Age Gap Relationships

Age Gap Relationships

I've always said that 'age is just a number'. Some people agree with me; a lot of people don't. Depending on our up-bringing, cultural background and even our religion, age gap relationships are either frowned upon (this being most common) or accepted. Age gap relationships are frowned upon mainly because of their abnormality. Most people would look at a 50 year old and a 25 year old together and think "that's just not right".

Believe it or not, age gap relationships are becoming more and more 'popular' these days. One thing I can not stand is when people say that if someone is in a age gap relationship they must be looking for a father-figure or a mother-figure. I for one, am in an age gap relationship and I can tell you right now, I am not after a father-figure. I will admit, some people may be, but let's not generalise.

Another problem with age gap relationships is family acceptance. This is very rare. It may be tolerated, but family always find it hard to accept something out of the ordinary. I will not generalise on this because some people may have very open-minded parents, but when you really think about it, if you had a son or daughter dating someone the same age as his/her father/mother, do you really think he/she would be 'all for it'?

Age gap relationships can vary (of course) in age gap size. Some can be quite small; anywhere between 5 to 10 years, whereas there can be some fairly 'out-there' ones; anywhere between 25 to 45 years (and up)! But don't think that 30 year age gap relationships are rare. Large age gaps are quite common now-a-days. I'm sure there are a few people out there that believe everything gets better with age, and I must admit, I am guilty as charged.

This topic is extremely controversial and lengthy. I could go on forever (especially if I were to cover all the points). There are a lot of people who are strongly against age gap relationships and some that are not fussed by them. But, to you all I leave you with a quote of mine:

"There is no such thing as young or old, only younger and older. You will always have someone younger than you and you will always have someone older than you."

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Comments 228 comments

solarcaptain profile image

solarcaptain 8 years ago from california

What a great attitude. One reason for age gap is older is dependable and not afraid to reveal feelings. My take on it is this. two who care for one another don't care what others think.

good luck and thanks for your post. Great!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

I think generally speaking, the problem with age-gap relationships as you term them is that men are interested in younger women because they, well, look so much younger than women of his age. Men are entirely visually stimulated and are notoriously sexually motivated.

I think that an "age-gap" relationship that understands this upfront and doesn't try to pretend there's some "soul mate" stuff going on has an excellent chance of being enjoyable for both until he becomes too decrepid or hideous to hold her interest (age related illness become a real turn off very quickly for young women, particularly if there is no wealth at hand to faciliate recovery).

Likewise, she will for a period of time prior to his decrepitude be entertained as long as his wit and...physiology... continue to function and as long as she has no aspirations of motherhood. Well, at least in the context of having the father of her children healthy and vibrant for a substantial portion of her children's lives.

I think you're totally correct in believing these relationships can work, just so long as both partners understand all of what is going on. Interesting hub. I'm glad you shared.


Sybil 8 years ago

I wholesomely agree!! My boyfriend and I have a LOT against us... We met in a rather queer fashion too- I was merely looking up a band in google images and clicked on just the right image! It brought me to his blog, which I found enticing and IMed him- we've been talking nearly non-stop ever sense. As if the odds of our coming together wasn't enough, there is a 22 (at the moment 21) year difference in age and he lives a couple of states away. We are in love, though, and I can only hope for the best... Posts like yours make me feel more comfortable with the dilemma, but I would never change a single thing--Thank you :D


Hector 8 years ago

Compatibility between people is an awesome thing. The May-December relationships and their likes are incredibly satisfying. Forget age, two people can get along so well, be so compatible, talk endlessly, and be so respectful of each other and each other's needs. I am dating a 20 year old girl, and I am 46. I adore her, respect her, love her, and I don't have lots of money. Yes I am stable, but I don't spoil her with money. Emotionally I am so mature, and so is she; she has no friends her age, she knows many but all they do is drink, party, go to the river, and do things she has no interest in doing at all. She likes our kayaking trips, she likes staying home with me, she likes how I carry her to bed and adore her. She loves our love making, she loves our conversations, she loves how I listen to her and do what she asks. She loves how she can change my mind with her sharp minded arguments, and she loves the freedom I give her to go anywhere she wants and be herself. She loves the self confidence I boost her with, and loves that I would love her no matter what she looked like, and that my love for her is unconditional. So tell me, why should a young girl stay away from that?

OK, yes, in general the likelihood of such an age gapped relationship to survive is low, but there are exceptions, where the solid bond is purely a bond of good compatibility. "Kate" look for a good man; don't even worry about his age. But be sure he is good; there are many of us older men who do not want a young girl just to show her off. We like to feel young, we are young at heart, we act young (not immature) and we are bouncy and energetic and love life. W love to play volleyball, and run on the beach. We are not compatible with a woman our age who is fragile, weak, and her hip will fall out of joint if we carry her and pull on her arm in a playful way. We like you young and strong because that is how we are even at 40, 50, or 60. The world around you may frown on the relationship for a while, but everyone will be so fine with it all real fast. Let your heart guide you sometimes, and don't overanalyze the situation of age.


Connor 8 years ago

Well,i don't know.Yes sure large age gaps can work.But to me anything more than 30 years is pushing boundaries.i say this because 30 years is the accepted view of a generation,and generally is the limit age gap in which people have things in common.Any time a survey is done,for example certain tv stations etc,it's always 14-44,or in old age 60-90 year olds.There have been times where i've seen two guys,and i think they're the same age,when in fact one happens to be 25 or 30 years older.


Ella 8 years ago

I am happy in a relationship with a 47 year old man...I turned 18 two weeks ago. He is more mature (obviously!) than blokes my age, who are fun to have a laugh with, and are college, and pays the rent and bills etc but is in no way a father figure to me. Yes, he protects me if I feel uncomfortable in a situation, but in just the same way as any girl would hope her partner would. I look after him too, I clean for him, and help him through things. He is a chef so I have avoided having to cook for him! All in all it is a two-way relationship, we both look after each other.

Family acceptance was a big problem for us. My family insisted that if I was to live at home I would have to cut off all contact from him...I tried it but it was too difficult. Eventually I left home and moved in with him. My mum and stepdad still won't talk to me and didn't even wish me a happy 18th birthday the other week. Despite this, I still have the people around me who accept me for who I am, and accept my relationship for what it is...(a fair, fun and, most of all, very happy relationship). My friends and sister who still talk to me can see how happy I am now.

Me and my boyfriend actually have more in common than I do with many lads my age. Music was one of the things that sparked off our conversations, and the ironic thing is that he likes modern music, chart music and anything on radio 1, wheras I prefer 60s/70s music such a The Doors, The Clash, The Sex Pistols and New York Dolls, basically the stuff he listened to at my age!

I completely agree with you "Hector". Older men can have so much more to give to certain women. No, age gap relationships don't work for everyone, but why should I force myself into a "normal" relationship where I am miserable, make him miserable and therefore we split up?? I would end up in a cycle of unhappy relationships rather than doing what I have done, taking the plunge and doing something for myself. No, I don't know whether we will mak it work, but if it doesn't i will be entirely due to arguments between us, not pressures fromt the age gap. We have no funny looks where we live so are comfortable together. People often shout at him "get in there mate!" and we both love it!

I think it is far healthier to be in a happy, caring, loving relationship with a large age-gap, than a "normal" relationship where she is sleeping around or he is beating the crap out of her!


Sam 7 years ago

I agree with 'Hector', if you match mentally/emotionally etc and the relationship is good for both of you, then why not?

I have had relationships with men my own age, younger and older, and in all cases it was never their numerical age, but their mental age that determined the outcome.

The most enjoyable relationships I have had have been with MUCH older men (38 when I was 20, 54 when I was 22). In both cases I was attracted to their down to earth attitudes and love of life, there were simularities in taste (music, evenings out etc), and the physical side was fantastic too. The flip side of the coin is my ex partner, who at 38 (to my now 30), I found to be immature and lazy, I can only assume this is because he had always lived at his mothers until we met and had no 'life' experience.

It depends on the individuals involved, I am at 30 (I think) quite mature, I prefer more laid back evenings than colleagues and friends in the same age group, I have also worked abroad, and survived a rough relationship (which I suppose accounts for me being mentally and emotionally 'mature'), whereas I have friends in their mid 30's who still drink and party like they did as teenagers.

I'm single at the moment, and the guy I'm interested in is 59, but that's irrelevant on the basis that when we chat, we share the same opinions, can talk about common interests, share the same approach to life, and basically he comes across as younger than he is. If anything does come of it I am prepared for the fact that he may 'slow down', or even want to look to an older lady in the future, but if he asks me out tommorow, I will still say yes, simply because in my opinion a few great years with a conscientious, caring lover and friend is not to be overlooked on the basis of a number.


LatestDud profile image

LatestDud 7 years ago from Gold Coast (Queensland, Australia) Author

Sam - My goodness! I applaud you! I could NOT have put it better myself! We only live once. I would rather spend 25 years with someone that is lucky to live the next 20, than spend 10 years with somebody who is bound to live for the next 60 but is a complete jerk. I don't see the point to putting yourself through complete misery just to please the public eye.I am attracted to older men - for what reason, I do not care. It's just the way I am - I don't need to be 'cured'. I am comfortable in my skin. That's not to say I haven't been attracted to people my age, in fact, I loved someone who was 2 years younger than me (I still love him). My parents hate the way I am in the relationship department, but I have to live my life, not them. My mother has remarried. Her husband is a year and a bit younger than her. My father has a long time partner who is about a year younger. They are 'normal' so why aren't I? The question they ask themselves everyday. There are so many genuinely good people out there but the same goes for the bad ones. All of my age-gap relationships have been a great experience. Not necessarily always having good times because in all relationships, there are bad times. But what I mean is, I have learnt so much from these relationships and I am ever so grateful of that.


Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 7 years ago from London

Good on you! We have a few age gap relationships in our family and they seem to work really well, even though there were the (inevitable?) doubts and worries at the beginning. I think that peoples' maturity levels are completely independent of their age, so who's to say that anybody isn't compatible with anybody else?


toby 7 years ago

May December relationships are becoming more and more hot and attractive. You need to look no further than Hollywood to see the trend. Many of my friends successfully found their special someone on __Agelessmate.c om__ It's like a bridge, not only bridge the visible but invisible gap to bring people together~! It is Your cupid!


crash 7 years ago

take a 47 year old woman and a 47 year old man put them together...I am 15 percent body fat...have all my hair and teeth...am full of adventure and fun...she is obese shot full of botox and well to be honest usually has let life pass her by...

I,d rather be alone than settle for someone who has let themselves go..into such hideous states..

Or go gay for that matter...men are outnumbered three to one for a reason so I would think it prudent if I were a woman to not pass by a good thing ...cause them 40.s come up quick...:}


Annie 7 years ago

It's nice to know that there are others out there. I am in a relationship with a 30 year age gap. Things are a bit odd for us sometimes when we are going out, but not as bad as I thought it would. When we were at a resort in the north of Scotland, the hotel held a Sunday evening dance of which we attended. And instead of strange stares and looks, other couples looked at us and smiled. Asked us to join in on the dancing.

As for my family, some still think it's strange. My mom loves the idea of me being with someone older, someone responsible and ready to settle. She's told me that all she wants is for me to happy. I have never been happier than I am right now.


The younger one 6 years ago

I love being with the man I'm with, who happens to be 26 years older than me. I put it this way because I have a feeling that these relationships boil down to a simple: you like who you like. It's not the age gap specifically that can attract these types of couples together (although I'm sure it plays a part - behavior factors and all). We feel what anyone else feels in a relationship, it just happens to be for someone much older or younger.

It would be nice if the situation was more socially acceptable. But, so long as the people who matter most and truly care about you don't mind and are even happy for you, that's what matters. And hopefully that happens. Personally, my family and close friends are thrilled for me. In fact, they weren't surprised. My mother particularly likes the idea because she trusts an older, more mature man to be good to me and deserve me (almost).

I have one last thing to add in defense of some of these older men falling into relationships with younger women. It's not always for the sake of visual stimulation or intentions to feel younger on their part. That cuts a lot of good men short and generalizes them into a category of shallow, superficial, dirty old men. A lot of these men making a lasting relationship with the younger women are better than that.

Love does not discriminate. We are not all here to experience life the same way. Follow your hearts.


Tara 6 years ago

i really like your view, and with the whole 'alot of people don't accept it' is completely true, i'm inlove with someone 12 years older than me, and he makes me so happy. But a lot of people don't like it, and they don't know my feelings for him, they just look at him like "what are you doing? shes a lot younger than you!" But i know he's considered being with me because of the conversations we've had.

i am very mature for my age, and ever since i first kissed him, i havnt been strongly attracted to anyone else except from him. If people didn't talk so much or get involved in other people's business; we'd be together no doubt.. but it's hard when they do.

I admire the view you have posted, and i like to see that not all people are like everyone around here.

xx


donna 6 years ago

well, i over the last 3 months have just become close to a man i work will who is 25 years older than me, and ive never felt so comfatable with anyone like i do with him. at the minute hes backing off as he thinks it will never work with us despite him feeling the way he does for me. however im not giving up on us and its nice to know we arnt on our own out there, theres more age gap couples. and im defo not after him for his money as hes got none. xx


dag 6 years ago

This is a great article, glad it was posted. I am in love with someone 30 years older at the moment, and I'm not entirely sure how they feel for me but there is definitely something there between us! It's all a matter of what she thinks about it all in the end, and I have no way of knowing as of now. I'll admit, sometimes I'll think about the age difference and get a little freaked out at the thought of what life might be like living with her and how things would change as she got old and I was still rather young, but I feel as if these fears are natural and of course, inevitable. I'd at least like to try it out because I think she's amazing, smart, funny, beautiful, and everything you can imagine that is positive!

Follow your hearts, everyone, and screw the public's opinion on morals. They don't live your life.


Steve 6 years ago

I am currently in love with a girl 35 years younger than me. She is in love with me as well. We seem to have so much in common. We do live quite a few states apart from each other, too far to drive. She has flown here 5 times in the past 8 months to see me. We seem to get along great in everything we do. But now there is a problem. Now it is hitting her that we will not grow old together. I am 55, she is 20. She loves kids and wants kids. I have no kids but am interested in having them. I do love kids as well. I cherish this girl. I'd do anything in the world for her. If we were to get married I feel almost 100% certain I'd never leave her expect for the obvious reasons (such as her cheating) which I believe is not in her character. I would make her as happy as I possibly could. Am I wrong in stating that she would be better off with a possible 30 - 35 years or more with a guy who would honor and cherish her for the rest of his life versus a much younger guy who could possibly run to another female when the going gets tough, feeling the grass is greener on the other side?


myfairlady 6 years ago

I've read the article and as well as the comments, and I tell you what, It made me feel sooo much better about myself and the relationship I am now...I myself was married to an older guy, but the age gap was never an issue., i love him for who he is and he treats me the way a woman should be treated..We often get funny looks from people, get badly judged and ridiculed..sometimes it gets on you especially when they start to treat you bad and say rude things behind your back..Acceptance from others is the common problem in big age gap relationship. I just always keep in my mind that we are both very happy and that's all that matters, if people have problem about then it's their problem.


KayLynn 6 years ago

I'm currently in a relationship with a 51 year old man. I turned 18 on aug. 5th. He feels that i deserve better, a younger man i can grow old with, and he feels hes being selfish as if he is holding me back in life.He is on unemployment and cant really offer me the so called "better things" in life. I'm hoping he will change his way of thinking as time goes on. Because, what he does offer me is love, and happiness. I don't think ive ever laughed more in my life, than i have in the 7 months we have shared together. He has 2 beautiful daughters, one 28, and one 24, and a beautiful grandchild. they all accept me, mainly because i make their father happy. Should my family be as accepting? Right now were in different states because he inspired me to go to college to get my LPN degree. We will be back together next month, that's when my family will meet him. i hope that they accept him as his family did me. After i get out of college, we plan to have a child. And if people look at us weirdly at that point, than oh well. its too bad that some people can only the wrong and cant see the happiness.


Tx721 6 years ago

I'm in a relationship with a lady 35 years younger she is 21 I'm 56. We have been together 2 1/2 years almost perfect relationship. It was love at first site, it took us over 4 months to share our feelings with each other, we were both scare and not sure about how we felt. From the day we opened up with each other it has been nothing but great. One main problem we have its the 35 years difference, we for the most part have kept our relationship secret to ourselves, but it can't stay secret for ever. I was married for 27 plus years and have 2 grown kids married, she is in college her last year. She has told her friends I'm only 10 years older and they still tease her about being with an older man and this bothers her, then her parents think I'm only 10 years older. This is tough I know I can tell my family and after to talking and time they will accept. She is very much afraid and doesn't want to upset her family because she knows they will not accept me at my age. We have like a perfect relationship, every thing we have in common, food, music, activities, conversations, we love just being together and love each other for each other, its not money, not lust, its just we are totally compatiable and love each other unconditional. We have talked about the future, she wants kids and says she is not sure about kids with a man my age, will I be around in the later years for them. I have thought about this much, I can deal with what ever. This relationship has totally changed my life, I have discovered you can never get to old to find a real true soul mate. I was married 27 years and was in a couple relationships before and a couple other minor relationship after. The relationship we have is without a doubt totally unconditional, and we both feel the same. A few times we have tried to separate to see if we can go different directions, it always fails, we can't stay apart, we are both hurting, in pain, and totally miserable not being with each other. We have 2 times lived together 3 months at a time so we know what living together daily is and it works for us better than most. We are in love so much it hurts terrible being apart, we have discussed our situation on a very mature basis, its just one main problem and its family and society. Why can't people understand what real true love is all about between 2 people. I know from living my life its really very rare to see 2 people in love to the ultimate, so many people are in miserable mariages and will not get out for various reasons. I'd rather be totally happy with somebody than live my life with a lady I was with for over 27 years and not happy, heck we were not even friends. When I was married we were the all american family, when to church every sunday, did school things with the kids, were in public as if we were a perect couple. Behind closed doors we were both totally miserable 24/7. I'd rather have 10,20,30 years of totally happiness with a real true lover soul mate and best friend, than to live a life time being with somebody I'm miserable with. We both feel the same way. Again we have a problem considering breaking the news with her family. Our relationship os 2 years 9 months and still going strong. When we first aknowleged our feelings with each other and started seeing each other regular, I was not sure how she really felt about her feelings for me as a older man, I thought she might just be going through a stage in her life, I backed off for over a year from expressing my real true feelings for her. I was trying to be as mature as possible and not to influence her youth and lack of expereince with a older man. This began to bother her as she would tell me she loved me and would ask baby do you love me like I love you, I would say yes but still not sure of her true feelings. We were dating and seeing each other daily for over a month and a half and after knowing each other now for about 6 months before we first became sexualy intimate with each other, sex was something we did not rush into. We started our sexual realtionship like 2 young inexpereinced virgins, communication is our number one thing that has keep us totally together, we love being open and honest and love sharing everything there is no secrets between us, again we have a near perfect relationship, We know as soon as this next semester is over and she graduates college she will not longer be presured with her peers in school. We still have to face her family about breaking the news to them. We are totally in love for real, its a real true deal, we are totally inseperable. All input will be apreciated.


