friend

CLXXV1.

The rose symbolizes friendship.  This   purple rose is especially symbolic.
The rose symbolizes friendship. This purple rose is especially symbolic. | Source

Giving and receiving friendship is a privilege shared among civilized humans for mutual benefit. It involves a combination of mutual trust, affection and respect. The cheerful mutual giving and receiving of the freedom to be and to express oneself without fear or need for elaborate explanation or demeaning apology are the natural fruits of friendship, although if explanation or apology should become needed, they can be easily requested with confidence and as gladly given with generosity.

I love and appreciate all my beloved friends with whom I am blessed. This hub is dedicated to Shannon Henry.

There is there, you.
There is here, I.
No tie
But kinship.
No why
But all we share.


It has no time
But this,
There is no how
But thus, -
A sparkling now,
Of us.


No name need apply
But friendship
Which simply lives.

It's here, it's there

And everywhere.

Flees, flies, flows.


Returns and gives

What it simply knows

So that it grows.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay




Willingly
You walked with me,
A path that wound
Around my soul
And found
My soul,
And left it free.


I suppose it made but little sense to you.

But never did you impose
Your sense upon it.
For this,
You, too, are free to be.
My friend.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


Source



When filling my own needs

Also fills yours

And when filling

Your needs

Also fills mine -

That is reciprocal,

Unconditional love.


_____© Nellieanna H. Hay




Source



I know not how

To edit my soul,

Nor why I should, do you?


I'm glad you like me

Unabridged ~

~ If you do.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


OK, then,

I’ve said it plain,

I’ve said it fancy.

Whispered,

Screamed it.

Did it,

Showed it,

Read it,

Wrote it,

Rowed it,

Played it,

Danced it,

Turned it;

Let it be.


My friend,

If you do not know it yet,

The fault is not in me.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


Source


ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This material is protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission of Nellieanna H. Hay.


You’ve Got a Friend - Carole King, Celine Dion, Gloria Estefan, Shania Twain

© 2014 Nellieanna Hay

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Comments 85 comments

shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Nellieanna ~ This is simply beautiful. You are beautiful. Thank you! You leave me speechless, though. Hugs!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, my dear. I'm glad if you like it. Now I'm speechless! ;-)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Nellieanna,

This is a wonderful tribute, your words so beautiful and full of love and friendship. I joy to read. Voted up.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Jodah. What a lovely compliment. I'm pleased that you like it too.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Except that I might add. . .in my mind, that song will now forever be associated with you.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Great poem with such a beautiful rose and your unique expression is incredible.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful friends! I know Shannon and she is a true gem and beautiful person.

Up and more and sharing

Have a great week.

Hugs,

Faith Reaper


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Aw, thank you, Shan. That song and Carole King’s original version in the early 1970s, as well as James Taylor’s version back then, meant a great deal to me then when I so much appreciated having a couple of dear friends. I’ve always loved it ever since. It touches my heart. I just love this more recent version by Carole King, who wrote it in 1969. In other words, it’s a very special song for me, too!! Pleased to share it on this hub as it describes our friendship, too! :-) Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Devika, thank you so much. This was such a pleasurable personal hub to do. I’m delighted that you like it!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Faith, - oh, yes, Shannon is a’ dear and ‘true blue’ friend and person. I hope any who happen by here who haven’t met her here on Hubpages and on Facebook, will make her acquaintance.

The week is off and going. Looks to be a busy one! Hope yours is going well, too. I appreciate your visit and well-wishes.


Michael-Milec profile image

Michael-Milec 2 years ago

Oh, Nellieanna, ( pardon me, tears have to take care of…)

You've manifested , and made it known being a true friend in your first comment relating to my name. Verbalized in timeless " A Rose For A Friend" has robbed me of my limited vocabulary to express myself better,so I've taken this from memory :"…but a loving friend can stitck closer then a family."(GWtransl.)

Up and Awesome.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Aw, Faith Reaper, thanks. You're quite a gem yourself!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

This is beautiful, Nellieanna. What a treasured way to honor a friend. Love the purple rose - my favorite color.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa

Friendship is more precious than we tend to think - it is what is left after everything has been taken off. It is the solid or worthless skeleton of all other 'ships'.

Sadly, too many people abuse friendships, applying it only when they want/need something.

People like you and I invite not only true friends, Nellieanna, but also parasites, and on top of this we even allow those parasites to feed on us until we can no longer bear the pain.

