Addicted to Falling in Love

The "High"

Like lightening, a pang of ecstasy jolts through her tender regions on a mission. The feverish energy first lands on the inside of the ankle, sneaking up behind the knee gaining speed, and finally a stronger burst sweeps the inside of her thighs, an insistence that demands surrender. Just when it feels so good it hurts, the electricity hits all points at once reaching full potential at the only place it can be released.

I've just explained the "high" of desire and desire is just one of the side effects of falling in love. Your special love interest doesn't even have to be present for this feeling to occur- it can happen with a mere thought of them. The physiological high of desire and emotional fulfillment all neatly rolled up into one package, one dose, one hit. It's deeper than lust, but not nearly as complicated as love. Somewhere in between resides a euphoric world where lust and infatuation graduates into a new level with exciting unknowns. There is still so much you want from this person, yet in a way they are already fulfilling you.

In your spiritual world, they could be "the one". In your psychological world the two of you simply make sense and in your physical world, well, mildly stating...it is being rocked! If ever he looked like your knight in shining armor or she your maiden in waiting, this is the time. Optimism abounds, the roses smell sweet from an astounding distance, the sun sets only for you two, and just the thought of this person sends you into the depths of your fantasy instantly. It's called falling in love.

Dealing Desire

I thought I had the business of losing control under control. Sounds funny, hey I've always been a funny girl, but seriously I had a distinguishable pattern of safely getting my high. The very term falling in love implies falling...losing control in other words. But I knew exactly how to spot the perfect person; a man not sure of what he wanted, not only after sex, but not ready for marriage either. He was open to letting the cards fall where they may, making it safe to fall into his arms.

I knew how to invest myself physically and mentally just enough to get the high and move on. Yes, falling but not uncontrollably. At the risk of making one giant generalization right now, most men are OK with a woman moving on. So I never thought for once I left behind a broken heart. My "high" was harmless.

But dealing with desire amidst falling in love is tricky. On the one hand I had to keep distance because close proximity is a sure way to completely fall in love, which you want to be falling but not fallen; a fine line. However, desire would ache in my belly to be with him. Not just the typical desire we think of for sex, but a desire to learn more about this person and for them to know me, and to have shared experiences together.

Broken hearts are a buzz kill

I have a conscience and one day I realized I had broken a heart. It was an awful feeling, still is. This is when I truly understood that love is not a game and falling in love precedes being in love. Some people get there quicker than others and one very nice guy had raced me there. He had fallen and I didn't even notice until I tried easing my way out of his life. He was such a gentleman about it, but let me know he had fallen. I cared about him, but had picked him solely because I knew he wasn't someone I'd fall for completely.

Breaking someone's heart was totally a buzz kill. I had some things to think about. Why was falling in love so glorious, but being in love so torturous in my mind? When falling in love is a high and becomes a habit rather than a natural experience, it is hard to know who is the right person to completely fall in love with when you are ready. Your intuition can be severely broken after years of misuse and suddenly rather than the master at love, you are a beginner.

Out of control victim

I know a couple people in my life that have no control over this particular high. They don't just like falling in love, they fall in love all the way, getting married multiple times. These people love to be in love so it's a little different than falling in love and moving on, but this high claims victims; it's not good. Nobody wants a life full of broken hearts.

This person needs to take their time falling. Here is one trick that kept me from completely falling, but might be essential for someone who falls too easily: find fault. Sounds cruel doesn't it? Find one good reason why you two should not be together. If you're falling too quick then remember this fault and it may slow things down.
Also notice what the other person is feeling toward you and if they are mirroring your emotions and gestures of love. Are they in love as well. People who fall too quick tend to just concentrate on how much they are in love, but not what the other person might actually be feeling.

Contact high

Being in love with falling in love, distracts from the person you are interested in. The feeling becomes the focus and not the person, therefore who knows if the person is really right for you when you are so caught up with that high. Focusing on the person allows you to fall in love with the person and not that feeling.

Recovering Addict

I consider myself a recovering addict because those desires to feel that high still arise and are intense. Of course they have been replaced by much more rewarding aspects of being committed to someone I love and have a child with.

I suppose people like me grew up in an environment that stated 'Get close but not too close' therefore we are prime targets of that particular "safe" high. Sooner or later I had to grow up and give up control over how love entered my life. How did I do it, you ask? I took almost three years off from falling in love. Then I let it occur naturally. The next person was who I married.

Recovery is tough because that high is imprinted physiologically and isn't easy going cold turkey, but there is a way out. For my enjoyment now, I take notice of others who are falling in love. I spot a couple somewhere who have that new glow and connection or I watch a romance movie where the climax is all about falling in love. Better yet, is when I see the reflections in an elderly couple's gaze and you can tell they are thinking of the moment they fell in love with each other.

More by this Author


Comments 28 comments

omar ismail profile image

omar ismail 5 years ago

nice kiss and nice picture


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Very interesting reading this morning. Some legitimate points as well.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Misunderstanding the high of falling in love is the core cause of both divorce and cheating. Like any other high, the high of falling in love always fades with time, and that's when the real, long time, love begins.

