A Vintage Collection of Stupid Things That Men Have Said, or Still Say to Women

SEE THE LOOK ON THIS MAN'S FACE?

NO DOUBT THAT HE HAS DOWNED A FEW "BREWSKI'S" AS SEEN IN PHOTO. HE IS ON THE VERGE OF OPENING HIS MOUTH AND LETTING HIS INTOXICATED-BRAIN SAY SOMETHING THAT IS VERY STUPID. THIS IS A COMMON OCCURANCE IN MOST BARS.
NO DOUBT THAT HE HAS DOWNED A FEW "BREWSKI'S" AS SEEN IN PHOTO. HE IS ON THE VERGE OF OPENING HIS MOUTH AND LETTING HIS INTOXICATED-BRAIN SAY SOMETHING THAT IS VERY STUPID. THIS IS A COMMON OCCURANCE IN MOST BARS.

Men. God bless men everywhere. What would our world be without men? I don't know. That question was aimed at the ladies in our audience. Oh, I did hear a few, "better off's," "more sensible," and "easier," by some outspoken ladies, and I appreciate their candor. Personally, our world would be dull, chaotic, and pure pandemonium without the ladies in our lives. That is the Gospel truth if it were ever told.

Albert Einstein. Leonardo Da Vinci. Henry Ford. Galileo. Ludwig Von Beethoven. And Sir Isaac Newton. These are just a few of "the elite" men whom society has named as enlightened. Highly-intelligent. Deep-thinkers. Genius-minded. Special souls who have not only touched, but carved our world with their various thoughts and priceless contributions. Sadly, "I" do not rank among these "mental giants." Hey, I don't even come close. Not that I haven't dreamed (as a young man) of being highly-intelligent and sought-after by major universities to help solve many of the medicinal or social problems that plague mankind. But my dreams, like the dust of a well-travelled road, blew away as the years went by and I just grew complacent. No big deal. I "do" know when to get in from the rain.

This hub is lovingly-entitled, "A Vast Collection of Stupid Things Men Have Said or Still Say to Women," and from the beginning, you can easily tell that I have done my homework on these idiotic statements and remarks that men have made and I have been blessed to keep them in my memory banks for just this occasion. I am anxious to share them with you. And on a sincere note, I hope that whatever men are reading this hub, "you" aren't guilty of saying any of these ignorant utterances. I mean that.

1. Man on a Blind Date: "Well now, I see that you haven't missed many meals!"

2. Man During a Blind Date: "You make me think of my mother."

3. Man Saying Good Night to Blind Date: "Pardon me. I have to get that piece of rib eye steak out of my teeth before I kiss ya!"

4. Man Talking to Blind Date the Next Day on The Phone: "Aren't you glad that I didn't try to get to "third base" with you last night? My buddies bet me that you were "that kind of girl."

5. Man Now Alone Talking to New Date Prospect: "Come on. Go with me to dinner. I won't make you pay for it like I did my last date."

6. Man After New Date Prospect Slaps His Face: "My buddies bet me that you were a prude!"

7. Man Accidentally Bumping Into a Pretty Girl in An Elevator: "This is ironic! I just read your name on the wall in the men's room last week!"

8. Man Talking to Waitress When Dining Alone: "Tell me, sugar. Are you like what your boss said, "hot-to-trot?"

9. Man Trying to Apologize to Angry Waitress: "I'm sorry, toots! It's just your boss said that your nickname was "Easy Pleezie!"

10. Man Being Booked by Female Police Officer: "Are "those" real? Your bullets, I mean."

MORE IMAGES OF WOMEN'S LOOKS AFTER YOU SAY SOMETHING STUPID

YELLING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. EXPECT THIS, GUYS, WHEN YOU FOOLISHLY SAY WHATEVER IS ON YOUR MIND.
YELLING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. EXPECT THIS, GUYS, WHEN YOU FOOLISHLY SAY WHATEVER IS ON YOUR MIND.