Why am I so negative on this beautiful tribute to a true friend? Because you have described friendship so accurate that I could remember the many wide-awakenings I've had due to false friends.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Martie, it hurts like hell when that happens. In fact, Nellieanna was there shortly after one such incident happened between myself and someone I thought was someone to be trusted, trusted enough to express even the very human emotion of anger over something that could have at least been partially worked through with some discussion. Anger toward my friends, or even at all, doesn't happen often for me anyway. Long story short, she ended up telling me that she didn't really know me after all and I thought, "Well, obviously not if you can't see my heart through your own blind feelings of anger and hurt." Because I had no intentions of going anywhere or of changing my feelings of love and friendship toward her.

The silver lining behind things like that is that true friends like Nellieanna are treasured all the more. I think perhaps there is more of a blessing in loving another than in being loved. So don't ever lose that ability to love that way, Martie.

But now that she mentions it, Nellieanna, that was one thing I was so afraid of last summer. I did not want to be a leech and cause you pain. I wasn't so sure it was an equal balance and felt like I should somehow give more in return, but didn't know how. I've always liked that song, too, but it has a more personal meaning to me now.


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 2 years ago

i adore Shannon! She is great people with an even greater heart!

This is a beautiful and well-deserved tribute hub from one lovely lady TO another!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

I adore you, too, Leslie!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Michael-Milec - what a sweet, touching message. Yes, friendship is a precious thing.

That’s also so true that a loving friend can be closer than a family relative. A friend can understand what even a loving relative may never be able to. Just being born into a family doesn't automatically make the members mutually understanding or even tolerant of one another. But the ties are still there, just differently. Of course, friendship can occur within families, but that is not because they are related by blood, but because of the feelings of friendship springing from inside.

Being understood and accepted is what friends give. It's really all there is to it, in fact. They don’t ‘have to’ give or to do anything for an otherwise stranger, so everything that is shared is done from deep inside each of their hearts because it's really 'in there', not out of any familial obligation or expectations.

In fact, I’m afraid that the too-often business of expecting things of others or of being expected to deliver whatever kind of response by others can ruin a relationship quicker than even animosity can! When it begins to feel like it's being 'required', it begins to undo the bonds of mutual friendship.

We all so want and truly need to simply be loved and accepted ‘because’ with no strings! We want to give back but we don't feel we 'have to' dutifully do so. it's the freely sharing in friendship which is such a lovely privilege.

Thank you for your tender comments.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Shauna, thank you so much. Yes, I hope and trust that this is an eloquent way to honor my friend. Sometimes a statement of it is ‘just what is needed’, even though it’s not demanded, required or even expected. Willingness is a major part of sharing between friends. I hoped that this expresses mine. :-)

Ah yes. The purple rose is breathtaking, isn’t it? I’m very fond of purple too. Mother loved it and used muted purples in her paintings to represent shadows, rather than just grays or taupes. She said shadows are more purple than any other color. So I can also think of it as a perfect ‘basic’ or ‘neutral’ color, as well as being its own jewel-like, dramatic full-bloom self.

I’m so happy that you stopped by and let me know you like it!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Martie, my dear, thank you. You’re absolutely right that trustworthy friendship is ultimately precious, and, of course, that humans being humans, they aren’t always up to it. Even the best people may falter. So many things going on in a human’s life may effect everything else going on, which may be one's own involvement. It’s one reason I try to ‘give benefit of doubt’ even if someone disappoints me. I know that very few people set out to disappoint or hurt others.

The reality is that relationships mean that two people, each with a whole subjective ‘universe’ of his or her own, are coming into close proximity in which those two universes must blend in order to work out happily for both of them. If they don’t blend, or - worse - if they clash, no matter if it disappoints me after hoping it would be otherwise, I must think to myself that I prefer to know it that to either imposing on the other person or vice-versa. If that happens, I cry - but not forever. I must accept things as they are and as they prove themselves to be, - and if they prove unworthy, I not only must accept & allow it to be, among the possibilities, but value the truth and accept it. I don’t really rely on expectations so much as on realities, aware that those can and sometimes do shift and change, as we all have experienced. In fact, when it comes to friendship, it’s only what it IS if it is free to be and not just obligated.

I have had life-long friendships that were so solid that, even after lengthy periods of separation due to life happening on one end or the other, immediately when reunited, is was always as if no time had elapsed & nothing had been lost because, - essentially it had not been and the time had been spent honorably. It’s part of the beauty of it.

I’m just not parasite diet. I know we’ve each experienced some of that, and we’ve each learned wisdom from those experiences. I would also want to shield you from any such recurrence.

I wouldn’t call anyone a false friend, but more likely a poor fit mistakenly thought a good one. Because I might expect a certain response from someone else that doesn’t happen is not the fault of the other person. It just wasn’t how it was for him/her.

I have a saying: “The truth will out.” So one can pretty much depend on it, if one is aware, both of the joys of a relationship and signs of misfitting.