Anj 6 years ago

i totally agree, i am in a relationship with a man 17years my senior, i am 22 and he is 39... i think some people just don't want to accept that may-december relationships work outt because of insecurities, like someone younger is definitely more attractive and the like reasons.... anyway, our relationship is good, actually it is great. we compliment each other by balancing our own attitudes and personalities. he is matured and i am the happy-go-lucky one, he teaches me about serious stuff and i bring his youth back.. he loves me and i love him, despite the age.... and we are even miles apart right now but still everything is fine because again--the maturity in the relationship is present..... by the way, we are accepted by our families and i am close to his 13yr old daughter :-)


david manning 6 years ago

hey i was just wondering iv been talking to a girl for about 2 weeks i found out she is 15 in a couple of days and im 17, turning 18 in june, is it a bad thing if i strted dating her, sorry about spelling please w.b thanks :)


em 6 years ago

Large age-gaps, I've had my fill and it has left me feeling pretty low. The age-gap was 37 years. He was and is still married, and before things happened between us I had known and worked with him for around two years. I was moving away when he opened up and decided to risk telling my how he felt about me on Fbook. But I ended up cheating on my boyfriend at the time, someone I had been faithful to in the 5 years we were together. My boyfriend wasn't sure about moving with me so I could further my studies, and even when he finally decided he would move up with me, this indecision worried me so I decided to tell him I'd be moving up alone. This was the point where the infedelity began with the older man. So in heindsight, I believe it was possibly a rebound-situation, not to say that I didn't have strong feeling for this older man at the time, otherwise I wouldn't have run the risk of getting court by allowing this affair to happen. And I was caught out. The evidence revealing itself to my boyfriend in a text message I absent mindedly left on my phone whilst I popped to the shop. This caused havok, and just a week or so before I was moving out of the flat I shared with him, to a totally new city. Friends of mine and his found out, I lost respect from them and we discontinued contact, however these people I was not particularly close to so it was no major harm done, just a shame.

Meanwhile, the older mans wife is still ignorant to everything as far as I'm aware, she was also someone I worked with. It makes me sad when I think how awful this whole mess is/was. After months of my indecision and guilt over everything, me and the older man have ceased all contact. And the warning signs of our sad fate when I spent time with this charming man were sadly always lingering, for example the guilt I felt when he bought me an expensive gift or meal, the warmth but indecision about meeting up, the avoidence when it came to discussing the possibilty of moving in together in the near future. I would never commit to something like that so quickly, not even with someone my own age. But of course time is currently on my side, not his. We had our 'last supper' as he put it, last night. He didn't even kiss me goodbye and I felt totally rejected, couldn't sleep and so decided to text him at 2am to twll him I still loved him. Which is true if I know what love is. But my love for him is conditional, so perhaps you might argue that this negates it. Anyway, I've deleted his number and email, and accept it's time to move on. He'll say it was entirelly my fault. Some might agree with him. For me, we are both too stubborn, and the guilt that still taints our whole affair has eaten up any real self respect I feel when I associate myself with him. So what's my moral? What's my point I hear you cry? I'm still learning, but the age-gap scenario is not easy! It's often very complicated with many twists and turns. The lack of convention and social acceptance is not something that is easily ignored. In fact to avoid facing these issues, we were often awol, making up stories to our friends and family. That's no way to live long-term.

But one last thought- this relationship with an older man has not discouraged me from older men entirely. I still find their charm and maturity arousing. But my circumstances during the affair I speak of were full of deceit and hurt. I accept that now and can only hope to learn and move on. I have lost a good friend in that older man, which is something to remember if you ever decide to get romantically involved with a married man; you may eventually lose them entirely. That's the risk. Ok, well that's it, I'm tired now. I hope this helps in some capacity. Goodnight. em


Ellis 6 years ago

I absolutely despise people who take issue with large age gap relationships. I'm 18 and my partner is 44. I've lied to all my family saying he's in his 20's because I know they will never accept him. The longer the relationship goes on the harder it's getting with family pressure to meet him. Ok so the age gap is obvious but we are in love! Remember age is just a number! Seriously what difference does it make. Were all human after all.


Jane 6 years ago

I have to my surprise fallen in love with a man 30+year older than me. We have so much in common, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel so special. He has made me feel like no guys my age have, so much so i can picture spending our lives together. I have always been scepticle of big age gaps but have come to relise that it is only a number, and that we fall in love with a person not their age.


belle 6 years ago

My Father is in a new relationship with a girl the same age as me (24) he is 50.

They are now having a baby. It makes me feel sick that my Dad can do this to our family. How would he like it if I went out with someone his age or one of his friends.My Dad lied about the extent of his relationship with her and we found out third hand about the new baby.

My Dad can not grow up and this is another example.

My views on age difference are rather bias but I think both parties bring their own issues to the relationship and thrive on the drama and judgement they create around them. This gives them more of an exscuse to have a fated Romeo & Juliet quality to their inappropriate relationship.

If i told my Dad I was in love with a 50 year old man he would laugh and tell me I don't know what love is.


mei 6 years ago

dear belle, I don't know what exactly is your dad doing to your family by having a baby with his mate. Is his life after all(I assumed that he's separated from your mum?). Don't you want your dad to be happy? It is only inappropriate if anything is illegal. I think he kept the extent of the relationship a secret fearing that you might react exactly like how you are now. I'm in such relationship too and I don't blame how you're reacting to your dad's relationship. Maybe you can try to understand what his relationship means to him. I don't think anyone can ever explain how a May-December relationship feels like unless you're in one. Yes, the numbers do bother a lot of people but I guess like most people, a lot of us are very superficial and judge what is on the surface, fail to realise the emotions and spiritual satisfaction it brings underneath.


Michael 6 years ago

It's so refreshing reading these comments. My happiest relationship was with a beautiful girl 18 yrs younger than I. We shared the most amazing 6 yrs of love & life together. There was mutual respect & we both learned so much from each other. She introduced me to something which became a passion for me & has since become my chosen career path. We split amicably & she now dates a guy 2yrs older than I.

I have met another girl through college & there is a 25 yr age gap, I'm 48 & she's 23. There are so many influences telling her that the gap is too big but I believe maturity not age counts. She has had recent relationships where she has been physically abused & another where her partner simply disappeared for 3 months. Both of these guys were her own age.I believe in keeping fit & healthy, am involved in many outdoor sports & try to live every day to the full. She finds it hard to credit that I just get on with doing what needs doing & enjoy it whereas previous partners made a big scene about the simplest things. 'I'm not used to seeing this' was her response when I did some gardening for her & made a start on the work before she arrived home. Previously she would've been made feel guilty about needing help & especially for not being there to get the job started. It's all indicative of younger guys who need to mature.

As yet we haven't started seeing each-other but do hugely enjoy each others company. Who knows where we will end up ?


jacqueline jean cornish 6 years ago

it's sad to think that people will judge a relationship on the basis of age. what matters

most in these relationships is to have open communication and honesty. I think the smart thing to do when approaching these relationships is to think about the future and how the age gap may affect your lives together. My boyfriend is 24 years my senior and I love him more than I ever thought possible. I've thought about my future and what I hope to have: marriage and a family one day..... but I couldn't think of my future without taking his into consideration. Thankfully he hopes to have the same things one day. So my advice to any of you in this kind of a relationship is keep honesty and openess- it's a must if you want your relationship to survive. The key is to find a life partner who wants the same things... it's important to have a goal the two of you can work towards together. and most importantly- don't let outside factors (family, friends, society) dictate your relationship with the one you love, because at the end of the day you can't live your life for anyone but you. You need to make yourself happy, before anyone else can be happy. just don't dwell on the haters- everyone is always going to have something to say right, wrong, or indifferent..... the only opinions that truly matter are your own and those of your better half.

peace. love. and happiness :D


Molly 6 years ago

I have been dating a man 27 years older than myself for almost a year now. I think he's great! Unfortunately the last couple of months he's started worrying about the age gap and that he's going to ruin my life. He's started backing up in our relationship. I know I have worries, too, but I'm hoping he'll get over his concerns and we can get back to where we left off... Happy and enjoying one another.


R3dcougar profile image

R3dcougar 6 years ago from Ireland

I think sometimes the 'gaps' bring people more in sync with each other. For instance, I find younger men are interested in me because they know that I won't be pressuring them to get married and have kids - as I have already been there and done that! In short, young guys and mature women tend to be at a similar stage in life in terms of what they are looking for in a relationship.


Mmmmmh 6 years ago

I think a connection is a connection and people should love who they love........but, isn't it interesting that most, if not all of those in age gap relationships here involve older men and younger women? Take away the bad attitude of one blogger here to older women (he sounds like a real catch!), what is it all about......could it all just be a cultural thing?..... should we be asking harder questions that are not about individual relationships but that focus instead on why there is this gender imbalance....


SummerLove 6 years ago

I am in a relationship with a man 33 years older than me. He's 56 and I'm 23. I never in my life thought that I could be this happy. I have dated men my age and have been married to a man my age and the maturity levels were no where near similar. The thing about our relationship is that the "age issue" never comes up. Neither of us even acknowledge it. It's not him and me..it's simply US and age doesn't matter a bit. Our relationship has been and remains a secret simply because we know that neither family will accept it. Actually, his daughter knows, and she hates me for it. (She's older than me). The topic of marriage has been discussed and we are planning to be married soon...(we're both going through divorces). Love is love, not numbers.


Just curious 6 years ago

My boyfriend is 58 and I am 37. he has 2 adult children 40 and 23. We've been in a relationship since I was 18. I have never met his mother,sisters or brothers. I do not attend his family functions nor do I have contact with them. I am tired of waiting for a ring. What should I do?


hina 6 years ago

as long as there is compatibilty between the spouses, age doesn't matter


Lynn 6 years ago

I have been in a relationship for almost two years with a man thirty years older than me; he is 50, and I am 20. We live in a small town, and people around here think we are crazy! At the beginning of our relationship, I was seeking new experiences and he was certainly a new experience for me. We were infatuated with eachother and very much in love. We were so much in love that we didn't care at all what anyone thought of us. Now, I am starting to second guess myself because I feel like I am the only one in a relationship with a man who is much older than me. At times, I feel embarassed and don't want to go anywheres with him because I am so sick of people judging us! I wish people would stop being so old fashioned and just accept it. I really enjoyed reading all of your stories, and they have helped me to not feel so alone in this situation. Thanks!


Roebrt5187 6 years ago

Careful all you cradle robbers, don't dip too low you don't want to get booked for child molestation. But if there is grass on the field playball !!!


joyce 6 years ago

well,that's life.. don't be sicked just face it and prove them that its not a mistake lynn. same with your story im 20 and im so much in love with a 44 y/o.. i was 17 when i met him.. we don't have yet commitment its really suck but deep of my heart i know that we love each other its too early for him to have a commitment :( its really sad and painful most of the time but i love him unconditionally.. :( gudluck!


6 years ago

Just Curious, you need to talk to your partner about it. If you both want your relationship to go further then he's going to have to share you with the family eventually. Tell him how you feel!


zzz 6 years ago

I'm a 25 year old woman and over the last few months I have become very close to a 55 year old man. He's told me he has feelings for me and I've hinted that I feel the same. I feel so happy and alive when I'm with him and he treats me like no one else ever has. I live with my boyfriend my own age though and I know it's wrong but I think I'm falling for this man. He acts very young for his age and he says I'm very mature for mine. It would probably all end in tears so I doubt anything will/can happen but thanks for all your comments, they are a real eye-opener!! So glad I found this page!


6 years ago

See if anyone can help, although I do have some experience on issues raised here.

I am 50 (male) married 25 years to a wonderful woman 14 years older (64). I have noted that most contributions here are from younger female partners. My problem now seems to be this, I am dreading getting old, I am very young at heart, sporty, virile, game for almost anything,etc. But my wife has slowed down a bit (especially in the bedroom) and this is getting me so depressed and I can not talk to anyone, least of all my wife. I didn`t see this coming all those years ago. I have been 100% faithfull (why shouldn`t I) but now I look at my wife very differently and I don`t see her the way I did. If anyone has been in, or is in similar situation, what was/is the solution? Because, I wonder if our marriage has got a future or not. She does not know about my thoughts, I feel about as guilty as someone who has cheated! I have 2 step children (female) and several grandchildren (oldest is 16, work that out)

Thanks for any ideas at all, but probably know what you are likely to say.. or do I?


van18 6 years ago

Dear S,

Im 28 yeard old and been dating for over1,5 years with a wonderful 57 year-old man. He is the love of my life, we absolutely adore each other. He used to be married for over 20 years, has 2 kids that are about 30, but with his ex-wife he was feeling very sad, unhappy. 6 months after we met he told her and it was really no surprise to her eather since their relationship was sort of doomed. Now with time she got over it and they are still "friends" (normal after 20 years of marriage).

My opinion is that YOU deserve a second chance in life, YOU need to think a bit selfishly and deserve to be happy again, you should talk to your wife, put the facts in the table: you re not happy anymore with her, and nothing can change that (or can it? maybe you both can try a second chance 2gether).

Life is too short to be ruined in unhapiness.


Joyce 6 years ago

Dear A,

I always tell him what i really feel.. And he said he loves me also, but he really can't commit with anyone.. Its really hurt but i can't anything do anything.. That's what he wants though .. so that i respect it just bec i love him.. Im happy for what we have right now he never left me at my nightmares...i mean he's always there for me. He cared a lot and i know there's a love here.. n im ok with that even we don't have a commitment.. Thanks for replying.. Godbless


ivy crys 6 years ago

i really like this topics..really open my mind and give me more strenght..im in big gap age too..my man 46 and im 23..people may see that a very big difference,but for me AGE IS JUST A NUMBER..why i need to end up our relation just because of that different? i love him so much..no matter wat happened,.he the one who bright my life.


Araby 6 years ago

My guy is 28 years older than me...I'm young and in the middle of undergraduate studies, but he completely supports me finishing college AND getting my graduate degree before we make any big commitment. He's got two kiddos that are several years younger than me, but the problem lies with MY situation. He is completely ready to have a relationship with me (he's in love with me, which is completely wonderful!) and we've talked about it at length. I want to begin a relationship with him as well (he's my best friend and I would adore him to be more than that too) but I am absolutely terrified of what my family's reaction will be. When I even hinted at he and I getting together, my mom picked up on it and completely lost it. My family is terribly important to me, but so is my and my guy's happiness. He makes me so incredibly happy, and he's willing to support me having a career and independence and he's truthfully everything I've ever wanted or dreamed of in a man. Advice?


Dora Weekley 6 years ago

Hi All,

My name is Dora Weekley and I am working as a TV Researcher for National Geographic, on 'TABOO', their anthropological documentary series.

I hope you don't mind me approaching you here.

I am very keen to talk to people within age gap relationships to learn more about their experiences.

While age disparity in relationships is acceptable in many cultures worldwide, it seems that in the West, relationships with extreme age differences are often frowned upon and misunderstood. The younger person is judged by society to be a 'trophy', and/or the elder a 'pervert'. Because these relationships deviate from the norm, to many they appear to be taboo.

Basically, I am hoping to talk to people that are extremely happy together, supportive of each other and in love, to demonstrate that these 'types' of relationships shouldn't be viewed differently and aren't destined to fail. If possible, I would love to speak to those that are currently in relationships with 30+ years of difference between them.

My best contact details are attached. Please feel free to contact me at any time should you need more information or have any questions. It would be fantastic to hear from anyone willing to talk to me about their experiences at their nearest convenience.

Again, I hope you don't mind me posting this here. I hope this finds you all well.

Best regards,

Dora

Dora Weekley

Researcher

TABOO for National Geographic

Beyond Productions

Phone: + 612 9437 2075

Cell: + 61 414 566 959

Email: dora_weekley@beyond.com.au


AutumnLove 6 years ago

A few months ago, I met an older woman on an online chat program. I'll be turning 24 in October, while she just turned 52 in May. From the beginning we'd hit it off great. So much so that we've exchanged photos to put a face to the name and have each other's phone number--and had practically been inseparable on there since. Nearly from the beginning, we'd had an understanding that neither of us cared about our age difference or what people thought about us when they saw us flirting in chat rooms--namely that they thought that we were in a relationship or dating, though technically we weren't.

However recently, for me, it changed and although I knew we agreed it was nothing more than fun and flirting...I fell in love with her, in spite of everything I knew about her past--a few failed marriages (one in which lasted 10 years and was highly abusive on all counts) and engagements.

Because of this, she has closed her heart off to serious relationships and ends up pushing people away when they get too close, like she did with me not too long ago. We have both said we loved each other, but while I meant it romantically, she said she meant it more in a friendly way when I talked with her after she'd been distancing herself from me the last few days.

I'm hesitant to try and pursue this any further since she just wants to be friends, while I still love her. I don't know if it could be anything long term, but I know how I feel. I know she doesn't want to be hurt again, which is why I think she said she doesn't love me the same way (and now all of a sudden let someone's comment about her being old enough to be my mother influence her when she said she doesn't care what people think about us), but I think we could have something really special if she allowed herself to love and be loved.

I've said I could just be her friend like how we've always been and move past these feelings I have for her, but I'm having second thoughts. How do I know for sure she isn't just saying she only loves me as a friend as a means of protecting herself?


Les 6 years ago

Im in the early stages of dating a man 22 years younger than me. I am 42 and he is 20. We fought all year against our feelings and finally decided it was inevitable a month+ ago. We may not last for ever but we are very happy right now and hurting no one. Our family/friends were initially shocked but this soon passed and no one has ever stared, pointed or made a comment. In fact we've been told we look good together and only look as if there is a 10-15 year age gap which no one seems bothered about.