Even more "Faces of Anger" from Women whom YOU have Just Insulted with Your Stupid Male Remarks

"THE" LOOK OF AN ANGRY STARE FROM A WOMAN CAN STOP A CHARGING DRAGON FROM THE DARK AGES.
"THE" LOOK OF AN ANGRY STARE FROM A WOMAN CAN STOP A CHARGING DRAGON FROM THE DARK AGES.
"ARE YOU JUST PLAIN STUPID?" SAYS THIS ANGRY WOMAN AT A MAN WHO HAS FOOLISHLY CALLED HER "PORKY."
"ARE YOU JUST PLAIN STUPID?" SAYS THIS ANGRY WOMAN AT A MAN WHO HAS FOOLISHLY CALLED HER "PORKY."
NO MAN LIKES THE SOUND OF AN ANGRY WOMAN'S TEETH GRINDING WHEN SHE IS UPSET WITH HIM.
NO MAN LIKES THE SOUND OF AN ANGRY WOMAN'S TEETH GRINDING WHEN SHE IS UPSET WITH HIM.
NO MAN EVER WINS A SHOUTING MATCH WITH A GIRL WHO IS ANGRY AT YOU FOR SAYING INAPPROPRIATE THINGS TO HER IN PUBLIC. OR PRIVATE.
NO MAN EVER WINS A SHOUTING MATCH WITH A GIRL WHO IS ANGRY AT YOU FOR SAYING INAPPROPRIATE THINGS TO HER IN PUBLIC. OR PRIVATE.
GUYS, DO YOU REALLY LOVE FOR A WOMAN TO SCREAM AT YOU? THEN THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY.
GUYS, DO YOU REALLY LOVE FOR A WOMAN TO SCREAM AT YOU? THEN THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY.
THIS IS HOW AN EXTREMELY-ANGRY LADY LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU GUYS DO NOT THINK BEFORE SPEAKING.
THIS IS HOW AN EXTREMELY-ANGRY LADY LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU GUYS DO NOT THINK BEFORE SPEAKING.
THIS IS YOU LOSING THE ARGUEMENT WITH A WOMAN WHO YOU HAVE JUST MADE TO FEEL SHAME WITH YOUR STUPID REMARK.
THIS IS YOU LOSING THE ARGUMENT WITH A WOMAN WHO YOU HAVE JUST MADE TO FEEL SHAME WITH YOUR STUPID REMARK.

The first ten items of "stupid things men say to women or still saying," are mostly for the single man. The following ten items are for the MARRIED MAN who is no better off when he lets his mouth over-ride his brain when talking to his wife.

1. Man Commenting on Wife's Dress: "My buds said that you didn't look good in burlap, and I bet them fifty-bucks that you did."

2. Man Responding to Wife's Confession of Her Hurt Feelings: "Hey, Marge. Janey Sue is just like that. Abrasive. I love her to pieces for being honest. Oh, she called you a "lard butt"?

3. Man Explaining Why He is In A Bad Mood: "I'm not in a bad mood, honey. I just told my boss about me coming home to "you" each night."

4. Man Watching Football Game on TV: "Honey, do you mind moving from in front of the screen? I swear we need a 52" plasma you are so big!"

5. Man With Too Much to Drink at Cocktail Party: "Hey, my wife here does a great impression of a hungry St. Bernard! Go ahead, dear. Stand on your hing legs and beg!"

6. Man Coming in Late From Drinking With Pals: "Awww, honey. Yes, I did drink a lot tonight, but at least I did something good. I thought of you each round we had!"

7. Man Giving Anniversary Gift to Wife: "The man at the Big Lots store in the mall said this wasn't a "cheap" gift, but a gift for a "thrifty" woman."

8. Man (Not-Thinking) Complimenting His Neighbor, "Bob's" Wife: "Pretty dress, Linda! I wish my wife looked that good in pink!"