Blindness isn’t a friend in relationships. Offering one’s own friendship faithfully at one’s full capacity is satisfying, no matter what, even if or when it wasn’t a mutual fit. Life is truly too short to allow disappointments and truth to poison it. And expectations often pave the way to disappointments. I know you don’t and won’t allow them to poison yours! Nor do or will I, mine!

You’re much loved. It’s just the way it is! Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Shan, one who isn’t a leech needn’t fear being one, because it’s not so. Pain which another may feel or choose to feel is that person’s responsibility, not one’s own. That’s some of what my poetry here is saying: that people who share friendship have a “we” identity; but still, each person is granted and accepts each person’s freedom to be and to ‘do’ himself/herself. That unconditionally is or must be reciprocal and spontaneous in order to exist mutually; and that mutuality is the essence of true friendship.

That unconditionality happily accepts and forgives differences, while through the reciprocity, that unconditionality truly is shared mutually. It’s a little like stringing your beads into beautiful necklaces and bracelets, in which each part happily fills its place in conjunction with the others. In friendships, each happily accepts the other ‘as is’ and no one involved needs to be blind to any difference or to natural human glitches that may occur, nor to try to change the other or be changed, so long as friendship is what and how it is.

Yes - that song just says it plainly “you have a friend”; - that is what matters. When one is a friend, - well - one IS a friend and that’s that. The song is a wonderful reminder of how lovely that is!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Beloved Leslie, YES! - she is great people with an enormous heart and is a lovely lady! Thank you for ‘seconding the motion’! I’m so pleased to see you here! Love you. Hugs.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 2 years ago from California

Bravo! Bravo! If more people were friends and treated people as friends the world would be so much better.

I just reconnected with a friend from a pivotal time in my childhood. My kindred friend rejoiced with me, she had known her too, just not as long.

Who were the guys with Carol King?


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 2 years ago from Deep South, USA

Marvelous, Nellieanna! This hub speaks and shows volumes about the beauty of friendship. My favorite of your verses here: " I know not how

To edit my soul, Nor why I should, do you? I'm glad you like me

Unabridged ~~ If you do." It speaks directly to (and of) me. If someone is my friend, it's because she or he likes me for who I am--failings and all. While it is pleasing when friends share philosophies, it isn't a necessary factor in abiding friendship.

We don't get to pick our "kin", but true friendship is a relationship of choice.

Voted Up+++

Jaye


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Oh, Nellienna...this is such beautiful poetry…stemming from a beautiful heart and mind. I have close, dear friend who lives hundreds of miles away, thus making frequent visits, difficult. If we haven’t spoken for awhile, I will call her, or vice versa, on the same day the other was thinking of calling. The conversation continues as if it never ended. Such friendships are precious…as is the perennial rose that blooms in a garden that is cared for and nurtured. Voted up ++ and sharing. :-)


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

This truly was a delightful surprise, Nellieanna, even if I sort of unintentionally forced you into giving me a 'hint' ahead of time. ;) It makes me smile each time I receive an email notification that someone commented here. And the lovely comments to you are so well deserved. You are a treasure to many, no doubt.


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 2 years ago from Los Angeles

Such a lovely tribute to true friendship, Nellieanna. My friends are among my greatest treasures, and my best friends like sisters I never had. I can't imagine getting through my days without sharing experiences, thoughts, laughs, and emotional support. Many have withered away as circumstances have changed over the years but that doesn't diminish the joy in them and how we influenced each other's lives. I have a plaque which reads "A garden of friends is always in bloom." So true! Some are the reliable perennials, others stalwart trees, and many the random blooms which brighten our days. The garden needs to be lovingly tended, so the roots of friendship go deep, but we can always expect to see a few weeds.

All of the best,

Cat :)

Carole King/James Taylor bring back many memories from my college years with this song.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Quick apology for those who've commented that I've just now been able to reply! I don't like to neglect your lovely comments and attention. Thank you. By way of explanation, a local elderly dear friend needed encouragement and special practical assistance in the aftermath of her husband's death. After 68 years of marriage, she isn't quite prepared for the 'real world' she now has to meet on its terms at times. So it's been 3 or 4 days of our intensive chasing around, trying to get & present her papers required for the tasks; but is good and gratifying at this point to have helped her, both in just getting out and about, feeling more joyous & capable; and at this point, securing her husband's pension and benefits, which was what this has been about! Her records were not quite ready for the task, to say the least, nor her ability to go, know and do what had to be done. There are more facets of it to come but this was a top priority with critical timing.

I hardly know what is better than to have what someone needs and the opportunity to share it!!