6 years ago

Hi van18.

Thanks for your reply. I hear what your saying.

A greater age gap doesn`t mean the relationship is more or less likely to fail, or last. Any relationship may go on forever or not, whatever the ages are and that's it!

I would like to ask many more questions though, I think it would be great to get other "like minded" thoughts about this, so I probably will contribute again.

Kind regards.


chantelle 6 years ago

hi i am with a man 24 years older then me and seeing what other people go though makes me really happy to no im not the only 1 who went though it my famliy has came around the fact the we love each other i don't see the age i just live for the moment and today not the future...


6 years ago

My partner is 19 years older than me (50 and 31, we've been together for 3 years and all in all it has been wonderful we love each other very much and have a happy trusting relationship.

Of late there is a problem - marriage... He's was married for 24years and has 2 kids 23 and 20, they split a few years before I came on the scene, getting back to the point he doesn't want to get married - says he's done it before. I on the other hand haven't we have discussed this but seem to be at a stale mate.

Do I put an end to our otherwise great relationship? Or do I stay and not get married giving up on what i want - I'm so confused I don't want to loose him as i love him dearly but I don't think I can compromise on this.

I don't know if this is just because of our age difference or just us, we never really had any age related issues it has always just been a number to both of us!

If anyone has any advice or has had a similar experience I would appreciate it.

Worried and confused x


6 years ago

I am currently with a man 33 years older than me and it has been the most complete and satisfying relationship I have ever been in. I am 21 and he is 54. Big difference in numbers, yes, but really its nonexistent when with each other. How me met is interesting, he was my professor and I was his student. It was a huge class and I sat in the front; it was magical because as soon as our eyes met, it was an instant attraction on a deeper level.

However, because of status and role, we hesitated to tell each other our feelings. Yet, we knew what we felt for each other. Our vibe with each other was so tangible that even then it took us more than 9 months to finally fess up our feelings.

Our first date was special because we were both so nervous and uncertain if it would even flow. He thought:

she's so young! What are we going to talk about? That thought soon vanished for our conversation was never ending and hells I left home really late! Since then, we realized that it felt so right.

Now, our relationship is so strong and I could never be more happier than now. I love the mutual respect we have for each other, our sense of HUMOR, our endless conversations, our love making, our support, and even when we are bored its still enjoyable. This is the man that cooks for me and brings coffee to my bed in the mornings. How many 20 year olds would do that?


Claire 6 years ago

I am seeing a man 20 years old than me and its great, i am only 17 i know it may seem odd, it has been doing on for 2 years now, but we both know it was wrong to start this relationship when i was so young, we never did anything until i reached 16 we made sure of it, and by waiting i have seen that he didn't just want me for one thing! I also think its better to be in a relationship with someone older because other lads my age are all just fun and games and most girls want a lot more, so i am all for age gaps, it doesn't make a difference to most people its about the person inside not age or anything else.


Always in secret 6 years ago

I felt so refreshed after reading these comments. If only my parents could read them and realize that I am not the only person in the world with a large age gap relationship. My situation is complicated, as most of these situations seem to be. My boyfriend and I have a 37 year age gap between us. Unfortunately, we both live in the same close-minded area where our sort of relationship is viewed as being unacceptable. No one but our closest friends seem to be supportive of us. That is the most difficult part, the lack of support.

We have been through a lot together. We understand each other perfectly and are miserable wrecks when we cannot be together. Christmas time is especially hard since we both have family obligations.

I fully plan on having a future together for as long as we are given.


Why can't it work 6 years ago

Ok so i am in love with a guy that's 48 and i'm 18. we love eachother, but he thinks we can't be with eachother because of our age difference. I think it can work. we were together for about 2 and a half months and it was great! he even said it was great. well we decided not to be boyfriend and girlfriend because he doesn't want his career ruined,but our friendship is really strong and we are really close. I wish that we were back together. a few weeks ago he said that he would marry me if i were older... i felt a huge gaping hole in my heart because I wasn't older. I swear he is my soul mate and life partner. i feel that connection between us and i know he feels it to. I just don't know what to do...... i love him so much.

This article really spoke to me and I might show it to him. it's a really good article. good job!


Family nightmare 6 years ago

I am struggling with the fact that my brother is currently involved with a young girl 30 years his junior, he's 47, she's 17. He is in the midst of a messy break up with young children involved. He came to me seeking validation for this relationship, which I just cannot condone, this girl he is seeing is 1 year older than my own girls and I feel physically repulsed by it. I can see no good end to their future, aside from the fact that the girl's father will probably near kill him when he finds out. I feel I have a moral obligation to inform her parents of the situation, as I would not tolerate a 47 year old man sniffing around my own daughter. But I am so concerned for his safety and the resulting fall out for her family and ours, things will never be the same again. He has given no consideration to any of this.


Ayse 6 years ago

It's so nice to feel I am not alone after all! I am currently in a relationship with a 37 year old man. I am now 22. We'vr been together now for almost two years. We live together and are getting married next summer. We are both very happy and although there was a noticable age gap at the beginning. We have no preoblems with this as we have so much in common. We do not notice the gap anymore. It was lust at first sight. I saw him and at the time was in a relationship which was coming to an end. I knew I wanted him as soon as I saw him. He had such a lovely smile and piercing blue eyes. We got talking and have been inseperable ever since. I never imagined in a million years I would be engaged to someone 16 years older than me. I most probably would have been horrified at the thought. It just shows that at the end of the day age really is just a number and you can't choose who you fall in love with..

Looking back at past relationships with guys my own age they now seem so immature in comparison. My relationship with this guy is on a whole new level. We are compatible in more ways then one. The first time we ever made love it was explosive and totally unlike anything I'd ever felt before with anyone else. If I could make him younger would I? In a word No, because he wouldn't be the same guy I fell for. He is there to comfort and hold me when I'm feeling down. He understands that i'm still young and I want to do stuff and he has nevcr stood in my way and always encourages me to go out with my friends. He is in no way controlling and is therefore nothing like a father figure! He is very mature and so am I. At the same time I haven't laughed as much as I have when I'm with him. We love,trust,enjoy one another's company and respect each other. Ultimately these are the most important factors to maintain a long lasting helathy relationship. My parenst were a little concerned when I first told them about the age gap, but have learnt to accept it. They have met him several times and like him. My dad also gets on with him well which is good to see as my dad has always been quite protective over me when it comes to boyfriends! Overall though I am now a great believer in 'Older is better!'


Extremely Confused 6 years ago

I didn't really see very many females writing to talk about a 30 year age difference where the guy is younger. My heart drops when I have to say that I'm 50 and the guy I'm "seeing" is 20. I realize that this can't posssibly turn into anything else because of our living situation, and for other obvious reasons. We both live in a tiny, very close-knit, gossipy environment where, if this got out, it would be absolutely horrible which is a huge shame.

The thing about this relationship that is unlike every other I've ever had is that I'm sober. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been with someone when I wasn't on something. (and I can't say "been intimate" because it sounds cheap when it's been literally mixed with alcohol). I haven't told him that yet partly because of a slight language barrier but mostly because I've decided to carefully choose the things I say to him. I really really like this guy, and when I don't see him I feel lonley and I miss him, but I have to remember that he's 20 and something like that is just too much. I can't tell him that I'm dying to see him, I can't ask him to come over. All I can do is see him almost daily out and about and try not to wonder whether he'll call and ask what I'm doing and then come by and make me feel like I'm 20, give or take a few years.

The other thing that is very different about this is that I would say that he is not typical (at least the typical I'm used to). Most guys I've known just bolt when all is said and done, but he doesn't, and that just adds to the feelings and confusion. He's so NICE. But, unfortunately because of his living situation he does eventually have to go home (there can be no sleepovers that I foresee).

It's a very tough situation, and unfortunately what I do see is heartbreak for me as I know what kind of person I am, and when I fall, I fall hard.

Oh well, I took a chance and bing'd 30 year age difference relationship and this is where I landed, and I'm glad I got to say how I was feeling. Now I have to go get the tears out of my eyes. BLAH...why does life have to be so complicated?


Wrong ?? 6 years ago

I'm dating with man 29 years older than me (he 59,am 36)

its can't believe it !!! , he wanted to marry me and have 1 kid, It's possible ??? am wonder ! i think he too old to have baby, The gaps it's not important but its important your age can have baby, How can I do??


Tsiong 6 years ago

I have been married for 10 yrs to a woman 19 yrs younger (I'm 49). Unfortunately due to an illness she has a 50% chance of conceiving and we have been childless. I then met this young lady who is 18 and we love each other and are planning for our future and our first baby.I don't blame the other guy's comments here who is worrying about the same circumstances of age gap that I have.If it comes it comes I just am thankful for what has been given me and make the most of it.


dianne 6 years ago

reading those stories,i felt jellouse(especially in hector's story:i hope hector and my man is the same with views in life),i am in a man now with a 15yrs. of age gap, he is older than me. I have some difficulties in reaching him out, every night i always thinking of him and how can i manage my self and be a better woman for him. Thanks, for the stories i have read in there site. And somehow i learned something out of those stories.


Les 5 years ago

Its Les from 3 months ago .. still with younger man .. still happy. I realise older woman younger man doesn't seem to be as prevalent but still working for us! Still no negative reactions from the public either which Im really pleased about. I get on very well with his mum and only negative seems to be his father wont accept me (hes never met me.)


Surina 5 years ago

I just love my boyfriend and i am not going to leave him even though i got 20 years gap!!!


missi201 5 years ago

i love older men


Bale 5 years ago

There's a 30 years gap between me and my man. After 4 years of loving him secretly I'm finally with him and I know he is my soul mate. I hate the fact that some people undermine our feelings for each other and that I have to explain why we're together. But I don't care what they say. I'm happy and he's happy - it's more than enough. Following Elton John's song "love has no boundries, no borders to cross" so I keep my fingers crossed for all the big age gap relationships. All your stories were very inspiring and some of them are very similar to mine so I understand you perfectly. God bless you all!


Not so extremely confused anymore, but so in love 5 years ago

Well, it's been since September and I'm still seeing my friend who is 30 years younger than me. What I've learned is that I love him more and more every day, and I'm just so happy to have him for a friend. It's winter here and things where I live slow down to a standstill which leaves everyone on edge. If I didn't have him to talk to, I'd go crazy.

He "broke up" with me once, but came back, and although I'm not with him every day I'm happy for the times that I am. I went to his house the other day to drop something off and outside in his driveway was a girl who I knew was there to pick him up. My heart dropped but I didn't cry and die like I would have 20 years ago with something like this. I can't be upset with him for wanting to be with someone closer to his age - that's just life and that's just the way it is, but it did hurt.

I had a bad day last week and told him I didn't want to go home. He told me to just come over and we'd just watch TV and hang out. To have this 20 year old guy understand how difficult my day was and how I was feeling and to have him make that offer was incredible to me.

What I've learned about him also is that he is a very mature 20 year old, and he's an extremely smart guy. He actually told ME last week that he knew I loved him, and for him to even say it was just ? But he knows, and he knows why I do and I think that there's no way you can be such good friends and not love each other.

So, that's it for now, and I hope all of you are finding your way. I still know that when it's all over I will be heartbroken, but I will always remember this relationship as one of the most incredible and special ones I've ever had. I truly believe that God set this up for a reason, and although it's difficult a LOT, I think that God is happy that I feel special and cared for at a time when being my age should send me into a tailspin.

Have wonderful holidays all...and be happy in the moment.

And Autumn, I'm wondering what is going on with you???


AutumnLove 5 years ago

It's been over for quite some time, actually. Now she's decided she's straight and briefly went back to this one guy she was sort of with before I came into the picture, but he backed off thinking that we were a couple--turns out she dumped him again. Most recently, she's fallen for someone who lives overseas, and they plan to have an "online" marriage. I hope for both of their sakes it works out. I'm over her, I just don't know if she even still thinks of me as a close friend or confidante like she used to. She told me about the engagement at the last possible moment and for birthdays or past holidays, she's basically blown me off.

At least now she's not acting like I don't exist, but in the past her behavior after we had it out a few time is just so unpredictable as to whether I've been forgiven or not...with Christmas and the new year coming up, I just want to be sure that the proverbial hatchet is buried, and we can finally wipe the slate clean and be friends like we were before I messed up.


Emma 5 years ago

Wow - so true

There is a 28 1/2 year age gap between me and my boyfriend - and that doesn't bother us one little bit. All of mine and his friends were very accepting - we can laugh about it, and not take it personally. I've been with him for 6 years and i can't imagine not being with him, he is my world. If people are shallow enough to judge people on their choices then they are not worth having in your life. You have to look at the bigger picture.


marie 5 years ago

I've been talking to a man who is almost 15yrs my senior... I don't think my family would ever approve. We're not in love. he is 32 and i just turned 18. I came onto him lets get this straight. I only wanted him for sex (at first) but i started feeling something towards him. He is very sweet and makes me laugh a lot... he has a sexy body cause he's a boxer. a lot of girls think he's hot cause he looks way younger. my best friend is with a man 15yrs her senior and at first i didn't approve, not cause his age but because he's an abusive controlling loser! age really doesn't matter, just do whatever makes you truly happy. and im glad people found love regaurdless of evil judgement. people are so closed minded it sickens me!


Kaycee-May 5 years ago

I have just come across this page and it is a real comfort to know there are others like me. I am a twenty year old woman I have been having a realationship with a man seventeen years my senior for the past six months. I have never met a man that treats me with so much respect and totally adores me. My friends who I recently told of this relationship frown upon it and are constantly trying to set me up with people of a similar age to me. I find this frustrating.

My partner has three children to a previous marriage, he likes to spend lots of time with them even though they don't live with him but tries to fit this around me. We do not live together as I still live with my parents as I am still studying but try and see each other as much as possible.

My parents know I am having a relationship but do not know the extent of the age gap. I feel that I would like to tell them soon as I now feel our relationship is getting serious. My parents have a ten year age gap between them but do not know how they will react to the fact that my partner has been divorced. I'm hoping it will go well anyway.

I think that age is just an insignificant number, if you love a person it does not matter.In the past I have had relationships with men closer to my own age but non of them gave me the feeling my current partner does. Ever since we started our relationship I have had a constant smile on my face. Good luck to all those part of age gap relationships hope you have happy futures with your partners.


ju 5 years ago

i'm married 2a wonderful man that is 10years younger than me. We have a baby girl who is 10months with a baby boy on the way. We've been together 4years now and my husband has now become depressed due to rushing in to things. He has agreed that had i been younger then we wouldn't have had to make so many decisions early and would have been able to take our time together. I'm sure that we will work everything out as we do love each other very much but my advice to anyone going into an age gap relationship is to think about what each other wants from life. Marriage, children etc. It does not matter what other people think. The only ones that do are the both of you and your children. I feel like i have ruined my husbands life as he is only 22 and is having to go through all experiences he was not ready for. You can of course not predict the future but you can talk about it before rushing in to anything. When there's an age gap, you can be in total different stages of your lives and that always needs to be addressed. Age doesn't always matter its who you are and what u want from life that does but age can have an affect.


Serena03 5 years ago

Wow.. I never thought there'd be so many others like me. Though in my situation the age difference is 39 years, and my parents aren't appreciative of how the 53 year-old man I'm with brings me true happiness. Yes, he was once a very successful businessman so he does have more money than what I grew up with, I'm not with him for the practicality. Or the stability, though it is a perk, I still insist on him not spoiling me with material things and I am secretly doubting I never got my own apartment.

My man has been divorced twice. I am the youngest woman he's been with. He's fair, passionate, attentive, mature, humourous, articulate, social, and I couldn't be any more content with someone. I tried relationships with men my age and they are less affectionate and understanding. They make OK friends but I'm happy.

And no, I am not looking for a father figure here, either. I am close with my father despite his distaste in my current relationship.

And that's what infuriates me. What is the big deal with large age differences? What's so wrong about two people who care about one another being together?


Sandy 5 years ago

My ex husband left is 56 and left me for a 26 year old. He was 54 when he started having an affair with her and she was 24. I am 48 now, 5'3', 118 lbs, blond and am constantly hit on and told I'm hot. My ex and I had an active sex life. Yes, the marriage had it's highs and lows during our 20 years but we always worked through them. We have a 10 year old son.

I am wondering why ALL of the responses are from YOUNG women, in their 20's and there are NO responses from women in their 40's or 50's when their spouses would be in their 70's or 80's? I am dating a 50 year old man right now. I feel my sexual drive is at it's peak and we have a great sex drive. When my ex's girlfriend is my age, she will be crawling in bed with an 80 year old. I cannot imagine. There is no way an 80 year can satisfy a 50 year old woman's sexual needs and he probably will be wetting the bed at that point. If I am in my 70's, I am not going to care because I will have my own health issues, but at 50, it will be a problem.


Marie 5 years ago

Im a 34 women dating a 20 year old men. He wants to marry me and i don't know what to do. Can some with experiece help me.


abigail 5 years ago

All I can say is it is best said in Woody Allen's "Whatever Works." I have been with a man 30 years my senior for over 3 years now. I am 26, he is 57. When we first first met I truly felt that I met my soulmate. We spent hours talking on the phone until 4 am, sometimes 6 in the morning and about everything, the 60's, 70's, music, film, politics, Carl Sagan, our passions. I just fell in love. I think I first felt it when we went for a drive around the mountains with my all time favorite folk duo Simon & Garfunkel turned all the way up, singing as best as we could. He says he felt it when we first really kissed to Chris Isaac's " Wicked Game". It was an instant attraction, deep connection.

Always feeling like I understood something much deeper than the majority of people who are my age, I have always been attracted to friends and mates who were older than me, it just felt natural. I could relate to them more. Having a son as well, he understands what parenthood is all about, as he has successfully raised two himself. He is completely comfortable being around my son, and my son loves him so much. This was hard to find dating men who were more in my age range.

Sometimes I am self conscious about our age different, for example when people mistakenly call him my dad, or when we are around my friends whom I am currently in college with. When we dress up and go for a nice meal and show, I am nervous that people may assume that I am a gold digger or prostitute. Yes, these things do bother me. But the bottom line is we make each other happy. So this year 2011, I am making it a resolution to say "to hell with whatever one else thinks." There is a real love between us, something I cannot begin to describe.


