A Straight Man Educates Me On Their Repulsion To Gay Sex

 

Okay, I admit it. While I read every comment posted to my blogs I don't respond to all of them. I do however try to respond to emails that people send me. I don't know if it's my Jewish guilt at work or what but I feel that if someone takes the time to write in the least I can do is respond.

Well, below is an email that was sent to me when I posted a recent video blog titled, "Tell Me Again Who My Gayness Is Hurting?"

As you can see, I felt compelled to respond. I'll say no more as I think that people should be presented with the facts and make decisions for themselves...

I don't know if you're just making a statement or genuinely asking and wanting to know why people object to "gays". I have never put myself in dialogue with a gay man for the purpose of debating the issue of homosexuality but if you want to discuss it with me I will. To the point - of course you are not hurting anybody by being gay. You express dismay at being so misunderstood and despised. This makes me wonder if you fail to see into the minds of straights just as much as they fail to see into your mind. Let me tell you in all honesty as a strictly heterosexual male, I am glad of every progress that is made in the furtherance of civil liberties and I remain hopeful that the rights of all men and women find their way to a strong and stable presence in an ever more enlightened and tolerant society. I am glad of every success that the struggle of gay rights achieves for the betterment of those who best benefit from these achievements. However, I personally find the actual concept of male to male sexuality repulsive. So what's going on here? I believe in truth and justice and must vote with my reason in accordance with what I know to be right. Yet were I to vote with my emotions I would outlaw what seems overwhelmingly obvious to me to be utterly abhorrent. One of my aspects is clearly wrong and equally as clearly it is my emotional reaction to the imagery of male to male sexuality. What I am trying to say to you is that those who hate and persecute homosexuals do so (in my opinion) in response to their feelings first and foremost. For heterosexual men, male to male sexuality is as repulsive a thing as can be imagined. Now, we all empathise with what we see in the world. When we see laughter, anger, sadness etc. depicted in the movies we feel those emotions because we automatically put ourselves in the situation depicted. Therefore when we see 'Brokeback Mountain' we involuntarily empathise with the characters and find ourselves so thoroughly abhorred that it feels like (and really sort of is) a personal assault. It is against this personal assault that the homophobes react when they perpetrate their acts of hatred against the gay community. It isn't you in your gayness that is guilty, it is we in our revulsion and intolerance who are guilty. We could indeed be tolerant of you but first we would have to bear the burden of our own insufferable revulsion at the concept of male to male sexuality. I submit that this is not a reasonable ask. If you are inclined I would like to hear back from you about what I have said here. Mark.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Mark,

Well first allow me to thank you for your thoughtful and truly interesting take on the subject. I don't know if when I originally posted this video I thought of it being strictly rhetorical but I must tell you that your comments have certainly make me consider it as an honest question.

I never really thought about the whole what I'll call the "ick" factor (strictly because the word "repulsive", well repulses me). But may I suggest that as you state in your well thought out email that the whole sleeping with men thing is only one part of me (or any homosexual as a person)? I get that it's easy to get hung up on it but I have to ask if you really see your parents as sexual beings or say your grandmother? No disrespect to any of your family but I don't see my friends as sexual beings and believe me when I tell you that most I don't even want to begin to imagine them having sex. So why is it so easy to use the repulsive behavior as the easy out?

Some homosexuals actually find it an insult to be called "homosexual" because of this very reason. They feel it reduces them to no longer being seen as a complete person but as someone who strictly has sex with the same sex. I don't know if I'd take it that far but I do believe that there's something to be said for their argument as well.

And although the thought of two men repulses you I wonder how you feel about two women having sex? Is that "hot" or okay because it's two women and not two men?

 

I don't have an easy (or for one even a glib) answer for you. I think you're most likely right that it's that repulsion some straight men (and some women) feel that causes them to continually fight to keep our rights at a minimum.

What I am grateful for are people like you who articulate their point of view and don't attack or judge but simply share your point of view. So thank you again for your response and I will continue to think on it.

Scott

P.S.

I would really like your approval to use your comments on my website. I will not mention your name or anything but I really just think what you articulated is so interesting of a point I'd very much like to share it with your permission.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scott,It appears to me from your response that you have very probably understood me and i find that very gratifying. I had feared I may have offended you. I believe my point has been satisfactorily made and that you have considered it thoughtfully. Although I think I could have expressed my view more eloquently, upon re-reading it I am satisfied that it is adequately represented.

To answer your questions, I am not at all repulsed by the imagery associated with lesbian sexuality. This may cause you to suppose that homophobia is largely a question of taste and that people like me or people who are repulsed by male to male sexuality are just culturally predisposed or otherwise habituated to a kind of mindset or acquired predilection. I think this is not the case and that is what I was trying to say in my first response to you. It is not so simple, mere or subtle as 'taste'. It runs very deep. I would want you to realise this. I do not forgive or sympathise with the violent or heartless monsters who are so ready to persecute and destroy you. But I am proposing an explanation for this evil. The explanation lay in the sense of revulsion that is very deeply engrained in the hetero male psyche - or so it seems to me.