In some areas, we both thought that 'somebody up there' surely must be also helping us get through the maze! It's almost indescribable, even though I am quite current. Most interesting experience! I have to wonder how some older folks who are not keyed in so much really manage! They hardly 'speak the same language' as the people with whom they must interact, in order to get their lives back on track! I was truly partly like an interpreter between them!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Tirelesstraveler -- Thank you~ yes - if more people were true friends treating others kindly - (certainly as well as they want to be treated), - it would be a better world. Of course, there are differences in how individuals prefer to be treated and we can't always read others' minds, but simply giving the treatment we'd like to receive would make a vast difference. Even trying to learn what our others prefer and tying to give that would be outstanding.

How marvelous that you have been able to reconnect with a friend from childhood! And how great that your other friend also shared the connection!

I don't know who those others with Carole King are, though they look very familiar. I was unable to identify them though. Maybe someone else can!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, dear Jaye! Exactly; - we want and need to be perceived and loved for who we are and not to feel we need to or be pressured to try to 'fix ourselves' to better be accepted by someone else. We may sort of do that spontaneously because of being recognized, loved, and encouraged to rise to our best, but not the other way around!

There used to be a very good description of those times when others seem critical and say or imply, "I'd like you better if you were different!" Remember that one? Most of us have found ourselves with someone with that attitude. We may try to 'be different' to suit, but it's a pointless, absurd effort. If one is not liked 'as is', it does not mean something 'wrong' with oneself or the other person(s); it may just be a mis-match and lack of compatibility with someone. Neither party is as fault necessarily, anymore than trying to wear a dress in the wrong size means the dress is wrong or one's body is wrong. But it can be difficult simply to accept that someONE doesn't fit us or vice versa.

But how much anguish might be saved if it could be recognized and calmly accepted without some of the fireworks it sometimes sets off (possibly followed by retributions)!! sigh.

TRUE that we don't choose our relatives, but not only CAN but MUST choose our friends with a degree of wisdom so that the best can be realized from it. Yes!

Thank you for great comments and votes!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Genna, thank you and I love the subtle reference, "stemming from a beautiful heart and mind", - as the rose stems from its roots, perhaps. :-) In any case, I'm gratified with your words.

Isn't that amazing when a friend and oneself have the same idea or words nearly simultaneously? wow. It's so special. I've had several such friends over my long life! :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

haha, Shan. Not a problem with the slightly early revealing of the hub. I wouldn't have if it hadn't been the best option, so you weren't wondering what had happened to me, maybe thinking I was ignoring! I'm loving the beautiful comments on here too! Our mutual friends are such wonderful people. The comments are directed at both of us!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Well, some of them are sort of directed at me too, but more so directly to you as the hub author. You have an abundance of friends, which is a wonderful thing. Even those I don't know must be good people - they have to be; they chose you as a friend. ;)

It's hard to pick a favorite poem of this collection here, by the way. I am particularly fond of three of them. The rest are also good, of course.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Cat, I couldn't agree more that friends are one's treasures. I've had several who've been like the sisters close to my own age I didn't have. My own 2 sisters were 12 and 14 years older than I, and so, were far removed from mine. Best friends filled that void.

I love that beautiful saying on your plaque and your remarks about it. Yes, in our friendship garden, there are many varieties of plants and there may even arise some weeds. They will all show their true colors, though.

I have a decoupage made by and given me by one of those friends who filled the void for me. It has this on it in calligraphy: "Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Shan, the lovely comments made on here are primarily directed at the relationship called friendship, which we simply share, - don’t you agree? :-) Hugs.


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 2 years ago from Los Angeles

Thank you for sharing the writing from your decoupage- beautiful! I will add it to my book of favorite and meaningful things to reflect on. :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Glad you liked it, Cat. It is attributed to George Eliot, which was the pen name of Mary Ann Evans. My friend, Jean, just put "Author Unknown" on the decoupage. But Google seems to know! :-)


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

The meaning is quite clear for all to see,

Friendship, just simply, must just be.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Absolutely, Deb. Friendship is its name and what it IS! :-) One of life's greatest experiences and treasures.

Thank you for your visit and lovely poetic comment!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa

Dear Nellieanna, thank you so much for your lovely reply to my comment. As always I agree wholeheartedly with you.

I also have to assure Shanmarie that I know exactly what she means, and that you, my dear cyber mamma, has also proved your true friendship to me more than once via supporting messages that enabled me to form a balanced perception of a sad incident. Your fairness and ability to see the good in people in spite of their clumsiness when it comes to human relations makes you a precious, well-needed friend.

Of course, I take after you - I also have the ability to see and understand the reasons why some people don't meet my expectations, but I still need someone to confirm my judgement, and that is why I call you my mother in cyberspace.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Martie, darlin’, thank YOU. The outstanding thing about friendship is its reciprocity and yours always has it. No one needs to feel there's imbalance because, friendship-wise, it's balanced, the way a lovely painting or piece of music 'has' that balance, not 'tit for tat', but it feels reciprocal and fair. It's not an effort. It's natural.