Not confused anymore - Everything just is... 5 years ago

First off, Autumn, I think I'm kind of glad that you're free to go out and find a girl who is absolutely perfect for you. I hope you don't mind that I tell you it sounds to me that the woman you were with chooses men that could be perceived as "unattainable"? An internet marriage? Something's just not right and the reason I say this is because creating a relationship like that sounds like something stupid I would do. All my life it seems that I've fallen for guys completely out of my reach - for eight years I was in love with my best friend who was gay, for two years I was in love with guy who lived in Mexico (found out too late, also that he was married with two children - he "forgot" to tell me), was madly in love with a married co-worker for two years (never ever acted on my feelings but we were the best of friends), and now, well, we have now. Anyway, I just wonder if your friend has some issues because I believe I do...I just don't know what they are or where they come from - maybe something from a long long time ago, and maybe something I really don't want to remember or dwell upon. I don't know your entire story, but the one thing you said that stood out was that YOU messed up. Again, I don't know all, but I really wish that you would not look at it as something you did wrong. I kind of hope that you're not reading this b/c that would mean you're out and about and having fun with a nice girl (older, younger, it doesn't really matter).

As for me? I think I've figured out that my friend is mature beyond his years, and I'm not and this is why, no matter what happens I have a wonderful best friend. And if the intimate part of our friendship ended I would be very sad but I would always want the friendship and would always, as I do now, thank God for having this person in my life.


Telma 5 years ago

My boy friend and I have 30 year old age difference and I feel very happy with him. the only thing bothers me sometime is the people who look at me very strangly when they see us together. it drives me crazy and I feel deeply insulted.I find it very hard to talk about this issue with my boy friend. Once a friend told me that my classmates think that there is something really wrong with me as I can't find a so called young lad. I really don't know how can I cope with these external pressure from people who think they can make comment about the other's people relationship.


moonbirds 5 years ago

We have a difference of 35 years and we have been together for 4 and we have known eachother for 5 years. The only downside I have found so far is what many other posters have experienced: The horrible things that people will say to your face and behind your back. The internet seems to be particularly scathing, probably because of the anonymity factor. You are welcome to your opinion, but if you are going to be nasty please keep it to yourself. In one respect this "negative" of an age-gap relationship is actually a blessing in disguise. It tends to weed out the shallow, spiteful types and leaves only the open-minded and kind. The latter of which I much prefer to cultivate as friends.

We do sometimes wonder how things will go down the road. We mull over those questions like, is it right to have kids when one of their parents may not see them to twenty? Will I be pushing his wheelchair? Will an 80 year old really not be able to "satisfy" a 50 year old as one poster said? I think that trying to read the future will surely drive us mad. So we are just taking it one day at a time. And today, I am still happy, and so is he. This may not be the ideal relationship for everyone, but it is the ideal relationship for him and me, and we have gone into it with open eyes and open hearts. And I am at the point, where even if I did have to change his diapers, I really don't care. Because I love him. You don't abandon someone you love when they are "used up" or older, or failing in health. That is when they need you the most. And even if I were with a man my age, a few decades down the road in all probability I would STILL be changing his diapers, seeing that the life expectancy of women is longer than men. So, the real question everyone here has to ask themselves about ANY meaningful relationship they are in is this:

Do you have the guts to see it through?


AutumnLove 5 years ago

Confused--Thanks, I've gotten to the point where I'm not blaming myself anymore for what happened. I guess you could say she made me feel that way, so I believed it was true.

As far as her issues go, I know she was married a few times in her life--all men her age, but the first one was highly abusive towards her and it lasted for 10 years before she finally divorced him. Anyways, after we parted ways she's gotten into a few relationships that probably went about as well as ours did given how fast they ended, including the online marriage before it actually happened. I tried supporting her as a friend, but she's decided that she wants nothing to do with anyone below the age of 30--even people she considered friends. I didn't want to do it, but for my own sake I've pretty much cut her out of my life now too, barely speaking to her at all.

And yes, I've started seeing someone else, someone who is one of my best friends. She's actually 2 years younger than I am, and also knew of the relationship which first brought me to this discussion page, not to mention helped see me through that rough time in my life.

I only recently found out she had feelings for me, after a previous relationship of mine had ended, as did one of hers. I've had feelings for her too for a little while but said nothing because she was involved with another at that time.

It's funny, both of us didn't want to say anything because we were afraid of ruining our friendship...and now here we are, together. I'm not sure where it will go, but I feel this is finally right.


Bale 5 years ago

I absolutely agree with you Moonbirds. We never know what the future holds for us and it's better to focus on what we have now, cause otherwise we may miss the best of what was given us in the lifetime.

Have to say I'm so glad I've found this page. I read each and every comment and found them all very positive.


Kerry 5 years ago

Im 22 years old and my fiancé is 46 i love him dearly he is the kindest, most caring man i have ever been with. Luckily for us both sides of the family were accepting my parents get on with him very well and are happy as he treats me good. We have had certain comments from people we know but never from strangers. The reason some of my friends were abit funny with it at first was because he was actually my history/geography teacher in school he taught me from 12 to 14. Then i got back intouch with him at 21 and we met up and it went from there. We have now been together for over a year and a half and are getting married in the summer. We are also expecting our firsty baby in may. These relationships can work and not all the older men are just wanting sex.


MoodyAspie 5 years ago from Sheffield

I'm 19 and my bf is 46. So far we've been 2gether 2yrs. it's not been easy and it's the most complicated relationship I ever heard of. and yet we so love each other. Our families don't have too much of a problem with age gap now that they get to know me a little bit. At first people especially other older men were asking me is it sex or money I went for?! I found it discusting. My fella was unemployed when I met him and had no sex for 15 years. Why people nowadays just want fun and don't take anything seriously?! I would probably still be a normal teenager rebel gal if I hadn't had met my fella fell for him and felt that something saying he is the 1! when we sorted our main issues there was still one more fear, will I stick to him, wil he satisfy me, will I want to see him grow old, do I want to spend my life looking after him when he cant do thing himself... I think he now knows I committed to him big time and that I'm sure that's what I want. All I can do is do my best to show love care and commitment. I really thought about it million times before we moved in 2gether (we don't leave 2gether now as I fucked up, but hopefully will when he is ready). I have seen a lot of perverts, I have seen girls making a guy love them just to get his money, but all I can say it only us and any other couple know the truth deep inside and that's all that matters. I wish you all luck x

P.S. I Love You Alan x


Not Confused - But totally Busted 5 years ago

First of all, Autumn...YAY! I'm so happy for you...what all this comes down to is that cliché as it sounds, age is just a number and I think your friend had other issues. Now, why are you still out here though? :)

Everything came crashing down right around Valentine's Day. My friend found out that I had been talking about him to a friend and he was really really upset. Then, the people he lives with somehow found out (still don't know how), and the "father figure" tricked my friend into telling him everything. Then I became a predator, a victimizer, etc. etc. etc. He was told that if he continued on with me that it could threaten everything he has here (just bs). Because of this and other things that all happened at the same time, I was asked to leave my home, and all I could think about was my friend. Even though he left me holding the bag because I never told anyone that he was the one who initiated the relationship (I didn't want him to get in trouble and perhaps lose all that he has...his home, a sport he loves, income), the fact remains that I fell in love with him...I didn't mean to, but in my heart, and knowing myself, I knew all along it would happen. So when everything fell apart, so did I and although I'm better now I did have a major melt down. I spent four days away from home at a friend's and two of those days I was in bed, not eating and just sleeping and crying. I wanted to die.

After I returned home, and before I moved, he called me and asked me to meet him which of course I did. And even after he said that was the last time, he's called me again. The second time it felt like rape in retrospect (I think it was the fact that I did what I did b/c I love him and he knows that but he was just thinking sex...I felt like he hated me, that he didn't even like me). And after that time, I called him to talk and he said he was getting ready to go see his girlfriend??? Cried and died for the 50th time, but go figure...he called me two nights ago and go figure, I went. It feels like things are getting back to as normal as they can be, but I'm 20 miles away now. Ironically, I'm living in a house owned by his "dad" who apologized for all of the horrible things he said to me; a good friend told me she thinks that he realized that my friend is, in fact, a man, who did have some part in all of it; again, he started the entire relationship.

So, it's quite the drama but it's calmed down a bit. I love my friend very very much, and the consensus with my very close friends is that we can't be in this without him having some feelings for me...unless he's a robot with no feelings at all. Who knows. I have started seeing a counselor (my second visit with her is next week...we'll see what happens).

Everyone hang in there, don't worry what other people think and again cliché, just live and feel where you are right now, and try not to put yourself in a mindset way ahead of where your life is at this moment. Oh, and be happy you're not me!!!

HUGS AUTUMN!!!


beentheredonethat! 5 years ago

I just want to wish everyone luck. I am a 46 year old female who dated a guy that was 16 years younger then me for 5 1/2 years. He came into my life at a low time as I was in the early stages of divorce. He was everything I could want and more. He made me feel unbelievable and I am sure he was meant to be my soal mate. However, I have to say sometimes age difference does matter. In my case, I had already had children and couldn't have any more. He never had any. He never said it was an issue and he loved my kids as his own. Then one day out of the blue about a year ago, he called and said it was over and he was sorry but he wasn't in love with me anymore. I was blind sided and never saw it coming. Within days he was already dating a girl that was 19 and 10 years and a few months younger then him. A month later she was pregnant and 7 months later they were engaged to be married. I could never be angry at him for wanting more then I could offer but feelings can turn off just as fast as they turn on. I was totally devistated because obviously he had fallen out of love with me and was afraid to tell me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him or miss him still but life goes on. So even though you may feel you are in the best spot of your life and love like never before, sometimes it can come to a devistating end!! I would never date that far apart again for that reason.


Kerry 5 years ago

I agree, age is just a number. This guy and I were gonna go out but we couldn't cause teachers and people kept going on about the age gap. It's only 3 years. I'm 13 and he's almost 16. I don't get what the problem is??? He is not a pedo and I love him so it doesn't matter


Toby2 5 years ago

Marie,

I'm a 53 yr. old father of 3 who, has been happily married to a wonderful woman my age for the past 27 yrs..

When I was 20 I began seeing a newly divorced mother of 2 who was 13 yrs. my senior. She was tall blonde, attractive and very personable. I guess you could say she was every young man's fantasy and, we launched a very intense and passionate relationship. For 4 months or so we were inseperable but soon after the added responsibilty of her being a single parent and trying to support a household began to strain our relationship. The further we went the more I became emotionaly dependent on her. That coupled with an abusive ex and it got to the point were she could no longer handle the excess baggage and she abruptly ended our relationship.

The pain and anguish I suffered while getting over her is difficult to explain.

My point is this. For most people the time between age 20 & 30 represent a great deal of growing and maturing. I don't know how long you have known this young man but I would not be surprised if some time soon this gap in maturity will make itself obvious to you. The only thing I can think of that would have made the story I just shared with you worse was if we had rushed into wedlock. Don't allow yourself to be presured to the alter. If it's real, it will last through a proper feeling out period. Give him and yourself a chance to not only see the young man that he is now but the not so young mature man he will become. You may be surprised to find out they are two very different people.

NOTE: Last year I located this woman through a social network and sent her a message hoping to open a friendly dialoge with her and use the opportunity to thank her for the life lessons and apologise for behaving so badly back then. To date she has not replied to me. I guess the emotional scars my lack of maturity left on her are still there. It makes me sad to think that that will always be my legacy to her. Good Luck


Freya 5 years ago

I am 17 and have only been seing my man for 4 months now but he is 49 (32 years bewteen us). We have all we could ask for from eachother, except our relationship is being kept a secret because he has a child older than me and the same age as me who i went to school with however when i first met him i did not know he was the father of one of my class mates. On one hand it is horrible not being able to be affectionate publicly around where we live because people know the two of us, however the connection we have is amazing and it givs us good excuses to get away for th day or evening. I could not ask or a better man to satisfy my needs in a relationship!


Jen 5 years ago

I am in a wonderful relationship with a man 20 yrs my senior (I am in my 20s, he is in his 40s). We met when I was dating a guy my age, and became great friends almost instantly (I have very few friends my age - I generally find people my age immature, shallow and boring). For years we were just friends until my then-fiancee dumped me. He supported me through a rough time and we ended up dating.

We've had some rough spots - my family didn't approve of me seeing a guy my parents' age, and I wasn't sure how to deal with his children, who, while still young (in middle school), are closer to my age than he is. People often see us out together on the weekend with the kids, and assume I am the kids' older sister, rather than their dad's girlfriend!

On the other hand, while most guys my age I could be dating are starting look towards settling down, we're both quite happy with our lives as is. He's divorced, and after having to call off my engagement, I'm not in a hurry for anything else either. I can't have kids, and he's fine with this, as he already has two. I've figured out how to fit into his kids lives, not as a mother-figure (I would never try to replace their mother, who lives in the same town), but in a sort of big sister role. Having started off as friends, I know our rlationship is not based on his attraction for a younger girl (although the sex is wonderful) but out of mutual respsect for each other, and shared interests.


Confused but fine 5 years ago

Toby,

Was wanting to get your opinion on something...While there is quite a bit more of an age difference between my friend and me, and the woman you were seeing when you were 20, you were still 20, so from that standpoint, what do you think my friend wants from me? I've never been a 20 year old guy, so I have no clue. Thanks much


Toby2 5 years ago

Confused but fine

I can't speak for all young men and I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule but, based on my own experience, the intial attraction was purely physical. Beyond that I don't think I knew what I wanted and there in lies the problem. Why it went so much farther I really don't know. In the end all the two of us wound up doing is putting each other's life on hold for the better part of a year. We met as two rational people but, she wound up needing counseling just to get up the nerve to end it and after it was over I probably should have sought help for myself as I remained in a state of deep depression for months after and even had thoughts of suicide. I realise this is almost your worst case scenario but it can happen to anyone.

Hope this answers your question.


Confused and crushed 5 years ago

Hey Toby, I think I understand everything you've said. I am in counseling myself and have been since February. I don't know if my counselor tells me things to make me feel better but she said that "obviously he was attracted to you" which I find hard to believe. I don't need to get up my nerve to end it; he said that we're finished once again, and what's so hard to consider is that he doesn't understand that what's so easy for him is not easy for me at all. I feel waves of depression and my heart drops at all different times of day and night. I'm all over the place on my feelings, but the primary one is how could I have been so stupid to think that I would be fine having a relationship and just being friends. And I think, Toby, that you may be more thoughtful than my friend. When I asked him why he waited three weeks to say it was over so that I wouldn't be feeling "sad and stupid" all this time (a phrase he's familiar with when it comes to me) he laughed. I don't think it was meant to be hurtful; I think it was just the laugh of a 20 year old.

I'm sorry for what you went through, and I appreciate your words of wisdom.


Lost and insecure 5 years ago

I am with a man 31 years older than me, and we have been dating for a couple of years now (I am 22). I met him in high school, and now have lived a couple of states over for college for a while. I have kept it fairly secretive, as my parent's don't accept it (though to their credit, they are trying). My close friends are apathetic, they don't bother me about the age gap but if I were to dump him tomorrow they would probably congratulate me on it, thinking it was about time I found someone my age. As for my other friends, I have lied about the age gap, saying it is smaller than it is, and they give me looks like I'm crazy, and they don't want to hear about it at all.

Either way, things were going great, and he treats me like gold. I don't think I could find anyone who could possibly treat me better, and we are extremely compatible in many ways. His friends all accept us and we all get along great. He spoils me rotten with love and is a great boost to my self esteem. He loves every little thing about me, the good and the bad, and accepts my bad sides with a sense of humor, as I do for his.

I have told him before that the age gap doesn't bother me, but now I think the lack fo support is eating away at me. I wish I could bring him around my family and have him hang out with my friends too, but I can't because it would just be akward. He knows how my friends feel about the whole thing, and has no interest in meeting them anyways because of it and wonders why I still enjoy their company. I wish I could show him off in pictures to friends and family like others my age can, but I know how it would end. I wish I could bring him with me when I go downtown with my friends on occasion, but he has already outgrown that scene, and would not fit the picture at all. We really only have the most fun by ourselves.

Part of me wants to break up and see what it is like to be in a relationship with someone my own age, where we are accepted and no controversy is involved. He is my first real boyfriend, and I have never experienced being single since moving away from my parents and gaining that freedom. I worry about the future as well, how when I am still young and in my 30's, he will be in his 60's. I can't seem to find postings of others on here who have been in a may-december relationship for a serious amount of time years. that worries me a little too.

However, every time we talk I can't make myself bring the issue up because he is so good to me, and I know that just talking about it would probably break his heart. We are extremely close and I really enjoy his company, and I can't bear to think on how he would feel towards me for betraying him like this. And I couldn't bear loosing a friend, because he is my best one. I just wish I had dated a few others and gained more experience out on my own before meeting him, so I wouldn't get this feeling of possibly missing out on some aspects of young life. It is the age gap bothering me, but at the same time I feel like I should live for the now and not worry about the future 'cauze anything can happen, etc etc. I also feel like just age itself is a fairly shallow reason to break up, and I can't shake the feeling that I will never find anyone who will treat me as well as he does, and i would be letting go the best thing that happened to me. I wish I could put it on hold and pick up where I left off once I was a little more sure of myself and what I wanted, but I know life doesn't work that way.

I fear too that I will hate myself for breaking up for something so shallow as age, because I wonder if I would be letting go the guy who loves me more than any other.

Sorry this was extremely long-winded, but I don't have much support on this issue and it has been bothering me for a while. any thoughts on this would be awesome.


Ms.Brave 5 years ago

Hi, I am a 21 year old lady and having a serious relationship with a 31 year old guy. After reading this article, I felt how beautiful life is and appreciates him more than ever. We went on an out of the country vacation a week ago with some of his friends, then each day that we were together and seeing other couples around us I felt that its really strange to see on my same age women to have an affair with an age gap men. Although our age difference is not as much as were posted here, I felt little confused and embarrassed. Humbly speaking, I am a good looking lady, really is. And I don't want other people think that I don’t even found a guy on my same age to fall for me. I have so many suitors around my age and I just don’t find real love and happiness with them as what I've found with my guy right now. He is my 2nd boyfriend after a 6 months relationship with a same age guy 3 yrs ago. He is very thoughtful and caring, he kiss me every time he had a chance to. And I really love him so much. We are so happy and feel like everything is perfect. He is a guy who always dreams for a one big happy family. He always tells me about settling down with me and he said he can wait until I’m ready. His thoughts are about having family already and I am more on building a career stage right now, he’s very okay with that, he’s understanding and gives me an unconditional love as well as he respect me with what I want for now. For our 2 yrs relationship haven’t seen any bad sad of him, he is really a good person and I am sure of that. Until one time I felt this thing that bothers me, "would I going to miss something in my 20's life if I still continue my life with him?".