Not understanding that leads many to falsely believe they have fallen out of love and that the marriage is over, leading to divorce.

For others, the desire to get that euphoria back leads to cheating, which yields a similar sensation, but is often accompanied by a terrible, and earned, guilt.

Excellent Hub!


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Laura .. This one is deep. Lately your substence has become very thick and very rich. You're scaring me sis. (laughinhg) Seroiusly though, you've gained the lead and are increasing the margin between you and second place by leaps.

This one hits home and I'm too dumb to even understand why. I think I know myself, then I read this and I'm not sure. I'm a freak about self control, and "falling" is the ultimate terror. When I've fallen, I've hit the ground with teeth shattering impact, and I don't even travel emotionally without both wings and a saftey net I guess. Be that as it may, you're getting too good for the hub. We gotta get you into a bigger venue you remarkable little hoot n nannny.

jim


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 5 years ago from Rural Arizona

Laura, Whoa girl, this one is deep but interesting. Like WillStarr pointed out, there are various degrees of love. The first of course is the puppy love and lust stage that gives the biggest thrills. It is when we settle in for the long haul that the true love comes to be. In today's world, not many make a marriage last until the long haul stage sets in. Few of us are perfect, and being able to overlook and live with those flaws in our selected partner is what really matters. After all, they must overlook and live with our flaws.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

You’ve covered this topic perfectly, izettl! You’ve said it all. All I can actually do now is compliment you and recommend a second read of Addicted to Falling in Love by izettl.

Perhaps I must add that falling in love is a wonderful and exciting experience, and also healthy and rejuvenating. Unfortunately it doesn’t last longer than 3 months; falling OUT of love is quite awful when true love had not germinated during the state of infatuation.

Personally I love to be in love with love. Today I know my ex-husband was right when he said my ideal lover exists only in love stories written by romantic novelists. Shame, imagine how he must have felt, competing with them.


Jeanine 5 years ago

There are so many sides of love, that it looks like snow flakes to me... none are the same yet all are quite beautiful... I have the great pleasure and curse of being in love... I pine when my partner is gone and wonder what's going on while away... I lust when near... I am 41 years into the relationship and still trying to be one with the one that's been the most beautiful one to me... true love can actually hurt, the heart is sometimes so fickle from the one you are in love with... if they do not have the same needs as you, then it can become a curse... for each time a sane person would leave the relationship... your hope and love for that one is there anchoring you to your dreams...I love being in love... but my love knows how much I need this relationship, so it can be sticky sometimes...lol.. sorry...


marellen 5 years ago

I have put my falling in love on hold. I'm horrible at it and you make some valid points. Maybe next time I will look for it differently or at least not jump so fast.


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Martie~ oh thanks you are too kind with your words. You are so right about the 3 month lifespan of falling in love. I noticed that time after time. So true about the romance novels- I'm a sucker for those and the movies every once in a while when I miss that feeling. They really take me there. THank you for stopping by.

Jeanine~ I know your story and I admire you for that lasting love...and lust...lol. You are an example for us all.

Marellen~ Love can get in the way and it is certainly good to put it on hold. I did for quite some time and only after that is when I found the man I married.


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Thank you Omar and Mckbirdbks!

Will Starr~ so much wisdom all packed into that comment of yours. Lord help us if we believe the only kid of love is the type we feel early in our romance. Yes I would love that euphoria back, but not at the cost of getting it (cheating)- that's for sure. I'll stick to the occasional romance novel or movie- lol. Long lasting love has it's highs and lows and many people jump off the bandwagon at the first low- too bad.


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Jim~ There is definitely a difference between falling and fallen. I was much more comfortable with falling and always tried to avoid being in love and completely fallen. There is definitely NO difference between us on the issue of being a freak about self-control.

I hated the lack of substance in sex only relationships but did not want to be in love and committed so bouncing around in a state of letting myself fall to a certain depth was comfortable for me.I was never the type to just let myself fall without a few self-checkpoints along to way that put me back on track to not falling all the way.

What really changed it was when someone I really liked, well loved, died accidentally. I think you know that story so I wished I had just let myself fall al the way because that was my only chance at doing that with him- those chances aren't there forever.


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Young Mike (that's my new nickname for u- hope its ok)> Great points about overlooking flaws. Thats why it's so important to not fall in love with love because the person themselves is overlooked and then later down the road we wonder why we cant stand things about them. Thanks for stopping by.


Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 5 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

I think its a big flaw of modern times--at least, here in NY--that people want everything to move faster. There's a 'Get-to-the-point' mentality in relationships. The long getting-to-know-you phase (Courting, as it was once called) no longer exists. The trend is to jump from the First Flush phase (That period after you meet when your brain is filled with all those bonding chemicals that make it seem so euphoric) into the marriage plans.