Yes, you do have the innate ability to extend understanding to people, no matter what, sometimes meaning when things start to feel 'out of balance' so that it could be tempting to give up on them. But it's right then that deepest friendship comes through, which is mutually valuable. If a little confirmation that it will prove worth it is needed occasionally, then I’m glad if I can supply it. Hugs and love!


Vincent Moore 2 years ago

What a beautiful tribute to a friend, since I am no longer a member here I haven't been able to establish new friendships, although I have become friends with many from once being here. I am thankful to have retained you dear poet as a friend. Shannon and I share a little and I appreciated her comments left at my work when it was here. Friendships are golden and me must cherish and nurture them all our life. Hugs sweet lady.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dear Vincent. You’re beloved and missed here. There are lovely connections elsewhere to enjoy and I enjoy some of those, too, especially since quite a few of my own ‘kids’ who aren’t involved in HP, are quite active there. I was a member of FB several years before I came upon HP, but was never very active on it. HP immediately supplied something for me which no other cyber place did or does. But FB was a major bridge in reuniting me with some of my beloved grandkids, with whom I might never have been reunited. So each place (IRL or online) where we get to share some 'life' with friends and family has great value. It's all something of a miracle compared to times when distance and time were such harsh separators of people.

I also know you’re very popular wherever you go, while the roots we’ve shared here on Hubpages going back to when we were all sort of neophytes here do go deeply and don’t wither. I miss those of ‘us’ who have seen fit to seek a place elsewhere, but the connections are intact. You always know you’re very welcome any time you come by to see what we’re doing on HP. As you say, the friendships formed, wherever, are golden and must be cherished and nurtured. It’s not ‘either/or’ so long as they are ongoing! It’s where our hearts are. Some of my dearest friends have left HP, some even seem to have gone offline. But the thing about friends is that the heart knows nothing of separations.

Shannon is active on FB, too, by the way. We visit there regularly. The real-time messaging/chat which FB provides is very good for keeping touch!

Thank you so much, my friend, for coming by here and leaving such lovely, heartfelt comments! Hugs!


Harishprasad profile image

Harishprasad 2 years ago from India

What a beautiful poetic discourse on such a beautiful aspect of our life- FRIENDSHIP ! I liked the whole poem but the part that touched my soul the most is where you said to your friend that she made her way to the premises of your soul and entered there and met your soul. It occurred to you that she did not find your soul as something very wonderful,fantastic and electrifying and so returned leaving it alone and free. And in doing so , your friend gracefully set her own soul free. Both souls free yet so fabulously connected to each other ! I also relished that part where a friend is told to accept her friend as unabridged in sheer totality. Nellieanna, this is such a beautiful poem that I would like to revisit this hub again and again. I also like your great graphics that enchant our hearts no end. I wonder whether my commentary on a select part of your poem will interest you ! I was just carried away with the babbling emotions and expressed them all onto this hub. This rose in this hub is a dear charming one. Thanks and all happiness and peace. :-)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Harish, I’m delighted with your comments and especially am interested in your insightful commentary on the lines of my poem which you noticed especially. Those are some of my own favorite lines which express my deep thoughts about friendship - and love - which are vital to me. You have keyed in to the main spirit of them.

If someone truly meets and recognizes my soul, that is perceiving who I really am, including what is better along with what is worse about me, all of it being who I am. If someone prefers to see only part of me as a friend, then it is not really who I AM being befriended or loved, but a construct of the other person’s mind or imagination. Eventually that construct will falter. Disappointment and anguish will result for both persons.

Also, if one person is unable to see and accept the less-great parts of another person, neither could that person fully see and appreciate the truly great parts. People are ‘whole packages’. No one gets to pick and choose what they want in another person and to just discard the rest of it. It never works out well if it's tried.

Freedom to BE all of oneself is the essence of a person and perhaps even more so, is the essence of a relationship between persons who are equally free to be themselves. You are so right about the fact that the friend allowing the other’s soul its freedom is also freeing his or her own.

By contrast, if or when one person sets out to control or dominate another person (who allows it for any of a variety of reasons), both individuals become hostages to that effort or system. Possibly the one attempting to impose the control is even more enslaved to it than the other person because there will be a kind of pressure to take responsibility for the other one (or a more destructive kind of 'ownership'), plus a sense of needing to assert constant vigilance, bringing with it a prevailingly inevitable annoyance that the effort cannot possibly work, with suspicion and jealousy, which will keep the one trying to impose it off-balance and separated from his or her own being and living. It will create a futile situation which gradually whittles away at the freedom and joy of both.