But believe it or not, after reading all your comments I felt that loving him and having him in my life is the greatest gift that God has given me. Now I don't care what people might say about us or what will I miss ahead of time, because I know that losing him would be the biggest mistake I would do, as long as I am happy and we are happy I don’t think I should be bothered. At the end of the day, what will only matter is US.

Thank you for sharing all your May-December relationships here, Glad most of it were a happy ending story. ;-)


jessica richards 5 years ago

I have been with my man now since I was 16. We were reported in the press - incorrectly reported by the Mail and in particular a lowlife journalist called Natalie Clarke. He is 53 in June and I am now nearly 20. We are married and both his childrten live with us through choice. We are very happy. Yes most people do matuyre throughout their 20 and 30's. However it must be said most men do not really grow up until in there 30's and women can vary greatly. Point is there is standard whastever people will have you believe. Like so many posters here the gap does not matter and regardless of age will be in for the duration. As for the stupid minded others ... ignore them.


AutumnLove 5 years ago

Lol, I'm here because I want to be, it helps to know I'm not alone in how I used to feel about someone much older.

Anyway, I'm afraid she dumped me...after saying she loved me and wouldn't mind me coming out there to live with her, now she's decided I'm only a friend--this being after I had asked her one night if I lived out there if we could date. She's already on her second relationship after ending it with me, and neither guy is right for her. The first one treated her like a piece of property, not even wanting her to see her friends while she was home alone, and didn't appreciate anything she did. The one she's with now is actually an ex-boyfriend of hers--who she dumped because he had a history of lying--whether about money, his job or looking for work because he stole from his workplace. I know she wants a whole family again since she's a single mom with a 3 year old son from her only marriage, and her ex-boyfriend (now not ex-boyfriend) has 2 daughters from a marriage of his own that ended that love her like a mother...but I just know it won't end well for her.

Now I'm just confused. She said everything between us was real, but how could it have been when she so easily rejected me for men who are no good to her?


walaaa 5 years ago

im just turn 52 very healthy...and goping with a 30 man. we get along great... but i feel in adequate. lets be real he will want a younger fe3male...should i continue..it feel good to be with him...he says he never wants to get married ....is there anyone anymore that has chivlery lost in sin city


jetty 5 years ago

my hubby is 48 and I'm 30. I don't really care what others think. I don't really have a business with them. however, my husbnd is starting to feel bad about his age. then, I told him that my goal is to grow old with him if he trust and have faith in me. I don't know of he is satisfied with my words. I've never gave him a doubt. I don't have male friends too.


Les 5 years ago

Its Les again. Im 43 now and partner 21. Weve tried splitting up because my almost 21 year old daughter has a problem with us when shes drunk but we really care about one another and don't seem "able" to fall out of love. By falling for a younger man Ive hurt me daughter and I don't want to do that but for the first time in my life a relationship works and its so hard to break up with someone when you both still care. Any advice?


mary otieno 5 years ago

oops! my story is abit different.in love with a guy who am older than him with 5months. he once claimed dat he is in love,but the moment he knew am older by months,he said he is not comfortable with the r/ship bt he wants us to be good friends. did he real meant his wards? did he loves me at first?.confused lady. heeeeelp!


Twinx 5 years ago

I must say it gets much easier the older we get. My husband is 28 years older and we've been together 21 wonderful years now. At 19 it was difficult w/ friends who were living a different life than the one I was entering. It's hard to know how you will feel about having or not having children down the road. We did take our time, I went off to college for a year as he thought that was an important experience, which I agree. We did finally marry when I was 26, finished college and his kids graduated high school. Unfortunately, my family, which I must add is very dysfunctional, could not accept our relationship, thus we have not had contact in 13 years. I could not have asked for a more loving, devoted husband and am grateful that we took the time for me to grow up a bit before marrying. That extra time made me more confident and secure we were making the best decision for us both. No matter the age a lot of people are in relatioships for the wrong reasons so I caution against assuming one party or the other is in it for for selfish purposes soley because of age. I do understand the knee jerk reaction when hearing about age gap relationships, I catch myself doing it and have to remind myself about my own gap. It's amazing how it fades when you truly love someone.

~ Couldn't be happier!


betty 5 years ago

im sorry to tell you all i don't think a age gap-man 31-girl-21 is right he has a 17 year old daughter i think its sick


toby2 5 years ago

betty

Forget about the 10 year age gap. What jumps out at me (if my math is correct) age 31 with the 17 year old daughter got some girl pregnant when he was 13 years old.


irock12 5 years ago

I am in relation wid a man..who is 47 and ill b turnin 21 soon..well i am madly in love wid this man,..n so is he..hes way different than guys my age...hes understanding ,mature, a good father, and a good man.. the 26 yrs age gap is slightly felt when v go out.when v hold hands n lookup to each other wid aafection.when we get those weird looks from every1..I had d same reactions from my friends.my family doesn't know about it..nither do i want them to find out..but when i am wid him..its jus us..like i agree wid so many of u ..tht i rather live wid the guy i love for 15 yrs rather than spendin another 40 wid the one i don't like..i come from a family who's very broad minded but they aint gonna accept this ever..

The worse is that v both know we have no future together..also know the amount of pain n trouble we shall go thru when i shall b getting married to d guy of my family's choice n stuff but then we both have decided that v shall b a part of each others present..shall spend as much as time v can wid each other till the time we can..Like i do wana have a future wid him..but then well every1 doesn't have a luck like u all do..

cheers to all..for marrying the man they love..

may God give u alotta years together full of love n happieness


Orion 5 years ago

All,

I just entered a relationship with someone 30 years my junior. As pointed out through the posts, it is usually the older person that has concerns about the social comments that result. That was the same in our case as well. My partner is the same age as my children; I am only barely younger than his father.

And yet we are compatible emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically. We keep our expectations/needs on the table but I have struggled with the age difference. This is only new for us and blogs such as these are helpful. Some will be disgusted and some will be curious; I hope this that choose to comment will consider how fulfilling the relationship is at the moment date than considering all the possible treads of the future. I have decided that I am not willing to risk losing the opportunity to be with an amazing man for however long because of fear of the future.


toby2 5 years ago

Orion.

Sounds like you have thought this out pretty carefully. I wouldn't worry to much about public acceptance, especially if your children are already grown. I would suggest that you make sure that your new partner shares your rational expectations for your future together. My first serious relationship was with an older woman when I was very young.At the time I really had no idea of how the world worked. Young men can sometimes be good at masking a lack of maturity. When reality set in and it came time for her to say goodbye I didn't handle it very well and it made the whole situation painful for both of us. The whole story is in a thread a little ways up the page if your interested. I wish I hadn't behaved that way. she was the kind of person I would have liked to have stayed in touch with as a friend.

Best of luck


Orion 5 years ago

Thanks Toby. I had read your posting and I think it serves as a very practical warnig to everyone. It is a great compliment to have a younger person sexually attracted to you at an older age. Ultimately however it is the common bonds founded in spirituality, emotions and intellect that create memories and resilience that sustain us over time.


Toby 5 years ago

Orion

Well said


Note to Autumn and all from Not Confused? 4 years ago

LOL, I'm back too but because, well I have no idea...was just thinking about things. Have seen my friend (30 year age difference...he's 21 now) once intimately since April? He's no longer speaking to me but there are a lot of politics involved. Went to a dating site which I've never done and I guess I just thought all guys his age were mature and responsible. I was very wrong! I would never recommend actively pursuing someone with a significant age difference but again, I don't think that if you fall into that relationship there is anything wrong with it. The problem is the perception(s) of others and that is the worst thing. People can be EXTREMELY hurtful...even close friends, but even if you have to live in your own private life, if you both are happy that's all that matters.


loveR 4 years ago

i love somebody decades older than me. becoz he's the only guy who understands me well...guys from my age bracket r complete duds!


Mikey 4 years ago

When I was 21, I met a guy who I fell in love with and he was 35. We had a very happy 3.5 year relationship and we are still very good friends. After a big move in my life, I find myself in NY and in love all over again. I met this man who I assumed to be in his 40s. Turns out he's 53. We have such an incredible connection and though it may be premature to say, I think we'll work out great. I am now a 24 year old gay male. I am very much in love with this 53 yr old guy. I have tried dating guys my age but from experience, i've found them only to be shallow, selfish and immature. In my opinion, age-disparate relationships can work out as long as there is that connection between the two people. Screw what others think-they are not the ones who'll make you happy-your partner is. That's all you have to remember.


BleedingHeart 4 years ago

I loved reading all of your stories. I've recently entered a large age gap relationship with a man who is 46, I'm just now 18. I've known him since I was younger and we had talked online non stop. When my Momma died he was my only consolation at times, even when I was just angry he'd let me yell. He has two kids, one younger and one older than me. I've never been this happy with any man, even one my own age. I've always dated guys a little older than me but this is my first real may-december relationship. Which is slightly ironic cuz my birthday is in December. Reading all of your stories gave me hope that this may work out. Neither of our families know about us yet, but we decided we are going to do this thing together, or not at all. He has been there for me and made me feel so happy. I've always been in abusive relationships and never had someone as caring and perfect before. He doesn't care about sex, looks, or my age. He only cares about who I am, and doesn't want me to change. He is worried about how big a decision this is for me. But he has invited me to move the several states away to live with him in California. I've met him a couple times in real life, but we have never slept together. He has always been good to me. I haven't told anyone that I'm going yet, and don't plan to until I'm already gone. We are waiting until in July when I've graduated from High School. I can't wait to be with the man I love and wrapped up in his arms again. I'm in love with an older man and sure as hell aint looking for a Father-figure. He is my world and we are a perfect match, movies, music, ideas, and goals. He has been nothing less than good to me. I only hope my family (especially my Father and Sister) can accept this eventually and forgive me for leaving like I'm planning to, but its the only safe way. If they know they will try to stop me. But reading these stories has given me the courage I need to make up my mind to go for what makes me happy in July. Thank you very much... I'm in love with a 46 year old man in California and wouldn't change anything about the amazing man that's stolen my heart.


kayy. 4 years ago

hiya, i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 11months now, he's 36 next monthh and im 18, i was sexually abused as a child and i have had many crushes and chances at boyfriends but he is the first guy i have ever opened up my heart to, i love him more than anything in this worldd, i am facing so many problems from my family, it is not accepted at all, ive already given up so much for him, he is my everything i could never imagine my life without him, but at times i don't feel he loves me as much as i love him as he does not respect my wishes and acts like he does not care at times, i hope it all gets better for us, and for many of you out there, age is just a number, love is love so go for it no matter what


Lovielu 4 years ago

Hi,

Im 32 hes 25 we are having our first child together in Jan. We meet in college I came back for grad school and am finished now and he come back for undergrad and is finished. Things were good till the pregnancy now the more serious things get the more irresponsible he becomes... And I guess the more serious I get. I am now so dissappointed in his level on maturity and respect he seems as if he cares but wants life to be uninterupted. Confusd as to how to move forward at first he wanted us to be seperated raise our child now he wants me to be with him. But im unattracted due to his actions. ????


toby2 4 years ago

Lovielu,

It sounds like your situation is not so much about age gap but more a case of being involved with someone who can't stop waffling between wanting you and not wanting his life complicated. Take it from someone who has been married for close to 3 decades and helped raise three children. Nothing complicates a relationship more then a child and if there could be one word to describe the practice of making this type of situation work it is comprimise. If your partner will not accept this he probably isn't someone that is qualified for a long term relationship in which case the best you could hope for is that he will be a good father to your child.

Best of luck


indrakshi 4 years ago

We have so much in common, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel so special. He has made me feel like no guys my age have..he is 14 yrs oldr thn me. he is divorced. he has a kid also. bt whn we mt he was single. so i jst falln in love with him. he also love me like anythng. and i am proud to say that we r vry happy with each othr...


S & T 4 years ago

The age gap between me & my partner is 33 yrs.I am 47 & she is 16.we met accidently by textingbit both knew we liked each other right from the beginning. We know this isn't going to be easy & we both agree were in for the long run & even talk openly about marriage & kids . The first time we met we couldn't keep our eyes off of each other for 2second's, in the end she ended up going inside & texting me asking what I thought of her & if I thought we could work . I said as soon as I saw her I knew it was meant to be . & that she was the most beautiful & stunning woman I had ever layed eyes onso I was willing to give us a shot & see were fate took us,. We have been together for nearly 3months but it has been the most amazing 3months & we wouldn't have rather spent it with any body else. WE both say we bring out the best in each other & a side of each other we have never experienced with anybody else. I have to say I love her more then anything & wish that society & our family could be more accepting , open minded & bout so judgemental . They have not even taken the time to see how we are together . They just judged us by there own beliefs. If only these kind if relationships were more socially accepted . Then we could publicly express & declare our love for each other . We both just want more then anything ro be able to show our love in public not just behind closed doors . I myself Have kids who are older & the younger in age than her & was surprised that my younger ones were more accepting & open minded bout us & they love her & look up to her . It made us feel so much better reading all these comments & this article knowing that we are not the only ones in this situation & that relationships with large age haps are more common than we both thought . we both don't think age matters , but it sucks that the world can only see the wrongs to our love . But how can our love be wrong when it feels so right when.we are together? Love is love & age is nothing as long as the 2 people in the relationship have the same wants & understandings . She is the love off my life & I and the love of hers too. We have never been more happy in our lives & she told me that when she met me age smiled for the first time in so long . We spend a lot of time together & love & cherish every minute we spend together. we are not sexually intimate & have agreed to wait until we are married to share that experience. We both wish you all a happy life together & hope us last. Thanks for making us realise that were not the only ones & that its not what society thinks that matters & we are not together to look good for the public eye, were together to make each other happy & that's what matters the most. :) the world can either accept us as a couple or hate us but in the long run its not going to split up were together forever wether they like it our not!


La Bruja 4 years ago

I'm 19 years old, and my friend's 48, widowed. As we live in different countries, we communicate through chat.

He's pretty affectionate and passionate. I love the mutual respect and caring between us, as we became close friends a couple of months ago, when we have known each other for a bit more than a year. When I told him about my spastic hemiplegia condition, he did some research of his own, and then we discussed it from time to time. The fact that he accept it and shows concern about my health is very important to me.

About the age gap, it doesn't really matter: He says that he loves talking to me, (and so do I) and that he never expected to feel so comfortable with a girl around my age, as I'm more mature than other girls. He even visualize both of us living together at his place.

There's affection and respect for each other, and now some physical attraction on his part towards me. As it made me feel uncomfotable, he slowed it down a bit, but the flirting is still there.

The thing is, I'm afraid to fall in love. Both the age gap and the distance between us is scary to me. I would have quit a long time ago, if it wasn't for the sincerity that I feel in his words everytime we talk. Sure, there are a lot of jerks on the Internet, but my guts tells me this isn't the case.

We're in the process to know each other better. After that, I don't know what it's going to happen. We tried to be apart before, but we felt miserable, and returned again, trying to know each other better.

Even when my family know that I'm interested in older men, their reaction would be a "NO", given the particularity of the case. As a result, they don't know nothing about it.

I'd love to be with him personally to know him better, in his area. I'm afraid to fall in love and then get some dissapointment. For now there's "affection", but he's expresing in such a way that it seems that he's trying to woo me.

Please, can anyone give me some advise?


Closing the Gap...now it's only 22 years (GEEZ) 4 years ago

This message is for La Bruja,

The one thing that stand out to me is that you've "met" this guy via chat and he's in another country. I'm just afraid you are focusing and commiserating over a relationship that isn't really a relationship yet, except online or on the phone? Honestly, I don't think now is the time to comment on age differences with you...I just want you to think about things and I want you to be safe.

P.S. to Orion... Thank you for your post(s). I don't feel so alone


Julie 4 years ago

I'm 21, and I met a man who's 20 years older than me at college. I never thought I could get along so well with someone much older. We have endless and pleasant conversations, and of course, there's respect and caring for each other.

Lately, there's a stronger attraction between us. Even when he's divorced, the age gap is somewhat an obstacle for me, as he doesn't care about it. I'm glad I read these stories. They gave me much to think about.


Hmmmm 4 years ago

I am currently in a complicated relationship with a man that is 27 years older than me, we met in our place of work and he is actually my boss. We are always teasing eachother and always talking about how we could be together. I have always backed away because I wasn't sure how to take the situation. I found this and was in amaizment at how many people are actually in the same situation. I love it. We always go out to eat together and have such a good time and we have actually asked different people at what they thought of us, we have never gotten anything bad back. Our relationship, if it ever happens will probably be kept a secret from both of our familys.


LaPush 4 years ago

I am currently dating a man 23 years older than myself. After reading a lot of these posts, I am amazed at how similar everything sounds to my situation. We have the most amazing time together. Ever since the beginning of our relationship(roughly a year ago) it has been so easy. Nothing felt forced. It was, and still is, the best feeling ever. We can talk about anything and everything. We both care about each other so much. We are inseparable. My family (Mom and Dad) were skeptical at first but got over it quickly after they met him. Surprisingly, my grandmother was not surprised at all. She said she always saw me with someone more mature. I am an only child and I feel that I have matured much more quickly because of it. He is truly an amazing person. I know there is no one else that can possibly treat me as well and genuinely as he does. It has been one year and boy has the time flew! Sometimes I think about the age difference and it is bothersome but all I have to do is think about how he is everything I could ask for and I forget about it. Age truly is just a number. No matter what, as long as you are comfortable with each other and truly love one another, the possibilities are endless. Just after 3 months of seeing each other he was already talking about marriage. He said he would marry me in a second. (he's been married before, no kids :) ) Anyway....you're not alone and shouldn't feel ashamed at all!!


agegaplove 4 years ago

oh great article ,age ant nothing but just a number.

He is almost 11year older than me .i met him via ~~~???????Only.???????~~??

a nice place for younger women and oldermen, or older women and younger men,

to interact with each other,maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends something in one way or another all of us deeply desire to be a part of. Caring for each other, showing we care, sharing... So not the Brady Bunch, but I would dearly love for someone to have fought against the inequities, the evil blood sucking, life depriving vicious ones that have attacked me in my life. The appeal is there enough for a series but if it is just about vampires, that so would not be what these stories were about.