Some people are genetically phobic of spiders. It would be too much to ask them to overcome their fear as if it were nothing more than a prejudice. Homophobia is not an intellectual aberration or norm, it is an instinctual vestige. Though the fault is entirely mine I could not sit with you in your house and chat comfortably for very long about trivial matters however I can make my way through my instinctual aversions and both recognise and declare that the fault is mine and by no means yours. That, I regret to inform you, is the best I and others like me can do.

I do not object to your quoting me (I don't even think I would object to being identified)

Thank you for your efforts to explain your viewpoint. You cannot get your enemies on side. Most people are completely unwilling to free themselves from the tyranny of their instincts and prejudices. There will always be those who despise you. Take heart if you can that their despise is a function of their small mindedness, their fear and their ignorance. You cannot 'win'. None of us can. Only love will save the day and there are none that will know it but they who love.

Mark.

 

 

I did not respond again, didn't see the need (per my online therapist in Australia). I'll let all of you reading draw your own conclusions and/or thoughts.

 

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Comments 8 comments

spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Wow...what an interesting correspondence, Scott. And by the way, you look wonderful in that video!

I read this through twice and found myself bouncing from one emotion to the next. Needless to say...when I started reading Mark's initial email, it wasn't what I expected it to be at all.

I understand what he was saying...and given that the average male thinks about sex every seven seconds (?)...not sure if that only applies to hetero males...do YOU think about sex every seven seconds? :) Anyway...given the assumption that it is true regarding the prurient thoughts of an average hetero male, I can see how thinking of a person as something other than a sexual being would be a problem. Hmm...this might account for the fact that our current society has this abnormal fixation with porn, sex and the use of female sexuality to sell everything from beer to cars. The fact that lesbian sex does not offend him...well, that cinched it for me. It is obviously what he considers to be an "unnatural" sexuality that offends his emotional state.

Unlike Mark though...I don't want to say that this is what it is and that's too bad, but that's all there is. Perhaps I'm just a Pollyanna and I haven't faced reality yet. However, I do have a greater faith in humanity...and perhaps that is helped by the fact that I'm a woman...and I do NOT think of sex every 7 seconds. :) I see you as a fellow human being...and whatever you do in private is your own business and not an integral part of our relationship.


Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow 8 years ago

I think that's pretty much what's going on in the head's of most homophobes, but most people are far less objective than that particular man. Then again, I think most people are far less objective with regard to anything else, either. Interesting back and forth there, Scott!


somelikeitscott profile image

somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas Author

Someone I used to work for always said, "I don't have the answers, just the questions and the faith that the great people I've surrounded myself with will solve the issue." Of course this guy was a total tool and only trying to not have to take responsibility or make a decision that he could ultimately be held accountable.

But the reason as to why I posted this correspondence is really the same. I don't have the answer to this one just still have the question continually running through my head that I just don't get why it matters so much. Then again, I'm not afraid of spiders. (see above)

Spryte thanks for the great comments and the sweet words regarding my appearance.

Iz - you know I love you, there's no other like you and I'm thankful we have the online relationship we do!


Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow 8 years ago

Awww, I love you too!!! :)


dave2k32000 8 years ago

My respone is that the idea or the emotion that makes a man to involve in Gay practise is an inverse emotion. All this are just a trick to make man fall into aborminable sin. One should not practise it, IT IS WRONG.


brimancandy profile image

brimancandy 5 years ago from Northern Michigan

Wow. I found this very interesting. Upon working daily with several hundred people for 15 years, I have heard all kinds of views on the subject. I find that there is a larger number of straight men, and an even a larger percentage of women that really don't care about anyones sex life. They say, what you do in your own home is your business. But, that is a huge change from the same people in the first few years that I worked with them.

I was kind of outed at work, and, I was surprised by the amount of honest questions I received, of people asking me why I'm gay. So, I turn around with this question, why are you straight? And, do you know why you are straight?

The usual answer is. "I just know I am." So, it just baffles me to why they can't accept the "I just am." answer from me. What is so difficult?

I was also surprised by the curiosity of some of the straight guys I worked with, almost every question is a sexual question. Because all men are so pre-occupied with sex, that any variation enters their tiny little brains, and they physically have to shove out the ones they don't like. Yet, they all seem to think that lesbians are hot (NOT), with only a few women finding man on man hot. It seems to me, they must be thinking about sex with men, otherwise they wouldn't be asking the questions. If you are so insulted by gay sex. why ask?

I can't tell you how many times I have been asked about anal sex. And, I hate that, because I'm a top, and I always will be a top. So don't ask me!


capricornrising profile image

capricornrising 5 years ago from Wilmington, NC

I admire his absolute candor, Scott. He seems to have completely investigated his id regarding the subject (which in itself is interesting as behavior goes). But this sentence is the one I found arresting: "Though the fault is entirely mine I could not sit with you in your house and chat comfortably for very long about trivial matters." Why in the hell not?!

Clearly because, as you hinted in your response to him, he, and others who are repulsed by the VISUAL image of male to male sexuality cannot view anyone in the gay community in any way but through a sexual lens.

In reading between the lines of his exposition I detect - what? Remorse? Self-rebuke? Self-congratulation? Apology? I don't know.


Ikoro Iyineleda 3 years ago

Straight men find male to male sexuality repulsive, and at the same time find female to female sexuality sexually stimulating. What double standards. What hypocrisy.

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