Meanwhile, the person being dominated may resort to being somehow ‘driven underground’, where it is safe to be himself or herself, but is not fully satisfying and stymies the full expression of all that the person could become. I’ve seen this happen to others.

Even more personally, I was in such a relationship for 18 years. Happily, the personal ‘underground’ to which I could retreat was found in my poetry and other creative pursuits, where I was able to preserve my own being and personality intact without allowing bitterness or blindness to poison me. It was a ‘place’ to find my freedom to BE, even though it was found in spite of harsh experience, which I’d accepted for reasons that were honorable, if unwise.

So I do speak of that kind of relationship with genuine first-hand knowledge which has given me insight into the difference between a good relationship for both people and one that limits each person in it. By the way, the other person in my experience, who is my age and still living, has become a dreadful tyrant to all around him, still imposing his dominance and demands on many of them through threat and intimidation. For himself, he has pulled the choking smallness of his ‘world’ around him like a cloak or a shroud. It’s truly sad. I pray for him, for he is his own worst enemy.

Each of us humans has the choice of being whole and self-acceptant, and acceptant of others - or . . . not. How sad when someone mistakes control of others for his or her own power. It not only happens in one-to-one life situations, but on grander scales in the world.

Yes, the rose is charming and is a good symbol of all that is good in friendship, - beauty, authenticity, a giving spirit. Thank you, my friend!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

That's one of the three I mentioned being quite fond of. I've expressed similar thoughts on many occasions - but in your poetic words, it sounds so much more eloquent!

To not fully recognize people are human and imperfect means that someone will eventually be hurt. And it could mean to someone being placed upon those dastardly pedestals that they will fall from, landing on the one that provided such lofty heights in the first place. Surely not a fun dose of reality.

People can and do disappoint one another, but truly loving another means loving the person in whole and not focusing on any wrongs that are more often than not unintentional anyway. No record of wrong because there is no need to do so.

I'm also very fond of the first one and the one about liking another unabridged.

These poems, that song - they're so much more than simply saying "you've got a friend." They're are friends and then there are Friends. Close friends. Sort of like the difference between a true friend and a fair weather friend or maybe the difference between a friend and merely a well liked acquaintance. A Friend will not easily walk away, will not stop caring, and separation from time or distance do not change the heart of it.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Yikes. Ohmygoodness! Dangnabit. Five minute editing. . . geesh. There are, not they're. . .And I know you noticed that blunder, too! Hahaha. Five minutes sure goes faster than it seems. . .


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Yes, being ‘placed’ somewhere which exists only in another person’s mind is uncomfortable at best and destructive at worst. I tend to think that any ‘falling from’ an imaginary pedestal is also imaginary and exists only in the mind(s) of the pedestal-creator and may possibly be ‘bought into’ by the pedestal occupant. But it's all imaginary. When people’s imaginary constructs are challenged or dashed, though, it can enrage to the point of building the angry reaction into a bitter reality for all concerned. Best to steer clear of both imaginary pedestals and imaginary ditches others might want to capture one on or in.

Allowing oneself to buy into either demeaning opinions about oneself OR flattering ones would be equally unwise and unrealistic. Of course, it’s more pleasant to hear flattering ones about oneself, but one shouldn’t let any opinions about oneself sway one’s own firm truth. Being who one IS counts. Opinions are just opinions. No need to disrespect them for what they are, just no need to buy into them for oneself or to use them as one’s own truth.

By the same token, one needs to remember that one’s own opinions about others are merely opinions, too, so that ‘wrongs’ they do may be wrongs only in one’s own eyes. As you say, even if the results of the other person’s actions (or failures to act) feel hurtful, and therefore ‘wrong’ to oneself, their motives may have been different. One shouldn’t be judgmental, because there is no way to know why or what happened. There are countless real-life justified situations for the other person about which one can have no knowledge, and no explanation is owed. So it’s vital to give others ‘benefit of the doubt’ because one cannot KNOW what prompts or limits them. When it’s for a dear friend, it’s all the more imperative to extend it.

I know what you mean about the categorizing of friends, but I tend to feel all friends who deserve the term merit the regard. I doubt that a ‘fair weather friend’ really is one. It’s not as though friendship is an obligation, either. Friendship simply is what it IS, first of all, a privilege & the spontaneous ongoing shared feeling of closeness and of mutually wanting the best for each other because it’s really wanted. It can’t be faked or forced. If it doesn’t happen, it’s not a fault. It’s just a fact, one way or the other. It’s like love. It happens or it doesn’t. It continues or it doesn’t. When it does, it’s such a wonderful gift.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