I'm not a successful dater because I like to take things slow. I know that the first flush phase is misleading and you really need to give it some time to see if the two of you are compatible. Sadly, women interpret my patience and caution as not being interested or that there is "something wrong" with me.

This is a very deep and thoughtful hub. Well done.

Rob


Brinafr3sh profile image

Brinafr3sh 5 years ago from West Coast, United States

Hi,

The majority rules for wanting so much to fall in love. My second time around will be a better success at true love. Awesome hub, thanks.


Jeanine 5 years ago

Rob write... is correct... if one takes the time, then the picture begans to develop in other ares... you grow in somethings didn't think... and didn't in others that you thought you would... love grows... and is alive and living large... "take your time" Buddy Holly...


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden

Your hub describes this perfectly and totally and I am so impressed by how you got it all together! Love can be so many different things so it seems impossible to describe in one hub!

To fall in love is on of the greatest feeling but also the scariest! We take a great risk every time we fall in love and maybe that adds to the addiction for those who constantly fall in love! But for me it works the other way around. To fall completely takes a lot of courage or maybe thoughtlessness and I have done both too soon in a relationship so I guess I am also a recovering addict. Now I appreciate that deep love that comes after a while. To maintain love in everyday life is a much bigger challenge but it also gives great love when we succeed.

I can´t say that I and my husband “succeed” all the time, all marriages have there ups and downs. But when we do it is a deep and wonderful feeling. It can also be even scarier because we have invested so much of our selves and our life in each other and therefor have so much more to loose.

I would love to be one of those elderly couple with that special feeling between them, I have seen couple like that too! It is amazing!


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

If love is considered "unconditinal positive regard," then one must not limit oneself... One must be true to thine own self... the challenge is perhaps discovering who YOU are... Each of us must fulfill our destinies creating ourselves to our full potential.

Good article. Flag up!


Lapse profile image

Lapse 5 years ago from East Coast Rules

IMHO your approach to relationships is learned with the example your parents set for you, SO... It is IMPERATIVE that all you parents out there develop good values in your kids. One of the most important is what izettl talks about here, "patience in relationships."

I believe that lazy parenting these days is the what's to blame for the epidemic divorce rate today. If you have been blessed with the ability to keep a solid relationship, thank your mom and dad.


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Rob~ you're a movie guy and I certainly remember the older movies when a man "courted" a woman. It seems everybody has ADD about doing things faster and no patience. You'd think something as important as love, people would take their time. Someone who woke me up from my stint of falling in and out of love fast was a guy I worked with- I laugh a little thinking about him, but he was the only guy that turned me down. It was a good thing too. He taught me so much and we have a great friendship now. He knew I was on the fast track and he wasn't so he stopped me in my tracks. He was slow and I had no patience. But he was a good friend for doing so.

I had always been fast for connecting with a guy, but not for being physically intimate and interestingly that made guys impatient and more hurried to get to know me as if that would speed up the physical aspect.

Thanks for the comment.


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Thanks Brina for the comment- better luck next time!

Jeanine~ yes, I believe Rob is totally right. Nowadays if a guy takes it slow, he's in the friend zone according to the girl.

Dallas~ yes, love is evasive until you discover who you are first.


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

thougtforce~ I seem to be in your position on all this. Lasting is love has it's rewards...and its work...more to lose yet more shared. And here's to hoping to be one of those older, who still romanticize their love.

Lapse~ I used to think that parents who stayed together made good examples, but I remember being glad my parents divorced when I was 10. All the silence couples with arguing and indifference. Not a good example, but i know many people divorced including my parents that had parents that stayed married, in love and devoted to each other. I don't know if I really believe in the good marriage example of parents anymore. It's hard to say. I am certainly not for lazy parenting though. I see that everywhere and there is such a difference in the kids that have hands-on parents and those that don't. Thanks so much for stopping by. I always enjoy your comments.


jeanne 5 years ago

I see that everywhere and there is such a difference in the kids that have hands-on parents.... I love this line because it is so true... if you can speand every minute with your child...


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Jeanine~ I just think of it this way. Right now my daughter wants to spend every moment with me and it wont be like that forever so I'll take advantage of it now...the best I can without it driving me nuts sometimes- lol!


moneycop profile image

moneycop 5 years ago from JABALPUR

izettl........superb work..i find it helpful

i know its very hard to understand the feeling mostly if its related to love or happiness thats why i made a move to compile the science behind it

enjoyed your effort..


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Very cool I'll have to check out some more of your hubs.


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

Awesome! I love your layout. It is genious. I wouldn't want anyone to feel heartbroke, but it happens. And then, we do it and deep down inside, we may not mean it. Comparing love and an addict, it is similar. It is that high. Just like the high isn't sex, it is right before it happens. I get you. Makes perfect sense.


izettl profile image

izettl 4 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

thelyricwriter~ thank you so much and I love your statement that you get what I am saying. Most of us have experienced that high and can relate...and also know how addictive that feeling is.


Zhen qian 2 years ago

I addict fall to love with Tom zho.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working