27:* 4 years ago

I'm crazy in love with my men !!!


vivi 4 years ago

im22 turnig 23 in a relationship with a 52 yr old guy and God knws this the happiest i have been. Not most people aprove of our relationship but who cares, i wouldn't give him up for the world. he is so understanding, very kind and he gives me love like no one else has ever, he is amaizing and i love him to bits

this how we met, his company moved next door to mine, he came to my office introduced himself n later that afternoo he introuced all his staff and asked if i cared to join them for drink after work...and somewhere along those lines a fire was kindled. im so happy and despite what people think n say in my heart i know hes is the blessing i have been praying for,each time im with him i cant help but say 'thankyou Lord, he is perfect'. God bless you all.xxx


Jessica 4 years ago

It's so nice to hear that I'm not alone,I'm in love with a man that is 49 and I'm 24.it's just so hard for me because I'm still on my process if annulment and I have a 3 year old son.my parents doesn't approve it at all.I'm really confused but I'll go with him no mater what.

He is the love of my life and I want to spend my life time with him.I love him so much,we laugh a lot,I understand him and we respect each other it's just my family that doesn't approve it.

But even if it's like this I'm moving in with him.

I hope I'm doing the right thing,


tacy 4 years ago

Hi, thanks for all comments. I thought i was the only one in this type of age-gap thing. I was in a relationship with a man that is 24yrs older than me. He was my Tutor in school and was in country on few contract bases. It started of as a love affair, until my dad find one of his msg on ma phn. He told me that he jst want to hv fun wit me, n see no future in us. Plz help me i still love him, but dnt knw hw to tell him.


Tracey 4 years ago

I'm 13 and in love with a 18 year old. I know that it's completely wrong at a young age, but I can't do anything to stop it.


juicy60 4 years ago

i am a 60 year old woman with a 29 year old lover. we are everything to each other. but he wants children, which i obviously cannot give him. age is just a number, but reality steps in sometimes to jolt us.


Tana 4 years ago

Im 13 and he's 28. We pulled eachother out of the rumble, he cleaned my cuts and sores, im slowly brushing the dust of him. And he tells me nightly if i was older, i'd be his. And i wanna be his! but im only 13, i know what love is. I know the dangers and everything but, he is my type totally! I need help...please...? :(


Arabella 4 years ago

I am 18, in love with a 45 year old man. We met while I was in high school and got close while I was going through some troubles. We never intended to get so close, but our connection was so strong, it couldn't be ignored. wWe tried multiple times to end our "relationship", but it never worked. I went away for college and we thought that would be the end of it and we could just be friends, but when I went home during breaks and we saw each other, the feelings came rushing back. He's been trying to back off because we know it would never. He recently broke it off, saying that it has to end because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and it won't work out. He basically wants to break off all contact because we've tried being just friends in the past and it hasn't worked. He knows if we saw each other, the feelings would resurface. I agreed to make it easy and go along with it, thinking that my feelings for him would fade over time, but they haven't. I don't know what to do. After reading all these stories, I want to try to make it work, but I don't know whether I should contact him and try to talk to him about letting us happen instead of trying to suppress the feelings that are obviously there, or if I should just let it go and try to move on, because I honestly don't think I'll ever get over him. Should I contact him or should I just let it go?


lonelystar20 4 years ago

im so confused and afraid of what people might think..i crushing on my co_worker/my boss' son who is pretty much my boss and he likes me too.im 19 soon to be 20 next month and hes 40.hes such a nice guy and he gets me and i get him he actually talks to me about his problems something he doesn't like doing he actually opened up to me..what should i do should i go for it regardless of what people think?help!!!!!!


Anayansi 4 years ago

My husband is 21 years younger than me. We not only have an Age Gap Relationship but also we are an inter-racial and inter-cultural couple. He is American and lives with me in my country in Latin America. We have been warmly accepted by both families and groups of friends. I think that people are becoming more and more open minded, and that is good.


Les 4 years ago

Its Les from 19 months ago. My relationship (Im 43 and BF is 21) has been on & off a lot but not because we don't care about 1 another we really do but because my daughter (also 21) wont accept it. Ive never done anything to intentionally hurt my daughter but I love this man and he loves me and despite everything there is something very real there. He ticks all my boxes in a way no one else ever has and its so hard to keep giving up a relationship that we both want.


jac 4 years ago

You only live once and it's so hard when you're hurting the ones you love and have to sacrifice your own happiness. You only find that love once, and you don't want to take that love for granted.


Judy 4 years ago

Age ain't nothing but a number for these loved-up A-Listers. My BF and I both think so! He is almost 10 years older than I .We met via~~--agelessmeet .com~~ a nice place for younger women and older men, or older women and younger men, to interact with each other! Maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends


Emma4627 4 years ago

My boyfriend & I recently got engaged after 7 years of being together. He is 19 years older than me - I am 28.

My family were concerned, rightly so, when we first got together 7 years ago due to the age differene - but over the 7 years he seems to have been 'accepted' & my family seemed to get along with him well. Or so i thought. Since announcing our engagement 2 months ago, my family - mainly my mother - does not speak to me. She has said she is completely gutted & distraguht about the news. This is very upsetting to hear. I didn't expect her to be over the moon, but I did expect some sort of congratulations. My brothers have also followed this attitude. My father, on the other hand, and our friends are made up for us.

Does anyone have any advice as to how to deal with this? I miss my family but I am not prepared to hear their negative reasons as to why I should not do this.

It has made me unhappy, and somewhat put a downer on our good news.


1995-1966 4 years ago

I like a man who is 20 years older. Ive been denying it for about the last 4 months. But I can't deny him any longer. I hate boys my age, they are all about partying. I'm 19 I know I should want my youth. But I'll throw it all out the window. Just to wake up next to him everyday. We get along so well. Everytime he looks at me, I feel like he see's all the golden things about me. He doesn't know how I feel. We flirt alot, we have talks about life and everything. The more I spend time with him, the more I long to be with him. I know I'm crazy for this, but my parents are ten years apart. Ive mentioned that I like older men. And my parents don't mind. Should I go for it or not?


mary 4 years ago

I'm in a relationship with a 47 year old man. everything started great between us, but once my family found out about it they made a huge deal about it. anyway we've been seeing each other for 4 1/2 years now. he is separated and has 3 kids, lately we have had some trouble with our relationship we cant see each other as often as we used to and I've been thinking about moving in with him now but he is still married so i don't know what to do. i need help...i have this issue of either waiting until his divorce is finalized or just leave him, I'm kind of tired of waiting and have become insecure. i had always though he didn't see her anymore, only his kids until i saw some pictures of him with her and her kids on his daughters baby shower. i felt so much pain when i saw them i felt betrayed and now ever since that day things have gotten worse. please some one help i will accept any advice form anyone who can truly understand that love happens even if there's an age difference. Thanks


Advice 4 years ago

Mary: You have to accept that he had a life before you came into it. My advice to you is wait, you've waited this long, do you truly love him ? If yes accept his past and look into the brighter future you can have with him. If you don't love him, leave him. Everyone's past is brought with them through life, if love is a key element in your guys relationship. You should be able to accept his past and help him carry it.


toby2 4 years ago

Mary,

Your patience and loyalty are to be commended. However, I think before you devote any more of your time to this relationship you should consider this. It doesn't take 4 + years to finalize a divorse.(If you are really seeking one) I think if you are looking for any kind of a long term commitment, it's time you pin this man down and find out what his intentions are. Good luck!


anna 4 years ago

I'm only 13 at the minute and have already found I'm attracted to older men. I've been out with guys my own age and up to 5 years older but they've all seemed really young to me even when they're older than me. In between these boyfriends I've developed many 'crushes' on much older me who are in their late 30s and 40s. However at the minute I've got more than just a crush on my 37 year old teacher and i honestly believe I'm in love with him. I'm not just a teenager with mixed up feelings I'm much more mature than all my other classmates and I really believe me and my teacher could be together someday. I think it is perfectly okay and somewhat more sensible for 10-27 year age gap relationships as we can learn from each other with more experience from older people.


Anonymous 4 years ago

I'm turning 33 and bf just turned 23, I think it's been hard on me since I'm a women older if it was the other way around I know it wouldn't bother me . I know eventually it will ruin relationship, I just can't help it and the thought of him living me for younger girl just kills me.. Other reason is his mother she won't exept me and he let's her disrespect me .. She won't say hi to me when we go around its like I don't exist . Sad thing he doesn't think it's wrong I think she does that because she doesn't exept me.. I need some advice I can't go on like this we argue a lot because of her .. Should I just ignore her and keep going around to please him or should I just break it off .. We have two beautiful kids..


eagle21 4 years ago

Hi, Ta to orion and Les. My new boyfriend is 24 years younger than me. I am 43, he is 19. He pursued me for ages and I became very messed up about it. In the end I agreed and it is the best thing I ever did. There are thoughts of him leaving me for younger woman and told him my fear and he was really hurt, believing I didnt trust him. In many ways an age gap relationship is no different to any other. Fear , obsession and jealousy have no place in a loving respectful one, so why should I expect this just because I am older. There is always a chance they will leave for another, age gap or not and if we focus on this we become negative and dont live life for the present and enjoy it, it is marred with thoughts of a bad future. this is usually an indication of some insecurity within ourselves and we deny ourselves a chance of happiness. Maybe this helps you, anonymous. However the lack of respect he shows you bothers me, any lover should be kind and respect your feelings, maybe there are more probs here than you wish to acknowledge with this guy, regardless of age. My man , though young bends over backwards to make sure I am ok and I do the same for him without being smothering. Any relationship based on the right values, compromise and respect has a chance of success, regardless of age issues, if it doesnt have this it is doomed, in my opinion. There is so much energy wasted with worry, anxiety and we bring it on ourselves a lot of the time. Embrace life, live it to the full, and if you fall in love with someone thats all that matters, love conquers all in the end.


Misty 4 years ago

Eagle 21, well said. I have been seeing a man much younger. I'll be 41 in a couple months and he just turned 23. He wants a commitment and says he loves me. He is mature for his age and has 3 children already. His mother was much older than his father and he comes from a family of 8 children (yes, I said 8 lol). Idk what to do. I told him my walls are up because I was recently hurt and prior to that came out of a 21 year marriage. Don't know that I am really ready to fully commit. The age difference does bother me. I really feel like that in 5 - 10 years he will realize that it just won't work anymore and be interested in someone younger. I don't know how I'd feel about things then.....but I'm sure I would be hurt....again....and considerable older which would further limit relationship type men. I don't plan to be alone forever. Even though he assures me that he will 'stand until the walls come down' idk, they're starting to and it worries me. Love how eagle 21 put it and it makes me think but I'm still nervous.


summer_bob_1234 4 years ago

I, for one, do not feel refreshed by many of these comments. The way you talk about people accepting these relationships is how black/white couples were "accepted" in the 1940's. Is this the 21st century or not?

I know a few couples who are 30+ years apart and they are very happy together. They are not only widely age-gapped, but were 20s/50s when they first married. They love each other, are raising kids and get along just fine with each other and people around them. I don't know what all the fuss is over age gaps.

When you look at the acceptance of gay couples, and how many states are even making constitutional provisions for gay marriage, how can the unacceptance of heterosexual age-gapped couples be anything but hypocritical? Who cares of two people are 10 years apart or 40, as long as they've found happiness with each other? We call ourselves a "progressive" society and champion all kinds of diversity, and even have diversity training in companies, yet people still have to hide from family and friends because an adult love partners is too far apart in age? I'm sorry, but it reeks to me!

Age gap acceptance needs to come up to the 21st century like so many other things did a long time ago. This isn't the 1960's for black/white, gay or lesbian couples; it shouldn't be for age-gapped couples either, even if the gap is 30 years. I'm sorry!


mel 4 years ago

I am 31 and currently in love with a man who is 21 years my senior. We have been friends for three years and I am at the stage where I just want to be with him and to hell with what the rest of the world thinks.We have such an amazing connection...he has always genuinely wanted to date me but I had kept it as a friendship as I had hangups about the age difference...not anymore-my problem now is not wanting to destroy the friendship by getting involved with him...sigh

I have never been happy with any of the men I have dated-I have never been with anyone with more than a 10 year age gap-and these men with the exception of my first love have made me miserable.

My mother had me when she was young and as such has placed constant emotional burden on me.

She has never been supportive of my having someone in my life and told me many times when I was younger "I don't want you to have anyone-ever!"

She has realised that I have feelings for my friend and has once again thrown a spanner into the works. I'm tired of having my happiness dictated by other people.


Suzie! 4 years ago

Hi! =) I am 18 years interested in someone twice my age.So he has never been married no kids - but he is in a relationship -I'd say pretty steady.Everyone looks at me like am crazy but oops-sorry I am not small minded, I look at both sides of everything and the possibilities. My older brother is not impress he is just 2 years older than me. He says theres hints of the man 20 years my senior.... flirting with me! Yet I am so confused because I've never been in a relationship.I certainly enjoy his company,admire his success ,his motives and how he's so driven -bubbly & I do notice he is moody ...and when am around him I don't feel like am around a 38 year old.So yes maybe there are small hints of flirtation or just 'a sign' -but how would I know...its serious or just playful.How can I tell or know am a small girl to him.I am very careful cause am dealing with a grown man..not a teen or young 20 year old- This is absolutely no intimidating situation to me - just curious.Some advice would be good. Please and Thank You.


Dan 4 years ago

Hello everyone...interesting collection of stories. I am not going to talk about what is right and what is wrong within the scope of this topic as I have nothing against age gap relationships. I came here to ask some advice actually...I am in love with a 19 year old female, more than I have ever been in love with anyone before in my life; I am 37. We are friends and I am pretty sure that the feeling is not mutual, she is very affectionate about our friend relationship but has thrown a couple hints here and there about the age gap thing. The question is, do I tell her my true feelings??? I love her so much, it hurts...I don't know what to do...


lolita 4 years ago

I'm a 20 year old female in love with a man 33 years older than I am. The relationship has only just begun, but I see a future with this guy--he's brilliant, vivacious, loving, and has boundless energy (far more than my last 20-something boyfriend!). I'm attracted to experience and intelligence and this man happens to have more of that than I thought I'd ever find.

I recently told my father about him (my dad's three years younger than my boyfriend) and he says it's creepy, and that I have daddy issues (clearly not, if it was him I sought advice from?). I don't want to tell anyone else in my family because I have an estranged 18 year old cousin who had lived with a 30 year old man, which everyone thought was "disgusting and outrageously stupid".

Anyone have advice on how to tell parents, or links to websites I could send them to help them understand? My dad would in a second if he'd meet the guy, but he refuses to. We're moving in together this summer so it would be nice to drop the bomb soon.


Wisewoman 4 years ago

I can't handle this, all my emotions about. All my day dreams about you are always popping into my head. I don't care if you're 40. I love you, I don't have this type of connection with anyone else. You're so breathe taking, in so many ways. I know society say's you can't be in love with someone 20 years older then you. But I want to tell society to fuck it's self. Cause I wanna be with you forever and always guess I just miss him too much right now. But I know I love him, he is the best man in my life.


Boikhutso Queen Molefe 4 years ago

Istrongly agree with the fact that age gap is nothing this now-a -days, i am 26 years old turning 27 years old in September and i am dating a man at teh age of 42 years, the love he give to me is so wonderful, i never like dating younger or men at the same age of mine, because i have a big Structure, so most of teh time Older men become interested when they meet me, i fall for them. However i am scarred that my mother will kill me when she find out that i am dating a man who is almost her age.And we are even planning to have a child together,


Mary 4 years ago

thank you guys so much for your advice i recently had a talk with him he says he loves me and i am willing to wait one more year if the divorce is not finalized by that time i will have to leave him even if i do truly love him, i also have to think of myself and the damage i'm doing to myself staying with him while still married. and i do understand the fact that we cannot erase our past but not let it affect those who love us. i do hope that the love he says to have for me is real because every time i'm with him i am infinitely happy, i just wish the divorce was over so i could finally move in with him. thank you guys again, for understanding and not only judging me.


Alexi 4 years ago

Im 50 - he was 20. At first it was magic and I fell in love - within a few weeks I was paranoid that he would find someone his own age. I ended it badly but not a day passes without me missing him. I will love him for the rest of my life but it had to end. If I had been wiser I would have taken it one day at a time and not looked for faults. I will regret my actions until I die.


The Younger Woman 4 years ago

I'm 50, he's 66. Been together 30 years. Fell in love with his married friend when I was 23. He's 75 now. We still love each other but he doesn't get around well anymore. Hubby's a good guy too, but he's slowin down too. I take my anti-depressants and try to be thankful I'm so well loved so long. Do I have regrets? Yes. But life's complicated. Just try to be happy but not cause too much pain.