“They’re” is the correct contraction for “they are”. The only error involved was the redundancy of “They’re are. . .” , which may have been a typo or a left-over from another correction. You are so right. The five minute edit time seems more like half a minute. It barely leaves time to read over it, much less enough time to fix errors!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Hehe. But I wasn't saying they are. I was saying 'there are friends,' but I guess you didn't notice after all. :D

I agree, pedestals are imaginary and opinions are just that. I do think there are "fair weather" friends, though, and intentionally so - though I do not go looking for that sort of quality about a person and realize the benefit of the doubt (in the sense you use the phrase) should be given. I just know people personally that will call themselves friend to someone until things are no longer beneficial to their own material or otherwise selfish gains. My categorization is meant to be broad as well. Friends of any kind most definitely deserve regard. There are just different levels of closeness and of knowing another that ideally only adds to the regard, if that makes any sense.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Or maybe I just confused myself. . .ah.. .oh well. . .wrong or right spelling, I'm off to bed. Love ya.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah - of course. Now I see it. 'They're' was accidentally used for 'there'. If it had been the correct spelling of the phonetic sound of that, it would have fit with 'are' as in 'there are'. I confess that I hardly noticed it on first reading and when I went back to see, after you called attention to it, I guess I didn't really fit it into context. haha. So my notice of it was too cursory. blblblbl . . .

To bed for me, as well!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I rushed right over. Let me catch my breath.

There is a master of zen.

And you, a master of pen.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Mike! I would love to be a master of zen and to possess that calmness of spirit. If pen can somewhat capture it, I am pleased!


Vellur profile image

Vellur 2 years ago from Dubai

Awesome poems on friendship, each one a gem. Loved them all, you do have a way with words, just like magic. Great poems, voted up.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

Always such beautiful and heartfelt work!


jhamann profile image

jhamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

Your poetry expresses the beauty within you. Thank you for sharing. Jamie


KimberlyLake profile image

KimberlyLake 2 years ago from California

A really beautiful tribute to friendship. Voted up, awesome and pinned.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, Vellur! How lovely to see you here. Your sweet comment makes me smile! Hugs!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Audrey, thank you, lovely lady! I appreciate your taking time to visit my hub! I'm tardy replying to the last several comments. Have had company and have virtually not been online.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Jamie, I deeply appreciate that. That is such a meaningful compliment. Thank you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Kimberly, I always like to visit the hub page of someone whom I hadn’t known before who is kind enough to visit mine. How pleased I am to meet you. I’ve just read your lovely tribute to your grandfather, Arthur Lake, who was so beloved to me in my childhood as the character Dagwood Bumstead in all those wonderful old “Blondie” movies I would never miss when they came to the local theater in my little town, Del Rio, Texas. To get to the movie, I would have earned my dime admission by making a quilt block, which was Mother’s requirement. The Depression was still raging and those happy movies were so very welcomed. I didn’t mind having to earn the dime, because I always loved the movies, and Blondie was one of my favorites.

How good of you to share those personal recollections of Arthur Lake, whom portrayed so beautifully as a kind, funny, dear person who was important to you in your life! The way you describe each poignant detail is really endearing. I smiled all the way through reading it. Thank you!


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 2 years ago from london

Extremely beautiful! From the rose onwards it increases in loftiness and charm. Exquisitely presented and sublime!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Manatita. It was a pleasure to make this hub. How nice that you've found it after its first publishing several months ago. I appreciate your kind comments!


DealForALiving profile image

DealForALiving 2 years ago from Earth

Really lovely poem. My favorite lines:

I know not how

To edit my soul,

Nor why I should, do you?


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Hi, beautiful friend. It still brings a smile when I see this hub come up in notification emails. Love you lots! What a blessing you are.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello, again, DealForALiving! I'm pleased that you've returned for another of my poetry hubs! I like that you favor my pithy short verses. Thank you for your gracious comments.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Shannon, - yes - It does my heart good too. It says so much about the way good ole Hubpages keeps refreshing our friendships and bringing new folks in to share in it. Your words are very dear to me. Thank you, my dear.

I'll be thinking of you on my way to the ranch tomorrow and then on the way back to Dallas Saturday. It will be good to have those things needing it, - tended to down there. Hope your day goes well, too!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, shanmarie, for updating me about the original song video disappearing, which, upon checking it out, I discovered was due to copyright matters which made it no longer available. I diligently looked for fitting replacements and found one to replace it very fittingly which is wise and applicable to all relationships, I think. I trust you will understand.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

I understand and it is your hub. Your prerogative to change the song if you wish. You're not asking and you don't need my approval. However, if you want my honest opinion and reaction. I liked the other song much better even though the particular video of it no longer worked. It seemed to fit the hub better. Plus, this hub and the song had personal meaning to me. To say someone is like a family member expresses a lot about feelings of importance and regard toward another, much the way the other song seemed to express. It's a hub I treasure in its original form. But, again, that's just me and this is not my hub. :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Yes, it was and is my prerogative in each instance. When technicalities were presented to which I needed to respond, that is what I did. Other versions of the first song I checked out felt different to me and inexact to be set in this hub in its present time. This video I chose felt different and right to me in the hub in its present time. I must measure the authenticity of what I write by those means, not in how they may or may not project effects on someone else.

