Accepting someone for who they are

I am me!

Coming to accept and understand

I had learned from an early age that we should always treat others with kindness and respect. If we wish to find true happiness we need to always exercise tolerance and complete acceptance of ourselves and all those who are a part of our life and it doesn't matter if we just met for the first time. It is something my parents taught me and it is the right way to live your life. Sadly there is a lot of hatred and intolerance in the world. This has to change if we want to assure those who are different from the so called "norm" a chance to live and be happy and comfortable with themselves. No one has a right to judge someone else for being different. I have an autistic son who is one of the sweetest kids I know because he is empathetic and very understanding and he always tries to comfort someone when they are hurting. He is an awesome kid and I don't just say that because I am his father. I say it because it is true and it is genuine. Every-time I ask my son what he wants to do when he grows up he says he wants to make the world a better place to live where everyone is kind and accepting and there is no such thing as hatred. He has a vision that we all should stand together and never judge but to accept diversity and be grateful for it. He also wishes to be a super hero so he can make the world a safer place. I am so impressed with how he speaks and acts so mature for his age.

He struggles with autism and has difficulty in social situations and is always trying to reach out for a friend. I am trying with all my heart and soul to help my son but I am not perfect. I have my own issues and weaknesses which I have struggled with since I was just a little kid and I struggle with the same issues which have plagued me for what is a lifetime for me. I have a condition that is not so easily understood by others but for me it is very real, very painful and it is a very big part of my life. I have only two choices in dealing with my gender dysphoria, transition or not to transition and lose my will to go on. These two choices are diametrically opposed to each other and I know in my mind, my heart and my soul what I need to do. My choice really is no choice. It is something I have to do. I must transition! I knew it since I was an 11 year old. I remember dreaming I could take a magic pill, wash it down with milk and a couple of oreo cookies, my absolute favorite and go to sleep. When I would awake I would be transformed into a girl in a pretty dress and I would finally feel happy and true to myself.

I have found a way to positively introduce my family to my transgender issues and live my life for now as a female at home. I am quite some time away from fully transitioning but that is something I have to do if I am to survive my torment. I think about my transgender everyday from when I awake to when I go to sleep and it never ever goes away. It is something I have tried my best to live with and the crossdressing is a way for me to live and find my inner peace. The crossdressing is not the complete answer because gender dysphoria goes far deeper than just the dressing. It is how I identify and I truly identify as a female and have always since I was just 4 years old and I have very vivid memories of a little boy crying feeling all alone and wishing he were a girl. That little boy was me and I still am that little boy with the same need and desire to live as I should have all along. I need to find an inner peace and accept myself for who I am. I have finally made very difficult decisions but in my heart I know they are the right ones for me. They may not be for others but I have been living my life for others and never for me and I now have to start living my life for me.

I have a need to finally come to terms with my situation and move forward with the intentions of finally coming out and liberating myself from the confinement I have felt all along. I am now like a budding flower waiting to blossom and finally live as I was supposed to all along. I do not want to die! I want to live and finally be me. I want to forge a loving and caring relationship with my son who means the world to me and I hope and pray that my wife will finally understand what I am going through and accept me for me. I am a good person and I want to keep my family close to me until the day I die. I want to take care of them and I want to finally be happy while doing it and my happiness will come when I start my transition and find acceptance and tolerance from all those important in my life including my family, my friends, my employer and my co-workers.

I have always been a painfully shy person so I have difficulties in speaking face to face with people but I am getting better at it. I feel my coming out is very important and I need to do it in a way that comes from my heart and is truly genuine. I have agonized over this for years wondering how I was going to finally break and find my only choice was to open up and let others in my life know what is going on with me. I needed to be sincere and do it in a way that shows my honesty and my pain. I have a pain that has never gone away. I have had many great things happen in my life and one of my proudest was the birth of our son and our wedding day. I love my wife and I promise her I will always be there for her, Matty and my mother-in-law. I just need to be happy and comfortable with myself and the only way I will be is when I finally move forward with my transition from male to female.

I know the sadness my son feels because I lived with my sadness for 47 years and I finally can feel a little bit easier as I am getting all the help I need now from my family, my therapist, my doctors, my friends and me. I finally took proper action and am following through this time because I am getting older and feel I have a limited time horizon and this will be my absolute last opportunity as I am now in my early fifties. I lost my mom when she was only 50 in a very tragic way and I lost my dad in a very tragic way and I lost my closest friend who died in his sleep at the tender age of 40. I need to find my happiness now so I can be supportive of my family and most especially my son who needs me and as my therapist says will come to understand me for me and learn to love me as I love him. He is my biggest supporter and I am so very lucky for having him and my wife in my life. I can not apologise for the way I am and I don't believe I have to. I just need to let people know that we all should accept others for who they truly are and we should never judge them harshly or condemn them.

We all are special and we all need to be true to ourselves and most of all we should all find our true happiness and my true happiness is finally being the girl I always known I was since the age of 4 years old. It has been a long painful road for me and finally I am pleased to say my personal journey now continues with a new chapter to add. My transition from male to female and my overwhelming desire to be the strong support in my son's life which will be my mission so he can find friends and be happy with himself. I am not autistic but I know pain and I know my son has his own pain too and I want to ease his pain and always be there for him because I love him from the bottom of my heart and that will never change. I also love my wife and I am lucky to know she cares for me and wants me to find my happiness as I want her to find hers as well. She is a wonderful mother to our son and she is very devoted to helping him and helping those who are autistic. She is very special and that is why I love her so much. I will stay by her and Matty's side for they are the two most important people in my life. They are my family. I also include my mother-in-law in the same way. She understands me, accepts me for me and she loves Matty with all her heart. She is a very loving grandma and we are so blessed to have her in our life.