Larry 4 years ago

I am a 50 year old man and just met this 29 year old woman, we have a lot in common and are very attracted to eachother.She has 3 young kids 18 month is the youngest,my youngest is 17 years.I love kids and really love her company.My only concern is for her,im getting up there in age where i can have health problems and slow down.I dont want to be a burden on her.i would give my heart to her.im afraid of what it might do to her if and when something does happen to me.


virgo 4 years ago

I am 64 yo female, and I have a 39 yo male who has been after me for months to get into a relationship with him... I must admit.......I haven't gone there yet, but I am tempted!! I had read all these postings and wonder?? I just don't understand the attraction when you are young and can get anyone...why would you want someone older???? Someone help me understand!!???


emilia 4 years ago

Hi im 21 n my partner is 42 weve bin together 6 1/2 year and i love him to pieces and always wil weather it works out or not wele always be soulmates x :-)


Judy 4 years ago

Age ain't nothing but a number for these loved-up A-Listers. My BF and I both think so! He is almost 10 years older than I .We met via~~--agelessmeet .com~~ a nice place for younger women and older men, or older women and younger men, to interact with each other! Maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends


bacardiqueen 4 years ago

i too am in a relationship with a 50 year old but he looks 40 and we have so much in common ! i dont care if people judge they only do it becouse they cant stand to see people happy i am 28 and i love him loads i have been with him for 2 years and really have a great laugh ! we so close and he my soul mate and everythink too me !!!! so dont give a stuff what others think age is a number happiness is the most imporant thing in life xxxxx stay strong and love and be happy with your older guy xxxxx


Keyshla 4 years ago

Okayy I Agree With the people that said being in an aged gap relationship is okay...i Have a long story. Well wen i met the guy that i LOVE now i was 14 years old and he was 27 years old. He had just gotten out of jail a year and a half ago and i never told my parents nothing about us being together we shared AMAZING times together . We been together for 10 months and 4 days now :) and on july 27,2011 his parole had came to his house and we were spending time together and i hid in the closet and his parole was doing a search and found me and took me home and my parents found out . My mom decided to press charges because we had made love and he ran from the cops now 3 days ago from today he was caught by his parole and i MISS HIM SO MUCH . I am 15 right now and he is 28 . To me age never matterd the only thing that matters is what you feel in your heart for that special someone


Emotionally Destroyed 4 years ago

I am 28 and I have been in a relationship with a 58 year old woman for 7 amazing years. I have recently had a change of a work environment and I have met someone that I like that is the same age as myself. We have began to flirt and my partner found out. I haven't cheated but I feel absolutely disgusted in myself in doing what I have done. I love her so much and I would die for her but I have let her down. I pursued the other girl for a reason which really scares me. I wan't to be with my partner but I really don't know what to do, I can't lose her and she says that she go on seeing me in her life if I leave. I think my head says "see what happens with the new girl and have some sort of normal life" (if at all possible), or go with my heart and "stay with my soulmate, taking it one day at a time". I am so confused as to what to do, can someone please offer some advice.


larry 4 years ago

Dude if she truly is your soulmate their is no other option


anonymous 4 years ago

I am 29 and was in a relationship with guy who is 21. He broke up with me the first time referring to the age gap, then we got back together to try it out again, and broke up recently, him citing the same reasons again - that he doesn't see a future. I am torn trying to understand what his real reasons were, and in the end I think he felt extremely insecure in the relationship and felt that he wasn't able to give me enough now, or even in several years time. As sad as I feel now, it may have been for the best, as it was unfair to me to be with somebody who wasn't able to commit fully.


Teiah54 4 years ago

I'm unhappily married mother of 3. Became good friends with my boss who's 19 years older than me. Eventually started a relationship with him 2 1/2 years ago. I was really on and off with it due to the fact that I am married and have kids. He has been so wonderful to me and my kids. He's no longer my boss and we kept the relationship going. We started making plans to be together.

The last few months we have been having alot of misunderstanding. He's changed alot, by the little things that he does and things that he says. We've broken up a couple of times due to misunderstandings in his part(through text). I'm so afraid. I've told him my insecurities that has come over me the last few months. He says that he still loves me and wants us to keep going. I'm worried. I love him so much but he's changed so much. I am turning the lives of my children around just to be with him but what if that reality is just temporary. I know that nothing is no guarantees..


LatestDud profile image

LatestDud 4 years ago from Gold Coast (Queensland, Australia) Author

@Emilia - 6 and a half years? So you were 14 and a half when you first got together? Hmmm... last time I checked, that was a bit illegal.


KuroShojo 4 years ago

Is it okay for me(12) to be interested in someone who is 25? I've thinked through it a lot. I don't think this can work cause firstly, we never met. Second, I don't think he would like me. Third, I'm still a kid.

I feel really negative thinking about stuff like these. What do ya think?


Eilleen 4 years ago

I love hese stories and such i have known this guy for about 2months we met on the internet and we have been flirting and enjoying every conversation we have sio much in common it ridiculous lol i feel like he cares s much like i do for him we know we both like each other we have talked about it im (17) hes (32) 16 years apart my mom knows and is ok but im so worried about others but at the same time it is my choice but it is long distance as i live in colorado and he lives in new york which i love it there to and have family there i really like him (falling in love) he feels the same and were so alike im just happy thats all i want is to bw happy so does he and sorry for the spelling im on my phone. I feel fore comfortable now reading everones stories thank you.


Judy 4 years ago

Hey Eileen, just follow your heart!!

When I met my BF at Agelessmeet.com, I just worried about my feeling. Never worry about others!


Teiah54 4 years ago

We talked it out last week. But this week is another thing. One day he wasn't texting very much and I said he must be so busy. He didn't text all day, I texted him and said I was only telling him what I was thinking and how I was feeling. He said that it seems he's always defending himself everytime we talk. I said that I wasn't meaning him to feel attack and that I want him to be happy. After a day he said he didn't like feeling that way either. I replied, I don't either, he knows how I feel and he decides what he wants to do with us. Haven't heard from him since.

My heart hurts.


justsomeblokehurting17 4 years ago

im 17 close to 18 and the woman that is now my ex was 51 (33 year age gap) we've only been split up for about a month and few weeks and it just feels like my life has been crushed, we split because she said the age difference was affecting her and her kids know and she says it doesn't seem right for them. i live with her and her family and still sleep in same room but we're not dating, i just want her back and not knowing what to do hurts and destroys everything that i care about ive tried talking to her about us and if we could try not getting back to the old relationship but starting a new one and it just pisses her off and she just walks away to tell her kids what iv'e been saying. it hurts and she wants me to have children and a woman that i can grow old with but if she understood that all i really want is the one i love which is her maybe it might change her mind but iv'e said it to her and it's almost like she ignores it. im just not sure what to do anyone able to give me some advice maybe something i could say or do to be able to get her back or just someone to talk to she the only thing i really carea bout and i just want her back noone to talk to so i guess this is my last resort.


Tita 4 years ago

Im 29 going to 30 I been dating my boyfriend for 4years, he is 48 for some reason I been having second thoughts of being with him, I'm not sure if I truly love him like I did before, I know that I'm concern of his age and I'm scared that he is getting older that I wonder if I'm going to make it with him I am really confuse I want to let go but at the same time im scared that I won't find wonderful loving man like him, for some reason it is really painful for me I been feeling sad and deppress for the pass month just to know what to do, I'm scared to lose him and at the end to realize that it was just a face that I was going trough, i donot want to cause him more pain , like I told him, he deserves to be happy, but he is still waiting to see what happens between us. What should I do? I need an advice


Teiah54 4 years ago

Tita... if you really love him you would not even question it!! Don't settle for him because he sure about you. Love isn't about age. Would you love him less if you're having to wipe his butt because he's too old to do it himself? I asked myself the same questions. Think about, what he stops doing what he does for you. If he's out of your life,if he met someone else.. would you be ok with that?


Tita 4 years ago

Thanks Teiah, Honetly i have ask my self if I would be ok if he found someone else and I'm not sure if I will be ok but one thing I'm sure is that I pray to god if he those is just to put the wright girl that would truly love him like I did before or better. My question is why is it that I'm relly scared and why those it hurt so much? I have never felt this way, I cannot explain what happen everything was goin so well before and I never had no question of the love I felt or had for him we had plans on moving in to gether an my daughter too. Like I said I been seen things different for about a month , I ask my self why is it that I care more about his age when I never did before, it is so hard to explain everything and posting it ,


Teiah54 4 years ago

@Tita.. take a break..tell him you need space and take that time! Don't talk, text, email.. no communications! And by a week, if you're ok with it.. then let him go. Even if he begs, let him go.

My guy... he wants more time! Says he still wants us but has a lot of frustrations. Who knows?? I hope he still wants me but I can't hold my breath.. even then.. I now question a lot of things about our relationship.


Tita 4 years ago

Teiah, at list u know what u want and how u feel towards him, one thing I know is everybody deserves a second chance specially when there's feeling on both side. Just be patience I'm sure it is not easy for u or him let him cleard up his mind and to settle his feeling toward you.

I try talking to my boyfriend today but for some reason I broke down on tears that I did not took a step, even if i took a step it will be difficult to avoid him because we both live on the same block that we see each other every day. At the same time I'm also scared on taking a step because im not sure if that is what i want ar this time in addition he is helping me out

economically now that I'm not working. eventually we both decide to have a talk this fallowing weekend and to decided what is going to happen with this relationship, I'm scared but like I said I want him to be happy


Lozj1 4 years ago

hello everyone. :)

So Ive been reading the comments here, and its helped me a lot.

Ive liked this guy, and we have not known each other for that long, but since we started talking we have gotten SO far. We talk almost every day. Sadly, he found out some really sad news last week so had been a bit distant for about 2-3 days but thats only understandable. Were talking fine now :)

Anyway, so we talk all the time via text, I am 17 and he is 29, both our birthdays are in December.

I know so much about him, and he knows a lot bout me. Hes funny, smart, kind and charming, not forgetting handsome. Hes everything I would want in a guy, I really really like him and every day I wake up thinking bout him. hes made me smile every day and I make him smile so hes said.

The age gap is not that big, but still, he'll be 30 two days after I turn 18 so it kinda looks bad.

We have said that it doesn't matter as long as we are happy and he lives about 30-40 mins drive from me which would make it a long distance relationship but thats ok with us both. Ive never felt so comfortable talking to a guy. I mean, we are both very careful, were both thinking really realistic since were pretty serious about each other.

Ive told 2 friends, 1 of them, likes the idea of me just being happy. The other hates the idea of me dating a guy that much older then me. Shes totally against it.

Ive not told my parents, ive decided im not going to mention it to them, not till I know I am going to date him and were in a serious relationship for longer then 2 minutes. We are just friends right now, since its stupid idea to start dating before we've even met, but we have both been exchanging photos and chatting constantly. Hes told his one close mate and hes happy for us.

I know I can make him happy and he'd automatically make me happy.

I know it seems stupid since ive not offically met him but I have strong feelings for him (not love but strong feelings).

Any feed backs welcome, aha :)


Tim 4 years ago

Lozj1, the only way you are going to know is to meet him but be very careful and do this in a public place like a cafe where there is lots of people around,make sure you have a trusted friend with you who can sit nearby just to make sure you are ok.obviously you dont tell him this.then you can see how things go and decide if you want to see him again. at the moment you have no idea if the photos you have seen are actualy him! so arrange to meet and make sure you protect yourself and see how it goes i do hope that he is genuine but at the moment you have no real idea of who you are talking to. i do hope that all is that it seems.


Twenty 4 years ago

Who was I when I was 16? What about 17? and 18? 19? 20?

Each year, I realized how foolish I was just the year before. Each year, I became someone new.

Who will I be at 21? 25? 30?

How can I trust a heart so prone to change?


Tim 4 years ago

Kuro shojo. as you point out you are still a child, one day you will be an adult and he will still be an adult. when you get there that will never change! when that time comes you will be in a position where you can see how you really feel. for now i think you may simply have a crush on this man this is very common and will likely soon pass and you will wonder what on earth you were thinking. do you have an older female relative you could talk to? or a tutor at school? tell them how you feel. you need to talk to someone you know and can trust and not just try and deal with it on your own.sorry if this all sounds a bit condescending. ps. to all. also sorry if it seems like i suddenly feel qualified to advise everybody!


Lozj1 4 years ago

@Tim -

Thank you for your advice, I have actually told my mum about this since I felt she needed to know, and I wanted her advice since she knows more then I do.

She was shocked, but she listened to me and I explained how things where, I think she thought right up till I told her we'd spoken on the phone, its just something im over reacting about. She had to repeat what I said bout talking on the phone to him. It was actually quite funny.

So yea, I spoke to him on the phone the other day for the first time. His voice was amazing, it truely did take my breath away, I found myself pausing a lot so he could keep talking, haha. We spoke for bout 15 minutes, didn't want to talk for hours since we was both busy. We just wanted a voice to go with the messages.

I am overall very protective with myself around guys, I tend to avoid going near them and when I started talking to this guy, I was very alert, I still am alert about talking to him.

We decided to send each other daily photos of what we are doing and its working so far, I have his facebook which has got his dad and sister on it. I know this is not really useful but it shows hes not fake.

He really is out to impress not only me but my family, hes said if we get together, he wants to prove to my family how serious he is bout us. Hes told me lately bout his past relationships which was really nice of him.

I think I am at the stage where I am thinking, "If I dont meet him ill regret it, I can see a future with him, I am not stupid and I know what I want and I dont want, he knows too since ive told him, I cant just turn him down because ive never met him, dating sites work for people. I am happy and thats all that matters."

I wont truely know till ive met him, so thats what I plan to do in a open public place, in my town where I have the advantage of knowing the area. Hes been to my town before but not in years.


Cai 4 years ago

Hello everyone..I feel so much better after reading your blog. Currently I am in a relationship with a man who is 16years older than me (me24-he39 going 40 next month) I am so happy to get to know him like everyone else here..I have never been happier in my life till I have him. Truly it doesn't matter whom we are settling with. As long as we are happy as well as infect someone with that kind of happiness..then life is worth living..


Hollz 4 years ago

Hi everyone. This has been a relief to read all of your personal stories and know that I'm not the only one with a big age gap relationship. I actually need some advice any help would be much appreciated.

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 58 (59 this year so around 40 year gap). We have been together for just over a year and nobody really knew except some of his friends and one of mine (the main one I trust). Anyway when we got together I had been having problems with my mum for years basically she likes to be in control of everyone and I didn't like it. It ended up I lived with my partner for three months, then I got threats off of my family to go back and stay with my mum or there would be trouble at his door. I moved back to protet him but we were still together. That weekend my uncle went to his door and tried to kill him. When I went to my boyfriends house the next day the door was full of stab marks from the knife my uncle had obviously been using. We got the police involved but unfortunately they did nothing even though I gave his name and address. My boyfriend then moved away and I followed a few months later so we could be together in peace but my family didn't know we were living together as it would have caused trouble. It has went horribly wrong, almost a year after moving someone had spotted us and went and told my auntie who obviously told my mum. At first I was given the ultimatum, either him or her I said I would rather be happy and living with him rather than unhappy and with her in a city I dont even like. Of course, she was bluffing and again gave me the threats, so now I have returned to her house and I've been here for almost a week. It's driving me crazy, all I want is to be home with the man I love and to be left in peace.

What I want advice on is how do I tell my family that I am in a relationship with him if she couldnt even accept him helping me out when we were having problems. We want to do it so theres not a lot of trouble but of course there will be trouble either way. Like I said all we want is to be together.


Tim 4 years ago

Lozj1, if i have helped you or anyone else on here in even the smallest way i am really pleased. i think that is was a good idea to have told your mum at least she now knows what is going on in your life and you can talk to her about it. i hope it all goes well when you do finally meet him. to others who find there way on here, many people on here are asking for help,advice or just an opinion.if you think you have something constructive to say please say it.i am intending to post how i found my way on to here but just need to condense it down a bit!


Tim 4 years ago

Holz,not sure if this will be any help but my first thoughts are that it would not be a good idea to tell them at all,at least not now. it seems to me that they would react very badly and given how they reacted before who knows what could happen they are obviously very angry. say nothing for now at least that will give you time to think about your options and maybe find a way forward. anyone else on here got anything constructive to say?


Hollz 4 years ago

Tim, yeah we are leaving it at the moment so we can think of the best way for us. It's just sad that people are so closed minded even when it's for other peoples happiness. Thank you for your help.


Imogen 4 years ago

I have been researching all day about how to try explain to my parents that I'm in a relationship with a 38 yr old, at the moment I am almost 20. He has 4 children and his oldest is the year below me, even though his son is comfortable with it I am dreading telling my parents as I'm scared they will not accept me or him. He treats me the best i have ever been treated by any male before and I'm totally smitten with him. surely they would want me to be happy but recently my mum discovered a girl from my year at school l was in a relationship with a 40 year old and to say the least she is "disgusted" by the thought :(


Sickened by the Norm 4 years ago

I do not understand the younger girl older man thing with the exception of wanting a daddy....without Viagra an older man is just not up to my speed on the sexual part... .... as it is men who usually stop taking care of themselves with bad eating habits and drinking heavy....I am 41 and always look younger than men in their lower 30s....if not wanting children is involved this should be the way....oh and to Imogen...honey you will bore of that older man...besides he will eventually bore of you as well...you are way too young to ruin your life with that guy


Lozj1 4 years ago

@Sickened by the Norm - I understand where you are coming from, but ive had this chat and the man I am interested in, he is 29, 30 this December. Ive said how I dont think he could keep up with me (Playful banter, lol) And we have also had this discussion quite seriously too, he seems to think ill be the one not up to speed with him. Every one is different, so judging by age is not really fair in all cases.

@Imogen - Luckily ive not got this issue, I told my mum last week how I felt bout a man and she just wanted me to be happy. On the other hand, I know my dad will fly off the rails when he discovers this. I tried looking up ways to explain to them both, but it was hopeless and a waste of time. Best thing to do is, if you are 100% sure your both ready to be together, start dating and if it is very serious and not just lust, then without your man, tell your parents, Do it when they are both there, so if one stands up and says there ok with it, the other one is not going to be far behind when it comes to accepting. After all, they would only want whats best for you, and if that means your happiness with that man, they will have to accept it some stage. Just keep nagging bout how your happiness should come first in all this.

Hope I helped. x


Tim 4 years ago

me again! Imogen,there is no easy way but you already knew that didnt you? some possible ways are. just blurt it out!you my have to say it at least twice but after that it will be done, after initial shock/anger/anything they will most likely bombard you with questions and whatever happens you will not be able to untell them. you could leave a note or you could ask someone else to tell them, you could go out and then phone them to tell them.they are unlikely to be overjoyed to say the least! i am sure they want you to be happy but they would no doubt prefer you to say you had met a really great guy who is roughly the same age as you. i think it is true that this will not be a long term relationship and one day in the future you will be glad to have had the experience but happy to have moved on. for now you have to weigh up the need to tell them against any consequences.hope this helps you in some way


Tim 4 years ago

Hi Lozj1 hope things are going well for you. tim.


Tara 4 years ago

Well, these accounts are nothing new--younger women, older men. Now, when men date older, or even their own age, then that'll be something to talk about.


Lozj1 4 years ago

@Tim - Hello! Everything is fab thank you! Spoke to him monday night and tuesday night, both times for over a hour each time on the phone. Was great, loved every moment. We get a long very well, always laughing and talking bout what we have in common. Hes always texting me now and I feel so happy. I dont feel so nervous to ring him anymore, I just hope I can meet him soon. We want to spend a full day together, because we think it would be more useful and more fun. He said the sweetest hting the other night, I asked if he would look after me if I went down to stay with him, and he was so sweet, saying he would and I know he would and it was in general just the way his voice changed to more like sweet concern, it was lovely. I am still keeping myself on high alert, I wont be letting my shield down till ive met him and he proves to be genuine. hehe.

Hope all is ok.

@Tara- Its actually a few younger men, older women. hehe. My dads younger then my mum. lol!