9. Man Talking to Buddy on Phone at Home: "Ball and Chain? Oh, you mean MY WIFE!"

10. Man Talking to Wife about Dinner She Has Cooked: "Awww, pork chops--again! I was expecting some GOOD food!"

These last Five Items of Stupid Things Men Have Said or Some Might Still Say to Women are what I consider, "The Hall of Blame." The epitome. The "top of the heap." "THE" Most-Stupid Things a Can Could Ever Say to a Woman--anytime. Or anywhere.

A. Man on Honeymoon: "Yesss! Jo Ann! Oh, Jo Ann!" "Oops, sorry, dear. She was my last girlfriend who dumped me before you married me."

B. Same Man on Honeymoon, Different Night: "Larry!" "Oh yeah, Larry!" "Why did I call a man's name, dear? Oh, haw, haw, I'm not gay, Larry is my older brother who "TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE LOVE."

C. Same Man Out for Walk with New Wife: "Look honey! A pile of dog poop! Isn't that funny? It reminds me of you when you smile!"

D. Same Man in Argument with New Wife: "Hey, I never dated whores! I paid for them like all men do!"

E. Same Man Later in Marriage: "Man, how I wish you, (his wife) had been more "experienced" like "Delores," who worked the pole at Bam Bam's!"

Now then. Guys if you are guilty of saying any or most these things, now can print this hub out and keep it handy so when you are tempted to speak to your wife, girlfriend, or waitress without first thinking, you can refer to this list.

And I won't forget you, guys, when I walk up to accept the Nobel Peace Prize for my personal contribution to the Social Communications Skills of Modern Man.

Guys, get more help in talking to women with

THIS IS WHAT MOST MEN DO

WHO HAVE BLURTED-OUT A STUPID SENTENCE OR WORD TO A WOMAN WHO WAS TRYING TO BE IS FRIEND.
WHO HAVE BLURTED-OUT A STUPID SENTENCE OR WORD TO A WOMAN WHO WAS TRYING TO BE IS FRIEND.

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Comments 10 comments

Giselle Maine 4 years ago

Wow... yes #4 can definitely get a man in trouble (the one about the TV screen)!! Thanks for creating this interesting and funny list!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dearest Giselle!

Where are you? And why haven't you been active on hubs lately? Im not nosy, I just miss you.

And I thank YOU SO MUCH for this sweet comment.

Please keep in touch with ME.

Your friend,

Kenneth


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Another hilarious hub Kenneth! All of us women can relate to having some pretty stupid things said to us by men! But, as the old expression goes, "can't live with them, can't live without them!"


PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 4 years ago from Florida

Kenneth,

You are too funny. However, I have never met a man like any you are talking about---and if I did I probably would knock him to his knees.

Your Hub Friend,

Bobbi


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

These are funny, but have to admit, I am glad I don't know any of these goof balls! Fun hub!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, catgypsy,

Thanks for your sweet comment. And I used to know some guys who were this dumb to talk to girls like the ones in this hub. NO, thank God, I wasn't one of them. That, I can be proud of.

Visit me anytime, cat!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Bobbi,

and you would be well within your right to knock them to their knees. Good girl! You stick to your guns and thanks for liking this hub.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, picklesandrufus,

Thank you for your kind remarks. And you can be thankful that you HAVEN'T any of these jerks, well, goof balls as you said. And they are out there too. Be aware of that.

Kenneth


DAWNEMARS profile image

DAWNEMARS 4 years ago from The Edge of a Forest in Europe

Very entertaining hub. I think that it is true that lots of people do end up putting their foot in their mouth at some time or another, man or woman. Funny thing is it does not seem to matter how clever you are. Thanks for reminding us all!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

DAWNEMARS, thanks for the great comment. Feel free to come back anytime. I relish ALL of the comments that are left on my items. I guess I love to write THIS type of hub more than others since Im an expert at making verbal blunders.

Kenneth

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