On a personal note, I had the wonderful liberating experience of going out fully dressed in a cute dress, a nice cover up sweater and flats with a wig that framed my face nicely and I was accompanied by my son and a very special friend who accepts me and knew of my situation since I first told him over 20 years ago. My son also accepts me and I am so very proud of him. I will be there to help him and support him always. We went to see Spiderman and we had the most amazing time and then we went to Friendly's and I was accepted and received nicely and even received a complement on my dress. I was so very happy to finally be out and expressing the real me with my son and my very good friend. This is so important for me as my therapist says it is absolutely necessary and it will help me to finally find my way and to finally be at peace with who I am. I want to feel accepted and understood and I just want to be me! I have come to accept who I am and I accept my son and encourage him to find his happiness and to live his life to be the best he can be. I accept others for who they are and I always have and I know in my heart that everything will all come together and life will one day resume back to normal.

Edward D. Iannielli III

emmi´╗┐

My Transgender Life in my own words

Transgender, Autism and me!

My view on being transgender

My Life and being Transgender

Gender

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Comments 7 comments

Georgiakevin profile image

Georgiakevin 4 years ago from Central Georgia

Your hub is beautifully bravely written. You have my deepest respect and admiration. I teach special education and have the good fortune to be one of an education team helping students who have profound mental challenges. Many of my students have been autistic.

To be gender dysphoric is heart breaking without any other challenges in your life but having a child who has special needs as well is such a difficult life experience that my heart goes out to you.

To open up as you do on this hub shows that you are an incredible lady. True beauty comes from the heart, your post is written by a beautiful lady. i am very impressed.

Emmi you have no idea of how many will be helped by the courage you have by sharing your hub. Some will not or cannot open up about being on a similar journey as you. Some would like very much to share with you that their journey is so much like yours. You speak for so many, thank you.


ediann profile image

ediann 4 years ago Author

Dear Georgia Kevin, I am so deeply touched by your kind words and your friendship and your encouragement for my son and myself. You have touched me by your words and your friendship which makes me so very happy. Your kindness and you experiences you share with me and your sincerity makes me proud and now I feel I can truly continue on my path and support my son and family. Thank you so much!

emily


Georgiakevin profile image

Georgiakevin 4 years ago from Central Georgia

Emily i am also an author though not very well known as of yet but I know i can learn so much from you. Every one of your posts touch the hearts of your readers. This reader feels like the hubs are written by a good friend.


George Greene Jr. profile image

George Greene Jr. 4 years ago from California PA

I myself love the crossdressing world! while I know I will never be Lady Ghe aga or Madonna, I know I will be me. I am well-known around town as a nut in a dress but also respected on campus as an intellectual. people who know me respect me for who I am and while I do get the giggles behind my back, I stay with it. I am a straight mae as well and like you I want to have an op where I get the boob job and the vagina while still retaining the manhood

No I do not want a man in that vagina but would prefer to make a bi-woman very happy as my wife. I have always felt that being me as a woman is what God had intended or he would not have made me the way I am. Mankind is changing and me and you are a part of that change.

you should never feel depressed!! My family knows who I am and do not knock me for it. they support me. All they ask is to respect my visits to their home dressed as a guy. how that will change when I do get the op i do not know.but I will live my life as is and continue on to learn life and its many pleasures

Good luck on your transformation and know your son loves you as my family loves me.

George


mcleodgi profile image

mcleodgi 4 years ago

I'm not a transgender and don't have your son's disabilities (even though some would say otherwise) but I can very closely relate to what you're saying. I had a traumatic childhood that was filled with one transition after another in my family (both sides) and I don't even remember my mother without her mental illness.

Due to both my background and my trust being duped too many times, I simply don't see anything wrong with taking my time to get to know other people, especially if I've just met them and as a result, I don't usually open up to new people right away. As a result, a great many (though not everyone) have slapped the standoffish and antisocial labels right and left on me and generally just don't give me a chance. Up until recent years, I spent my life hating myself and was clinically depressed for almost six years until metaphysics truly convinced me that I'm just as worth it as anyone else. It's only been in recent months that I've started to get a true grip on who I am and not even much of my own family accepts it. But you know what? I've realized that my true family are those who understand and accept me for who I am and don't get upset at me for not meeting some fixed expectation of theirs.


ediann profile image

ediann 4 years ago Author

thank you for sharing your story. i can relate to you in many ways and if ever you need a friend to talk to consider me a friend.


George Greene Jr. profile image

George Greene Jr. 4 years ago from California PA

I too am a crossdresser and I am so wanting of a boob job but not doing the downstairs.(i have thought about it though). it was tough whe I finaly came out to my mother, who tought at first was gay( I am straight) but she accepts it as long as I am not in herhome dressed up. I go to college and they kind of treat me as a celebrity as I go everywher in drag, even class! My University is so accepting we have a drag show every semestr(and hundreds show up!). And yes the girls want to date me not the guys!

I guess what I a tryingo say is there is a growing acceptance out there. yes I get some guffaws and some snide remarks from time to time, but its notthat bd! So these are words of encouragement!

I can't coment on your son too much as I hae neer met anyone Autistic despite my being around 51 years. But I do know from sycoogy class they too have special abilites and maybe your son will be that sperhero he wants to be! I wish both of you all the love I can give and that the good Lord above has !

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