Crystal 4 years ago

This has to be the best thing I have ever read. It has been so helpful. I am 23 and have a guy who I know is interested and he's 44. We met a few years ago and instantly clicked. I didn't know is age at first. But by looks I definitely didn't think he was 21 years older than me. When I found out his age I told him I wasn't comfortable with it. He understood but the heavy flirting continued. Which didn't bother me at all. Our friendship has grown so much over the years.

Lately I have been thinking so much about him. He makes me feel so special. Always telling me how beautiful I am or how gorgeous I am or how hes crazy about me. He always treats me with so much respect. I trust him completely. I enjoy being around him so much. I want to be with him but I keep backing down. I feel like a horrible person but he doesn't see it that way. I keep apologizing because I feel like Im leading him on but everytime I apologize he tells me not to because there is no reason to apologize. That I am doing nothing wrong.

I usually dont care about what others think but with this situation I have realized that I do care. We are bowlers and live in small towns so everyone we know knows our bussiness before we do. I dont want to be judged for the choices I make but I also dont want to go through life wondering what if. This could be the guy that turns my world upside down. I always saw myself with a guy closer to my age but they are so stupid and dont realize a good thing when its right in front of them. I have no idea what my family will think and so far I only have one supportive friend. (That I know of) I wish this was easier and I wish I could just open my heart to the possibility of being with him....

Thanks for posting all of these stories. Its nice to know that there are others out there. :)


Annonymous 4 years ago

I was in my 40s when I fell in love with a 21 year old boy. But since I was a married lady preferred to end the relationship but destiny bought us again together. My hubby expired and we met again after 4 years and now we have married again. But my family people have deserted me except for my child. My grown up son has taken compensation for being separated. But still harasses me for money...I am still fighting against this world for my pure love. God help me...:)


anonymous 4 years ago

wow,, and I thought these age relationships were far and few between, and I was one out of a million that this happened to,,, I am 54,he is 32,, and I tis the best think thing that has happened to me,if the compatability is there,you love each other and there is respect and understanding,there is no age,it's about 2 people in love and the age factor fades away and becomes a non issue,, you don't choose who you love, you just love, if the chemistry is there,your both consenting mature adults,,I can't and don't see the problem,in fact it's delightful,you both learn and contribute something to your partner,weather it's learned or taught,but in any relationship it should be that way, I had questioned it in the beginning why a younger man would be attracted to me,an older women, he said he saw no age only a woman he loves,, and I questioned and questioned, and the answer was always the same,, "It's love, " and so I accepted, It is a delightful union of 2 people, both with no hangups, no baggage, you grow the maturity levels together one becomes more mature one finds more youth,and you meet in the centre at the same age..


Alice 4 years ago

I'm a 20 year old female who recently had become involved with my 46 yr old boss.Things have been going great, but lately I'm concerned. We've known each other for about a yr and a half and only during the recent months have made the change to intimacy. Unfortunately due to the scandal of our relationship, it's been kept a secret. I'm starting to develop felons for him and it scares the living shit out of me because I don't know hours to gage if he is feeling the same sure to the secrecy and his open guilt about us and my age. I have asked him if I should expect this to be a fling or if it was more, andhe assures me it is more. Last night he told me though that he wants someone exactly like me, but in their 30s. Does this guilt sound legitimate our is this just an excuse? My heart is hurting tonight..


Alice 4 years ago

Damn autocorrect

Feelings for him*

I don't know how to gage if he is feeling the same due to the secrecy*


kay 4 years ago

I am 23 and my partner is 63. It was such a big age gap. We met a year ago and after 6 months of seeing each other once a mont we decided to live together. He is a married man and I dont know how it happens that I accept this.As I know before I came with him everything is fine speccially with his family. But its not like that. I know they live together for such a long year and it was difficult for his son and daughter what happened because they are really close with their dad and mom. I met his daughter once and his son, we spend so much time with his son and I really felt how difficult for him that his dad decided to separate with his mom. He says that they are not against with me, but he is asking for some time specially for his mom to accept the fact that its over. Only his son and daughter knows the status of their relationship. Thats why when he started to put some pictures of us in his facebook he got messages from his relatives and they was telling him what the mess his doing and why he didnt think about others feeling. Its hurt what they said to him but they dont know anything thats why they react like that. Im asking myself for so many times if is this right. I really dont want to hurt anyone, but my partner told me that his wife told him one time that if he will love again its only him and I feel how hard it is for her to let him go. What should I do...


LatestDud profile image

LatestDud 4 years ago from Gold Coast (Queensland, Australia) Author

I'm glad everyone is helping each other out! Glad my hub could make some kind of difference! Just thought I'd let you all know - I got married on March 24th this year, to my partner of 2 years. He is 15 years older than me! Nothing but happiness! Everything is possible! =)


Jock 4 years ago

I'm 62 and she is 29. There is chemistry but I'm unsure what the fascination is. When we're together she can't take her eyes off me. She stands there smiling seemingly afraid to do or say anything. While flattering it's really quite unsettling as I don't know what to do. I feel all the sensations of a younger man, nothing's changed except how I look and my physical fitness. It could be charisma, friendship or more. Best take it slowly and rationally. I enjoy her company although I do not know her at all. She comes to my door, it's her job, delivery driver but is slow to move on to her next delivery, like she's waiting for something.


GAVIOTA FRECHELA 4 years ago

Hello Everyone, I was married for over a decade, after my husband cheated with an old flame from his same town, I was devastated. I felt that my entire life was a big lie, and I felt betrayed, insecure, lonely, and very hurt. After about a year after being depressed, jobless, and feeling sorry for myself, I started meeting much younger man, 15 to 20 year gap. I started experimenting, and being permissive to promiscuous behaviors. I built my confidence back, and thought my ex was a great love, naw naw naw... I have got better sex, much fun, youthfulness come out of me, noone believe I am in my late 40th's never being this happy in my entire life!!!! the best recipe for any woman that have been in my shoes, is not be afraid experience younger man, in addition to have in better sex, higher self esteem, confidence, I gain love for life, in younger man, full of life, and open minded, I can say, I feel my youth cameback and so my confidence, and spirits, they learn from my wisdom, I enjoy being silly, playful, and currently I have three boyfriends, all out of town, my rules, my game, and they all fit for different purposes in my life, instead of having one imperfect man, I have three combined perfect man...its AMAZING.... everyone thinks I have had the works done, when in fact, is not being with a liar, bastard, jerk, cheater, deceitful husband, got me the BEST FREEDOM,and experiences I would never had, no stress, beauty in the rise, and HAPPINESS!!!!!


Tim 4 years ago

@ LatestDud,hope you both have a long and happy life together.best wishes from England x


LatestDud profile image

LatestDud 4 years ago from Gold Coast (Queensland, Australia) Author

Thank you, Tim! I hope we do too! =D


Danielle 4 years ago

I'm 19 and in a relationship with a 66 year old man. I don't know how or if I should tell my parents. I understand the difficulties that are going to come with an age gap this big. But he already has my heart..There's no going back now! Also, we are an interracial couple (I'm black, he's white). This could only add to problems... Advice would be greatly appreciated. :)


Ella 4 years ago

Can I just say how much I love these posts? My boyfriend is 35 years older than me and we are truly in love. My family does not know about him and my biggest fear is that they will cut me out of their lives once they find out. I wish more people were accepting of age gap relationships, because we can't help who we fall in love with...it just happens. I love him more than anything and I have no interest in dating men that are my age. I've felt alone these past few years, because I've never met anyone in a similar situation, but everyone's stories have made me feel not as alone. It would make me proud if I could help another couple who is going through the same predicament. Good luck to everyone in their loving relationships...we only live once so be with whoever you want to be with as long as its a healthy and happy relationship!


Tim 4 years ago

@ Danielle, just my opinion! you have said that your different race could only add to problems. for a moment separate the two issues of race and age how would they be if you were with a 66 year old black man? age obviously! or a 22 year old white man? from what you have posted you dont think they would be ok with both parts of this,concentrate on if you should tell them first then you can think about how, again separate the two for a moment as this really can help you look at things more clearly. how long has this relationship been going on? perhaps you should set yourself a deadline say in four months time that you should tell them this will give you a chance to think about how when your deadline arrives hope this helps as they say.


Jean 4 years ago

I love this whole post. My boyfriend is 43 and I am 19. Neither of us act our age, I feel like I'm 30 and he acts like he's about 35. Him and I get along better than any man I've ever been with. I know he is my soulmate. I've been with him for over a year now and we have no plans of stopping this. We have both met eachothers family and they can just tell we are perfect together so how could they ever be judgmental? He's a great person... The only downfall we have is that he focuses very heavily on work which I can appreciate but sometimes it makes me kind of fall to the way side with him. I can't speak for every relationship with a age gap because I don't know some of their motivations but neither of ours are ill-directed. I would love to meet more people in age-gap relationships.


Danielle 4 years ago

@ Tim, that is very helpful. Thank you so much. My boyfriend and I are discussing the options. It's so hard because he leaves most of the decisions about telling the parents up to me. He'll have to tell his children and family as well. Once again, thanks.


tbase 4 years ago

well.i see nothing wrong in be in a relationship with someone that is older than you either male or female.am in a relationship with a woman who is 25yrs while am 24.we pkay together,we chat and she has be a wonderful,an excellent woman for me.we talk about the age bt we realize that age mean nothing.we live fine and things is going well for us.i love her so much,bt she love me more than i do...


Teiah54 4 years ago

Update!! My guy that's 18 yrs older than me, ended up breaking my heart. Telling me we're too different. And from his whole experiences in relationships, he said he knew that I would end up leaving him. :( Said he's meant to be alone so he doesn't disappoint anyone or have to make any efforts.


Leigh 4 years ago

Well, me and my boyfriend are currently six years apart. I have always dated older guys, and most young girls are in love every other week; however, I've never felt that way about anyone. Things are very different with him, and my parents of course, are not okay with us. They don't even know about the relationship part of things; I told them we were friends and they flipped, so I decided to tell them no more. We plan on getting married, and I plan on moving in with him in about a year.. We're working on what are best options are so my parents can do nothing about me and him. I know things are extremely risky when it comes to an age gap where one person is a minor, but I think in the end if I have no other options emancipation will be my best bet. My parents believe that no man can want to be with someone younger than them without only wanting sex. This is completely false. Me and him have already discussed this, and after our discussion sex doesn't even come up in conversation. Things are very serious between us, and we focus on important things; such as bills, school, etc. He's a hard worker, and he puts my school first. He's more focused on OUR future at the moment than anything, which includes getting me graduated and into college. He has told me many times before that he doesn't want our relationship to have a bad impact on me.. We have our priorities in order. I feel like he's perfect for me. I have always connected with older people, being that I grew up very fast. I always hung out with my older sister's friends and I've never really had friends my age. I'm well beyond my years and many people have told me that many times throughout my life. I love him, and he keeps me going on the right path. I have a few years to figure out what we're to do, but I hope we don't end up having to deal with any legal problems. God bless all of you dealing with the same things, though. I hope for the best for you and your significant others. Remember, if you're having problems, things can only get better. (:


confussed 4 years ago

I am interested in this guy that is 25 years older than me. I honestly never believed i could be attracted to someone that much older. He is a couple years older than my father which seems weird. I am not sure that my family will be able to accept it. He is hesistant on us being together because he knows my father. Though he is interested in me. I know we can't help who we like I just don't know what I should do.....


loobie 4 years ago

@ 'Lost and insecure 13 months ago' Everything you have said is the same situation i am in, I wondered where you are now 13 months on from your post?


Angel 4 years ago

I just married my best friend, who is 64. I am 31. We dated when I divorced my child's father, when I was 22 and he was in his fifties. At that time, we lived together and said we were "roommates". I was too scared to tell my family and most friends. Also, he has a disability caused from the war in Vietnam, so there is that also. Anyway, after being together in my early 20's for 2.5 years, he told me I should "see the world, go to college, date younger men than him." I was devasated, but what could I do? He is the only ex I've ever remained friends with and he's been the best friend I've ever had. After living with him, we were never intimate again, as I was dating (many) other men. I also obtained several college degrees. This January 2012, after a terrible break-up from an abusive boyfriend, I asked him if I could stay at his home for awhile, and give him money to build a little cabin on his property. Well, totaly out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. He told me if we married, my child and I would get great healthcare, free education, and I'd receive his pension and disabiity when he passes. This is because he's a disabled veteran. He told me he's always loved me and is tired of seeing me abused by men. He said he knew I needed to "sow my wild oats" and now, if we married, it was, for him, about my long-term security, and not about sex. Nonetheless, since we married in February 2012, we've decided to resume the relationship we ended in 2005. All of this time, he's been the keeper of my most secret secrets, a shoulder to lean on, and even my childcare provider and a father figure for my child. I love him, he loves me and my daughter is so happy we are married. I would consider having a child with him, in fact. I'm still attending college which he totally supports. All the other boyfriends I had were intimidated by me attending college. This just goes to show the difference in maturity in younger/older men. We live in a small town and I know people say things, but I no longer care. We are happy together. People are just jealous! I feel safe, secure, loved and cherished, and I enjoy that he's not pawing at me like a young man. I'm happy he gave me the chance to, basically, "grow up" for the past several years, though. People change a lot in 5-10 years; it really did make a difference. The marriage came totally out of the blue. But, when life gives you chances, sometimes they only come once. Do what your heart desires...


Alicia 4 years ago

Me myself i am in a relationship with a 52 year old and i am only 27 and i feel as if we are meant to be.


hannah 4 years ago

I'm 18years old and I'm in love with 30 years old guy, I don't know what to do about it, and no one knows about it. if my parents get to know this.. I don't think the will love to see me again.


Lozj1 4 years ago

@Hannah - Im 17 and the man I love is 29, our birthdays two days difference so this is the same problem for me. 12Yr difference.

My parents found out bout me and I think they felt disgusted...they avoided the subject a lot after they found out. I had to pretend im not talking to him to get them to cheer up..I really dont like being around my parents at the moment, I feel they look down upon me and think its wrong when in-fact I did nothing wrong and am still not doing anything wrong. I am not going to let them spoil my chances of being happy. Theres no discussion needed. Over time I will tell my parents again bout my man but want to let the relationship blossom a bit more first.

do you live with your parents?


JRO 4 years ago

I'm 40 and my boyfriend is 32. We've been together. Is 8 years age gap too much?? His parents are not accepting of it but we have been strong since day one except now they are pressuring him with comments that he will regret if he marries me because the age gap will effect him later in life!!!


JRO 4 years ago

Sorry I meant to write above we have been together for almost 8 years....


Tim 4 years ago

@JRO, quite simply at your respective ages an 8 year age gap is not too much, it really is up to you. if you are happy together stay together.


Mark 4 years ago

I have been with the same women for 12 years. I am 51 she is 29. Well let me tell you something. I love this women with all my heart. We have 2 wonderful children, a 4 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. The age difference wasn't a real big thing until now. Honestly and believe me this is hard to say, i think if it weren't for our children we would not be together. It is getting to be a 1 way street in our relationship. I am in love and she is not. She loves me but the in part is gone. I think if i was around her age everything would be fine. Most couples grow together. But at 51, i guess I have growed enough and she is still growing emotionally. I don't think it was all a mistake especially the kids, but I am the one that has the broken heart,,


Jeje 4 years ago

I love these posts...its nice to know I am not alone. I met the love of my live 3 years ago. I am 50, he is 25, I never would have imagined I would find myself in a relationship with such an age gap. But, you love who you love. My family and the majority of my friends are not accepting and think I have lost my mind. I wish everyone would just stop focusing on the age and see the people and the relationship for what it really is.


Doug 4 years ago

As always we continue in our journeys and the age differences affects us all differently as it affects those others in our lives. I wonder if there is an age threshold of the younger partner after which there is less of a reaction? My partner is the same age and slightly younger than my children but a bit older than my nephews.

My observation is that once the 30 year threshold is crossed, parents, siblings, friends that have been around for a long time, all seem to relax. It's almost as if the "free in the twenties to settle in the thirties" aspect kicks in.

Our age difference, focuses us clearly on the moment ....


Milley 4 years ago

I am 18 turning 19 he is 38- turning 39...and my my my I just adore that man...how hard he works and he's so driven, ambitious you name it FOCUS! Iwant to be there to support him pamper him cause he deserve's it I'll even learn how to be awesome cook -just for him , make him warm bubble baths have his kids(he has none) be his first and last to be beside him at that altar yes HIS FIRST etc.Now all I want to do is just tell him how I feel -everyone around me tells me he obviously he sense something . Now what should I do..tell him how I feel or just wait around wondering 'what if' ', what if'?

The 20 year age gap is definitely no problem for me...all that concern me is how he feels to towards it....or yes he just may not be interested that too. I do know he had a gf who was 11 years his junior would another 9 years to that me too much for him?

I make sure I give him his credits on how much he works hard.....I am already showing him am there to support him and appreciate his hard work...only if he see's it...cause I doubt anyone has told him that..they just seem to be around for good times and help!

So please get back to me thank you!


fenty124 3 years ago

I am blackfemale and actually in a age gap relationship with a white male.I am 23 and he is 57.We have been dating for 3 months.He makes me so so happy and we love each other very much.I will like to communicate with someone in thesame age gap relationship as i am. feel free to add or write to me; laurabrown455@yahoo.com


PandaR 3 years ago

It's good to read other people have age gap relationships in the world! I'm 23 and have been going out with my partner for almost a year, he is 63. We met through my work and knew each other for 2 years before we started seeing each other. Since we have been together we have been through a lot, especially at the beginning as he was diagnosed with cancer. However we got through this and I love him to bits. Being with him I know now what real love actually is. He told his family about us a few months into our relationship and they were all fine. My mum has met him several times but doesn't know that we are together. As I am aware my family and friends will not be happy with it, but I feel like I am having to live this double life, and I feel I've been doing it for too long. A part of me wants to just set him free to possibly live a life with someone his own age, as if he stay together one day we will both get hurt, if I let him go he will be able to live with someone his own age and who he will be able to have a normal relationship with. I just don't know what to do, we love each other very much, but sometimes I just feel trapped between how to deal with family and our future.


just wondering 22 months ago

Not yet any comments from anybody 20, 30, 40+ yrs older or younger than his/her companion after being together 20, 30, 40+ years??


Lutpi 21 months ago

This is an arlitce that makes you think "never thought of that!"

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