This hub always was and is an expression of what I wanted to say and communicate and was never designed for producing 'effect'. So I was genuinely glad when you were pleased then and am sorry you are displeased in the measure you've described being now. Those effects are your own, however. I've been pleased with it in its existing times in both instances, which makes it authentic, as believe that I am. My honest authenticity is the best I have to offer.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

If you are pleased, that is good. :)


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

It's not my intention to be critical, by the way. I will send you a message on FB or an email.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Inner core pleasure 'goes-with' being myself, not being molded by others' criticism, approbation or manipulation.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Yes, that makes sense. It's a lesson I learned the hard way over a decade ago, but still lose sight of now and then. I am glad it's second nature to you.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

I've been provided many decades to experience and to internalize it. I can't lose sight of it. It is part of my nature, without which, I'd not exist.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Funny how this conversation seems to coincide with my thoughts of late and the hub I published a day or two ago. :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thumbs up!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Thanks. And just so you know, I do understand and an apology for my reaction to it is not necessary because I know that you are expressing yourself, as is the purpose. I simply did the same. Perhaps I should do much less of that, though there are few I express so freely with to begin with. Seems I am either too much or too little either way, though. I can't stop being me, however, even if I wanted to. So, anyway, my point is just that. No criticism just in case you thought it was and still appreciation. And no apology for your choice necessary. :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

I know.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 2 years ago from UK

I'm glad you like me

Unabridged ~

But I am also glad you took the trouble to correct some of my many faults, in your subtle, inimitable way. Thank you for being my friend...

.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS Author

I'm privileged to be your friend, dear Dimitris. Of course I didn't set out to change you in any way! Whatever it was, you chose on your own for your own reasons! But thank you for attributing any of it to me! I miss you. Hugs and love ~


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 23 months ago from Texas

Ah, Nellieanna, how easily friendships are ended and usually because of differences in perspective and perception are present. One thing I have learned, though, is that offering explanations and insight in efforts to alleviate the misperceptions is often fruitless. People tend to remain set on their original perception rather than reconsidering it in light of another's explanation of what was and was not meant to be conveyed. There's beauty when those hurdles are overcome, but it is rare. Because it takes two willing to do so and neither can expect the other to be willing. That too should be effortless because love is the ultimate gift, allowing us to see worth in a friendship despite hurt feelings brought on by misunderstandings. I am also learning that sharing these thoughts with friends I have lost does nothing. Probably just feels like more pressure to be some expected version of a friend and pushes people further away. My heart aches for these friendships, not because they are owed to me, but because it saddens me how easily such love between people is thrown away.

Spiderwebs of Love

In life, it seems, we build our bonds with tenuous threads

How easily they break and tears are shed

Together the web they weave stands strong and sure

A beautiful masterpiece so full of allue

When something breaks that fragile piece of art

It can be repaired, perhaps stronger than before

Yet it is so often thrown away rather than restored

Because, unlike a spiderweb that's torn,

It takes two to build the bond once more

It's enough to make one wonxer why we weave at all

Never get too comfortable - it's not that hard to fall

12-7-14

Even trying to figure out ae find out a friend's preferences is often in vain. We can try to give from the heart like that, but none of us are mind readers.

It always saddens me when friends choose to let go. Not a single relationship is guaranteed to last, but if we had the freedom of trusting that the bond is strong enough, it will, it doesn't feel like expectations of giving; it is simply even more appreciated. How do you convince someone their own perceptions were skewed? You don't. And maybe that's that. It falls apart.


Venkatachari M profile image

Venkatachari M 22 months ago from Hyderabad, India

Beautiful feelings of friendship. It's so awesome to read the lines and experience the feelings.

Thanks for sharing it.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Venkatachari M, for visiting and appreciating my hubs today. I notice you've chosen those which are about friendships, which are quite meaningful and rooted in sincerity. Even when apart, they last. I've friends from childhood who are still friends, even when we've not seen each other for long periods of time. Some people do go out of one's life, but the shared times remain precious. My attitude is never to 'burn bridges'. Even if they're not being used for crossing back and forth, they can remain intact, unless they're burned from the other side.

Real feelings are what I value, and real feelings cannot be honestly or effectively imitated. One must express what is truly felt. That way, it's always believable.

Thank you for your visit and comments. I visited your hub site and truly enjoyed it. I'm a new follower!

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